| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:36:32 PM | At what point does one go from being seperated to being single?
I feel torn between the two. I live as seperated. I /we are trying to be amicable for the sake of the kids. That is first and foremost for me - my sons well being.
I feel apprehension about the whole dating thing. I imagine and know it is too early but I posted anyway to see what is out there and what this experience may be like.
What is reasonable , 6 months ? a year? When you feel ready? | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:53:10 PM | To me seperated means that you are still married and working through the divorce process. After being divorced for 5 years I use divorced and single interchangeably. I would say that it is up to you. There is not rules about this that I know of. | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:00:59 PM | Do you forsee you 2 getting back together any time soon? Were you married?
If you have broken up and there is no chance of reconciliation, you are single.
Separated is in my mind a term used when a married or common law couple splits up to see where their heads and hearts lie. When they have come to that decision they are then single or still together.
Don't date until your heart is totally healed though. | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:29:19 PM | i don't think seperation applies to either married or common law more. If u split with the intention of trying to work things out... then yes, in my eyes you are seperated. If you split in either a marriage or common law relationship, with no intention than step out and have some fun.
I was in a common law relationship for 9 yrs. When he left it was over. I stepped out and had some fun. Took me awhile to date though. I don't think there is a time limit... just make sure u are ready that is all. could take you 6 months, could take u 2 yrs, all depends on the person.
Good luck to you, it will get better with time... | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:30:51 PM | How long?? It is different for every group of people and every unique situation.
For me personally, my marriage was over long before I moved out last summer. My divorce papers are going to be filed very soon, and will be over within a month or so, since there is nothing for us to split, no children etc. Our children were from both our first marriages.
We havent' talked but maybe 3-4 times since we split, and it wasn't pleasant. We have emailed about a few things, like paying the car insurance, but always short blunt and to the point. I have no feelings for him anymore, not even anger.
You will know when you are ready...just take it slow, make sure you give yourself plenty of time to heal, and give your kids the time they need to adjust to the new situation. You will do fine  | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:47:12 PM |
At what point does one go from being seperated to being single?
Well, to me, there is a huge difference between the 2. One means you are still legally married, the other, means there is no binding contract.
I /we are trying to be amicable for the sake of the kids. That is first and foremost for me - my sons well being.
This is something I just dont get. You can be just as amlicable divorced. The 2 of you are leading separate lives, so a peice of paper that indicates that the marriage is severed does not make any bit of difference.
What is reasonable , 6 months ? a year? When you feel ready?
There is no time limit. Whenever YOU feel ready. Everyone is different. However, alot of women, myself included, will not date a man who is separated. Separated means "in limbo" to me. It means you havent quite made the decision to divorce, or, are in the procedings. | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:12:07 PM | Thanks for the comments.
We are not getting back together. I am not sure about legal terms - like if I won the lottery today is she entitled to half - I don't know.
From what I gather, there seems to be a concensis then that I am single.
One reason I am asking is that I didn't want to misrepresent myself on a first impression. I am single , recently divorced ( common law).
Am I ready to get out there? Not sure yet, so I would have to say no. But I can't seem to stop looking at this site to see if there is hope for me. I know there is hope but really need to be clear on what expectations I have for a future relationship. I really dont want to go through a break up again, ever. | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:41:16 PM | Hi ohtoliveon;
You are not legally single, just shopping. The game rules state that you have not paid your $200 to pass go. If you reside with another for 4 days out of a week for 6 months or more, you are considered common law married. Sounds like you invested more than that into your previous relationship and require a "Separation Agreement". Once complete, it will sit on a Judge's desk, somewhere in pretend legal land and a year later be stamped with a little red sticker stating that you are technically "Divorced".
If you can separate things amicably - on paper - and agree to custody and guardianship of the children, then it can cost a mere 1200-1500 to have the first set of papers drawn up. If uncontested, the second set can cost about the same. Best of luck de-shackeling - there's more to it than taking the ring off and saying the magic words...I wish I wish I was a fish.
As for how long before you date?...each to his own, but my guiding rule was that I would not take any baggage or debt from my last relationship into the next, and in case I found someone or he found me - I would be legally de-shackled and free....you sir, are still married.
Sorry, but when I see the word Separated on a profile I move on....It's too easy to turn to another's arms just to make sure you will not turn back to the set you are leaving. Oh - and remember that if you have left the domicile (that's what they call it) she can claim abandonment and serve you with papers claiming the whole pie...be careful and think with the right head right now! | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:11:53 AM | I would say you are single when all financial, custodial and emotional ties are 100% severed. Do you have a written parenting plan, have you established guardianship and child support, are all your bank accounts, credit cards, debts, lease/mortgage agreements in your name only?
This is why I don't believe in common law or having children outside of marriage, it's hard for anyone else to establish if ties are actually broken when there was nothing legal to begin with. You still have to go through all the exact same legal crap as a 'married' person but also have to take extra steps to resolve issues so why not get the paper in the beginning, it seems to make things far more cut and dry or permanent in the end. The whole 'I don't need a piece of paper to prove I'm committed' becomes 'you sure as hell need one to prove your not.' | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:03:01 AM |
We are not getting back together
I heard this once from a man I was quite serious with during his "separation". They reconciled. Broke my heart.
Im curious though, what is the hold up on getting the actual divorce? How long have you been separated? Do you WANT to be in limbo like this? I've never heard of common law separation before. | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:39:11 AM | It has been two months now. My son stays with me most of the time by choice. If I get a seperation agreement we will have to put concrete things down on paper.
I can see how the present situation puts me in limbo and leaves me open to legal difficulties. I will contact a mediator this week. Thank you ladies. | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:51:00 AM | I think I got lost with your wording.
The definition of common law:
A system of law that is derived from judges' decisions (which arise from the judicial branch of government), rather than statutes or constitutions (which are derived from the legislative branch of government).
From what I read from your posts, there has been no judges decision. So, this is just a beginning of a separation, nothing has been concrete on paper. There is no legal separation set. | |
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| Common Law Seperation
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:13:16 AM | | It all depends on the state that you live in for common law seperation. I was seperated from my ex-wife for 5 years. In the state of PA there is no such thing as common law seperation. There is a clause in the divorce hearings that stated if you are commonly lawed seperated for more than two years you can get a one person divorce. It is more confusing than usual. I waited 5 years before i started dating again and then it was with someone i thought that I could be with for the rest of my life. It didn't turn out that way because she has a habit of running but I still love her. It is hard to get over the feelings. Especially if you have kids together. For the common law seperation check your state that you live in. It is the best advice I can give you. I was told by my lawyer that if I dated even though we were still married but seperated she could still say that i was cheating on her. But that is PA for you. | |
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| Common Law Seperation : doesn't exist.
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:17:44 PM | hi,
guess you moved out not her.. and haven't wanted to think of divorce because of the lawyers cost etc..
.. and the threat of losing your kid[s]?
Assuming you initiated the seperation.. and she's the accepting partner?
(But she secretly hopes you'll redecide?)
Well, you better start talking and try to iron things out..
Hell hath no fury and all that..
Start talking about how to solve your split.. create a seperation agreement and ask her opinion.. before writing it..
if you want to be a dad in 5 yrs, go for 50/50 childcare. Make your employer aware of your situation.. Look for childcare and other ways of looking after your kid[s] while you work.
If you don't have a flat or house rent one.. and discuss your ex starting work and sharing the cost..
I'd leave declaring your 'single' for a while.. the best breakups let both parties 'forget' without a 3rd party on the scene.. who ever you date will turn into 'the most hated' by your ex. and posibbly kids.
Be discreet.
Do the divorce yourselves.. if you agree on things you both win.. get lawyers and they win..
Read up on divorce.. all the forms are downloadable online it costs around £300 to get a decree absolute and takes 4-6 months.
Keep the family home.. false economy to sell it unless its a 90%++ mortage.
Make a fiancial staement and split it 50/50.. let her keep the house if she wants it.
Just draw up a document that you have a % of the equity in the house..
See if you can get council housing or afford to rent a small house/flat.
Often easier to rent a small 3 bed and have a student lodger (female ?)..
double up as income and possibly babysitter...
All meant in best possible taste..
One tip is try to remember that you married your ex and felt for her once.. try to imagine things from her side and think how to soften the blow for her..
she'll be your best babysitter and perhaps friend if you handle it right..
Its naff having an ex as your worst enemy.. 
That drink and drugs for you.
Best wishes and good luck talking to your ex. | |
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