| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 6:57:56 PM | Story: my fiance had been cheating on me while I was at work, in our bed, for the last two months. We were in full swing wedding plans. dress, venue, invitations and all. My heart is completely broken as I dint ever see this coming, EVER. So he dumped me when I found out and kicked me out of our house.
Will I ever get over this? How do you move on from something this life altering? | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:11:07 PM | | life altering????? you are 24?? you need to concentrate on YOURSELF!!!! period-------your WHOLE life is ahead of you---most men on this site are total phonies------concentrate on YOU YOU YOU----- get it???? | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:18:01 PM | | this is nothing. lol Try being married to a man, have his three children, giving up a six figure income 20 years ago to be left for another woman... Now that, that is what is hard to pick oneself up afterwards. Life throughs all kinds of bad at us, and we just have to wake up and fight to see the sunshine all around us. Mine, well it has come back... And, it is wonderful to have it again. Your's will too. Better to have found out now that he cheats than to change your life, devote all your energy into a false relationship and really lose it all. I know it hurts, but you are much better off without him. | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:19:16 PM | um I had moved way out of the way to be with him, where I had no family. we had a house and a life together. And he moved me 8 hours away to the closest person I know so yeah my whole life has been kinda turned upside down.
And I meant emotionally, do you ever bounce back to aplace where you can trust again? | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:28:44 PM | | Be thankful that you never got married to him for you could have lived a long life of abuse of every kind. But I know that statement isn't helping your situation. It does take a long time to get over,believe me,I know. Someone that I was involved with played me for about a year and a half and had me believing half way through the relationship that he was sick with cancer. When I eventually found out he was also playing other people and had been lying to us I felt like such an idiot. I was embarrased,heart broken,and falling apart. He had a lot of people fooled. But when I started talking to my friends and a counselor,I felt much better and didn't feel so alone and out of place anymore. But I can see this experience in a positive way. I became wiser and more aware of these dangerous leeches that lurk,and from that I was able to help others from what I went through. He kicked you out because he couldn't face or handle his own problems and insecurities and took it out on you. He will probably never have respect for women,heck,he doesn't even have respect for himself. To any of the men that are reading this,I am not male bashing here for women can be just as bad as these kind of men. Don't give up hope. After a few months I got on my feet and started dating again. Then out of the blue I met this wonderful man and we will be together for almost a year (my reward for becoming wiser and positive). Life is like a roller coaster. it has its ups and downs. it will go down for a while(our mistakes) but if ya think positive it will come back up again(Learning from our mistakes and experiences,wiser,rewarded) | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:36:13 PM | | Yes, you do. Sometimes it takes a little while but you do. When you do you will find it much easier to trust again. | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:37:04 PM | Sorry to hear your story aurora, believe it or not someday you will be grateful that this happened when it did. Everything happens for a reason and sometime you will know why this has happened to you. I hope that you can soon put this behind you, you have so much going for you......get out there and live your life! For you!!
I found after the first time I did learn to trust again but haven't found a level of trust at all since it happened to me a second time Good luck to you | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:37:31 PM | You count your lucky stars it ended now, before you had a couple of kids, and god knows what else.
You had a big life lesson....Learn from itjavascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:41:22 PM | There ARE very trustable people out there...but YOU have to be able to discern who is who....
Hopefully, this will not cause you to mistrust, but to discern...
Big difference
Good luck to you!!!javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:42:43 PM | | I really feel for you. I know it hurts so bad you feel like dying now, but you will get over it. You are young and beautiful and you will bounce back! I think most people eventually get cheated on by somebody at some point. Get on your knees and thank heaven that you found out before the wedding! He was not ready to get married. He kicked you out because you exposed him and that has made him angry. Learn everything you can from this experience and be all the wiser for it. | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:44:34 PM | Yes, of course you can get over this. You are better off without him and you have your whole life ahead of you. How you want to spend it is totally up to you, but please don't waste too much time looking back on yesterday. It's done. 
Pink | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:45:15 PM | I have to say you are very lucky you did not get married to him. But wow you moving away from everything you know for him. Thats a big move there. YOu will bounce back up but its only if you really want to. You may need support from somewhere or someone whom you already know woul dnot recommend anyone knew especially another male figure on this one. You need time to yourself to reflect on yourself and not only what he did wrong (cause its kinda obvious what he did wrong) but also reflect on if there was something you saw, knew heard, and ignored just because you wante dthing to go well with him for marriage sake. Its a time to learn and become wiser for yourself, and learn from this. Just what ever you do don't become jaded. | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:39:50 PM |
do you ever bounce back to aplace where you can trust again?
Trust is something I think needs to be earned.
Bounce back come on...you are gonna be feeling this for the rest of your life. It is a life lesson that you will never forget. BUT you should be able to love again.
Thank God you weren't married to him!
Best of luck to you in your future. I know you will meet the reason why this happened. You look and sound to be a real catch for the right man! | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:53:30 PM | You dont, its stays with you always! Ever guy now will pay the same issues as a cheater that you left. I have cheat on girls that I have dated and I am not happy about it but it happens and you always hurt the ones close to you and I have also been cheating on! Maybe he wasnt ready for marriage or there was a quick fix to get some booty on the side before he took the plunge.
Focus on you, take care of yourself stay away from a guy for a while you need time to for me now you know! When you are ready to date again you will know it, good thing it was done sooner then after you were married? Someone was looking out for you? | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:59:13 PM | Get OVER? Um. If this all happened in the past two months, I'd say you need to give yourself at LEAST that long to assess it.
Prognosis? You are a young adult; I'd say yes. As a child, cheating and lying DOES "set" your mental attitude (hence divorces can cause problems in young children, and teenagers who lost faith in fidelity--I bring to mind our previous president, even though he's mountains above the current one in general character, he had lots of personal "bonding" problems).
Hopefully you have the flexibility as well as the tools to work through this problem, possibly be more cautious, but your spontaneity will return. I'm sorry it happened, it does hurt, but it doesn't need to be life altering--you're too aware right now, so nothing hit the subconscious--unless you have unresolved family of origin issues that kept you from seeing the red flags....something to explore.
Kicked out of "our" house is a problem--I don't understand. | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:05:50 PM | Okay...did I read that right...You gave him the opportunity to "dump you"? 
Whether you get over it or not is up to you...or are you going to give him control of that too??? | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:11:26 PM | Question is... why are you on a dating site?
Especially if you aren't over it yet!!!
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:13:03 PM | Most men on this site are total phonies. - zsxdcfv
> Except you, of course.
> I assume you have met all the men on this site and got to know them well in order to make that judgement.
> Soul Union. | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:14:04 PM | hes not worth the energy to get mad.... I know you are hurt...pick yourself up in time..you will meet someone much nicer..Maybe you can also take him to small claims court to pay for any wedding expenses you have both encoured.
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:50:18 PM | [Maybe you can also take him to small claims court to pay for any wedding expenses you have both encoured.]
Oh that's good...I like that idea. | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:05:01 PM | In time, you will.. that doesn't mean to come to a complete halt and think I'm not getting involved again, well think of this way once a cheater always cheater, a cheater is a liar too.. great combo.
I too was cheated on, and it continued he said it was over with her, it wasn't.. well nothing I can do about it, but walk away. As you have, so maybe he wasn't the guy to marry maybe he was just a guy. You are 24? As many would say, you have your whole life ahead of you, concentrate on you.. at least you found out before the trip down the isle!
Be thankful for that, small constellation but an important one.
So, to answer your question, Yes. | |
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| do you get over a cheater?
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:59:56 PM |
Will I ever get over this? How do you move on from something this life altering?
Bethany2911 (Msg 6) ~ Good response & suggestions.
O/P ~ I'd certainly recommend counselling and in order to move on, you've got to have a good ending in a relationship before you have a good beginning. A good ending for you, not him. I'm sure you're going through a lot of emotions right now, revenge, anger, guilt, shame, hurt, etc. Find all the positive things that were good in the relationship and give yourself a good ending. Resentment and anger are not good things to bring into a new relationship, remember no baggage. Deal with it before you move on.... And give yourself enough (proper) time to heal...
What you're going through can be likened to a death, "Death of a relationship" because the emotions are the same and cut just as deep. Will he pay? Of course, what goes around comes around, they say, 'give a man enough rope and he will hang himself....' heheheh
As for "Trust" again? Why not, not every man is going to be like this, each based on his own merits. However do not repeat the same old patterns, finding the same types of people to date... etc.
Assets? Was the house in his name, if so and you weren't married, you're SOL. At least that's the way it is in Canada anyway. Assets can be replaced, I'm not materialist so I don't measure a person by what they own.
My ex cheated on me every 2 years like clockwork. I did my best to make it work, finally I had to take a stand and had to move on. Do I trust?? .... Of course. It's like riding a horse, you get bucked off, & not all horses are going to buck you off, are they? You just get back on and look at the positive. Ask yourself, "what did I learn from this experience," and chalk it up as another of life's experiences.
Oh by the way, I never say "I was married to a woman, had her three children..." they are our children, (and I was not the biological father of the youngest). I love them all and we are very close. I don't put their mother down either as they know what kind of a person she was, they love her and still do too. She had her life's hurts and it was her way of dealing with her world. I love her as a fellow human being, it's just that our journeys are not the same and we got to do what we must... I choose not to focus on negative aspects, life is way too short...
**~Remington55~** 
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