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 we-todd
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 1
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationshipPage 1 of 1    
I know this woman, She is lovely, caring, good hearted person. But for the last 3yrs or so, she continually goes back and forth with this guy that can't never seem to make up his mind about what he wants. He even replaced her photo at work with him and another woman, and she still goes back. Sick huh? She tries to move on, and out of no-where he calls and always talks her into coming back. Everyone knows it will never work, but her. How can you help someone off the roller coaster.
 Athulatha
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 2
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:24:43 AM
You can't. She needs to make her own decisions.
 sashieq
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 3
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:56:14 AM
You can't help her. What I think it is, is a comfort zone. She keeps going back to him, because he still wants her, and because she's comfortable with him. No matter what their past dictates, he's always going to call her to come back, and until she meets someone that can replace him in her heart and mind, there's nothing you, or anyone else, can do to stop it. A woman needs to feel loved and needed by her man, and if this is the only place she is getting it, she'll continue going back to him.

It's a vicious cycle, and all you can really do is to be there for her when he dumps her again..

 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 4
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why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:27:25 PM
You can't help her. You can just be there for her when she finally gets smart enough to help herself.
 kites70
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 5
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:02:08 PM
I am sofa king we-todd did.

She's completely consumed by her attraction for this guy and he pays attention to her, so she keeps going there... she's uncontrollably dependant on the guy. She *is* sick. You could try to give her a good intervention, but it's like she's addicted ...so it probably won't work.
 dree thats me
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 6
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:54:12 PM
If he's been reeling her back in since they broke up, then she hasn't had any time to get over him... he keeps making her think there's still a chance to be with him. She definitely needs to realize this on her own and eventually once she's sick of getting hurt and being used, she will. Unfortunately you can't really help people like this, she is blinded by a hope. You can give her your opinion, and she'll probably listen to you, but she might not do anything you suggest. As long as this guy keeps making her think there's a chance, she'll keep going back.
 we-todd
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 7
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 2:21:44 PM
I agree with all of you. We have all tried to get her to stop. She even met a new guy this last time, she was very happy, she said in love and that still did not stop her. What a waste. 3yrs and still the same old crap. Some people can't see the forest, for the trees, as they say.

I was hoping someone knew of another approach to try, but I am afraid we have done all we can.
 crimsonblue87
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 8
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:22:20 PM
the falconess in msg 2 is right.
Let her make her own decisions.
 ArrowSmith05
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 9
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:29:32 PM
What we have here is the classic, "bad boy I can fix" situation. She keeps going back because she feels he's lost and she can help him/fix him. What she doesn't realize is that she's going down winding road that only leads to the same vicious cycle. And she's going to get hurt again and again and again. Unfortunately all you can do is watch. It's her decision, and she's gotta learn the hard way. Sometimes people have got to hit rock bottom before they realize what's going on. I was in a similar relationship, and I got hurt a few times before I saw what was really going on, and got the heck out. All you can do is wait buddy. I guess one way to get her to realize it's draining on everyone around is to tell her you don't wanna hear about it anymore. She might get upset and moody, but she also might start to realize that the game is getting old. And whatever you do don't push her on it. Let it happen on it's own. That way she'll remember.
 ~tag~
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 10
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:44:12 PM
It's because he's a security blanket. He's what she knows. It takes no effort to learn his behaviors, she already knows them all. Someone new would be hard work all over again. He's a habit, and habits are hard to break, especially bad ones.

Once she's had her fill of him, she'll be quit of him. You've just got to step aside and let her do as she will - once she's tired of the pain and suffering, she'll end the cycle - but you can't do it for her.

Sorry.
 knipknip
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 11
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 5:26:06 PM
Take her and put your arms around her, hold her real close ... give her a kiss on the cheeks and whisper to her "baby you have got yourself in such a spin, this just isn't doing you any good, let me take you away from all of this ..." and pull her closer ...

and they live happily ever after .... The end.

Go-on you really want to ...
 *Jimmy-the-Cat*
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 12
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 6:14:32 PM
Because it is a habit she has formed

People are creatures of habit. Some more than others. Is purely familiarity.
 SublimeSunshine
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 13
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why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/18/2008 6:16:41 PM
She'll figure it out for herself. Most women usually do. I think the key is replacing the time she spends with him (time that she relies on) with something else. It's the best way to forget about someone and something like that.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 14
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why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/19/2008 4:49:20 PM
You can't fix someone, nor can you change someone. They either get it or they don't. There are those, an I think she's one of those, that have low self esteem. Perhaps, she's terrified of being on her own. She has to help herself. You can be a good listener and a good friend, but until she gets herself together (self esteem) and values herself as a worthy spirit, she won't be good partner material, for the long run.
 Dark Anubis
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 15
why do women go back and forth to a bad relationship
Posted: 3/19/2008 5:54:13 PM
Sounds like infactuation on her part, eitther that or he must "give it to her" good. Either way its an unwise thing she is doing to yourself. If your interested in her. . . Its a good idea to back off from her cause obviously she does not have a good idea of whats good for her at this point and time.
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