j600i
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Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:54:55 AM | I had a profile review, I'm grateful to all who posted. I worked very hard chopping and changing it according to the advice. But still I got nowhere.
Well, I've just today had a chance to check out the male competition - to see how long their profile essays are and if their teeth are showing in their pics  (I was advised to lengthen my essay, do this, do that, all to gain hits/replies).
Well, the majority of my competitors have 30 fans who've favourited them! I have 1 or 2 only.
And their essays are like 2 lines and very bland. I mean real vanilla stuff with like no effort.
The only thing that can be then causing my flunking on PoF is that I'm not appealing from my photos. I've used a wide variety of pics and result was the same. Beating my head against the proverbial wall.
Which is a bit of a downer since there's not much I can do with the way I look, if it's just not what's hot. Should I sue Mother Nature??!
I do feel a bit stupid though - having wasted time and effort having tweaked and "perfected" the profile, done this and done that, only to see my competing males have like the most bland profiles and so brief and yet the women are flocking in by the truck-load.
I invite anyone who disbelieves me to go search males in their area or mine (London) and see for themselves - the women are only really into looks, just as men are always supposed to be.
So all the effort in the world, showing s.o.h., being interested and interesting, blah blah blah, only works if the women find the man attractive physically from the start. Otherwise looks like little chance.
Had to share this - because although grateful to all who try to help here, I feel a prize jerk now I see the good looking men do zero effort and get woman after woman favoriting them. I don't want other men to waste their time or get their hopes up as I have - guys I'm afraid it's the picture you have to work at, the rest will come if you get that right, but I think for some of us that's not going to be possible. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:02:11 AM | Hang in there.
I've decided that the internet isn't the best place to find a mate, becuase so many people (both men and women) find it so easy to play around. So many people to talk to......and all of a sudden they are Mr./Ms. popular .They think they are all Hot Sh!+.....most of them aren't smart enough to realize that the guy/girl on the other end is talking to 50 different people too.
Leave your profile up and keep your eyes open, but look for some other options too. You'll find a keeper eventually. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:20:11 AM | Don't worry. Over the time of doing my profile, I've spent hours on it, only to get nothing the whole time I've been here.
Honestly, I find it easier to meet people in person than on this crap. As quiet as I am, it's actually easier that way, which seems a bit backwards but it's true. The problems come in seeing if someone is single and if they're looking (at least here you can tell that and avoid any awkwardness if they're not). I've messaged people with no pictures or even the ones that say how looks aren't important and only gotten read/deleted. I mean, I guess if looks aren't important, my profile really sucks huh? Maybe if the people you've tried said that it could be your profile too!
If you want to keep this as an option just do what I do and post and not really worry about finding someone on here. I've come to the conclusion it's nowhere near as easy as just meeting someone in person. At least in person people will respond to you or make a comment on what you're doing or something, here it's just look you in the face as you talk and walk away without a word. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:20:15 AM | Whoa.... quit your whining dude!! You've been here less than a month and you have been favourited twice? That's pretty damn good.
Like I've said to other posters who complain they're not getting the attention they think they deserve.... patience grasshopper, patience!! | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:22:21 AM | Wise words from flipper up there.
I always take into account both purely because in a relationship there are times when i want a chat and there are times when pretty much no talking is going on if you know what i mean.
I know what you mean about the good looking guys with hundreds of favourites with next to nothing on their profile.. i'll tell you why this is.. shallow women are corrupting the world and making all us other women look bad... just like men do.
I see it when i go out.. the good looking people talk to people like their sh!t.. why? 'cause theyre good looking and there is always someone interested in them.. so they dont need to have a personality.
I'd say don't bother about how many people message you and think of changing you, because you're just trying to catch your big fish with the big bate.. the kind of bate that's too special for ordinary fish :D | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:22:41 AM | | Your totally right there guy. And what of it, If they want shallow, low IQ guys, let them slither off. I for one, wouldnt want her anyway, nor should you. I wont give up on what I am looking for, just because the wrong ones continue to make the wrong choices. Just imagine what your not missing! all those goofed up in the head gold diggers, with no clue, and your hiding behind the chum. Dont fret, the road is wide. | |
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j600i
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Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 7 | |
| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:24:37 AM | Bless you, Flipper, very good of you to reply, but I know what I'm talking about or I wouldn't write. i feel such a jerk, now that I've seen the other guys with their like 2 lines "I'm Todd, I like going out, I run, I like music. Write me." ----> =52 favourites, and all just because they are lucky enough to look "in".
I feel a right old fool for deluding myself, I've been doing online dating on paid and free sites for a couple of years on and off, I really reckon there ain't going to be any keepers.
Thanks anyway, I completely agree with what you said about what happens to the females who get that Ms Popular treatment, btw!
GMAIN, ZOP, thanks for the advice, (and the ladies who posted, thank you also). | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:25:08 AM | "I do feel a bit stupid though - having wasted time and effort having tweaked and "perfected" the profile, done this and done that, only to see my competing males have like the most bland profiles and so brief and yet the women are flocking in by the truck-load."
Do you really want those women or would you prefer to have some one that values who you are?
It takes some time so just hang in there and be patient. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:29:20 AM | Don't forget that there are very regular meets in London and an awful lot of people go to them..plus it's one of the reasons people get faves.
More than half of my faves are forum friends.
And the rest just mean nothing..never even chatted to them..so they get deleted by me after a while..some people don't bother deleting theirs though. | |
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j600i
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Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:33:59 AM | I didn't post anything here to upset or irritate anyone, and I'm sorry if I have.
I just posted it because I firmly know it to be true, and it's not after a short time, I've been on PoF before, tried & given up many times.
PoF is a good site, a very good site, if someone's got the potential. The rest of us are just deluding ourselves, be time better spent feeding the ducks in the park.
Again, apologies to anyone who's annoyed - or thinks I'm a troll (I wish I was).
SANJUAN, ZOPZ, GMAIN thanks for your posts, I appreciate your support.
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:35:33 AM | Dear DJ...
I have never posted in the forum, but feel compelled to this time. I, too, have questionned the words in my profile. I have also done a lot of self-examination in terms of what I am looking for -- I like heart, intelligence, etc., but if I don't feel an attraction to the physical man, I can't make it happen (have tried both ways).
Most people are beautiful, when their energy is beautiful. There's nothing wrong with your profile. I would suggest you work on your pictures. You are not unattractive, but you don't look happy or inviting. Take your photos when you're in a good mood, having fun -- and eliminate the one standing with buddies with a beer.
best wishes in your search -- I know you'll be successful. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:38:42 AM | that was an assumption with prejudice. good looking people may have a high number of favourites; but good and fun personality also do the job.
there are two guys' profiles that i came across with more than 120 favourites. one of them had a profile that laughed me to tears. chatted to both and hope to learn a thing or two. one was exceptionally good looking and the other was average; but both had one thing in common, which was fun to chat to, we laughed through the chat for hours. never dated them. they were both off this site now.
maybe add some jokes to your profile?
i know i didn't have any jokes in my profile, but i am not you. i also consulted an expert on this site about my profile when first joined, he told me no need to change anything apart from adding a few more pics, so i did. i am sure you will be ok.
good luck. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:40:28 AM | there ya have it straight from the horses mouth!!
[but if I don't feel an attraction to the physical man, I can't make it happen}
typical female response. they are fashion driven, label consumers, with no souls at all. Forget them, and move on. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:47:36 AM |
Well, the majority of my competitors have 30 fans who've favourited them! I have 1 or 2 only.
Are you here for a fan club ?
You should count yourself lucky you only have 1 or 2 - I mean can you imagine having to chat/message to 30+ | |
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j600i
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Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:50:14 AM | "and eliminate the one standing with buddies with a beer."
but I only just put that one on there, and similar didn't hold back the other guys with the 30+ favorites!
Although I appreciate the well-meaning support, what I'm saying is that the women are going for looks just like are men are always accused of doing.
So really guys, and this is my reason for posting, don't have a cow about what you put on your profile, this and that, your text is long it's short it's not organised blah blah blah, you won't get any chance if you don't look right in the photos.
That's the long story short, so we can all snip our essays, lengthen them, humor them, etc, but the women are looking at the photos. Period.
It had to be said, sorry. I'm just tired of people avoiding the truth, it just wastes time and hope. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:52:44 AM | i think its so admirable that you did all this for your profile and cared to change things. i sure as hell wouldn't. when you meet someone they're not going to want you for your profile anyways. its just the bait on the hook. YOU are going to be what keeps her.
who cares about how many ppl favor you. its going tobe that many more ppl who oppose you. here's what ppl don't see about "looking good". ppl disect and judge you down to the last drop. take a pretty woman, most will say, "she's pretty but she has big feet." SO WHAT! if you're just average looking, they're just going to say not my type or not cute. myself, being a woman with (don't take this the wrong way) stiking features, people always judge me from head to toe. some ppl say i'm pretty, some say i look like a man. some say i have a nice body some say i'm too skinny. some say i have nice tits some say they're too small, or my waist isn't small enough. damn what they say and whan they think when they read my profile. personally i'd rather have someone say, "she's just not my style."
honestly op, you're not a bad looking guy, i think you're pretty attractive. i'm not a hater so i can say that without thinking twice. i'm not the type that considers most people dead sexy. its not about that. if i can't talk to you and you're stuck up, you might as well look like shit. i'm much more into men that have something going on upstairs. to hell with your picture, romance my mind then my behind. keep your essay to the point and the woman should be much more engaged, if not she's dumb. most of the population is dumb as hell anyways. you don't need their praise, dirtbags | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 19 | |
| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:56:14 AM | I've got 121 favs and that's from people following me on the forums and me taking ages refining my profile.
Though both points are immaterial to why I'm here, I'm just enjoying it, the rest comes naturally.
Write what you feels is right for your profile and then it will be authentic, not what others tell you too, and see this place as just another area of life for interacting with people, that might be a more natural approach. | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:58:03 AM | I didn't read all the posts originally.
You've only been here a month..I had about 2 faves after a month as well.
You seem so down in your posts..maybe that has something to do with it?
I add someone as a fave once we have chatted for a while and we get on..whether male or female (because of the forums), maybe how you are feeling is coming accross in the emails conversations you are having? | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 12:03:33 PM | You were expecting instant results? No effort needed?
You've been here not even three weeks, and have acquired some favorites, so I'd say you're doing all right. But I'd also say the number of favorites anyone has, or doesn't have, means very little. Sometimes a large number just means you've been on the site for quite a while, or you have fans from the forums. It does NOT mean the opposite sex is "flocking in by the truckload." Although really, so what if it does? There will still be many women left for you even if the apparently popular guys have a long list of favorites; they can only go out with so many of them at once.
Just as in a race, turning to see what your competition is doing might result in your slowing down--and for no reason. It may be a good idea now and then to look at other guys' profiles to get a hint of what other approaches are out there, but in the end you need to sell YOU. And certainly it's not going to hurt if you've got a good-looking picture, but the woman YOU want is going to look for more than that, right?
What's "s.o.h."?
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 12:08:24 PM |
Although I appreciate the well-meaning support, what I'm saying is that the women are going for looks just like are men are always accused of doing. ... That's the long story short, so we can all snip our essays, lengthen them, humor them, etc, but the women are looking at the photos. Period.
It had to be said, sorry. I'm just tired of people avoiding the truth, it just wastes time and hope.
Well, of COURSE we're looking at the photos! It's a visual medium! But as I said before, the one you want will not make that her ONLY criteria.
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 12:09:42 PM | Of course we go for looks too!!!! What you need to remember is that what one person sees as attractive another doesnt. I would like to suggest you contact people you want to chat to and just see what happens. Women who are attracted to a 'player' will find one (or many...lol) Just as men who are looking for someone to gush all over them can do the same thing.
I believe people are on this site for many reasons.. some of which are apparent, some is not. You can only ever be you... no matter how you phrase your profile. If someone doesnt like it... then surely that is 'tough' . I have met several men off the site on dates, most of whome were not for me or I was not for them. I have now found a lovely genuine, loving man on the site. It can be done, but will take time thats all. Anyway I dont know what you are going on about... nothing wrong with the way you look!! x | |
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| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 12:19:25 PM |
only works if the women find the man attractive physically from the start.
Yes we do need to be physically attracted, perhaps you are confused with the fact that many women have said that looks are not the "only" factor in whether or not they are attracted to a man. That does not mean that women dont need any physical attraction with a man. There is a very big difference. | |
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9P9R9
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Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 25 | |
| Women are (understandably) out for the best lookers too
Posted: 3/25/2008 12:51:28 PM | It's a fierce market for women, PoF alone is aprox. 2.5 men to every 1 lady.
You did one sweep/clean-up on yourself, I've done well over a dozen profiles - I've spent hundreds of hours refining my presentation and learning more through trial and error.
Bland-pointless profiles do, do fairly well because women connect immediately with the familiarity of common thoughts protrayed in words.
And by such profiles, I am speaking of the one's which serve to sell every attribute of character with-out providing a base argument, as to why;
I am intelligent, I am sexy, I am funny, and so forth.
However, why would you want to try to appeal to the mass of women by becoming more and more mirrored?
You should try to directly hit your desired audience and filter out the rest. As soon as you begin establishing contacts, another challenge will come afoot;
Attempting to guage which women will thread you on with-out any resolution or those who seem great but quickly vanish.
The best advice I have for you is to have a friend who you feel most affectionate towards and have her help you decode a profile that will attract a similer personality to hers, and have her pick the picture (important).
Decoding is important, you would be surprised how men and women alike find completely different connotations to the same clauses in a profile.
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