|
|
|
|
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:49:42 AM | I have skimmed thru a lot of the single parent threads regarding child support. a lot of them have ppl saying " he owes me" or "she doesnt spend it on the kid(s)" etc.
so i just have to ask,, just what is it you ppl seem to think the maintenance payment is meant for?
from where i am standing its to help support the child(ren) in question. If that is gas in the car to take them to and from work, or the bills at the house, to food and clothing, or even little league fees, etc. Anything that relates to taking care of that child, the maintenance payment is suppose to offset the cost of to the custodial parent. there are some women with this "he owes me" attitude i just dont get. dont misunderstand, i know why they claim "he owes me", i just dont see how they figure the payment is for them. I really dont understand why some of these guys think that the payment is only to go to things specific to that child. how they dont understand that keeping a roof over jr.'s head, heat in the house, food in the house, etc all pertain to "supporting" the child. if you were still with your ex, wouldnt you be participating monitarily in the house bills? | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:58:53 AM |
what is child support meant for? From the way I have always viewed it ... unless otherwise dictated by legal documents, it is meant to be spent on anything that pertains to the upkeep of the child ... clothes, food, roof over their head, medical expenses, sports fees, heat, water.
I can even see that it could be spent for a doggone lawn mower. If you have children that need to play in their backyard and it needs to be mowed ... then it could be spent on a lawnmower.  | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:27:44 AM | I agree with the OP and the first reply - that's what it's for.
The problem is the *perception* that she's spending it inappropriately. My ex was always asking me for more money, and every time I saw her, her nails were PRISTINE, as well as her toes... hair perfect, etc. Now, she can do what the hell she wants with her money, but if her priority is her hair and nails rather than the kids, then I'm not coughing up any more bucks.
Funnily enough, when I took custody of the kids, I only asked for 200 a month for 2 boys, and she couldn't even make those payments. After 3 years of 4 total payments, I offered her to be 'even' if she just signed all rights over to me, and she wouldn't owe me child support any more. No big shock that she did just that. I have sole custody, and am not required to allow her visitation, but I would never keep her from the boys or them from her. They deserve to know their mother.
I think the problem is the perception, though - seeing your kids going without when she is getting her clothes, nails, hair, etc. Sure, she might spend the money you hand her on bills and rent, but then she spends all hers on herself and the kids suffer as a result. I know, I know - all the money, one pot, blah blah blah, whose is spent on what. Again, it's the perception that is the issue. We all know what support is SUPPOSED to be used for. Problem is, it appears that it's not always the case. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:44:37 AM | "clothes, food, roof over their head, medical expenses, sports fees, heat, water"
That is what I see child support going towards but sports fees and other such items should be paid on top of child support. Just like the ncp's share of the daycare expenses, they should be pay half less half of the tax refund received as a result of claiming the child care expenses. My ex and I always had the arrangement that we would share the tax refund attributable to claiming the child care expenses since it was only fair since I paid half.
Some of the issues with child support are;
1. there is an entire system set up to ensure payment but there is not auditing system in place to ensure that the funds are actually being spent on the kids.
2. child support amount is based on in Canada last years income as reported on the NCP's tax forms. Issue here is what about when there is a large one time increase in income, should the new base going forward be based on the one time income or the regular income.
3. reduction of child support amounts due to loss of employment, medical issues or change in jobs - rarely does child support and even if it does it could be months before the ncp's petition is heard in court. During this time they would be paying the inflated amount. Interestingly enough if it were reversed and the ncp earned more then it would be retroactive, if you earn less and a lower amount it set it is not retroactive.
4. Concept of shared parenting where both parents get to equal partners in the children's lives. Child support would still be paid but would be based on the 40% rule we have in Canada. But this met with strong opposition the last time it was recommended and the minister of justice caved and sent it back to committee.
5. Some of the complaints I hear on here is that for example he only pays me X amount, but if this is based on the table amounts then it is correct. What I have never heard though, he is paying too much. Like a friend of mine that was paying $1,000 per month for one child but then got laid off. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:03:44 PM |
That is what I see child support going towards but sports fees and other such items should be paid on top of child support
That is if both parties can afford the costs or are reasonable.
There are more than a few who suggest that after paying cs to an ex who is also working and if she marries well she can effectively enroll the children in every possible outside activity with little to know consideration as to the cost or the effect that it has on the other parent.
There are many children who are unable to play or be involved in those sports and to have the courts support this finacial blackmail would be terrible. and in fact the courts have suggested in a few cases if the parent desires the activity they can pay for it themselves. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:07:31 PM | I don't lose any sleep over it any more. Sure, my ex has requested a review for an increase a couple of times. Oh well, I have to pay more, go further in debt and she gets the increase...it's the system. I'm on the backstretch now and will be getting a substantial "raise" in a few short years.
As has been mentioned, I agree that support should somehow "support" the children. The part that used to grind me the worst, was when the ex, her husband and my kids can all take off and go to Hawaii for 10 days, then that autumn, she's emailing me asking for money because she can't afford to buy the kids new winter coats. Nope, sorry...that's what the support is for. Had you not requested the increases, I might have a couple extra bucks to send your way...but don't hold your breath.
~ds~ | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:17:52 PM | | When the primary custodian is x-amount of dollars in debt as a result of doing whatever he/she had to do to properly care for those children while the other parent was not meeting the child support obligation, you better believe the arrearage is owed to the primary custodian. When the day-to-day necessities have absorbed the entire primary custodiian's income so there is no money in an education fund (for the children OR the primary custodian), the arrearage is owed to the primary custodian. When the primary custodian is about to be without transportation cuz providing the basic necessities came before fixing/replacing a car held together with bailing wire and rust, the arrearage is owed to the primary custodian. When the primary custodian has struggled to provide for the children while the other parent drank/smoked/snorted up what should have gone toward the support of the children, the arrearage is owed to the primary custodian. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:45:06 PM | Windroper, I didn't see mention of the word "arrearages" in the OP. My understanding is the question pertained more to support paid and received. Maybe I didn't grasp the scope of the question....wouldn't be the first time. But I totally agree with you that money ordered, unpaid and in arrears, is money "owed".
~ds~ | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:55:54 PM | "When the primary custodian is x-amount of dollars in debt as a result of doing whatever he/she had to do to properly care for those children while the other parent was not meeting the child support obligation, you better believe the arrearage is owed to the primary custodian. When the day-to-day necessities have absorbed the entire primary custodiian's income so there is no money in an education fund (for the children OR the primary custodian), the arrearage is owed to the primary custodian. When the primary custodian is about to be without transportation cuz providing the basic necessities came before fixing/replacing a car held together with bailing wire and rust, the arrearage is owed to the primary custodian. When the primary custodian has struggled to provide for the children while the other parent drank/smoked/snorted up what should have gone toward the support of the children, the arrearage is owed to the primary custodian."
This could just as well be turned around to say, when the custodial parent drank, smoked, snorted the child support money away the ncp had to make up the difference through buying them clothes and other necessities. When this is done the ncp goes further into the debt and the extra amount paid..... oh wait it doesn't work in reverse does it. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:56:23 PM | The way I look at cs is that it is to take care of the child/ren in this way:
a) for cloths
b) for food
c) for meds if sick
d) or anything else they may need (ex: if an infant, diaper's and wipes and things like that)
As for a roof over their head, as a custodain parent it is my job to take care of the roof over my child's head along with a roof over my head so why use the child support money for something you have to take care of for yourself anyways.
As for sport's for the older child/ren, if you put them in the sport/activity, then you should pay for it as you put them in it.
If you are the one to put them in day care then you should be the one to pay for it, not split it.
Things that the child needs is what the money is for and I already listed the stuff I think it should be used for, and anything that is left over put into an account for them.
Everything else is my job as the custodial parent. I would have to pay for it all weather I had a child or not anyways right? yes it is more with having a child but that is where MY half comes into play.
I dont know if that makes any sense, if not I will go into more detail.
Bottom line is the money is for the child not for the parent. It is the same you have some who say "well I already got what the child needs so I spent the money on myself" ok yes you got everything that the child may need but that would be your half, so if nothing else is needed then put in an account for them for later. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:20:22 PM | My ex and I have an agreement between the 2 of us.
He pays support and it is for me to distribute as I see fit. If I wanna use it to put gas in the car, groceries in my cupboards or to get a hair cut, so be it (I generally use it to pay for haircuts for the kids, new clothes or new shoes...toys...for easter or xmas gifts for the kids).
On top of the support he pays, he pays for half of their extra-curricular activities as well as half of their dental/medical bills.
I'm glad we have no issues regarding the support of our children and are able to spend our energies on more important things. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:59:27 PM | Child support is to aid in the cost of living and raising kids. Food, shelter, medical and any extras for the kid(s).
I get the base line child support and a spousal support, I cover all most all costs with the money I recieve. The exception being: the kids have dual medical coverage; his employer paid benefits and their first nations status cards.
Right now I am only going to school part time while the kids are in school and there are no daycare costs. Even before I was awarded spousal he thought the base line child support was too much to be paying and wanted to hold back some for when he had his access... and he would tell me where to go if I asked for help with any thing. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 2:57:31 PM | I did not get married by myself. I did not get pregnant by myself. I did not get divorced by myself.
The fact that I was fortunate enough to BE ABLE to support my daughter by myself does NOT absolve her father of his financial responsibilities as a parent. On the rare occasions a child support payment was actually received by me, it went into my bank account. I paid all of the expenses for my daughter and myself from that account. Yes, some of those expenses were personal. I never sat down and figured out which exact dollar got spent on my daughter and which was spent on me.
In addition to rent, food, clothing, child-care when she was younger, medical care, utilities, telephones, and school fees, I put her through 12 years of dance, 6 years of team sports, 3 years of orthodontics, scrounged up a used car for her when she got her license and am now helping to put her through college.
The whopping $60 a week he was supposed to pay eventually added up to about $30K in unpaid arrears. Do I want that money? You bet! Is it "owed"? Absolutely! Will I ever actually get it? The lien I now have on the house he is selling says "yes". Will I give it to my daughter? Some of it, but certainly not all. It's repayment for money I already laid out. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 3:18:39 PM | Gosh i wish you guys would speak to my ex..!!! As far as he is concerned he should'nt have to pay for anything extra.. he pays the minimum amount every month for his Son.. which took me over a year to get from him and he has'nt paid for the year where he paid nothing. He refused to contribute towards my sons school uniform when he started ( cost over £100 ) saying he did'nt want the money ending up behind a bar somewhere in London on one of my " many " nights out..lol As it stands i would be happy with just one bl00dy night out.. but now he does'nt have a child 24/7 he has no idea what that is like.. He won't even contribute to his birthday parties, saying if i want to throw one then that is down to me.
As far as what it is for.. i agree with everyone above, roof over their head, keeping them safe and warm and keeping them fed.. plus any activities the child does out of school.. i think it's reasonable to ask the other parent to help contribute to that.. it's their child too. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:15:39 PM | An interesting thought that I just had regarding child support was, what is the difference in expenses between what the custodial parent pays and what the ncp pays.
What are the cost differences in the households;
Rent - both have houses - and most ncp's have rooms for their kids - so no difference there
Heating - no difference between households
Cable - no difference between households
Phone - no difference between households
Food - difference here since it depends on how much time they spend at each house
Clothing - usually one parent buys the clothes, so yes there is a difference here.
Gas - maybe a little but not much of a difference
So, when it comes right down to it the only real difference is food and clothing if the ncp has a room for the child or rooms for the children.
What's interesting is that the ncp incurrs the similar costs for rent, cable, phone and gas but does not get support for it.
Just another way of looking at it. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:15:42 PM | Child support for my children covers such things as rent, doctor's appointments, clothes, food, utilities...it doesn't go very far, but it helps. I am not complaining...my ex is fabulous about child support, has never missed a payment. Sadly, the older the kids get, the more expensive life gets.
But with that said, we had it put in our divorce, and it is just common sense...he pays half for anything above the every day..ie: one of the kids needs major dental work and his insurance won't cover it all...he pays half.
Another example was my daughter...she joined chorus this year, and needed a $55 uniform....he payed half. The boys both needed $25 shirts for Scouts, he payed half.
All three kids need new bikes this spring...he will pay half. I also know that if I hit a rough patch he will be right there with anything the kids need. Not what they want, but what they need (clothes, etc.) | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:21:40 PM | The way I always saw it, 100% of my money goes toward keeping a roof over their (granted, mine too) heads and food on the table, bills etc. and I never thought I had to pigeonhole the money that came in from FOC. There was a time when my boys were very small when we had to go to court and the courts upped their dad's support payments from $25.00/week to $100/week. We were walking out together and he started nearly yelling at me in the hallway saying he wanted to see receipts "from now on! for everything!" I said ok, I'll show you the rent receipt, the grocery bill, the electric bill, soccer registrations, heat bill....you want me to continue? lol He was so mad and we argued about that for a long time. It's not like I was living the high life buying new clothes and cars and bling for myself, but it sure was nice to have all my bills paid in full and on time, I'll tell ya that much.
He promptly got fired from that job so he wouldn't have to pay it....and so it began. lol Oh well. We get by ok without it and the kids actually see him now so all is for the best. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:27:48 PM |
Rent - both have houses - and most ncp's have rooms for their kids - so no difference there
Heating - no difference between households
Cable - no difference between households
Phone - no difference between households
Food - difference here since it depends on how much time they spend at each house
Clothing - usually one parent buys the clothes, so yes there is a difference here.
Gas - maybe a little but not much of a difference
Big difference between the custodial parent and the ncp Chef...I have my children all but 4 days a month. He has them on those 4 days.
Rent: I pay more because I have bedrooms for the kids, he doesn't.
Heating: I am fortunate my is included in my rent, so may be no difference there...but...he doesn't have kids coming home from school each day, thus he can keep the heat lower...to suit his needs, rather than the needs of the children.
Cable: no difference
Phone: Big difference. He doesn't need his phone to be able to contact doctors, schools, etc.
Food: Huge difference. He is feeding himself and his gf (who also has a full time job), I am feeding 4 on a much smaller income. Even with child support my income doesn't come close to just his.
Clothes: we are about equal on this, as he is fabulous about chipping in for school clothes or anything when they need it (ie: new boots for winter)
Gas: huge difference!! I have 2 boys in scouts, which requires travel. We both agreed this activity was a must for the boys. Yet I do all the transporting.
My daughter attends a public high school 2 towns away because we do not have a high school....any transportation she requires is gas money out of my pocket not his.
This doesn't even take into account the amount of gas money I spend each week going grocery shopping in that same place 2 towns away. I had no choice but to live where I am because of the cost of rents.
With that said, my kids want for nothing they really need, they always have food on the table and a roof over their heads. Of course there are things they want...but don't need. When I get a few extra bucks I try to accomodate small things. But the difference between what I pay out and he pays out is huge. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:33:42 PM | Child Support is meant to help the custodial parent pay for a roof over the child(ren's) head, clothes on their back, food in their tummy and anything else they require. When some parents says "he owes me" or something to that effect then they are just showing that they are angry the relationship ended and think that person owes them other than child support. Sometimes the non- custodial parent takes a cop-out goes and gets a low paying job so he/she won't have to pay as much in child support thinking that they are only hurting the custodial parent but, in all actuality they are only hurting the child (ren). Like my case, I don't say he owes me and nor am I angry the relationship ended but my ex husband doesn't pay enough to put even a week worth of food in my children's stomach or ANY clothes on their back. I hear people griping because they only get somewhere between 500 and 1200 for one child, heck I would love to get that for two children. When he does make his payment my children get $64 dollars a week and that is if he pays it. what is the penalty if he doesn't pay it? well he can't get a fishing license or renew his driver's license YEE-HAW like that helps any. He doesn't even fish and he doesn't own a car LOL. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:49:31 PM |
there is an entire system set up to ensure payment but there is not auditing system in place to ensure that the funds are actually being spent on the kids.
This is just another example of a myth perpetrated by male chauvanists and some female self loathers, to keep the hatred of women at a high tempo in society. There probably are a small minority of women who take advantage of the child support, just as there are men who will chew off their own leg not to pay it. I think most people love their kids and put their needs ahead of their own.
i think these men who want to see receipts, should put their money where their mouths are. they should be prepared to up the support when it is proven it costs a hell of alot more to raise a child then the amount they will ever pay in support. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:53:36 PM | child support is a means of trying to keep single mothers off welfare and living above the poverty line .equal custody was blocked by the womens movment for fear of loosing this cussion women get after a brake up ..they were afraid of equality and by taking this stand the womens move toward equality ends..the greedy dont deserve sympathy .the internet has a lot of information about this online...now a women is only expected to be a care giver in the supreme courts eyes..a baby sitter .
equal custody and responsability is the best thing any child could ever dream of having ..and if a women has children that are in an equal parenting agreement the new boyfriend that movies in wont be liable for child support .they wouldnt be assuming the roll of parent for anything financialy more then 1/2 of 1/2 so its do able..and we would see families joined up again ..at least in canada ..but the way it is now ..people with children stay single because no man wants to chance the child support when the children arent his..but family services will hit him up and blame him for taking a chance on a girl with children..
as far as maintaining house holds ..what sort of a place did you live in before you had some man pay for it all..and why should you deserve more then you could ever do for yourself ..and why does this make you responsable enough to have the child in your care ...its for the money ..responsable hard working people pay for the loosers .. and its called child support..we wouldnt need it if the person who paid the bills could boot the money pit unemployable spouse (man or woman)to the curb.. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:54:57 PM | When my third husband & I separated, my lawyer told me that we had to put something minimal for child support
into our divorce application, due to a conflict between different parts of the Divorce Act. Technically, since he wasn't
currently working, he fell well below the Federal guidelines & was not required to pay any child support. However,
many judges will refuse to grant a divorce if some child support is not stipulated, as it is (supposedly) not in the child's
best interests. So the paper claims that he was supposed to pay $10 a month, for 2 boys. Of course, I knew I was
never going to see it & I didn't really care, anyway. $10 is not going to make a huge diference in our lives, ROFL
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Now that's an interesting way of looking at it, valleyjavastop
child support is a means of trying to keep single mothers off welfare and living above the poverty line - valleyjavastop
I have never known anyone who could afford to pay THAT much child support.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
But in response to the OP's original question, common sense should make it obvious, the money should be spent on/or
for, the children. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 5:06:36 PM | I know in my case there are huge differences in the cost of maintaing our respective households.
If I was not the custodial parent everthing would go down considerably and I would not even need cablevision or callwaiting ... etc. etc. etc. | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 5:21:38 PM |
think these men who want to see receipts, should put their money where their mouths are. they should be prepared to up the support when it is proven it costs a hell of alot more to raise a child then the amount they will ever pay in support.
Why not talk about a budget regarding the costs to raise a child and talk about what you should contribute and what he should contribute?
I suggest that woman love to add everything including the kitchen sink when adding up what a ncp should contribute to.
I have been paying and raising my kids for 5yrs...the worst year was paying for the braces......$5,000 on top of the before and after school costs. It just meant a few less things for myself. So I have a very good appreciation for what the costs are and find it interesting hearing the cost of putting a roof over their head when they should be paying for their own roof...and not looking to have it subsidized by someone else.
What is your opinion of 63% of custodial mothers having cs agreements versus 38% of custodial fathers having cs agreements.?? Does this suggest that one gender is looking at the revenue stream more than the other?
http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/p60-225.pdf | |
|
| what is child support meant for?
Posted: 3/18/2008 5:51:54 PM | and find it interesting hearing the cost of putting a roof over their head when they should be paying for their own roof...and not looking to have it subsidized by someone else.
So you're saying that the custodial parent should live in substandard housing with the children because it's what he/she can afford without the other parent contributing? In a bad neighborhood? While the non custodial parent lives much more well off? Why does it have to get so nit picky. If people would stop worrying about I, I, I, ME, ME, ME, everyone, especially the children, would be much better off. What does it teach a kid when the parents are fighting over money all the time? That money is more important than they are. Sad. | |
|
|
| Page 1 of 15
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 |
|
Home
login 
