| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:07:23 AM | | My question is, I have afriend in Ohio. Her ex has custody of her kids and is abusing them. she has pictures of the bruises. She also was told by the kids that her ex's has sexin front of the kids. She is trying to figure out what to do or who to contact. His family knows alot of people in that area and would just say that she is lying or making up stories. She is really concerned about the kids right now and so am I. I am hrowing this out to the people out there because as far as I can tell from her ex he hasn't been in trouble with the law or anything so it is a uphill battle. If anyone out there has any help please let me know | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:19:11 AM | | Kids being abused? A DATED PICTURE tells a thousand words.Perhaps your "friend" cna keep the children in her state,then he would have to take it to court to get the kids back in his state.LAWYER,talk to one.Report abuse to authorities in his state,get visitation,take kids to hospital to be checked out,thus getting physical documentation,not only from doctors,but hospital social worker,and it goes from there,if abuse is severe,social worker with report it to the proper authorities,if the social worker is worth their salt that is... | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:38:26 AM | | yeah she is having a hard time because like i said her ex's family is friends with alot of the people in he town. small town what can you say. I will tell her and thanks for the info. me i would rather go over there and kick his butt, but that is just me. there is no call for a child or a person to be abused. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:45:35 AM | Is this an 'Internet' friend? Have you ever met? She may be a scammer or a complete looney. This sounds like a lot of drama.
HE has custody but she claims he abuses them? Has she hinted that she does not know where she will get the money to fight him and his powerful friends in court? SHE has pictures? If she took pictures and saw bruises were the police called immediately? Did she seek medical care for the children after seeing the bruises? A Dr in an emergency room would also take photos and provide excellent legal documentation.
Unless this is a lifelong friend I would not offer to help her in any way other than to be a good listener. Con artists set people up like this all the time. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:02:15 AM | | Contact DSS and let them handle it, they will never know who reported it. State your claims and let them do a investigation into the matter. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:54:27 AM | Are you kidding me?! Contact your local child protective services immediately!
If this friend of yours knows of any possible abuse, why even take the time to ask what other people think. Poor children have to sit and get abused while an adult contemplates?! | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 9:04:56 AM | | If she has pictures of the bruises and thinks this is happening, I would certainly not waste my time and consider what other people think. My main priority would be the kids. Deal with his backlash later. Hopefully there would be no backlash from him, cause his ass would be handcuffed in a jail cell! | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 9:11:54 AM | | The size of her town doesn't matter. Actually, I suspect it is even better that way. Allegations of child abuse are investigated by state officials. Even if the state worker is assigned to a specific county, if the town is small, it probably isn't the county seat. Please call or have your friend call the 800 number to report child abuse/neglect in the state of the children's residenced. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 11:22:30 AM | There's not much that needs to be figured out here; kids are at risk so quick action is needed.
1. She should file a report with the local child welfare/protection services
2. Police Report - they can place the children into protective custody, and will
turn the case over to child protective services (children are normally placed in
foster care if there's no family member who can step in and take physical
custody; this shouldn't be a problem and they'll probably stay with mom
3. See a lawyer, immediately
4. The children should be taken to a doctor to document the bruises, etc.
The fact that his family knows a lot of people and he has not been in trouble with the law before.......good grief.......this means nothing in terms of what's going on. So many abusers of children go for years and years without any notice and they're 'up standing community members!'
Mom needs to take quick action. Don't wait.
Snap!
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 11:58:03 AM | She needs to call child services and the police. If she has pictures of the bruises they can be examined for consistency with child abuse rather than normal childhood injuries and she should also have the children examined by their pediatrician if they still have any visible injuries. Child services will talk to the children away from the parents where they are more likely to tell the truth about what is happening in the home.
If she doesn't think she will be believed she needs to talk to the children's doctor about the situation so that they can document injuries over time. The doctor is required by law to report those injuries so she should take them to the doctor every single time there is one. Her being proactive about bringing in the medical and legal authorities should prevent him from trying to say that the abuse is occurring at her hands. Even if he does, she has to do something or she is just as bad as he is. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 12:18:29 PM | In some areas, if a person has knowledge of children being neglected, abused or mistreated and does not report the incident, they can be charged by local authorities. A child's only defence is with the help of adults... abandon that child's needs for protection and the kid(s) suffer physically, mentally and socially.
I think every adult who can stand by and make excuses for not prompting some sort of intervention needs a kick in the ass. Be it a child you know, or not. Kids need help in that respect and we, as adults, should be there for them. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:25:00 PM | your friend is what gives mothers a bad name.
are you SERIOUSLY asking what you/she should do!?!?!?!?!?
may i ask why on earth her ex has custody in the first place? its rare that this happens....
YOU are only allowing it to happen as well for not contacting anyone yourself, or at least tell her what she has to do....
i honestly feel like im gonna be sick. i would not hesitate for a second to kill with my bare hands if i had even the slightest idea this was happening to my child.
*smacks you* - pick up your phone now and call the police. you don't need to state your name. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 2:54:21 PM | | What's with this? If I ever thought that someone was harming my child there would be nothing to stop me from first of all documenting it by going to the hospital, then call DSS or the police and explain your concerns. I would make sure that I knew what I was talking about and if I wasn't positive I would tell them that you just are extremely concerned but not positive, be honest, a false accusation can ruin people. If you show them photos and have documentation from a physician it should be enough. I know people whose life was literally destroyed from a false accusation. It cost them over $50,000 in fees, court costs, psychiatrists, the whole bit and it was all over a woman in the DSS who wanted to make a name for herself. It was all over an accident that could have happened to anyone. Their children are a mess because they were taken away from them and it took almost 2 years to get them back. It's a rough situation no matter how you go, especially on children. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:22:11 PM | If her ex is in the position that authorities are on his side due to friendship or authority, I'd see if you can get himself recorded, perhaps have the kids record a conversation with him or if he's having sex in front of them. or she can record a conversation with the allegation and if he admits it. I can understand why she hesitates, because her ex would accuse her, and may deny her visitation of her children. It may be anonymous, but people, come on, who will be the first person he's going to accuse that made a complaint against him?
Also, don't take advice in leaving with the kids to another state, that would only get you into more trouble, like KIDNAPPING since I'm sure her ex will not agree to have them moved.
all I can say is that she needs to talk to a lawyer and try to get full custody, she needs to document everything! also how old are the kids, are they old enough to speak to the judge to see on where they'd like to be with? | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/27/2008 12:47:32 AM | I agree that she needs to take the children to their dr to have them looked over when ever she see's thing's like this.
The reason why I say that is a) the dr will pick up on if it is normal brusies or if it is abuse. And I know this because I am going through the same thing right now with my ex. My daughter has come home a few times with brusies and other things on her that I thought were suspisous from her father's house. I document everything right away and take pic's of the injuries, and then we go to her dr tthe next morning when he is open.
The dr has to report it if he feels that there is abuse going on. If he doesnt then he can be held responsible as well.
So trust me, have her take the children to the dr to be looked at each time and take what the dr says into consideration. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/27/2008 5:29:27 AM | | After what my friends went through it made me see things in a different light too. I know how frightening it is when it comes to your children and your hands seem to be tied and you don't know what to do. I live out in the country. I had a man follow my daughter around when she was at the babysitters and would ride her bike to the store or go for a walk and she was freaking, so was I. I went to the police (who I knew) and they couldn't do anything, they wouldn't even go talk to him (because he hadn't done anything and therefore could get them for harrassment). This was quite a few years ago though. I literally had to take care of the situation myself which was pretty scarey. So be smart about it. If he is a cop and you are dealing with that situation, go to another police force. Here we have city, county, and state police. It's all in how you handle it. I'm sure if you went in there and told them that there was no way you could be certain, but had some proof to show them, and then ask them what would they do if it was their child? That just might get you somewhere. I hope for your sake and your children's that it isn't true. Good luck. | |
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| this is a question i am hrowing out there
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:07:20 AM | | There should not even be a question as to what to do..............call the police, call Department of Family and Children Services. Why is she allowing this to continue? Who cares who he knows in that small town. | |
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