| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 9:52:10 AM | This seems to be so common now. My 20-year old son just moved back temporarily and he's drivng me insane and, yes, it's affecting the budget. I want him out. Do you think we could take our kids back home when they're 45 and 50?? Ouch!
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/03/21/living.with.parents.ap/index.html | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:40:34 AM | Just me of course, but I'd help family at any age, if it were within reason and my power to do so.
My 24 yr old son moved back in, for a while -- doesn't matter at this point, for how long. Despite working, he cannot afford a place of his own. He doesn't interfere with my Life, and for the most part I enjoy his company and like having someone watching over the house and property when I'm gone.
He also helps out with chores, does his own laundry, cooks us a meal once in a while. He put the power and gas bill in his name, buys groceries once in a while, takes care of his own transportation, and keeps his disorganization contained in his own space.
I suppose the toughest part is learning new ways to relate and viewing each other as individuals rather than slipping back into long-standing parent-child attitudes and ways of relating.
I sympathize if you're carrying him. Does he work? The best decision we ever made was putting the utilities in his name -- it's a contribution he can manage and have the self-respect he needs for being responsible. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:48:06 AM | Too ... my son is easier to live with at 24 than he was at 20 years old. There are opportunities in your situation to help him grow. You have far more power to make him miserable as a parent -- not suggesting you do so -- just know he probably doesn't want to "go there" on purpose.
Good Luck to you both | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:29:05 AM |
My 20-year old son just moved back temporarily
You had to have allowed it, and why did he have to move back in?
it's affecting the budget.
Make him pay some rent, do chores, and contribute...
I want him out.
Then kick him out as ye became an adult at 18 and your not required to support him.
Do you think we could take our kids back home when they're 45 and 50??
When they get that old, you will probably be moving in with them due to age and health reasons... | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:38:32 AM | As long as it's in a person's power to do so, I firmly believe that family should be there to support other family members.
Barring a lack of respect and consideration for me, I wouldn't have a problem with helping out any family member of mine. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:46:20 AM | Well shortstuff, you allowed the kid to move back home and if he's affecting your budget, don't you think its time to lay down the ground rules.....tell him to get a job and pay friggen rent or don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
Too many parents allowed their grown adult children to move home for the sake of convenience instead of saying to the kids, the umbilical cord was cut at birth , you're not my dependent anymore, they give in to their kiddies and say nothing. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:07:31 PM | | Family should help family. The way life is these days, I think parents should be able to help struggling offspring. With that said, I do feel that helping out around the house is a must for any adult living at home with his parents. Help EACH OTHER. That's what family is for. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:22:43 PM | It's really only been since the Industrial Revolution, and the prosperity after WW2 that the isolation of parent and children into a nuclear family unit is a rule rather than the exception.
I grew up having one or both Grandmothers living with us at one point or another. My brother ad sister, both in their late 50's and early 60's live together with my Brother's 21 year old son.
Why is it so "wrong" for family to take care of family as a unit? I believe that a migration back to extended family living might just be the ticket to overcoming many of the social ills in our isolationist society. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:22:24 PM | | Some people have children who died. They would give anything to be able to take their children back. My guess is that you are not as susceptible to guilt as you ought to be, in order to sacrifice without complaint. Probably not a Lutheran. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:38:14 PM | having said that Been there done that, what I believe the OP is referring to is her child who is a adult coming back home, freeloading ,not contributing and expect his mom to serve him like a servant, sorry but thats just wrong and the kid is a deadbeat.
Having Elderly parents/grandparents living with you isnt the issue here. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:16:21 PM | I can only speak for what I read and understoodfrom the OP.
The kid is 20 years old. Young actually.
Between inexperience and the the economy, it's likely this kid couldn't make it on his own no matter what.
If in fact he's not even "looking" for work, or not assisting by doing household upkeep, and coming off with a pissy attitude, by all means she has a right and duty to give the son a reality check.
I didn't read where he was freeloading, just that it's effecting the budget, and he's driving her nuts. When do kids of any age, living at home or not, NOT drive a parent nuts at times?
I guess I need more info before I'll side against a kid who isn't even old enough to pop the top on a beer. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:43:35 PM | I think it depends on the circumstances. If it is someone who is going through some tough times that are not of their own making, I would not have a problem with helping. But there does come a time when people are expected to support themselves.
I remember the Monday after I graduated high school my father told me either I could go to college and stay rent free as long as I was enrolled or rent was due at the first of the month. No excuses.
If you let your children live at home after they are past about 18-19, charge rent! No exceptions unless they are in school. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:30:22 PM | I find the op very disturbing. Adult child? at 20? and your complaining he moved back home? It was your job to get him ready for adulthood and to be self sufficient.
So he needs a little more time.
And if he is being disrespectful- guess what? That was at lest partically your fault as well.
You want him gone? Well one day he will be - and hopefully he never reads this thread. You don't seem to have to much respect for him either.
I see so many families that set their teenagers up to fail, then throw their hands up in the air when they do, like they had nothing to do with it! It is very disheartening. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:54:22 PM | Nothing wrong with adults living with their parents in this day and age. It doesn't spell "loser" as some people may think.
We are seeing the re-emergence of the family unit....using their combined wealth in order to upgrade their lifestyles and to be able to make it in this world. The 50's and 60's were a bit different....you were actually paid a real wage for a days work...not limited by what the illegals would work for, as opposed to what you wanted. So, now the labour wages go down...the cost of living goes up, and people have to join together to try and get a decent quality of life. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/22/2008 6:43:34 PM | This is the one area where much of the rest of the world has it right compared to us.
Why are we so afraid of the family unit?
Look at most of the rest of the world. If a family member, immediate or extended, gets into trouble and needs help, then the family is right there to help them.
We, here in America, have this habit of wanting to, as another poster put it, "cut the umbilical cord at birth" and figure they can make it on their own from then on out. Sadly enough, then, when the family isn't there to help them, and they do end up on some sort of social welfare because they weren't able to make it, the parents then complain about that.
Anyone ever consider that it isn't the childrens fault and sometimes the parents have to be held accountable? | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:04:05 AM | In considering this we need to look at economic circumstance. Personally I think if you are over the age of 25, you should not be living at home with your parents, but sometimes things such as severe housing shortages which make rents or mortgages unaffordable, or spending long periods at college (students don't get much income), ill health or other factors can make it difficult for even adults to sustain themselves. I think it is better for people to stick together and to try and help each other out of a bad situation rather than condemning someone to homelessness and absolute poverty.
Even so, a child over the age of 25 should definitely be working and paying board, work around the home, and pay bills to their capacity if they can do so, and also either search for better paid work or get the right qualifications for a more profitable line of work so they can eventually move out of home and establish themselves. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:45:40 AM | I have no problem with adult children moving back home, provided they are not just free-loading. I currently have 1 son renting the basement bdrm. He is a OTR trucker.
I wish I could convince another one of my sons into moving back home. The rent $$$ would be helpful right now not to mention doing things around the house, like shoveling snow, mowing grass, etc.
Anybody remember The Waltons? I wish society would return to those days. What's the old tribal saying? It takes a village to raise a child... a 3 generation household could prove beneficial for raising kids in this warped society.
Considering the mass destruction of the USA economy and the rising rates of Alzheimers and Parkinsons... it just might happen sooner than you realize. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:45:15 AM | When a window is broken most people will contact a glazier.
When the toilet stops up most people will call a plumber.
Call a locksmith....problem solved. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:15:40 PM | | R90'sboxer -- ya lost me on that one. My son moved to Florida for a year and asked if he could come back home to Wisconsin and stay with me for a couple of months while he got a job, an apartment and got settled. That was 7 months ago. He is still not employed. He came back here to be with his girlfriend -- who is now three months pregnant. Now they are looking for an apartment together. Of course either of them are employed and he's talked to me about putting a crib in his room????? Sorry. I know he's young but, yeah -- time to grow up. I moved out when I was 17, worked two jobs, then put myself through college. I expect a lot more. This is not the way he was raised. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:39:55 PM | | As for rent: I would say that each family circumstance is different. Charging rent is definitely appropriate if the parents are very poor and need the financial help. If a child is taking care of an elderly parent and running the household, the offspring is more than earning his keep. If the parents are very wealthy, I daresay it's actually unethical to charge rent to their offspring. Instead, I would have the child do chores around the house and other responsibilities to earn his keep. Each family is different, so I personally oppose the idea of making ALL adult children who return home pay rent. Yes, in some cases rent is appropriate, while in others, it is clearly inappropriate, to the point of kicking the kids when they are down. Some people take a middle road, by having the adult offspring pay a given monthly bill, or chip in with groceries. | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:54:03 PM | My oldest moved back last year and I love it! The twins,sons will be graduating this May and also moving back home. I figure they still need that "homebase" to get started in life...figure out their budget with the school loans coming in.
They are and always have been a great help around the house.....I missed them and their friends when they went off to college.
Now in regards to their bedrooms...I just close their doors........
It will be interesting to have all 4 of us together again........guess we will be having those "family meetings" again........who does what chores??? would be nice if I could just put my feet up,eat bon bons and watch tv as they vacuum,dust etc. etc 
Good luck with your son...it is a good thing! | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:41:53 PM | R90'sboxer -- ya lost me on that one.
What don't you understand?When I moved out mom changed the locks.When my older brother finally moved his tired ass out she changed the locks again.It was her house...open to us if we asked but certainly not to come or go as pleased.I have never looked at this as a problem.
This is not the way he was raised.
Then why let/help him live this way?? | |
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| Adult Children moving back home
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:52:11 PM | | This is becoming more and more common. Rising house prices and the desire for everyone to buy and not rent, mean that few young people want to rent anymore. Also, the current debt culture means that many young people can no longer afford to live away from home, and many don't know how to earn and pay their own bills. Then when you factor in that people are studying for longer and longer and taking longer and longer before they take a permanent long-term career, it's almost as though the teenage years only end in the mid-30s. | |
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