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 sparklingly
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 1
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I've heard this story so many times - a man inexplicably breaks up with his serious girlfriend and quickly finds a new girlfriend. Things are going seemingly well for the new relationship for maybe 6 months- and then POOF! He breaks up with the new girlfriend and says he's going back to his ex-girlfriend. Sometimes even to get engaged, move in, or get married.

Why does this happen? What is going on in the mind of the man ? And what is the ex-girlfriend doing while he's in his "new" relationship? Is there something the ex-girlfriend does that changes the man's mind and makes him realize he wants her back?

I'd like to hear anyone's thoughts, but particularly:

* FROM MEN: If you or a close friend did this, what were you thinking and what compelled you to do a 180 and go back to the ex-girlfriend?
* FROM WOMEN: If you were the ex-girlfriend, what did you do while he was with the new girlfriend and what happened to make the guy come back to you?

Thanks!
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 2
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Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:21:45 AM
Depends on the man and the situation.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
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Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:25:14 AM
I have never been in this situation but I venture to guess nothing. Men seem to love to be ignored.
 transituser
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 4
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:33:58 AM
I've seen this a few times, both men and women. It could be because the person who goes back to an ex was not over that person and wants another chance. It could be that the person is having issues with the new relationship and runs back to the comfort of the old one, even if it isn't in their best interest. When you fall back into the arms of an ex it can be seductive and a safe place at the same time, especially if that ex is willing to give you another shot. Not usually a good idea.
 Heathenistic
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 5
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:37:56 AM
Never been there, but I've seen it plenty - by both men and women.

Anyway, as to the 'why' of it all...

People typically don't like change too much - changes in their routine, schedule, job status, relationship status, etc. all are stressors. Some people don't handle different types of stress very well, while others do a better job of it.

We all find our comfort zone and tend to stick to it, to a degree. In your scenario, the guy likely didn't want to be alone or was already screwing the other girl on the sly to be involved that quickly. Finds out later that she's not the wonder-girl he thought she was, breaks up, and tries crawling back to what he knows he lost. As they say, you don't quite know what you have until it's gone. I mean, you know... but you don't *know* - lots of people don't realize things until it's too late.

Alright - so that's one way to look at it. Consider this, though; back to the familiarity thing... his 2nd relationship ends, and still he doesn't want to be alone... so he runs back to what he's already familiar with - less change, the better.

Same type of things can be said of most relationships. We know what we like and don't like. We know what we're comfy with and what we're not. You see people who are perpetually involved with the same types of mate, and it always turns out badly. You see abused women leaving one abusive **stard and latching onto another one right behind him all the time. Why? Because he carries a lot of the same traits she found attractive in the first **stard. More familiarity. Hey, at least she knows what to say and not say to get the verbal or physical beat-down. Back to that comfort zone - being in the 'known' rather than the 'unknown'. Knowing what to expect, rather than the sometimes frightening world of the unknown that's out there.

I've posted it before, and it's so true. Don't have a clue who said it first, and couldn't care less. The content is quality, so I feel obliged to steal it and post it whenever it seems befitting. "If you continue to do things as you've always done them, don't be surprised when you glean the same results"

Being military, I deal with a lot of change. Change doesn't really stress me much in the way that change adds stress to some people's lives. I don't go re-visiting past relationships, even though I remain friends with some women whom I've had relationships with. Running back to an ex? Makes no sense to me, but seeing it in others - going after that familiarity would be my first guess. 2nd guess would be the realization that he gave up a great thing and wants it back.

~shrugs~
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 6
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Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:50:08 AM
Why would a person return to an ex? Typically, generally, its b/c the ex changed whatever it was that made them an ex...or the break"er" changed whatever it was they were looking for...or *gasp* the new gf was soooo bad, they made the guy realize how good he really had it w/ his ex

Of course, "change" is relative, we can't really change our nature, we can only stop ignoring our nature and embrace it. And that doesn't happen overnight (it requires us to admit that what we do, doesn't give us what we want, and then we decide to turn our backs on what we want to be, and embrace what we truly are). so, the change we see in ex-partners typically doesn't last too long, about the time it takes for them to take our presence for granted and return back to what is easy for them.

So, if you are the girl who was there for 6 months, take hope! He may return to jerk your chain some more OK, seriously, he may not. Those who break up a long term relationship, and QUICKLY jump into another, aren't seeking stability, they are seeking status quo. So, when you find one of these people, don't be surprised if they are there for the consistant sex...
 sparklingly
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 7
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:54:41 AM
When I've seen the situation, it tends to be a thing where the new girlfriend is blind-sided by the break-up. She thought she had something special with the guy and they were supposedly happy- then out of the blue he wants to reconcile with the ex. I'm more curious about those situations. Not necessarily a clean break with the new relationship, but more of a surprise change of heart on the guy's part.
 OneBeachlvr
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 8
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:57:57 AM
Hmm?

"The grass is always greener..."

until you find out it really isn't?

Who knows?
 lost cowboy
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 9
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:00:01 AM
OH! OH! OH! I know this one!!

What is "Things guys do because they're idiots with long term memory loss?!?!" Alex?

Done it, seen it, never pretty.

Cowboy
 grneyedluvr
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 10
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Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:00:03 AM
sometimes people make mistakes and the love is never lost. sometimes when we rebound to another woman, we may just be looking for what we lost with our ex.
this is why its never good to date someone thats fresh out of a breakup. fresh doesnt necessarily mean time either. let him or her have their rebound or 2 before they can be approachable. if you dont, you risk being compared to the ex or dumped with no warning, because the ex comes to their senses. grneyed
 One4u2email2
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 11
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:36:19 AM
"Love" Lust"Companionship"Stupidity" Thats been the 4 major reasons I let my X's back in my life. They always say they will change, things will be different. Usually in about 2 to 4 weeks it's the same ole song, sometimes even worse. You let them back into your life before so they think you will let them back in again and again. An sometimes you do.
 o0ochristinao0o
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 12
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:38:59 AM
I know alot of people who do the on and off game, for the most part I think their fighting a lost cause... BUT the saying " You don't know what you have till it's gone" came from somewhere. Sometimes a person never really realizes how they feel about a person till they are out of their life.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 13
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:45:46 AM

Why does this happen?
because the woman that takes him back is STOOPID...and doesn't mind taking a second bite of a shit sandwich!

* FROM WOMEN: If you were the ex-girlfriend, what did you do while he was with the new girlfriend and what happened to make the guy come back to you?
Dated his Father... Teach that young pup!
 Heathenistic
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 14
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:53:01 AM

because the woman that takes him back is STOOPID...and doesn't mind taking a second bite of a shit sandwich!


Right on point
 oldiebutgoodie
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 15
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Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:54:35 AM
Transituser hit it right! I Did it once. We was together 13 years. I ventured off and it went several months and my ex was always on my mind! She was really great looking, a body that would stop traffic,sex was great, a good job, nice home, and lots of land for hunting! I went back, because thats where I was in my comfort zone. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence!!!!!!
 Blueeyedbaldman
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 16
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:04:42 AM
I would never go back to an ex. Like they say " never look back"
 Woodswalker
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 17
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:37:00 AM
Ill keep this short and sweet. Its HISTORY. They got more of it than YOU got. That makes it easy to romanticize the past (forgetting the crap stuff, this time itll be different, etc) Often happens it seems at the point where the new relationsip begins to get serious and the person (male or female by the way) has to decide which way they wish to go.
 d3viuz21
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 18
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:51:09 AM
Well I was going to get all psychological but I figured I would talk from experience instead:

When me and my ex broke up I thought I was missing out on something. I am one of those guys that are never satisfied even when I seemingly have everything. So I broke up with her and found a new girl that was younger, had more time for me, the sex was amazing and she was more into partying than my ex was.. But my ex never left the picture. Instead of falling off she stepped her game up even more and thats when I realized that the new girl may look better and sex me better but she couldn't offer me 1/3 of what my ex did... Plus I was comfortable.. I had built up a nice comfort zone and routine with her so from then on everyone I dated had to be like her and fit into that mold... No one did so I ended going back.

She was persistent and stubborn when it came to something she wants (me for instance) so I gave in.. It got even better the second time around but we eventually settled at being friends because our lives were two different (me being 22, just coming into my own, heavy into the clubbing scene and just starting my business.. She was a recently divorced, 26 year old mother of two with a house and career)

Hope that helps give some insight
 QLA
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 19
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:57:34 AM
It could be because he see's something in both of them. One part of him does like the ex and he forgets about the part he does not like. Dates new girl and get's something out of it, but not everything he needs or he see's a downside. That is when he goes back to the X.
Or maybe he never really got the closure he wanted from the X and needs to figure it out.
 transituser
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 20
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:40:43 AM
I think QLA has a good point. Feelings are not always rational, relationships are never totally black and white.
 WORD1948
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 21
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Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:43:16 AM
Duh, because he finally realizes how much he loves her and thinks it was a mistake they broke up?
 11596chris
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 22
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:48:26 AM
Cowboy
Your funny!
 laughinglibra
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 23
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:56:50 AM
Because the ex swallows.... and when she brings him a beer it's already open.
 Harry Peter
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 24
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:06:02 AM
The power of bewbies compellz them.
 One4u2email2
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 25
Why does a man get back with an ex-girlfriend?
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:53:14 AM
LoL,, Laughinglibra,, You made me spew coffee
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