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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:54:31 AM | A month or so ago I posted asking for some advice re: my profile. I received some good advice and I went and reworked it. I took some slightly better pictures (although they are with a high-end webcam, so still just show my face). I tweaked my profile and, IMO, improved it. I've taken the time to write tailored replies to women who I find interesting/want to get to know, as opposed to using a generic "Hi, here's a little about me, hope you reply back" message.
And still, nothing. My sent messages folder contains 26 emails from the end of February until today - 2 of them Unread Deleted (without so much as the person viewing my profile), one Read Deleted with no reply back, and 23 that have been Read, but I've heard nothing. I' not sure if I'm just messaging the wrong kinds of girls, or if it's still something with my profile, or what. All I know is that I routinely check the site for girls in my area who I haven't contacted, and I make first contact and I'm sincere, and I get nothing back. Ever. I think in the year and a half I've been here, I've gotten 4 replies.
Just the other day I wrote a very long email to a girl who's profile said she was looking for *exactly* the type of person I am. I used a witty headline, and at the end proposed a date sometime if she was free. The result? "Read Deleted" almost instantly, within 30 seconds of each other.
I'm losing faith here, honestly. It seems like 90% of the women I encounter are either ultra-picky (I don't fault her for this, but one potential match turned me down only because I wasn't taller than her), or claim they aren't picky but then act vain and shallow to the effect of "If you don't match all 10 critieria, I'll wait for someone who does", or seem to just be trolling (the very quick unread deleted ones) or not really interested in finding anyone. It really hurts a guy's self-esteem! | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/21/2008 11:17:32 AM | | I hear you man. I find myself in the same boat having sent dozens of messages and no replies but then i have sent messages at other sites that i have membership and same thing. I must agree with the picky bit but then at times are we not the same towards women? Well good luck anyhow sorry i could not answer better. | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/21/2008 1:20:37 PM | Just the other day I wrote a very long email to a girl who's profile said she was looking for *exactly* the type of person I am. I used a witty headline, and at the end proposed a date sometime if she was free. The result? "Read Deleted" almost instantly, within 30 seconds of each other.
I don't blame her. I'd have done the same thing. The Internet can be a scary place. If a guy that I didn't know and hadn't been talking to, sent me a novel of an email and asked me for a date straight away, it would certainly set off alarm bells in my head, and he would almost certainly NOT get a response back.
Start off small. Let her get to know you first. Send a few emails back and forth, and then suggest a face-to-face meeting.
I just looked at your profile. What's with the two photos? They look almost identical... that's just weird. Scrap one of them, and replace it with a photo of you smiling, and/or a full-body photo or something similar. Something FUN!
Your profile mentions you are trying to get in shape. I congratulate you and wish you the best of luck, but I also suggest that you may wish to concentrate on that for a while before looking for your S.O. on here. I know you want to be loved for who you are on the inside, but the sad truth is that "Image is Everything". Especially in our age range... I think this is probably less true the older one gets.
Reading between the lines of your profile a bit.... computers... director of IT... LotR... Star Wars buff... shy... not comfortable around large crowds... and I'm getting major "geek". Which doesn't bother me (hey, it takes one to know one!) but I think I'm rather the exception. I'd venture to say that most girls want a man who is willing and able to take them out on the town and show them a grand time, if not all the time then at least every now and then.... and the stereotypical "geek" doesn't really seem the type, ya know? (As I said... sad but true... image is everything.)
Take out some of the negative wordings and put in some positive things. Example: instead of "I'm a little bit overweight, I know. " Try changing it to something like "As I get to be a more responsible adult, I'm starting to take better care of myself".
Another idea: Include something about what sort of activities do you like to do that would include her. Put something in there to spark her interest!
I hope this helped some. Good luck with the fishing! | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/21/2008 2:41:06 PM | Well, I am a geek lol. That much I get at least. Actually I do need to get out more.. I don't really because there isn't much to do where I live, and I dislike traveling.
Re: the long message though.. that's something I never got. If I send a short message, that usually gets ignored as well, and IMO just looks too much like I'm sending the equivalent to spam email out to see who bites (to use the fish analogy). It actually wasn't THAT long, it was just like 2.5 paragraphs explaining what I'm like, and then some comments about things mentioned in her profile, to show that a) I actually read her profile, and b) I'm actually interested in what she likes/does.
In any event I'll see how I can improve. Honestly, I shouldn't be dating at the moment because I'm really not over breaking up with my ex, and we still talk about getting back together. | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/21/2008 5:23:33 PM | Oh. Dear.God!
You seem like a good dude, so I'll try to be nice. Guy, you need a TON of help....I don't EVEN know where to start with you. Have you ever tried any kind of self help? I use one guy in particular and he's awesome. Just go to this website: www.doclove.com and let me know what you think dude. Sheesh! BTW, the first thing I'd change is your User Name! First impressions my friend! | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:40:19 PM | | Dude...don't try so hard....I'm in the same boat...don't get any responses either..but don't let it get you down...I've found that a good majority of people on here are shallow and superficial...don't sweat it..man... | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:51:55 AM | Hey man,
you are trying too hard.
First you really do have to de-geekify your profile, deep down we're all geeks, but your profile kind of makes me think you might still live with your mom LOL.
Try just being positive, 98% of N. America is overweight - but your foto doesn't make you look huge, change your body type to average. Considering the state of society you're not lying. Geekgirl has good advice, heed it. Girls know way more what they want than we ever will LOL!
Ditch any negative statements, and SERIOUSLY-Smile.
As for first contact - don't try to sell yourself in the message, that's what your profile is for. Imagine you're in a coffee shop line up, you turn around and there's a prtetty girl behind you, You'd say "Hi", not start telling her your life story.
The very fact that you contacted her indicates interest, keep it light, try to reference something in her profile that actually interests you , and wish her a good day/weekend/whatever. Just like the girl in the coffe shop, she's either gonna smile and say hi back, or look away. If you don't get response, forget it and move on. You're young, life is long and all things happen in good time.
No one likes needy people, stay positive and focus on your strong points, not shortcomings.
Hang in there, it'll get better. And get outside and meet people in real life too. | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:33:06 AM | Hi, I looked at your profile and here's my humble opinion. 1) the name's got to go. 2) other than that your profile looks fine.
I hate to say it but my ony concusion if you're not getting responses is that either a) you're writing something weird or too long in your opening-and you seem to say you write alot-so cute back in the opening to a few sentences, and/or b) you're picking girls "out of your league" by that I mean either gorgeous, much younger, richer, etc, or something else that you should know would make them not interested in you but you're ignoring it and hoping for the best. Are you really looking at girls profiles that much yours or are you looking for perfection in the wrong place?
I don't know as I don't know the profiles of the girls you written to, but I can't believe you didn't get 35 replies if the girls profiles matched yours and they were "normal ordinary" girls.
Good luck. | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:07:46 PM | Hey, Obie,
I checked out your profile. First of all, I've also had an "Unread-deleted" message. Ouch! So it's not just you. (I think that's a bit rude, by the way. I always read the message, at least, if not almost always respond). My comment is that your picture is very dark and shadowy. I recommend you get someone to take your picture with a flash, so there's some light on your face. Make sure they're not too close so you're not too washed out. But your picture is not flattering. It needs to brighten up. I hope you give it a shot, and good luck. I've had the same experiences as you, brother. | |
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| Redid the profile, but still nothing!
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:57:11 PM | You try to hard luv..
My advice personally..
Take some better pictures... people will fall in love with your smile and never know it.. full bodies are always a plus... and you are NOT huge.. I don't see why you think you have to lose all this weight.. Kudo's but you're being rough on yourself....
Keep messages simple.. like a hello I also like this and this or.. a simple compliment.. then leave.. it's like the theory of going up to a girl and saying hey.. you have pretty eyes and walking away.. it leaves her wondering and maybe she'll take the bait.
Theres a few things I dislike about you're profile.. "I'm honest-not a liar of a cheater" Leave the honest but take out the liar and cheater.. that is self explained in the I'm honest and girls hear that all the time I'm not a liar or cheater..... it's annoying and leaves a little Eh, that you had to state it.
Take out the settling down.. seriously.. it will scare women off! Just state you are looking for something long term.... you know? I want to settle too but I'm not going to put that there it's basically making it sound like you want to slap a ring on someones finger and make forever... it takes a long time to get to the point of "settle down" So that's my suggestion on that.
Again as much as I love Geeks/nerds.. your profile does blast it you know? you should want to take your girl out now and again.. a walk on the beach... dinner... you know something nice.. or she likes.. so take out the not comfortable with crowds cause most people aren't.. take out the you don't like trying new things.. that turns people off it means you're set in your ways and thats that...
I agree theres not much to do in this town.. but that doesn't mean you can't go up to clearwater.. it's a 30min drive and it's really not that bad.. and the beach is niceeeeee <3
if you need help with pictures let me know.. I'm more then happy to help you anyway possible..
Now a comment.. if you and you're ex are talking.. Get off the site.. and get over her. Going into a relationship and not over another is a big NO NO! It doesn't work and will piss a girl off....so either... Go back out with her... or lose contact with her.... :nods::
Hope I can help some..
:hugs: | |
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