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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:31:29 AM | ....depending on the situation.
Apparently, I met this other woman through this special interest group of mine and we kind of hit it off. We hung around each other most of the time talking and stuff, then she mentions "the boyfriend"
Man, what a let down (was kind of suprised he wasn't with her though)
Turns out, he works in construction, so she rarely sees him but only like 3 times a month. And I asked her if he could get him to hang with our social group, apparently he has no interest in doing it. So she goes alone.
Would it be alright to maintain some kind of friendship with her in case something happens, liek them breaking up...sounds like they don't have much of a relationship since they barely see each other.
HEck, I'll probably be seeing more of her at our events than she sees him. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:39:36 AM | Maintaining a friendship within the group because you're both there and have it in common is cool...
Doing it because it might lead to more is sort of silly, because if this guy being around 3 times a month is ok with her - then as far as she's concerned, she's in a relationship. If she hated that level of frequency, I'd guess she'd end it. My ex was in construction and was around daily, so I don't know what would cause this dude to be around so little unless he was in another state or something, but whatever - it's her choice to be ok with that or not.
P.S. Beware of "boyfriend", because it side tracks you and makes you believe that if there wasn't one, she'd be interested in you. She didn't in fact say that at all. She may have said boyfriend only because it doesn't matter, but if she was single it might matter.
A married co-worker I had no interest in told me he was interested in me, and said something like "it's too bad I'm married". I agreed, because it didn't matter anyway, but never said I would be mutually into him. I never expected him to call me when he got a divorce and declare that we could finally be together...boy was that a tough talk! | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:42:42 AM | I don't see the problem in maintaining a friendship with this woman. She has a boyfriend....but she is not married. Just make sure that you don't get in the middle of their relationship. Don't become her shoulder to cry on because that only leads you to being the "rebound guy".
Be that "great guy" she knows from her social group. If you are meant to get together, you will. Just don't put all your energy into it at this point. Her boyfriend is still very much in the picture and she could easily decide that she wants to stay with him. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:53:28 AM | Yeah, we kind of got into a discussion that lead toher saying "Yeah, I only see him 3 times a month.." then there was an awkward silence for the moment" and the she goes, "Yeah, it's weird"
I guess she was assuming I was thinking it was wierd to be in a non-existent relationship with a guy.
Though, I feel like asking her, "So what are you doing dating a guy you barely see? Doesn't sound like much of a relationship."
She's new to the group, friend of mine, who has been in the group for a while, nudged me and said "Hey, go for it!" And I said, "Nah, she has aa boyfriend' and he shook his head, "Man, they ALL have boyfriends"
Basically, meaning "dont let that stop ya"
But really, since he's known alot of people who come in and out of this group for so long, that alot of "New faces" come in in these kinds of groups, some have sig others that dont do anythign with the, so they find their OWN thing to do.
Eventually, tehy befriend a gentleman, and wind up dating that person.
I tend to questoin the nature of their relationship if he admits to not wanting to do the same things with her. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:56:34 AM | Men and women can't be friends period. Unless one or both are gay. One of either party will always have sex in the back of their mind driving the "friend-ship".
She needs to get ahold of her balls and end it with her boyfriend before she goes out looking for attention from other men.
JMHO
K | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:04:06 AM |
Men and women can't be friends period. Unless one or both are gay
What a laod af crap..
personally I have lots of male friends. My friends dont have a specific gender to me..they are FRIENDS!
I am introduced to their "special someones" and they are introduced to mine..Or at least we know all about them.
I dont think there is anything wrong with O.P. having a friendship with this woman as long as he knows not to have any expectations of more then a friendship out of it. That is the part that is easier said then done. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:17:08 AM |
I dont think there is anything wrong with O.P. having a friendship with this woman as long as he knows not to have any expectations of more then a friendship out of it. That is the part that is easier said then done.
Well, if I'm attracted to her....might be hard. lol | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:20:37 AM | "Would it be alright to maintain some kind of friendship with her in case something happens, like them breaking up... sounds like they don't have much of a relationship since they barely see each other"
No that would not be alright, hanging around her waiting on her relationship to end. Think about just how sad and pathetic that is. Leave the lady and her B/F alone and go find someone single to date.
Who are you to decide what kind of a relationship she has with this guy. Relationship are not solely judged by the quantity of time one spends with their partner, but by the quality. Not everyone needs to have their SO around them all the time, some of us are quite independent and actually have lives outside of our relationships.
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:26:52 AM | No that would not be alright, hanging around her waiting on her relationship to end. Think about just how sad and pathetic that is. Leave the lady and her B/F alone and go find someone single to date.
Who are you to decide what kind of a relationship she has with this guy. Relationship are not solely judged by the quantity of time one spends with their partner, but by the quality. Not everyone needs to have their SO around them all the time, some of us are quite independent and actually have lives outside of our relationships.
Well, I'm not going to hold a "Torch" for her or anything, lol Not holding my breath, but that's not going to stop me from getting my "Flirt" on with her. ;-)
I'll hang with her at the events, but not "hold out" for her. If we go out dancing at an event, Ill ask her to be my dance partner. ;-) | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:32:28 AM | Ok, first thing, little word of warning. Some of us construction folks are a little more lowbrow than others, and an good stiff punch in the face is a valid "conflict resolution strategy" in some of our minds ;-).
Bear that in mind, sniffing around the little lady of a guy who's employ uses the motto "If it doesn't move, hit it harder, and if it breaks, it was broken anyway"
Sounds like, to me, this girl is a "wing walker", ie, she doesn't want to let go of what she has, no matter how unsatisfactory it is, until she has a good hold on something else.
If you are honestly interested, tell her so. Tell her "hey, if you do decide to leave this guy, I'd really like you to call me; just sayin' is all". And then talk about the weather or whatnot.
Then the ball is in her court, and she'll hit it back to you, or not.
Cowboy | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:41:08 AM | It's not your place to judge where her relationship is with her boyfriend.
Have some class and be a friend. If she really likes you and leaves him, then you can do something. But don't be that guy that chases women that are already taken. If she wasn't happy she could leave her relationship, but she hasn't
Be a gentleman and not a cheeseball.
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:41:28 AM | I am always seeing these threads about people wanting to date others that are in relationships. Personally i always like to walk in the shoe of others. If i don't want it done to me, then i am not going to do it to someone else.
There really is no shortage of women out there, why can't you just find a single woman to date, The lady you like is in a committed relationship, would you really like her as much if he took that commitment lightly?. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:41:54 AM | Ok, first thing, little word of warning. Some of us construction folks are a little more lowbrow than others, and an good stiff punch in the face is a valid "conflict resolution strategy" in some of our minds ;-).
Bear that in mind, sniffing around the little lady of a guy who's employ uses the motto "If it doesn't move, hit it harder, and if it breaks, it was broken anyway"
That's one way to wind up doing some time in jail, but hey, if you want a record, that's your thing. Also, a lawsuit can be put in place as well.
If the guy is willing to take on the repercussions and be held accountable for actions, I guess his caveman way of solving things will be the end of him.
Besides, he probably will have no way of knowing me, unless she brings him along, and of course, she said he's not into such things. I mean, if she's out and about with a group of us, and him not around, what's to stop other men from hitting on her (other than myself that is).
I know well enough to respect a relationship, but I will back off is she's honestly serious about it.
I'll just play it by ear that's all. She' so darned cute though. 
I am always seeing these threads about people wanting to date others that are in relationships.
My theory on that is, that these guys know that these people are in relationships they shouldn't be in anyways.
Esp those so called "engagements' that have no wedding date, what's up with that? lol They are indefinately calling themselves "Fiance's"...when they are really STILL just boyfriend and girlfriend. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:50:07 AM | " my theory on that is, that these guys know that these people are in relationships they shouldn't be in anyways"
AHHH i see, so we are now the judge and jury as to what's best for others and their relationships?.
If we want to break up a committed relationship it's ok to be a home wrecker, just as long as we rationalize it by saying " they should not be that relationship anyway, it's not healthy" ?. After all WE know what's best for them right?. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:56:42 AM |
If we want to break up a committed relationship it's ok to be a home wrecker, just as long as we rationalize it by saying " they should not be that relationship anyway, it's not healthy" ?. After all WE know what's best for them right?.[/quote
It's not being a home wrecker. I've actually known few married couples, that their "How we met story" started off with the wife saying, "Actually, funny story, I was dating someone at the time I met my husband!"
I think this guy asked her to coffee, they hit it off, and she had a change of heart, and cancelled the wedding and married her now current husband.
May the best man win.
"All is fair, in love and war". | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:57:22 AM |
That's one way to wind up doing some time in jail, but hey, if you want a record, that's your thing. Also, a lawsuit can be put in place as well.
No offense laddie, but you really have no idea how the trades world works, do you? ;-)
A criminal record, by and large, has absolutely no impact on a trades career for the guys in the trenches. Drywallers, amusingly, in my experience, are the ones most likely to have 'done time'... dunno why that is ;-).
Now, many/most trades guys are like me, I'd like to think. Good citizens, no record, reasonable folk, willing to concede to the better man if it comes to that. But, that said, I've known bricklayers that would hit you first, and then say "You lookin' at my woman?!?"
Caveat emptor ;-).
Cowboy | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:04:59 AM | | Why would you want to be even bothered with someone thats taken? I never understood this mentality. Theres so many free fishies out there. Then again, if you dont mind her talking to someone new when YOU are her boyfriend I say go for it. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:12:18 AM |
Why would you want to be even bothered with someone thats taken? I never understood this mentality. Theres so many free fishies out there. Then again, if you dont mind her talking to someone new when YOU are her boyfriend I say go for it.
Well, I would feel this is more the exception to the rule....since she could be
1. Sniffing around this group for someone new
2. Considering the situation of her current relationship is questionable
Plus we're just "talking" so no big thing. But seriously, if a woman who has a boyfriend that never shows up with her to your group outings, somethings bound to happen if she meets a "new" man.
it's like a monkey swinging through the trees, making sure she has a hold on the first branch (the new man) before letting go of the former branch (the old man).
Seems alot of women/men do that these days (more so women)
I knew of a woman that admitted that she attended SINGLES groups, even though she had a current boyfriend...why...because he doesn't want to get married...so she's out finding new men, while she's in a serious relationship.
He doesn't mind either...he lets her go out to find someone new. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:18:06 AM | If she's taken..shes out of bounds, unless you want your ass kicked one of those 3 times he comes home a month. My guess is , that if he works in construction - he could easily beat you to a pulp with his hammer/cement spreader thing.
However..if she hit on you..and made the first move - despite being attached, that would lead me to question her faithfulness / Trustworthyness (if thats even a word). If she could do it to him..she could do it to you.
Wait till shes free. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:21:42 AM | | has it ever occurred to you ,...that maybe there's no boyfriend? maybe she feels like she should be able to go to her special interest group without getting gropped. it's the same with men that you never actually "see" the rest of their real life.. there's prob something being hidden. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:14:37 PM | "taken is taken wait until she's NOT taken"
She said she has a boyfriend she sees a couple of times a month. She didn't say she was "taken". Did she explicitly state that she was seeing this person exclusively? Ask her.
Just because you are seeing someone doesn't mean you are owned by someone. | |
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| Pursuing somoene tha'ts taken, but....
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:26:57 PM | This line of thinking you have is about as common as apple pie. This is why guys don't like girls having new "guy friends". 90% of the time, a guy is going to want to be close to be able to jump on the possibility that she breaks up -- or if things aren't going well, to influence her (good or bad) to break up.
Essentially, don't get your hopes up. You may be let down. To be let down doesn't require her to have another "spark" with the guy and to reinvigorate the relationship. Bottom line, it's baggage. You're an option... keep a good impression with her. You may hook up, and be an experience of her being single again if/when she does break up. However, make sure YOU don't cause them to breakup or it to be thought that way by any means. Stay out of it. Otherwise, you'll very likely ruin chances of a real relationship between you two if you're associated with the breakup itself (ie you'd be a rebound at very best).
In essence, if you're looking for a relationship, look elsewhere. Don't put too much emotion into hooking up with her, just keep a good impression and play no direct/indirect influence on her relationship. | |
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