| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:04:33 PM | | I don't know if I'll get a concrete answer to this one, because everyone is different, but it's enough of a pattern that I wanted to ask it. Most of the online dating process starts the actual getting to know you process with emails, and then there is that first phone call. I have known many men to want to talk every day after the first time we talk, and today I just talked to someone for the first time and he called me back four hours later. I did say give me a call, but I didn't mean every hour on the hour! lol I do take it as a compliment so don't get me wrong here and think I'm looking down my nose at anyone, but am I the only one that gets a little put off by this? I went 39 years of my life not knowing you up until today, why now must we talk each and every day? Honestly sometimes I want to talk to someone every day, but don't you think it's best to resist the urge and kind of enjoy the excitement? And how do you handle telling them that you like them and want to get to know them but slow down? Because the slow down conversation, even when you present it as nicely as you can put it, usually ends with them running in the other direction. Explain this to me. Because I kind of feel like both parties are spoiling it. The one calling all the time spoils it becuase it's a little intrusive, the one that doesn't want to be called gets miffed and says scrap it. I know I'm not the only one with thoughts on this.... | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:35:13 PM | | I've read at least one thread where a man called a woman, set up a date... and then didn't keep in touch until just before the scheduled date to say "are we still on?" Naturally, the woman had assumed that the guy had forgotten about her because she hadn't heard from him in almost a week. Well, there really has to be a happy medium. If you've just met someone, you really need to be able to "give them space" so they don't think you're a stalker. On the other hand, if a guy makes a date with you more than a few days in advance, he should call every few days to make sure that the interest is maintained. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:39:05 PM | ^I was guilty of that once actually. I didn't want to be overwhelming and just bombard the woman with calls especially if we already set up something, but I can see what you mean about a middle ground.
Of course if the guy is hounding you day & night, then yeah you may want to step back a bit. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:41:23 PM | | Well that I agree with, but in the cases I'm talking about, we didn't really set anything up yet. I don't know if it's just my sparkling personality (wink wink), or these guys are just really lonely, but come one people I have a life. lol (Not really but if you don't think I do, then you're not going to want me). Just like I'm not going to want someone who thinks they can't live without me after 1/2 hour on the phone. lol | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 5 | |
| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:34:32 PM | | Actually, I've had this happen enough times that now I'm very wary of even showing interest in someone. And often, telling the guy to slow down doesn't help--it just makes him act self-conscious or make excuses when he's calling way too many times. Maybe it is that they're really lonely, and because they're lonely, they assume we're lonely. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:45:08 PM | I once got asked to cut down on the emails.
But in my defense one was a good morning email. And the rest were comments on her postings and pictures on three different, non dating sites. And I was also on holidays and really board and she was at work.....as it turns out, I should have been on here looking for another girl. As she was seeing another guy, one she had not told me about. Jokes on her, one of my girlfriends stole him away from her and told me about it. So I dumped her....but I guess she had a fall back guy, cus they got together about a week after I broke up with her. | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 8 | |
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j600i
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Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 9 | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:43:58 PM | | After a lifetime of relationships involving men, how is it that so many women can still be surprised that we can be so basic and only loosely in control of our urges? The guy sounds like he is just keen and excited. Think three year old. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:55:20 PM | Oh, I don't know if calling four hours after a first, really good talk should go into the "calling constantly" file. That's just a bit of early excitement and exuberance.
If it turns into a true "constant" - every few hours, every day - that's different. OP, take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, if you actually ARE enjoying it. If it becomes overwhelming, tell him. Nicely. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 6:00:13 PM | This is one of those topics that really make my brain hurt.... Everyone is different and what works for one doesn't for the next... So what ticks you off made the last lady feel wonderful... Ouch ouch... so the guy doesn't call the next one and she's writing that he doesn't call enough... ouch ouch ouch. Why the heck can't we just have adult conversation and say.... "uhhhh only call once a week" or "please call me every day" and BOTH sides go... "cool, works for me" or "sorry I don't like that" ouch ouch ouch ouch. Wouldn't that be soooooooooo much easier on the brain (and heart)?
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:19:29 PM |
This is one of those topics that really make my brain hurt.... Everyone is different and what works for one doesn't for the next... So what ticks you off made the last lady feel wonderful... Ouch ouch... so the guy doesn't call the next one and she's writing that he doesn't call enough... ouch ouch ouch. Why the heck can't we just have adult conversation and say.... "uhhhh only call once a week" or "please call me every day" and BOTH sides go... "cool, works for me" or "sorry I don't like that" ouch ouch ouch ouch. Wouldn't that be soooooooooo much easier on the brain (and heart)?
I know, man! But the flip side of that is ok I do like this guy and do want to talk to him, but if I say you know, so far I like you and want to get to know you better, but every day is a bit much.....I have done that before and sometimes it hurts their feelings and then they think either a) I'm a *B*, or b) I don't like them. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or have them think I'm a *B*, so I usually just go with the flow. I'm just bringing this one guy up because he called me 4 hours after we talked for the first time, after a 1/2 hour conversation. I do like him and I did call him back, and he asked if he could call tomorrow and I said yes I'd like that, and I meant it. I just wondered what you all thought since this seems like such a hard issue to tackle--and it shouldn't be!! | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:26:14 PM | This, is the classic example, of the games people play. Call me, but don't call me too soon, of course, I won't tell you what too soon is, you should already know, and if you don't, then clearly you are a loser, lonely, desperate, needy, psychopath, etc.
As a guy, if I want to call a girl, I am going to call a girl. If she isn't there, she can call me back. If she doesn't call back within a day or two, then she won't probably call back. But why get hung up on these silly games? They are so freaking annoying. Either call or don't. But don't nail a guy because he called in the same day, when you told him to call. Maybe instead say "Call me tomorrow" or "Call me two days from now" or "Call me when the moon reflects upon the earth in the age of the winter solstice". Be specific, because most of us don't know, anytime seems like a good time. Most of us have a job, so we can't call all the time anyways, I myself call when I can, if I am interested, that is. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:31:52 PM | Op i don't care how excited i get about a woman, I am not really a big phone person, so i kind of understand where you're going. I have a hard time talking to someone on the phone once a day let alone more than once.
Instead of telling him to take it slow, why not just let the machine pick it up if you don't feel like talking. I would die without call display, if i want to talk to the person i pick up, if not, let them leave a message and i will get back to them later. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:50:45 PM | Wow...things are different for everyone....
I LOVE writing and calling the man I am connecting with...and he just doesn't mind that I do it everyday. And he will call me. :)
It's funny, I used to think exactly like you, Poster, but this man is just a wonder and delight...and we have much in common and laugh often. :) | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:06:03 PM | I remember this from when the ex and I were first starting to date. I had told her I would call the next day "if I had time". I had a job that kept me busy all the time and on the road. And this was back in '94, before cell phones were common and fairly inexpensive. As it turns out, I never found the opportunity to make the call. the day after, when I was able to be with her as scheduled, I was given both barrels by her AND her friend about "I said I would call."
How does a guy win against THAT? Well, I guess I did. We DID marry, eh?
But you get the point, right?
Sounds like the guy just really likes you and enjoyed the call and wanted some of of his new drug(you). Don't label this guy yet. Tell him to back off if it's really a problem. If he doesn't get the message, get a TRO. Guys don't deal with sublety well. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:10:19 PM |
I LOVE writing and calling the man I am connecting with...and he just doesn't mind that I do it everyday. And he will call me. :)
Absolutely whoissue, I was meaning calling in the neighborhood of 5-10 times per day or even more. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:25:25 PM | I don't even mean to single out this one guy, I don't even really know him but so far he seems normal and smart and funny, and so far I like him.
But this has happened a lot of times, and it just seems to usually not work out. Sometimes when it starts out with a bang it ends with one too. Maybe I'm just old and tired now and don't see the need to rush...or maybe I just like to savor the newness and fun and excitement....or maybe I'm just as neurotic as the rest of 'em. lol | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/22/2008 9:26:55 PM | | Most people doing online dating have been burned so many times that they don't want to risk losing another potential relationship to apathy. Yes, it's off putting to get so many calls, but they're ultimately doing it because they do like you and don't want to lose you. You need to reassure them that you do like them, that you're not going anywhere, but that you find all the calls off-putting and want to dial it back to no more than a couple times a week, or that you'll call him when you think it's an acceptable interval... but if you do that, follow up! If you don't like him, tell him. If you do like him, let him know and lay some ground rules. | |
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| Why does someone call constantly when they just met you...
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:26:19 AM | Ugh.
I've had women do that to me, before.
I think you're a magnet for clingy and possessive men, if you get it constantly.
Mercifully, not all people are like this.
Why do women/men do this? They're extremely lonely(Afraid you'll leave them), clingy and possessive people.
The odd time, you may also be dealing with a control freak, as well.
The type of people who'll get upset at the fact that you forgot to return their call. The 10 call of that day.
To make a long story short, it's usually a red flag.
The ironic part is, in them afraid of you leaving them, will eventually result in you being sick and tired of being smothered, and well, will leave them. | |
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