| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:36:44 PM | Okay all the boo-hooING about child support...
What would you do if the X was MIA (missing in action) ?.
Dead, but no insurance?
X is in accident and is confined to a wheelchair/etc etc etc..
I mean you have a child... Women or men? and you lose the X for whatEVA...They are Gone/Dead/Serving life in prison/Coma.
Now where do you support your child... Is it my job? (taxes so you can be on welfare).
How as a society is all this crying about money to raise the kid...
Sorry, I'm a little bewildered at the 20 some custody threads on here and alot have the same crowd crying about CS or not getting it, or it's all so too much...and point the finger....
What about the 4 pointed back...
Here's your chance. For the CP's and NCP's where would you cry if you child(ren) were brought to your house 6am tommorrow 24/7 without a dime anywhere?
For all others with thoughts and ideas? The ones with a good support system from the X. Or ones doing fine raising child(ren) solo? What about a back-up plan... Will? Life Insurance? Savings? | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:41:37 PM | | Here in the states if your ex is disabled or deceased, you would be able to collect a social security dependant payment monthly for your child. Frankly, I would get far more if this were the case for my oldest... | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:47:08 PM | I totally walked away. My daughter's "father" was clearly not who I thought he was, so I walked away. He didn't want to play a part, there was no way I was going to force him.
Sure I could use the money, but I sure as heck don't need the crazy. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:49:36 PM | And there you have it.....Point Made....Case Closed...Its all about the money...Get more if NCP was dead..
Wheres the forensics team? I want all dead NCP's dug up for investigation. Somebody call Quincy outta retirement....Well get to the bottom of this.. .
a former Pastor once told me "The Church Shall Provide" but I haven't seen a dime yet.. DEADBEAT.
roll: | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:50:04 PM | Also to me, it's a pride issue. I take care of us. I'm not relying on anyone else. I do it. There's no way in hell I'd **** because someone else wasn't giving me money to live.
I take care of my family. PERIOD. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:59:33 PM |
Here in the states if your ex is disabled or deceased, you would be able to collect a social security dependant payment monthly for your child.
So, lets say...what about prison....Do you still get to collect SSI?
Hey, DNA is proving in recent years that 12% of people on deah row, aren't guilty..
So there is a chnace X could be in prison, but Not guilty.. So support would come from??????
Also to me, it's a pride issue.
I hear ya!
I'm doing it 100% solo, To me it's just a responsibility issue.period.
If I had to pay support, i'd just pony up...I mean they pretty much did away with alimony... I Mean I can't imagine how much more crying that would bring..
I gotta by the bytche alimony...LOL
Or the Basturd is 6 months byhind in my alimont check..LMAO
POST EDIT
VVVVVVVV...I know Peanut....VVVVVVVV
I have to believe the children catch some of the shrapnel from the bitterness that flys in these threads on the subject...Some posting the same boo-hoo sorry for years...
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:59:43 PM | You have made the exact same point that I did in the other thread.
I dont know 100% how it works here in canada I may be wrong, but then again it is because I have never herd diffrent. BUT here in canada if the NCP or even the CP were to pass on there would be no monthly payment made for the child from the government. You would have no choice but to do it on your own at that point.
And that is the point that I was trying to make in the other thread, rather then b**ch and complaine about the money look at it like you arnt getting it in the first place. Rather then rely on it or play the "he/she owes me" or the "I dont know why I have to pay so much" look at it as if you were the ONLY one to support your child, there was no goverment or what ever you want to call it to send you a monthly payment for your child, and look at it as if the NCP is passed on, you would have no choice but to do it on your own correct? Then suck it up and do it on your own rather then play the pitty party.
I work my butt off to support my daughter, yes I am a lucky one to get support it isnt much but I could care less if it was $20 a month, it is the point that I dont rely on it because no one knows what the future holds and you dont know that you will get that tell the child is 18 or what ever so I choose to make sure to do what I have to for my daughter and support her on my own. When I get my support I pick up the extra's (things that she doesnt need as she already has) and the rest goes into a bank account for her for when she is older. To me that is not being shelfish, nor is it being as someone else put it in the other thread "a golddigger" or "prostitute" when it comes to the money.
Get what I am saying, rely on yourself as the parent to raise your child rather then rely on the money from someone who may not be there come tomrrow.
Here is another example, you live with your parent's all your life, they support you all your life, you make your own money but you spend it on stupid things, then all of sudden your parent's pass on, what would you have to do then? you would have to support yourself then correct with no help? well look at it the same way when supporting your children on your own! | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:08:58 PM |
And there you have it.....Point Made....Case Closed...Its all about the money...Get more if NCP was dead..
Ah, I would never say that if he was an asset to my child living. He has seen him once since Christmas...and even that was my son has his place and not spending time with him (unless you count sitting in the same room and stareing at a screen or 2). Beyond that, I have been very lucky lately to recieve minimal child support for my son (set 7 years ago when I was making more than 3x what I am making now, and he was making half of his current wages...) which has never even begun to cover his care...but I am happy to be recieving anything really as it shows that eventually he might be able to stand up to the responsibility of being a father (a responsibility for which TIME is SO much more important but hasn't happened over the past 9 years so I doubt it will change anytime soon).
When he was out of work for over 8months at a shot, I was the one to go to court to ask that they not press contempt charges because I knew that he was making an effort. When he didn't have a car or job and I did, I transported for visits and paid for meals and activities for them to spend time together... I could go on and on but it really isn't worth it.
BTW, I have 3 children but my son's father is the only one that I have involved domestic relations with at this point for reason's that really don't matter here. The point, it isn't all about the money, not even close actually.
The bottom line is that each case is individualized and you need not jump to conclusions here just because you have been screwed in the past. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:14:00 PM | | Spitfire, you are what everyone SHOULD BE. You are the real deal. I like your style. You are not a forceful, vengeful, useless and bitter tapeworm...You are a capable lady with pride. Thank you for posting. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:39:52 PM | Everyone feels differently about how they view child support. Some don't feel the other parent should get out of being financially responsible for the child. Some feel those who don't pursue child support are being selfish.
I think all we can do is to do our best, if the other parent can help support their kids financially, then that's great, that just means they are doing a job as a parent. I don't think complaning/whining about the ex not giving much does help, just stress you out since you're doing it all on your own. That's also just negative energy that you are spouting off, you have to just work with what you got. But as any parent, you walk into it knowing you are responsible, it is too bad that the other parent can't see that the child support is meant to help support the kids. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:45:30 PM | | I take care of my kids on my own with my own income. I have only recently started getting support from my exhusband for the older 2 kids so I consider that "extra" money because I had already been paying the bills etc for 7 years without his help. The way I had my youngest 2, means I have never otten, support, will never get it and never expected it. I still do just fine raising them all on my own. For myself I know that if my ex stopped payig support tomorrow I would be fine, just as I have been all this time. I never bothered taking him to court and such for support, after 7 years he just up and started paying it, go figure, so there is no court ordered cs, it's purely voluntary on his par and I never actually expect it to appear in my bank account, my bills and expenses are already paid for by the time the cs is received each month. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:02:58 AM | OP, your opinion that all women who receive child support are on welfare is very far off the mark.
I receive child support. Have since we split up 10 yrs ago. The courts actually reduced the amount when they finalized our divorce, lowering it by $40 a month from our mutual agreement before the divorce.
How would I support my children if that wasn't there? The same way I do now...working. I am also going to school so that I can have a second job at night, at home (thus still being here for my kids), and bring in more income so things aren't so tight.
I do not deserve, expect, or feel entitled to child support. I do however believe my children deserve, expect, and are entitled to that support. So does their father. Which is why he has never balked at paying it. I look at some of the amounts that are doled out by the courts 10 yrs after my divorce and shake my head. $1000 for 2 kids??? My ex pays me $524 a month for 3 and he has a good paying job. Many have asked why I don't take him back to court for more money? Because in the end it would ruin the friendship we have built back up, which was hard. My kids need that more than they need the money.
They have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, and clothes on their back. Shock...they even have toys, do activities etc. All because their father and I work together, despite the fact that our marriage didn't work.
As for other back up, we both have life insurance,with each other as beneficiary...not bf's or gf's. All the money goes to our children. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:36:49 AM | The children would get social security if their Dad passed away or was disabled and unable to work.
I'd work two jobs to support my kids if I had to, I'd consider moving where the cost of living was less, and I'd tighten my belt like any other normal person. Welfare, not an option to me, I'm an able bodied educated woman.
But I am also smart enough to have life insurance on my Ex so if he does croak I'll be fine. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:17:03 AM | Okay Simplelady,
Enlighten me....,where did you pull this from??????
OP, your opinion that all women who receive child support are on welfare is very far off the mark.
Quote me all you want, here,another thread, old screen names , even ANYWHERE on the net,,
But come on ... do a little reading. I see NO way that you could have pulled that from the orginal post...
The word ALL, or even the (GENDER) is not even used used...
Both are not my style... I'm always here to provoke thought/discussion, not take sides, as you will see I get accused by both (sides) of being on the other
I got accused and belittled in another thread for NOT going after CS.. For me it's a moot point... It would cost me thousands to even MAYBE recover hundreds.
Plus for almost 12-14 years straight I worked 80 plus hours a week. I set myself up before I had "MY" child. I even raised 2 step-children for 10 years and the youngest lives with me.. I had a Foster girl live with me over 50% of the time with no CS.
Yes, the last 2 are purely MY choice, but come-on... It can be done , I'm gonna say with about 90% of the whiners here.
You got this much time to be in the threads, pick up a second income using the computer...
I'm gonna say morals,ethics, and mores play the biggest park.....
I was raised to be responsible, and I can't understand all the negitivity I read in these threads... Is all the bickering prolonging the "Heal Time"??? How can people look in the eyes of their own DNA and harbor such wickness at the X. Then on top of that come on the World Wide Web and spew off all these(in my eyes) azz-in-ION excuses...
So many times the X and CS and custody are written in here as a "GAME" and a "WIN" | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:28:28 AM | I am by far not on welfare. That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. I have been on my own and paid my own way since I was 18. I've owned my own home for over 8 years now - my daughter is just now one so I think even you can figure out that the child support is not paying for it, never has. I get support because it took two of us to make her and his refusal to sign his rights over and walking away was him telling me he wanted to be a father so why shouldn't he share some responsibility?
Maybe if more NCP weren't walking away and not paying they wouldn't have had to set up those ridiculous laws forcing people to help care for children that aren't even theirs. I'm sure at one point Canada got effing tired of handing out money because some NCP walked and the CP had too much pride to go after them | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:32:34 AM | I knew when my ex and I split that I would never be able to depend on the child support to be there, so I have never depended on it. I basically look at it like a bonus if I do get any and use it to get ahead on some things, like child care or pay more on the kid's medical bills than I normally would for that month.
Now, I haven't pushed the issue with him, however because Missouri is so forceful about the child support issue the enforcement people have revoked his driver's license for non-payment. I didn't even know that could happen.
Now as far as what would happen with my children if something happened to me....I am sure my ex would not man-up to take care of them...so, my parents would take over and if my parents weren't living or able, then I have a couple of friends that would take my children for me. This has already been discussed and arranged if something should happen.
BUT....I have also came to the realization that I just simply can't die :)
IF my ex decided to take over and take care of the kids, they would not be well taken care of. He is not able to take very good care of himself, muchless anyone else.
I actually feel sorry for him. He is 42 years old and doesn't have a pocket to p*ss in and that is completely his own fault. He choses not to work on a regular basis and choses to live the way he does. It is very sad too because he has the ability to work, as a matter of fact, he is an extremely skilled plumber and could make a very very good living, but again, he choses not to. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:28:23 PM | | I didn't even try to get any kind of cs because I knew that the ex would never be able to pay. Plus even if she was I wouldn't have tried. I can take care of my son myself. I agree with the op that there are too many people that post on here whinnying about not getting the cs . Get a new job or a second job. You had the kids you wanted custody so take care of them. The government (those that work and pay taxes) shouldn't have to pay for someones kids because they say they don't have the money. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/30/2008 1:27:54 PM |
What would you do if the X was MIA (missing in action) ?.
For all intents and purposes he is. He shows up every couple of months to bring them to a movie just so he can point to that as evidence that he should have 50/50 joint custody. If he forgot about them for a 6 month period instead of a 5 and a half month I could claim abandonment and move.
Dead, but no insurance?
I'd be on the first plane I could get a ticket for to get a better job.
Now where do you support your child... Is it my job? (taxes so you can be on welfare).
The same way I've been doing it all along. Actually.. much better since I'd be going to a place that doesn't have a 20% unemployment rate and daycare that extends past 5 o'clock.
Here's your chance. For the CP's and NCP's where would you cry if you child(ren) were brought to your house 6am tommorrow 24/7 without a dime anywhere?
Already happening, and has been for 8 years.
For all others with thoughts and ideas? The ones with a good support system from the X. Or ones doing fine raising child(ren) solo? What about a back-up plan... Will? Life Insurance? Savings?
There is no backup plan. Since his multiple applications before the court to have me declared unfit for the last 8 years indicates an interest in the children although the rest of his actions don't match, he has "first chance" at custody. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:36:44 PM |
I m not toally sure what your point was.................
Oh, I will help you with that! The point was that all women want is a free hand out and we apparently don't have a back up plan at all. Same old story NCP who has been burnt by his ex and doesn't get that we aren't all out to screw men and run with all of their money. | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:54:47 PM |
I m not toally sure what your point was.................
Well it sure wasn't this.....
The point was that all women want is a free hand out and we apparently don't have a back up plan at all. Same old story NCP who has been burnt by his ex and doesn't get that we aren't all out to screw men and run with all of their money.
The point was.... the threads are loaded with everyone crying about child support... Ones not getting enough.. Ones that pay tooo much. Ones that want accountability.
My point was... Where would the ones crying.. (UM...Duh.... CP ..OR...NCP... Paying ...OR...Recieving) if there was NO money from the other, or in the case of NCP, something happened to the child(ren) and then were instantly CP with NO..$$$$$'s
As a second thought.. Was wondering the ones just making ends meet with payments, would would THEY do it payment stopped(back up plane)
Now... as I said in my first custody thread... I am rasing a daughter 100% solo, NOT a penny from anyone, family or government.I also am on child number 3. The first 2 were not my bio children. Also had a group home teenager live with me for almost a year. All which were MY choice and raised out of MY pocket.
I just wonder out loud about all the wheel spining crying about a check. Is it all that. If you are the payer or the reciever....IMHO ..it's YOUR child... stop crying and pony up with another sourse of income...
To be frank, you can go through the 20 some custody threads alone and see the same ones crying... I was just bring the question to light what would you do if there was no crying (finger pointing) to do...
Carry on...
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JSP61
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Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:19:18 PM | When my ex and I divorced 12 years ago, she quickly went after primary residence (we do maintain shared custody though) and the maximum support payments she could get. She went after cost of living increases, I also split costs of any activity my daughter wants to participate in. I don't mind saying I pay over $1000.00/month and I told my ex I do it willingly as long as she never denied me time with my kid. I drive over 2000km / month to maintain access (2 to 3 nights during the week and every other weekend) with my daughter. I don't make a doctors salary and I am often tight every month to make ends meet, but I do survive and I do it gladly. You see, for me, it's not about the money, what is important to me is how strong my relationship with my child is, and I will never put a price on that. What drives me is this; I never want my daughter to come to me in later years in life and say "where were you when I was growing up"... that would eat me up alive.
IMO, it should never be about the money, it's about the kids. | |
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lr_ar
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Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:32:17 PM | | i am not fighting the CS well not realy i refuse to take my daughter off of insurance and there for he pays i always said i will never fight for CS and i wasnt gonna untill every told me to i dont want anything from him i have been doing this on my own for 2 yrs im sure ill mange another 16 yrs i dont need him nor any other man to suppoet her...there is alot of women out there that is money hungry and get the child support and spend most of it if not all of it on herself and none on the child...i dont understand cause aint it called child support for a reason | |
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:37:55 AM | I decided not to pursue my son's father for support. Many of the women I know that have are pretty bitter and the system takes forever to play out. I decided to put my energy into myself and providing a life for my son. It is ruff, but I know that it won't be forever, my income is always going up just when i need it to.
So could I chase him for support? Sure. Will I? Nope. Am I criticized by others for feeling this way? YES.
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| Where to cry Child support where it's not OR...2 much?
Posted: 4/2/2008 9:00:56 PM |
Sure I could use the money, but I sure as heck don't need the crazy
I totally agree with you.. My daughter's father lives out of state, hasnt seen her in about 18months or so, and that was only for a weekend..before that it had been 5yrs since she's seen him last, btw she's 7. The first year she was born it was complete drama with him and am I glad he is not around on a daily/weekly basis. However, I keep that window of opportunity open for both of them, just in case. I also have told him that its not about the $$ its about him and her knowing each other...but I can't push that relationship. He just started paying cs but its not consistent, I dont count on it but it sure is nice when it comes!
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