| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:20:27 AM | So it happened; he went to the bar, and yup, you guessed it, went home with someone else.
To make matters worse, the person he went home with is a female to male pre op transsexual. I sweartagod, I'm not making this up.
He says they just hung out, listened to music, etc. Says NOTHING happened, but he was DRUNK. He left the bar with a WOMAN (yeah, she still has girl parts from what I understand) and he came home(she gave him a ride, he walked to the bar) totally faded at 4am this morning.
I haven't met this piece of work yet, not sure if I want to.
I don't generally air my dirty laundry here, but I can't believe what just happened.
What would YOU do?
I'm of a mind to get the f***k out and move on, not invest anymore, I feel like he cheated, even tho he "says" she's a he.
God, I REALLY know how to pick em, hey?
I don't know if anyone can say ANYTHING to make me feel better. I'm just devastated. God, why do I ALWAYS get the cheaters?
Bunny
Waitaminute, worse yet, did I make him gay? Jeezus... | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:28:43 AM | You've never met him but you're expecting exclusivity?
Have you had that conversation?
The whole "I know we haven't even said 'hello' yet, but I'm not going to date anyone I'm saving myself for you and only you. I'd like you to do the same.", conversation?
If you haven't had that kind of conversation, he's not stepped out of any boundaries. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:39:51 AM | no, we live together; been together for almost a year, lived together since the end of November. And I didn't meet him here, I've known him for years (or so I thought)
the piece of work I've never met is the new "friend"
Ugh.
Bunny | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:58:01 AM | Wow. If he's the type of person to get dead drunk mid week, go home with a stranger and return home at 4am. He's not the type of man I'd want to be with.
"But honey, he's just a guy with a vagina!" | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:01:26 AM | for sure; he never did this before, I mean, we hang out and stuff; this time I didn't feel like goin with.
Yeah, and that's where I'm at; he's NOT the type of man I want to be with if that's how he operates; I keep wafflin between good riddance and oh my achin heart;
It just happened last nite, so it's still pretty fresh; I feel icky;
Bunny | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:03:25 AM | Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...
I completely misunderstood.
Sorry to hear it.
What the heck is he doing hanging out at ....anywhere til 4 am when he should be home with you? If he were out with the boys....fine he's hanging with buddies....but that would also mean (since you're in a relationship) that his happy ass goes home with the boys. No one else. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:06:01 AM | s'what I'm wonderin; like I said, it's NEVER happened before, not with this one anyway.
I didn't get ANY sleep last nite, and now I'm tryin to work. Man, I'm a mess today. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:12:36 AM | Hi Bunny, I am dealing with this crap now as well. The only advise I can give you is.. kick him in the balls when he tries to come back.
My ex took me completely by surprise, she left me after 3 great years for a guy thats worthless as a piece of shit. Its just too bad she's the fly on it. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:16:27 AM | tell me about suprises; before he left he's tellin me how awesome I am and how much he loves me and...I mean, we were FINE.
How the hell does this happen, like, all of a sudden? I could see if there were problems, but we've been good. Real good. He's NEVER anywhere but work or with me, I mean if he's out usually (not ALWAYS, I DO give him room, I mean, I don't want him stuck up my butt constantly) I'm with;
It's just so surreal. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:29:27 AM | | OP, have you had "the talk" with your live-in partner before this escapade? Never assume anything. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:33:43 AM | Im really sorry for the OP...Im a bit miffed at this story...I cant add anything to this thread...Girl/Guy huh...Oh geez..  | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:34:07 AM | Yes; we have had the talk; we just had ANOTHER talk LAST NITE before he went out;
Nothing here was assumed, except for maybe I assumed he was tellin me the truth when he told me he'd never **** me over.
I know Racer, it's retarded; I mean, is he gay? Is he/she gay? I mean, WTF?
Bunny | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:38:35 AM | This is a example of a red flag that I was referring to in another thread, which people ignore, all because you've invested a lot of time with this guy, people like you ignore the flags and wonder why you're having problems in your relationship.
Sweet Jezussss make Dorothy and her dog go home, Im curious OP, why is it that you're ok with your boyfriend going to a bar alone not with his girlfriend and going home with someone else while you're living together? Nothing wrong with him doing his own thing but to leave with another woman?
Most women I know wouldn't 1) even let that happen let alone talking about it, and if it did happen(him going home with someone else) his bags would of been packed, on the front porch or out the window.
If you're wondering why you get all the cheaters, maybe you need to re examine what it is that you're doing to attract these guys and probably learn how to set healthier boundaries? no. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:40:55 AM | The going to the bar part I'm ok with, the going home with someone else I'm not.
Hence my post.
And I knew SOMEBODY would be here to rub my nose in it. Go ahead. I mean, you really couldn't make me feel any worse.
Bunny | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:44:55 AM | Ok this guy has not honored his personal agreement with you. Cheating is a big dealbreaker for most everyone. Explain that to him. Tell him maybe one day you might forgive him, but you definitely won't forget, and the situation is not reconciliable.
Stuff like this is why I generally recommend not co-habitating unless it is a FINANCIAL NECESSITY. Often times you don't really know someone until you live with them. Yet you can make similar discoveries by choosing to have trial "live-in" periods with your partner, say for two weeks he lives at your house, you switch off, etc. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:47:16 AM | we did a trial all last summer; it was awesome. I thought I knew him.
Boy, good thing they don't pay me for thinkin, hey?
Bunny | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:51:34 AM | Here's a hug Bunny.  I sincerely hope it won't be too difficult for you to extricate yourself from this guy. | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:53:39 AM | I know a female to male transgender individual and the last thing "she/he" would want to do is have sex or an intimate relationship with another male. The whole point of her becoming a "he" is because she doesn't want to be a "she". Not because she is a gay man trapped inside of a woman's body. lol
So unless your guy wants to become a woman I don't think you have a problem.
Seriously if he was going home with a male to female transgender then I would be concerned. What probably happened is he met this cool "dude" at the bar and they started talking and he found out he was a she and was intrigued to learn more. Hell I would have gone home with him/her just for the conversation!!
I am guessing he told you all about this right? If he was guilty of something he would have just said he met some dude at the bar and they drank after hours.
Don't worry, talk it over and meet the guy/girl. Who knows? Maybe he/she will be a better catch than your guy!! lol | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:57:18 AM | it's retarded; I mean, is he gay? Is he/she gay? I mean, WTF?
Your man may not be gay, maybe the girl-guy wanted to have sex one last time as a woman and your drunk man decide to help out. You can return the favor and have sex with her i mean him once he or she is a man. Now I am confused. Just dump him
The whole point of her becoming a "he" is because she doesn't want to be a "she". Not because she is a gay man trapped inside of a woman's body. lol
ISN'T THAT THE SAME AS BEING GAY? She was born a she but think she is a man trapped in a womans body, so she becomes a man and then dates women. YEAH, thats gay!! | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:57:24 AM | thanks, dude. I'll be all right, I mean, I've survived his kind before (it was YEARS ago, but yeah, it still feels the same way)
I just got a new job and have all kinds of money rollin in for once in my life, so I guess it was supposed to happen. At least I can get out now instead of wallowing in it; we were lookin to move anyway, so I've already been lookin, I just won't be taking him with.
Man, I just wish I could pass one of these freakin little tests God throws at me. I mean, I just feel like it's all coming together and something like this happens.
And I AIN'T a victim, nor a survivor, just (I think) somebody tryin to find somebody else to connect with on someting other than a physical level.
Ugh.
Bunny | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:00:44 AM | I like you graysam. You think on my twisted level.
You may just be onto something. First person I've talked to that actually knows one of these kinds of people.
It's totally uncharted waters for me. I mean, I know gays and lesbians, but never anyone who was actually going thru with the whole deal.
And for the record, the few lesbians I know aren't really lesbians in my book, cause they still sleep with men when they get a chance...so THIS is where I have the problem.
Bunny | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:02:53 AM |
I just got a new job and have all kinds of money rollin in for once in my life.
we were lookin to move anyway
OH!  you can move here, i will stay home and be a good boy  | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:05:16 AM | Bunny, "Im really sorry for ya"...I have to ask..ok...Is this guy seeing a she/he or a he/she...Im sorry I dont hear these stories often....Im sorry if I sound a bit miffed, but I am...Loyalty means so much...
Well no matter the circumstances, "People should use a little more sense and pay attention to others feelings"...Im very sorry...I respect your honesty...You got guts, "girl"...
Ive heard a few great suggestions by a few of the people on this thread...Hang tough...you seem like a nice person...Im sorry this dude sounds a bit twisted to me!...Geez, "thank god I love woman"... | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:11:10 AM | I don't know man, I'm just as lost as you are; I haven't talked to Mr Confused yet today (after he sobered up) so I have NO IDEA where we stand. The piece of work is a she to he (supposedly, like I said, I haven't met for lack of a better word "it" yet.)
I just had to get it off my chest, and the only place I could think of to get instant gratification was here.
And yeah, I have the Chinese symbol for loyalty tattooed on the back of my neck; after the hell I went thru with my 13 year old's father, it had a LOT more meaning to me.
Thanks for the kind words, like I said, I'm freakin lost here...
At this point I just want to set them both on fire and roast some marshmallows; good thing they are both not in the general vicinity; maybe I won't be so bent by the time I get home today.
Bunny | |
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| I'm Dyin Here...
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:16:35 AM | I am going to side with graysam,
you need to slow down and not turn this into a big drama... yet.
How upset would you be if just went to the bar,
drunk himself stupid with one of the guys,
and then went to his home to continue drinking?
I would imagine you'd be upset (I know I would),
but not "end of the world upset".
Well, to me it looks likt this is pretty much what happened.
You can drive yourself crazy with the ideas in your head,
or you can talk to him and decide whether you can trust him or not.
Here are few things that you might want to think about in determining what to do:
Did he have sex with that person?
Did he ever give you reason not to trust him?
Did he ever give you reason to think that he's gay?
Pre-op she-to-he transgendered person might have vagina,
but he looks like a male, dresses like a male, and acts like a male.
Some of them might act like homosexual males (in terms of their sexuality),
but majority that I have met (or read about) were acting like heterosexual males:
they were attracted to, pursued and slept with women.
I can understand that you are upset,
but you are talking about a year long relationship here...
Before you end it, you should talk to your guy.
Some people on forums are quick to say "run, op, run", "kick his as$$"
at the first sign of trouble in a relationship.
I think one needs to work on solving problems and not give up at the first sight of trouble.
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