| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:59:09 PM | | Have you ever considered suing an ex for compensation for damages you've incurred because they were were abusive, damaging to your belongings, damaging to your reputation or credit rating or perhaps, left you suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or depression? If you have, tell us about what happened. If you haven't, would you actually consider doing so? Why or why not? | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:12:08 PM | I think it's a great idea--we adopted two children, and then I got senile and fertile all at once, and had two more children--he and his wife had beautiful homes, new cars, etc., etc., and the most I could afford was a 1-bedroom apartment for all five of us. His house is now worth 1.4 million in Yorba Linda, California, and I would enjoy every minute of suing him for the two years my daughter had to suffer a toothache, and I couldn't pay, etc., etc.
Judy Lorden of Orange County recently used her ex for $3 million, but it ended up that her ex said the son was with him the whole time in Mexico--when you're rich, you can say about whatever you want, and it can be turned into true and correct.
It's just unfortunate that it's still a man's world. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:14:50 PM | I have never been in a situation where this has been a consideration for me, however, I found the question interesting.
OP: I see you are in the law business, is this a common occurrence? Have you ever seen somone win even though they were not married to the person they sued? Wouldn't it be hard to prove that they were responsible? | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:31:00 PM | | I would not. Mostly because I disagree with this modern notion that all things in life have some kind of monetary value, and people suing others for every little thing. A price can be put on my emotions? WTF!? If there were issues of damaged/stolen property, then yes, that's a legal situation. However, suing someone for hurting my feelings? Nah, I'd buck up as best as I could, and get on with my life. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:38:35 PM | There comes a time when we must all let go of the hate filled past and move on. I lived too much of my life connected to an abusive spouse. I also did not ask for damages in the divorce, I just wanted OUT!
Oh and by the way it is not a "man's world" its just a great big uncaring world that mashes us from time to time. I tried for years to get my ex to seek counseling. All I got were hostile vacant stares from the WOMEN at the crisis center. The whole man's world woman's world argument just don't float.
Try to find a friend to speak to if it helps. Just remember DO NOT wallow in the muck with a pig, the pig likes it! Try to see the many positive aspects of your life and treat the horrible things of the past as lessons from the school of hard knocks. This has worked for me. I hope you can eventually forgive if not forget the past. Don't worry if it doesn't come easy; it's been 10 years since my divorce and there are times I still feel bitter. Just don't let the bitter soak into your heart.
Good luck. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:49:57 PM | I am exactly in that situation. NO! Definitely not. It would mean dealing with the same person once again. I'm through with her, it's time to look forward not back. I give this free advice to all who would consider it.
Besides, JustHank is right it should have been dealt with at the divorce. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:55:20 PM | | Why drag on your misery any further. Do you really want to battle this arse in court again? You married him, you stayed with him through the abuse and now you are divorced and rid of him. Move on. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:55:21 PM | | It's not a man's world, it's a rich people's world. Nil carbarendum iligitamati or don't let the **stards grind you down. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:08:32 PM | isnt a person/individual responsible for choosing to stay with someone abusive?
I mean after once.. 1 time...
the person has a choice to leave.....
just a thought...
also if a person sues someone for abuse..... would children have the right to sue either parent for choosing to keep them in an abusive situation?
so if the mother is abusive to the father.... or father is abusive to the mother?
dynamics in these relationships.. takes 2 .. someone has to stay to be abused...
and sometimes knows the buttons to trigger the abuser...
kids though usually have no choice.... and can develop ptsd.. from both parents...behaviour and decisions..
usaully children are the only true victims... adults... have choices.
smiles/peace | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:15:16 PM | when a relationship ends -neither side wins. there are hurt feelings on both sides, financial problems -even health concerns. however we see it in the news all the time -some jilted woman wants 60 bazillion dollars cause he made her feel sad... if i sued everyone who pissed me off in a day -i's be rich enough to be golfing with bill gates.
this is exactly the reason why men don't want to get married, or even get into a relationship. the breakup usually ends up with the woman winning the alimony lottery and the man having to pay.
case in point: paul mccartneys divorce (he got off easy paying a mere $48 million -she wanted 250 million) however poor unfortunate girl only got $48 million ($35k for every day they were married) -ooooohh -that must have been some suffering, having to spend 4 years with a famous rock star millionaire. -now she'll have to clip coupons and eat hamburger helper for dinner. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:32:36 PM | Getting compensation for emotional damages are hard. If you did not handle it when it happened and continued to stay for the abuse etc then why after you finally split would you want to sue?
I have sued someone (and won) for money I lent to them even though we were a couple at the time..
But one of the questions the judge asked me was "were you two ever living together" .
I think if we had been I won't have gotten my money. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:37:12 PM | No.. No.. No...
Allow me to clarify. There is no divorce involved. This couple wasn't married. There are no children involved.
And it is about an interesting case I am working on... | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:39:05 PM | I beg to differ " Magnificant lady"......Still a mans world.....???
I married a woman I dated for 4 years, spent evey penny I had building her the home of her dreams, and bought her new cars, she had everything she ever wanted and then some., and when I met her, she lived at home with her parents, and drove a 500 dollar piece of crap car......
After we had our son, 3years into our marriage, I never went to the bars, I never womanized, And I never cheated, but all she could tell me was she was'n't happy...??
She asked for a divorce because she said "I fished too much".....uuhhggg...??
When she met me she knew I fished all the time....This is her complaint....?? I fished too much....?
We'll the judge in our divorce gave her custody of our son, I had to give her half the equity in our home that " I " built with my own hands, and financed with my money.....money I had long before I met her.....she ended up with 40,000 dollars, she got to keep her car....and I got left with 500 dollars in child support......
I hear this story over and over again ......and yet I hear you say things like " Its still a mans world."..??
I was overlooked for a job that I was qualified to have, worked my ass off for years to be experienced to qualify and Yet I didn't get it......
The employer is a friend of a friend, and he told my buddy that he didn't hire me because he was getting pressure from upstairs to hire a woman.....even though she had not one lick of experience......IS this fair to you.....?? Does this sound like its still a mans world.....??
Woman dictate when men will have sex if they are lucky,. they get dinners bought for them by men who are dating them, they get the doors opened for them and you still think its a mans world....??
Listen dear, it may be a old rich mans world, but the ordinary working man, has no...I repeat...no advantage on you...!!! If you cant get in this world what everyone else is out to get, then your not trying........
Okay, I vented......I feel better now.......
I love woman, I respect woman, I just dont want women to think they are no longer considered equal...... The world is yours for the taking...!!!
Now go get it....!!! | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:39:36 PM | Oh and... his abuse was such that she became convinced he would hurt her or someone she loved if she left... He threatened to hold one of her grandchildren as bait if she left him. She has been diagnosed with severe PTSD.
Sorry for the generalized question which I now realize, needed to be more specific. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:44:36 PM | op.. then in my country she would once away/free....... pressed charges..
in my country if someone has been abused like that and the perp charged.. you sue government for victims compensation..
so its a criminal offence.. ie threaten grandchild.. its a police matter..
and a child apparently was involved... the grandmother should of protected the grandchild , by reporting the threat to police straight away..
if her background = victim dynamics... thats her choice... to play it out in relationships... but once her involvement threatens a child its her responsibilty to put her life on the line to protect that child... she brought the perp into the kids life..
any adult would call the cops.. report that..
edit...... if this woman feels she was abused so severly (you dont mention how long she chose to stay with this ex).. then does your country have a time she can press charges in? some countries you get up to 30 years to press charges for crimes...
because it would seem to me if this man treated her so badly.. wouldnt she want to protect other people by having him charged?...rather than focusing on money? that might help heal her more... knowing she has saved others from criminal behaviour/abuse....
smiles/peace | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 3:57:40 PM |
Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Suing someone because they f**ked with your credit is understandable. If they smashed your car.. yeah... sue them. Ex or no ex... sue them.
BUT... if you are suing for emotional damages because they left you and thats all u have on them... thats a b**ch move. (and i know a lot of people who would do that if they could)
As far as i'm concerned, if you're suing just for the sake of getting what you can & cashing in out of anger just to punish someone for leaving you... you're a wimp.
no ring on finger = you gets NADA!
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/19/2008 11:04:22 PM | I once dated a lady who was being sued by an ex-boyfriend. He claimed when he moved out of her apartment, she wouldn't let him back in to move out his stuff. I tried to stay out of it. She had lots of nice stuff, though. A tv in every room, including the bathroom. Lots of expensive furniture. She also had a storage rental filled with stuff.
The guy came into the bar I was working, trying to get me to believe a lot of the stuff was his. I told him it wasn't my business. He came back a few days later with three other guys, all ex-boyfriends of the lady. They too told me the same thing: they'd move in to her place, then she'd kicked them out and kept their stuff. I didn't say anything to the lady about all her exs showing up where I worked; but a week later she asked if I wanted to move in. I passed on that and everything just sort of fizzled out a week later. She had a new guy by the next week. He moved in a week later. She kick him out a month after that. I heard she kept all his stuff.
In court, with that first guy I told about, she claimed it was all gifts. She won the case and got to keep his things. | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/20/2008 12:19:39 AM |
OP: I see you are in the law business, is this a common occurrence? Have you ever seen somone win even though they were not married to the person they sued? Wouldn't it be hard to prove that they were responsible?
In my opinion.. for whatever it's worth.. no. I haven't often seen where someone who has been abused has gone after compensation for damages they incurred as a result of domestic violence. Usually, the accused is dealt with by the criminal court system. In some provinces, there are Crime Victim Assistance programs intended to compensate (to some degree) those who have suffered from domestic violence but there again, that means that the tax payers are paying instead of the offenders. Essentially, if the accused is convicted and imprisoned, the taxpayers are paying for his (or her) incarceration AND compensating the victim. However, the compensation to the victim is only for certain things.
I don't think it would be hard to prove damages in a case of assault, stalking or uttering threats where the accused has been convicted of the charges.
This is NOT a gender issue and I wish those who are trying to make it so, would stop. Both men and women are equally capable of acts of barbarism and cruelty, both inside and outside the bonds of marriage. Where 2 people have not been married, there are no children and one person has caused the other extensive damages of such a nature for the survivor to have to rebuild their credit, replace valuables or even to have to move from one place to another to get out of harm's way, I am of the belief that the convicted offender should have to contribute to the survivor rebuilding their lives.
You just don't see it very often and I wonder, if people were suing in civil court (not divorce court) if this would also make those who are violent stop and think before they raise their fist in anger to someone. What do you think? | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:34:00 AM | I’m not a lawyer so I’m not qualified to state with certainty the following.
I think we established that domestic violence is handled in criminal court not civil court.
That being said, I would have to assume that a civil court judge would want to know if criminal charges were heard to establish the validity of the accusers claims of physical, mental and monetary loss due to the abuse.
If not I think it would be thrown out based on the accusers inaction to take reasonable action to protect themselves and other parties involved.
If it was heard in criminal court and the accused was found guilty then their could be a possibility, but I suspect that the victim is really going to have an uphill battle to get monetary compensation.
They will have to prove mental anguish that prohibited them from being a functional member of society. Was she able to work etc.
The damages as you original stated reputation, credit rating post traumatic stress disorder etc. would certainly have to be proved. If they can be, I would assume that some compensation could be had.
Would I go to court if I knew I had a really strong case and was no longer able to function in society and was racking up a ton of bills due to constant visits to a therapist? I would say yes, I would. The smart choice would obviously be settle out of court.
If I could function and was able to overcome the financial and mental anguish on my own I wouldn’t bother. For 1 I would probably lose the case and second I certainly wouldn’t want to go through more pain to take revenge, there’s just so much a person can take in life and we sometimes have to accept the fact that we can’t allow ourselves to be victimized forever.
My 2 cents worth | |
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| Suing an Ex for Damages... Would you?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:58:17 AM | ^^^^LOL.
This sounds more like a Judge Mathis case. where do they find all these "judges" anyway.
OP - why not ask your lawyer? | |
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