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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/29/2008 2:42:52 PM | Here's the deal:
Why do you some persons insist on dating a certain ethnicity? Given the fact that there are multitudes of personalities and characteristics, why would ethnicity be such an important factor for so many people? For instance, white girls who only date black guys, or Asian women who only date white men.
There are very attractive people from every kind of race. With the cultural melting pot of modern society, you can definately find people of all races into all sorts of cultural phenomena (ex White men into Hip Hop).
Im not talkin about a preference, Im talking about those person who make it a firm and strict rule. I was raised in Jamaica, where as long as your Jamaican, you are fair game (Asian, white, black it didnt matter). But coming to Canada I am seeing this strict rule thing come into play so often.
What the deal? | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/29/2008 3:00:49 PM | | I think it is just personal preference. I am not a racist at all but I am just not attracted to black or asian women. That being said, I have some friends, but not many who are black/asian its just there is no attraction there. I think its about numbers too. I honestly dont know too many women of different nationalitys and its hard enough to find a white woman in my area that I can connect with. One of my best friends who was a black guy died about 12 years ago in a car crash and I often think about that too. After he died I really havent had a black friend like him. We were close and when we would hang out there was never any issue on race. Its all in how your raised as well. I was raised to treat others as you want to be treated. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:14:24 AM | | For me, well, it's not ethnic. But my main attraction, is the mane attraction; long, silky, straight hair. So, those with any other type of hair need not apply. It's not a preference, it's a matter of not getting turned on by women without it. And I've never met women of certain 'ethnicities' that have it, so I don't approach them. We don't get to choose what turns us on, or what turns us off. We just have to live with it. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 5:09:33 AM | Hmmm.. I don't insist on dating ethnically, personally.
A hot guy is a hot guy. When I see someone I find attractive.. I see someone attractive. I say to my friends (or random strangers - well maybe sometimes), "see that hot guy over there?" and not, "see that hot black guy over there?"
It doesn't escape my attention if said hottie is of a different race or anything.. I just don't really care. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:39:56 AM | I grew up in the first county that legalized interracial marriages. That being said, the majority of my friends were the products of interracial relationships; East Indian & Jewish, black & German, Italian & black, black & white, etc. I developed a preference for people who were open-minded, worldly, and cultured. I prefer people who are multi-racial, multi-cultured, who've lived and traveled all over, and who do not make decisions about people based on generalizations. The last item there has hindered my interest in getting to know lot of folks of all different races who exhibited that quality.
I've experienced a variety of interracial and multi-cultured dating experiences and have been in relationships where our different races/ethnicity/culture was compatible and was incompatible. I wouldn't generalize the race of that person as not being compatible-- but I do believe that who ever you get involved with has the compatible core values, inhibitions, and desire for it to be a good experience. I enjoy the dating process so even if I met someone who I identified as a person I could see myself in an exclusive commitment to, I may still spend time with them for the experience.
The only type of guy I don't and won't date is the throwback-type; I've witnessed people date a person who was not attractive in appearance or personality just because they were of a certain race. The race of a person is not status-enabling to me and it's far from enough to captivate my interest in pursuing. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:51:23 AM | why do "we" only drink red kool-aid? cause it's da sh*t...right???
small joke.
I see many different races everyday. My friends resemble a 94pack Crayola box when hanging out. Why would I make race an issue for a relationship when I don't for any other aspect of my life? | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:30:44 AM |
Im not talkin about a preference, Im talking about those person who make it a firm and strict rule. I was raised in Jamaica, where as long as your Jamaican, you are fair game (Asian, white, black it didnt matter). But coming to Canada I am seeing this strict rule thing come into play so often.
What the deal?
Welcome to the (not so) great White north.
I hear you and I have posted about this a number of times. You usually hear some rot about "personal preference" in response. Canada is particularly bad for this type of thing with Toronto and southwest Ontario at the bottom of the barrel. It's not going to change. At least the women are a bit more open. The Caucasian men, with most of them FORGET it. If you aren't blonde with big tits and you don't look like you spent the better part of the day barfing after every meal, forget it. They aren't interested. Even some of the Asian men here have been brainwashed into thinking this way. It's best to pursue women who were raised outside of North America. Try West Indian women, European women, women from South America, East Indian women. You'll have more luck with that. Good luck and don't let it get to you. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:59:32 AM | "Ethnic Dating" is an interesting phenomenon. One might even call it a subtle form of racism although many people tend to claim that they're "not racist", its just their "preference".
In the book "Freakonomics", the authors have mentioned about a study of racism on a popular online dating site. Their findings were as follows:
"Roughly half of the white women on the site and 80 percent of the white men declared that race didn’t matter to them. But the response data tell a different story. The white men who said that race didn’t matter sent 90 percent of their e-mail queries to white women. The white women who said race didn’t matter sent about 97 percent of their e-mail queries to white men."
One would indeed fail to understand why would a person want to close oneself out to so many persons from the other ethnic groups. The only plausible reason for me is stereotyping i.e. you form an opinion about persons of a particular ethnic group without even making an attempt to know them. Even if you don't hate someone, this unwillingness to associate with a particular ethnic group, in my humble opinion, would be akin to racism. | |
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gurr
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Joined: 3/14/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:03:01 AM | Wow I am blown away, by the fact that people still see race or colour. Maybe I am nieve but I thought by now people would have gotten way past this issue!!! I am attracted to the person, what they have to offer in thier soul not the colour of thier skin or race.
I find it incredible sad for those people that cant move past this, you have no idea what you are missing out on. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 2:42:39 PM | I simply do not care about ethnicity. Not one iota. I could date, fool around with, or marry a woman regardless of her race. I think all types of women are attractive.
HOWEVER, precisely because I think all types of women are attractive, I'll occasionally long for a specific type of woman if I haven't dated one like her in a while. For instance, I love redheads but I haven’t dated one in years it seems.
I can't relate to people who can't find certain races/ethnicities attractive. I have to admit that I suspect there's some bigoted issue/baggage involved. Perhaps it's subconscious. I don't know. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:05:52 PM | Having travelled to other countries I can see beauty in every race. I would have no problem dating someone from another race. Dating can be difficult if you live in a small town especially if your from a different ethnic group. I know from experience.
I'ts not about looks or money ect... It boils down to that most people in small towns usually tend to date or marry people that are similar to them in ethnicity or culture. It has nothing to do with racism,that's just the way it is. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:08:42 PM | | It is very personal. Some people are not comfortable with cultural differences, they find that how you were raised has an impact on how people act. It comes down to point of view. While others dont care who they date as long as they like them. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:26:12 PM | I shared a house with an Italian family once and it kinda put me off Italians - but I think I'm stereotyping! I'd have to share a house with a few Italian families to find out if what I didn't like is common to the culture.
One thing I didn't like was how domineering 'mama's' can be - my particular 'mama' would continually tell me off and as I walked away would say 'he's a very nice man, innit'. Her son was a school headmaster with his own family and he was a browbeaten chap who didn't like his mama very much, although he did love her.
I learned a lot about cooking from her though so I mustn't complain. I don't think it's looks or anything like that that puts me off getting together with members of other ethnicities - it's simply not mixing in their culture that doesn't provide the opportunities.
I did once have a very close female chinese friend (used to go round her family's house for Xmas) and we were b/f and g/f for one day after a 3 year friendship (ended the friendship as suddenly she produces loads of 'rules' and that was me out of there).
I wouldn't mind having an Indian girlfriend (one of my son's has a Seikh g/f) as I'm surrounded by Indian families where they live and they seem to have very stable relationships. But from what I gather from my son's experience with his g/f you've got to put up with a lot of comments from jealous Indian men so let's not go there. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:12:09 PM |
Why do you some persons insist on dating a certain ethnicity? Given the fact that there are multitudes of personalities and characteristics, why would ethnicity be such an important factor for so many people? For instance, white girls who only date black guys, or Asian women who only date white men. For guys, it seems to mostly be about attraction. But for women, other factors can come into play, such as social standing, possibilities for an LTR and marriage, and other things.
My sister would only date Jewish men, because we are Jewish, and she wanted a Jewish wedding that everyone would accept. She could only have a Jewish wedding with a Jewish man, and she didn't want to date a guy she couldn't marry, in case she fell for him. So she would refuse to date a non-Jewish guy, even if she was majorly attracted to him, because to do so, could make things very messy, because her needs could be compromised. I'm not saying that it was that rational, because she got hurt by Jewish guys anyway. But I'm just giving an example of how some women might think.
For myself, it's a preference. I prefer the "pale-skin" look, but every so often I see an Indian or Black hottie that I would just love to date. | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:24:09 PM | Definitely I can understand someone wanting to marry someone of the same religion as this has a major impact on values, how you raise kids, etc. Jewish people do come in all races and are from a range of cultural backgrounds as you know. I bet you would never guess where the oldest synagogue in the Western hemisphere is located? How about the oldest Jewish cemetary? Go ahead give it a whirl.
Religion is undertandable but when someone has a similar upbringing, you've been raised in the same community and the family has been here so long that they don't even know anything much about their culture of origin, how the heck can people just automatically rule others out.  How can you say that someone you have never MET or even seen is unattractive? | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:18:15 AM | | It is a preference, and I have dated all types and you can't help who or what you are attracted to. Me, I like white and asian. I like mixed ethnicities too! At least I've gone out with different types of men, not just, "I won't ever date anyone of this race." | |
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:44:19 AM | I know people who will only date one particular ethnicity. I don't get it and I have my opinions about why they make that choice.
Myself, I am an equal opportunity lover. I love men with skin from the darkest chocolate to the palest (freckles, yay!)... as long as it's covering a man who is incredibly sexy and marvelous in other ways.
As for stereotypes, they abound. I would never date a man of a particular ethnicity because "they all have..." or "they are all...". Bullshit. Men, plain and simple. They come in all shapes and sizes and shades and colors and textures and scents and flavors, Hallelujah!!!
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| Ethnic Dating - Is it about personality, attraction, or stereotypes?
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:35:26 AM | I had to come back. AtribecalledX. My answer, although flippant, was sincere, but here's what I think about your question.
It stems from the fact that the ever more readily accepted standard of beauty is that of the tall, thin, fair, round-eyed (white american). But not just in America, our poison is oozing into the rest of the world as well. Asian men and women going crazy to have their eyelids reconstructed to remove the epicanthal fold, making themselves look less Asian and more European. (An acquaintance recommended it to me once. Thanks, I like my eyes just fine!).
So those whites who will only date whites are fully indoctrinated into the White Standard of Beauty and don't even know it. It's just a "preference". Riiight. But that's only one side of it.
On the other side are the (mostly white) folks who will only date someone of some other ethnicity. There are far more white women who will only date black men, but there are also white men who will only date asian or black women. Why? I think it's what an instructor once referred to as "exotifying" an ethnic group. The allure is the exotic appearance and aaaaallll that goes along with that perception.
One girl in my class from East India says that the American guys who ask her out think they are in for a real sexual treat, because all Indian women are taught Kama Sutra from adolescence, right? Well, no. But that's the idea in some silly peoples heads.
Black males have been hyper-sexualized by whites for ... oh, about 300 years or more? White women, sexually frustrated looking for a magic man. It goes much deeper than that, of course, but I don't need to tell you anything.
Asian women are seen as all being docile and servile and vixens in bed. Yeah, it's about stereotypes. And it's limiting to those who hold them and humiliating and hurtful and enraging to people they are applied to. It's black women who are hurt the most, though.
almondcookie, is it the one in Barbados or Curacao in the Caribbean? I think most of the oldest synagogues are in countries in Africa.
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