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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:15:41 AM | You know, just in my lifetime, I can`t believe how attitudes in dating, romance, and
commitment have changed. I think to myself,"You know, when I was a young girl, it was kind of the acceptable practice to hold off on sex until you were a serious couple, and a ring on her finger. Even then it was considered a bit taboo. " Now I see guys posting that they get really ticked off if they aren`t getting it on the first date because
he`s bought her a happy hour appetizer and a few glasses of merlot! How in the world did it change this much in 35 years? It absolutely leaves my head spinning. Are we boomers the change generation for this? Did we do this, and are we comfortable with this? I know I`m not. Maybe it`s better. What do you think? | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:22:26 AM | Helloooooooo.....remember the 60's? Birth control pills, free love, burning bras.....gigantic social upheavel?
I read somewhere that couples over 50 were more likely to have sex on their first meet than 30 year olds.
I think it's better. We now have choices, with not as much social stigma attached, and that is a good thing. Not that I would have sex on a first date, just want to clear that up. I usually like to know someone a while before I decide to jump in bed. I don't mind kissin a frog or two while looking for a prince, but bed hopping is not the same. Good grief, if you slept with everyone you went out with, Cassanova would become last years news.
Actually, I have met very few men that would think for one minute that a woman owed them a roll in the hay for a dinner. In fact, I can't think of even one that I've been out with. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:38:31 AM | I`m 48, from a little remote farm town that really didn`t do the whole 60`s revolution thing. But I know, the people that I have met of that era,that were from more populated areas do
have different values than where I was raised. Things were already calming down a bit when I hit my first date years.
And yes, I have met alot of men that view a date as an opportunity for sex. Maybe that is my era. I don`t know. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:39:02 AM | I know what you mean......can you believe the attitudes have changed that much in just 35 years? I turned 18 just as the pill and the sexual revolution was all happening and yeah, I thought it was a good thing at the time. My mother and father were married for 38 years until they died but my father was a lousy lover and my mother was stuck in the situation.
I have to tell a cute story here. About six months after my Dad died, my Mom and I were shopping and one of her neighbors, a guy, came up to her and gave her condolences over losing my Dad and then he told her that he would really like to date her when she felt ready enough to do that. My mom was stunned. I don't think it ever occurred to her that some other man might want her.....but when we got back to her house, she said to me, "After your father has been dead for a year, would you mind if I just slept with a couple of guys to find out what I've been missing?" I CRACKED up!
I told her to go for it but I wanted to know how her dates went!
Anyway I thought it was a good thing to loosen the morals up a little but now, when guys expect it by the third date, it's gotten to be ridiculous.
To me, it's making love not just sex..............and to make love, you have to know the person, have feelings for them and then sex is a beautiful way to express that love and caring and affection ..........
It's gone from one extreme to the other and neither extreme is good........We've lost the romance, the building up of the feelings ............. JMO | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:55:22 AM | Could it be that we are more into quality than quantity now? Having been there,done that , when those hormones where raging. Having more urges than brains...lol.
What I don't get is when a man close to my age, straight out infers sex may be better sooner than later. Yeah sure!!!! fast food gives me indigestion now. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:56:45 AM | If it has changed in my lifetime, it is only that most young people today are more selective and cautious. I was also a child of the era of the Viet Nam War, drugs, sex, and rock 'n roll. We were rebelling against everything. It's a wonder I lived through it. A lot of my friends didn't.
My dating life today compared to 35 years ago is very close to saintly.  | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:59:13 AM | | OP, I believe things are just faster now. But it takes time for things to catch up. The maturity levels of the generations after the boomers seem to be more advanced but really arent. So I think people take on more than what they can handle in emotional relationships. Consider sex in the equation and you are talking about drama central. If the couple can handle sex on a first date and mutually agree to it than it shouldn't be an issue. I don't do sex while dating anymore because of experiences. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:29:12 AM | | If sex happens on the first date, I would conclude that she is really interested. If it doesn't, I would conclude she is not that interested. Let's face it, we have all had plenty of sex over the course of our lives, and I don't ascribe all that much significance to the act any more. In my youth, sex was a heavy duty thing, but I now look at it like eating, sleeping and any other normal bodily function. If I am going to have a relationship that goes anywhere with a woman, it will definitely involve sex, so what is the point of waiting? Sure, you can meet someone, and sooner or later get off with them. Its only then that you can decide if you want to go on or stop. While sex with just about any woman can be gratifying, only a very few actually inspire one to keep coming back for more. That is an idea I did not have when I was young, because for a while I didn't realize you could actually meet someone that is a perfect fit. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:42:07 AM | | Ya know, I guess everyone has a right to differing attitudes. And not everyone is meant for eachother. I personally would probably not be interested in anyone that equates intimate touch and love making as any "other" body function, such as, you know, elimination. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 9:55:36 AM | Well, taking that interpretation is pretty defensive, and unrelated to what I am saying. Sex is a human behaviour. The value placed on it by a teenager looking at selecting a reproductive mate is somewhat different than the value placed on it by a senior. In any event, its something that a healthy person will pursue as part of a normal part of life, just like other behaviours. I would only argue that its value is no greater nor less than other things, without loading the statement up with negative or positive connotations.
If you do want to get an appreciation for what is important to the body, go without sex for a week and go without elimination for a week, then report back which one caused you the most pain.... | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 10:09:19 AM | ^^^^^^ I'd almost have to agree point by point with him, with a few clarifications.
While sex with just about any woman can be gratifying, only a very few actually inspire one to keep coming back for more. I don't find sex with "any man" gratifying. Therefore, I kinda go by....don't have sex the 1st time until you're darned sure you want there to be a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. To do that, it requires getting to know them a little. LOL! I think my biggest fear is that after I get to know them that well; the moment arrives....and pffffffttttttt. STRIKE OUT! LOL!
Maybe part of the problem is that so many look at sex like.....eating, sleeping and normal bodily function (is that like taking a crap?). Maybe I spent so many years pretending that I was having fun when I wasn't...that by the time I did learn that it could BE fun....and I was actually ALLOWED to like it....now most men treat it like a bodily function LOL!
I must also add that while I don't dispute anyone else's experiences; I've found dating in 2008 to be a much more comfortable experience in that most men I've met do NOT think that dinner and a drink is grounds for a sexual dessert. They listen better, they're more open-minded. Of course there's always the "Fast Freddy" idiots who are still stuck in the 1960's and can't get it that I'm not confused and struggling to survive without a man; but on the whole, I feel that MOST of the men I've met have treated me respectfully.....as a woman who knows what she wants (or doesn't) & says what she thinks...and means it. LOL! I think it either means that I've grown up, or that I'm making better choices in who I date...either way; it's a good thing right? LOL! | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 10:12:44 AM |
Ya know, I guess everyone has a right to differing attitudes. And not everyone is meant for eachother. I personally would probably not be interested in anyone that equates intimate touch and love making as any "other" body function, such as, you know, elimination
LMAO....I have to go with you on this one. If it feels good do it. How do you know it's gonna feel good? I need more info than hey baby, you're cute wanna f**k?
LMAO | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 10:22:37 AM | Did you steal that line from me when I was 20??????........ 
Isn't equality wonderful????? We worked so hard for it, fought for it, and now that it exists, some are so fearful of it.
I find it very refreshing to be with women that know what they want, willing to share it, and let you know what they are willing to do or not do, when, where, and how.
There are many of us that do not just hop into bed with another, on first dates, or any date for that matter. Some of us do care enough about our health and well being to be very selective, and this is not just woman driven, but man as well when you think with your large brain first, and god many of us do......
I will continue to stand up for most of us mature men, and let you women know that equality of the sexes is awesome, and comes with a price, and you all are learning just what that price is on many many levels.
All this being said, I truly believe that for many of us, getting laid is easy, getting laid by the right one much much more difficult..........welcome to the 21st century.......
Just my opinion........   | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 10:51:34 AM | Of course 'dating' has changed....WE'VE changed, fer g'sake!
As someone said, at this age I don't believe most of us are looking for a 'baby-making' mate any longer....hopefully, someone that we can spend a significant amount of quality time with....whether 'sexual' or not. Besides, in that particular arena, there are all kinds of things that can go 'wrong'. Men and women may have the urge to 'strike while the iron is hot', cause you just don't know when that will occur again.
I've been told that the 'boomer' generation is the fastest growing population in the HIV community. Guess precaution should prevail....darn! And just when we thought it was safe to go back in the water without the 'raincoat'! | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 11:04:46 AM |
Now I see guys posting that they get really ticked off if they aren`t getting it on the first date because
he`s bought her a happy hour appetizer and a few glasses of merlot! That guy is clueless. You can get free appetizers at lots of places during happy hour.
I saw this show a few years ago, on TV, on public TV, about an older woman living in England somewhere whose whole life until very recently had been spent on one farm, and mostly alone, she being the sole survivor of the family there. The show was a documentary about her life on her own at the farm, living on barely nothing, and without modern conveniences. Then she is followed as she moves to town, then on to a trip abroad. It was as if she had come here from a distant time and the modern world was very strange to her.
I saw a movie once about a cave man who had been frozen in a block of ice for thousands of years, to be thawed in modern times, and then hilarity ensued.
When I was a kid I remember a couple of news stories about WWII era Japanese soldiers emerging from the jungle on some island in the Pacific. They had been hiding all that time unaware the war was over.
To bring you up to speed, nowadays in dating, women understand that it is normal and acceptable to have sex as soon as I want to, for as long as I like in the manner I enjoy. I hope this helps. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 11:05:39 AM | All this being said, I truly believe that for many of us, getting laid is easy, getting laid by the right one much much more difficult
So true, c deacon....well stated.
Things HAVE changed dramatically OP and IMHO it's all perspective and what we want out of life as to whether it's for the good.
Personally, I don't sleep around and don't plan to change that. I prefer there to be very strong feelings that have developed before sleeping with someone because I want a long-term relationship. Since that is what I'm seeking, I don't want to cloud my thinking and judgement with a sexual relationship that might mask other issues. But once strong feelings have developed I feel it is important to know that you are sexually compatiable....and it's nice not to be branded with a scarlet letter if we find that out outside of marriage.
Some men and women are obviously looking for a bed buddy...if that's what floats their boat, fine....but that doesn't work for me. So, I just toss those men back for one of the ladies who is comfortable sleeping with someone on the first or one of the early dates. To each his own. I'm just waiting for the man who has some the same take on this that I do. 
Rose Mary  | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 11:26:24 AM | As a tail-end 'boomer', I find I was more out of the loop on this matter when I was a teenager than I am now, although nothing has changed in how and/or when I decide to become sexually involved with someone.
As a teen, I hung on to my virginity until I was married, was labelled an 'L7' (remember that one? = square, lol), by my friends. After the divorce, I essentially became a 'serial monogamist', all LTRs, and no laundry dropping until that exclusivity was mutually established.
It seems to have equalized itself now, as I see my friends, neighbours, family and people I meet are also becoming more discriminatory as they get older. I can honestly say that I haven't ever dated anyone (run into them sure, but not dated them), that pressured me into feeling I should abandon my way of thinking, especially not in exchange for a dinner or two.
Good grief, why not just offer someone the cash, if you think that's what entitles you? After all, we can all pretty much cook our own damn meals if we're hungry, lol. (And the insult of 'exchange for services rendered' is pretty much what you're tacitly implying to someone, with that attitude). The boneheads who subscribe to this theory of entitlement have always existed in some form or other...but thankfully they continue to remain in the minority.
hnh
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 12:11:16 PM |
Now I see guys posting that they get really ticked off if they aren`t getting it on the first date because he`s bought her a happy hour appetizer and a few glasses of merlot!
I've never seen anyone post that. Some men (and women) say they're not willing to "hold off on sex until you were a serious couple" because they don't want to become part of a serious couple only to discover a serious sexual incompatibility. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 12:38:30 PM |
Now I see guys posting that they get really ticked off if they aren`t getting it on the first date because
he`s bought her a happy hour appetizer and a few glasses of merlot! How in the world did it change this much in 35 years?
I don't know about change per se, but it's sad to see how SOME men have devolved to whiny little boys who are controlled by their weinies...
Cindy O | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 12:45:56 PM | Dawn,
The worst one was deleted by POF. But yes, there are alot of men that feel this way. You are extremely fortunate if you have never run into one. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:01:27 PM | | Untill sex happens, a "relationship" is not, to me, "serious". After sex happens, it may become serious or it may not, depending on the feelings of those involved. For sex to happen, I would think that both partners would need to have at least the expectation that the "relationship" could become "serious". | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:29:18 PM | | If a relationship can't be considered serious until after sex happens, then the foundation of the relationship is being built on quicksand. I want a relationship that will last and the mistake I made in the past was to base it on sex instead of shared values and someone really caring about me. Again, JMO. I think basing it on sex is one of the reasons so many of us boomers ended up divorced. It's an important part of a relationship but when times are rough, it's love that matters. | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:49:43 PM | Now Friendly dear lady? I can understand what Mr. R. means.
Example: You are dating a man. Been out a few times, thoroughly enjoy each other's company. So far so good right? Then, that "special" moment comes where you both make love. Do you not think the dynamics of the relationship have changed? I would have to think that yes, they have. Thus, the "relationship" is upgraded? Frankly, I am not even sure I would call it serious at this particular point in time. As serious to me, means some form of committment on both parts. For some, this would be a tad too soon. And yes, I know what you are thinking Friendly! lol
Once a relationship involves sex, while in my mind not being "seriously" committed, we can most certainly be committed in the fact that we will not date others . Any of this make sense? | |
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| Boy have things changed in the dating world!
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:58:42 PM | Well, Moon, you know me! A relationship would have to be committed to just dating each other or I wouldn't consider sex. Heck, I can't even cope with dating two guys at one time......... I'm definately a one on one type person
I had a secretary who used to have like four dates a week with three different guys and it was hysterical to watch her but heck, I think one at a time is my speed.... | |
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