| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:55:07 AM | I posted this in an old thread based on long distance dating. Guess what, all the new posters skipped my post and answered the op's question.
Great.
My posted question will be lost in the dozens of posts by all who jump from first post to the end, never having my post discovered in the middle. So I'm starting a new thread based on the new costs of dating anyway. They say that when gas reaches four dollars a gallon that many people will quit their jobs because they won't be able to afford to drive to them anymore. Who knows, but that's not my question.
Here's my original post...
Is anyone finding that they are less willing to travel farther for a relationship based on gasoline prices? I find that the farther someone lives the harder and longer it takes to get to know them.
Some other thread I read someone stated that in dating you should spend at least four seasons with them so as to capture as much about the person as possible. I totally agree that is a good idea.
But I find that because the less time you may spend with someone who lives far away causes getting to know them to be longer.
And how many relationships do we go through in a ten year span? Two or three on average??? I don't know. But I do know that ten years fly by a lot faster than they used to. I was just 34 now I'm 44 and basically three relationships later. I'm not really keen on hitting 54, three relationships later again, and still be single. One steady long lasting one would be nice.
So the farther away, the less appealing it is to me time and money. What say ye? | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:45:47 AM | | I have turned down women who were living too far away. Not due to gasoline prices, but because of time. Really, if I have to drive 80 miles round-trip, that is about 3.5 gallons for me, so increase of gasoline cost even to $4 would mean extra $3. That is not at all much. But, the time I spend stuck in traffic is too much. I want to spend time with my date, not looking at rear end of an SUV. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:03:13 AM | Right. I see your point.
But some people don't have a problem dating an hour and a half away, which might be 80 miles or 160 miles round trip. Four times a month, that's 640 miles. That can equate to an extra hundred bucks easy, plus the time it takes to go there. Plus the fact that you may only be with them 40 times in a year? I mean who knows. But with the cost of everything going up, a hundred bucks is becoming more valuable to many of us.
I do happen to drive a work vehicle home every day so I am much less affected by gas costs, but I realize that everyone is not me. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:16:45 AM | I would say time is more an issue for me. I have limited free time and living in a big city, it takes 45-60 min to go to some of the other nearby cities. If I have a date on Fri night, I don't want to drive 1/2 home, get ready, then have to drive 45-60 min to my dates house or visa verse.
I would never consider long distance. Again, I don't have that much time to be traveling into another state and don't think you can really get to know someone under those circumstances. It is hard enough to get to know, trust and have a relationship close by these days, let alone add the long distance to it. If I am in a relationship, I would prefer that person to be available when we want to do something together and not have to wait until the next scheduled visit. Plus you have to wait for scheduled visits for sex.... who wants that in a relationship? | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:26:28 PM | | I did long distance once a few years back with this girl I met online who lived in Long Island, I found it rather difficult to meet all the time and eventually I had to break it off with her. Distance (and she was a huge smoker) had a lot to do with it, so now I just prefer someone who lives in my general vicinity as it's a lot easier on both of us. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:47:37 PM | | Surely there are many other ways to travel to see someone than using your own form of transport? Catch a train, or a coach, or even a short-haul plane! Finding true love should never come with tags that prevent it from happening. Long distance is one of those tags, and there are plenty of stories out there of people who were willing to travel those few extra miles (literally) and they found happiness. Go for it and you may be pleasently surprised, if not, then just think of it as a chance to visit another town, and do some shopping or something!! | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:11:23 PM | ^That sounds all nice and well, but there are some people who flake out unfortunately and it's a lot easier to take a short bus ride as opposed to a 2-3 hour drive back if the person no-shows (which I've read about here and heard from people I knew).
I'd rather not take that chance, but if others opt to do that, more power to them. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:15:06 PM | | I have to say that the cost is more influential to me. Im retired and only get paid once a month and my car takes close to 45.00 to fill it. And being a V8 will burn it up fast. Im trying to stick to relationships that are fairly close. Course it will depend mostly on arrangements made. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:18:08 PM | | I was reunited with my former college girlfriend for 6 months on '04. She lived about an hour away which wasn't a problem for me then. Maybe it still wouldn't with gas doubled if I felt the relationship was promising. The issue for me is that if she didn't want to relocate to my area, I'd have to move my business and start all over again. It might be doable if she were willing to wait for me to rebuild my clientele. That would take about 5 years. I'd doubt most women would want to wait for a 58 year old guy to do that. As for just dating, I'd doubt if I'd now go travel more than 45 minutes each way. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:24:43 PM | | The cost does matter, or at least factors in, but I am more concerned about seeing the girl more than just on weekends. I would eventually like to have a real girlfriend and that's hard to do when she lives an hour or more away. Within 20 minutes I find ideal, it's good for spontaneity and when you want to spend nights together during the week. Long distance can work but it's tough and if you want something long term, someone is gonna have to move, at least if they want the closeness I like to have. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:26:50 PM |
Msg: 1 -- So the farther away, the less appealing it is to me time and money. What say ye?
What say I? CLEARLY STATED in my profile, I want a LOCAL. I live in Gulfport, MS. To me, a LOCAL is within a half hour driving distance. VERY LOOSELY defined, that restricts my interest to those living in Harrison County. Now, if her profile is EXCEPTIONAL, I just MAY extend that to the neighboring Jackson or Hancock Counties. But, no matter HOW appealing the profile may be, I won't waste my time with anyone outside of those three southern counties of Mississippi. Gas pricing has nothing to do with it. My TIME has EVERYTHING to do with it. When I consider TIME, this refers to TRAVEL TIME. If I find a woman appealing, I want to spend as much TIME with her as POSSIBLE. Excessive distance PRECLUDES that possibility. So, for me, distance is the NUMBER ONE DETERMINING FACTOR. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:23:59 PM | I see most respondents are men. But. I have to put my 2cents in. Which is now worth 4cents.
I have had several dates come over 1oo miles. First dates are difficult because as you say it s along trip if your not sure someone is even going to be there. I assured them I would be and I was.'
Thats a long distance to drive and costly to come for just coffee. So I always insisted on paying for lunch at a nice restaurant. If the relationship continued beyond 3 dates, I had them to my home for dinner. Them coming at about noon and leaving early evening.
Neiter worked out ......but not because of distance. Although we alre still friends. I understand by summer gas will be over 4 a gallon. I guess I be communing with nature and the bears lol | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 4:15:08 PM |
I have limited free time and living in a big city, it takes 45-60 min to go to some of the other nearby cities.
Hell, if you live in a big city, it could take you more than 45-60 minutes to drive from one side of your city to the other. Which is the point I have tried to make to posters from small towns or rural areas that complain about having to drive an hour to meet someone.
It doesn't matter where you live, if you limit yourself to a 15-20 minute drive, you are greatly reducing your prospects. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 4:26:33 PM | | You guys complaining about an hour or hour and half drive don't know what long distance is. I have had a four year relationship that is 750 miles away. She is the perfect match for me except for the distance, but due to our jobs, neither can move yet. But we get together every three to five weeks for three or four day weekends, with an occasional seven or eight day visit thrown in. Because of her job, I do most of the travelling. I haven't been able to meet anyone local that comes close to her, so we will continue, and eventually, one of us will move. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 4:40:24 PM | Time more than cost, although as gas keeps edging upward that could become a bigger factor. But I found long ago that it just didn't make sense for me to encourage anyone who lived more than 75 miles away. The harder it is for you to get together, the stronger the feelings have to be to overcome that--and how do you ever get to that strength and depth when it's not easy to spend the time together in the first place? Phone and e-mail contact can only do so much in learning about another person--and the idea is to end up with a warm body beside you, yes? Not a warm collection of words...
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 4:46:43 PM | It's not a matter of money for me, but I can tell you, my last SO lived 300 miles away. We were together for a year, and while it was truly wonderful, the long distance thing killed us in the end. And that was very, very sad.
I can see dating within an hours drive, but for the most part, only local guys for me from now on. No matter how wonderful you are, if you're too far away it's a heart break waiting to happen................ | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:51:43 PM | It doesn't matter where you live, if you limit yourself to a 15-20 minute drive, you are greatly reducing your prospects.
Not when your city has a population of 2 million......
Personally, if I am in a relationship, I don't want to wait 3-5 weeks to see someone.
Plus, every time you see them, it is like being on vacation. Trying to cram in all that sex in those few days and having fun, who would have time to experience disagreements? LOL | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:12:31 PM |
Surely there are many other ways to travel to see someone than using your own form of transport? Catch a train, or a coach, or even a short-haul plane!
While I realize I might be in the minority in this....not all of us on POF live in metropolitan areas.
The nearest train (that would take me south to Boston) is 30 minutes away.
The nearest airport (that would take me anywhere) is over an hour away (not counting traffic)
There is no public transportation in this area.
These solutions only work if you are in a big city. | |
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| Is the cost and time of the miles becoming an issue for dating?
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:06:07 PM | | I am in a relationship that is long-distance, and yes, it is difficult. My new-found love, that found me on another site..... he is almost bankrupt from a long divorce process and a long-term marriage. However, we have stuck through it, and I love him more than anyone I have met on POF, or any other site. I have dated many guys from these two dating sites..... but anyway, back to this issue of gasoline expense. He is a retired police officer, and I a retired Army girl.... this is why I like him more than any others. For one thing, he is not afraid of me..... one of the few.... because a lot of guys run for the hills after one date with me. They are afraid of me, spending time in the Army made me more assertive and I have some money from retirement, and a beautiful home, very well-travelled, but lonely, no family here. For some reason, his police training has suited us well. We seem to mesh, and I feel very comfortable around him. From the first month, I started "pitching in" with money for trips and things he needed. Retired police officers do not make as much as retired Army, so I am glad to pay my way, and more, just to be with him. He is sixty-years old, and I am fifty-four. So the question comes up about long-distance relationships. I think it should be discussed..... travelling time, expenses for dining, entertainment, and maybe gas prices in cases of school teacher, police officers, and people in other service-connected professions. We are part of the "working poor", and need to be smart when dating, but if you are like me, it will take someone special, because I served my country, and as a female, I do not fit with any old guy! | |
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