| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:28:26 AM | Hi All,
Here is my question: how important is sex when you go on a date? Personally, I would rather get to know my partner first, hang out with him, share a lot (like go to a movie, go for a walk and hold his hands, have dinner with at our places or restaurants) and let grow the chemistry. Sex comes when we both feel it strongly and cannot wait anymore.
Now with that said, I would really want to hear opinion from both men and women. There are a lot of good sense people here ( i have read a lot of threads), from different backgrounds, cultures and experiences. I grew up in a very different culture, and everytime a date talks about sex on first or second date, it just scares me away (please don`t be sarcastic as I am very sensitive).
Thank you so much for your input.  | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:41:46 AM | | So why not wait until you are ready? If the guy is pushing you to have sex before you are ready, he isn't the right one for you. Just let him go and move on. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:46:07 AM | Pia, sex is an important part of a loving, long-term relationship. It is not a necessity when you are casually dating. You seem to have a good, common sense attitude as to when it's appropriate to introduce sex into your relationship. I, personally, agree with you. I want to get to know the man I'm dating before jumping into his bed. We don't need to be madly in love, but I do want to feel a strong connection. I'm in a wonderful, loving relationship with a terrific man and we became intimate when it felt right for the both of us. No pressure on either one's part. It flowed naturally.
Good luck! And there is nothing wrong with being sensitive! | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:50:42 AM | Sex is only important if the person is important to you, well that's how I feel.
The win over my heart, soul and mind and you can have my body any day! 
If he still keeps pressuring you, give him a dirty video, box of tissues and tell him to go and work it out in his room. Maybe then he can think with his other head for a change! 
Ta | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:53:13 AM | | I am older than you and believe the way you do. I realize I was raised in a different time, but any guy who discusses sex on the first date loses points. I want to get to know a man, who he is, what he likes and what makes him tick. I am not the Motel 6--no bed for the night. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:57:19 AM | You're an adult and can make your own decisions.
If you're not comfortable with being intimate with a man you're in a new relationship with, than don't be intimate with him. Make sure the lines of communication are open in regards to this matter though. Be honest with him about what you're comfortable with, and not comfortable with. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:17:08 AM | I have always said that what's in between the ears (the large brain) is much more important and sexier than what's between the legs. Once the mind and emotional connection is made, you have my full attention. I recently encountered someone whom with I thought was very nice until he DEMANDED that we make love. I explained from day one that it wasn't going to happen until I made that choice for myself. Mind you, we had two daytime casual meetings. The demand was verbal. To quote him, actually he said "he would not be denied". Well, guess what........ He got Denied BIG TIME.
In my experience, the ones who push the sex thang want nothing more than that. If you can't take the time to experience the other person in any other way than physical, you got issues and I don't have the time or energy. I would rather do without completely than deal with a shallow, half-assed bump and grind.
Guess I'm a bit cynical, eh?... LOL
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:25:14 AM | If the man cares about you will be ok about waiting for sex.
Quite often those pushing early for sex are just after sex.
If i really really liked someone I would wait for months for them. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:35:04 AM | A first date is not a relationship!!! No sex on a first date....
Sex should be reserved for a relationship...
Get to know the other person first..
If a relationship developes..
Then sex is not only appropriate, it is the cement that helps to hold a relationship together.
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:40:56 AM | Geez!!! Men like you aren`t legion nowadays. Now tell me what happens if one of the partners is ready to move up and the other is still not? Wouldn`t that become an issue? A guy told me once that it was always about me, not him; that i should think about him as well, his feelings and needs. He said that i just wanted to be in control and decide when, not associate him in the decision making. He did not realize then that the more he was asking and pushing in that direction, the more he was pushing me away.
Now i realize that there isn`t a time for this. It comes with the connection and should be done in the respect and agreement. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:41:08 AM | When I take a woman out for the first time I am not looking for sex. If I have a really great time on the first date......and we go home and she wants sex.....I get disappointed. Whenever I have sex on the first date I can promise you there won't be a serious relationship to follow. It would be very hard for me to trust a woman that jumps right into bed with me.
Also, when a woman tells me we won't be having sex on the first date........I feel insulted. And in most cases I won't bother taking her out at all. Not because I want sex on the first date.....but because she should know me beter than that. I don't pressure women into haveing sex on the 1st, 2nd, or even third date. I will show her that I am interested....by kissing her, if she lets me. But I don't put pressure on her. I would much rather wait until we are both ready for sex. If it takes 2 months.....as long as I know she isn't dating other guys, I can live with that. I can get sex anywhere.....but a woman that can keep my attention for more than 5 dates without sex is very rare and I plan on keeping her around for a while.
So, in short.....you both have to be ready for sex. If one of them isn't and the other one doesn't have the patience to wait, well they aren't a good match. They should be adults about it and each go their own way. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 12:37:10 PM |
He said that i just wanted to be in control and decide when, not associate him in the decision making.
The best reponse to that would be to remind this fellow that the topic of discussion is not about buying a sofa.
i should think about him as well, his feelings and needs.
Those lines didn't work when I was 15, and I don't imagine they work any better now. Men have been trying to pressure and guilt women into having sex before they're ready since the dawn of time I would imagine.
You are your own person and if he respects you as that person? He won't push you into doing something you aren't comfortable with.
OP, you know where you stand? Stand by it. Any guy that loves you, will respect your choice. He may not like it, but he will respect and accept it. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 12:41:48 PM | | Do it when it feels right and you're ready for whatever will come after. Most men respect your desire to wait until you feel the timing is right. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 2:27:01 PM | | Being intimate for me personally is a big part of relationship, but I don't expect it after a couple of dates or two weeks. Sex really shouldn't be talked about at all in the beginning stages of any relationship, I think that both parties know it will happen. If a guy is into you for who you are and not just getting his d!ck wet, he'll wait and won't bring it up. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 2:44:00 PM | Sex is very important in a relationship, but so are other things!
Everyone moves at a different pace and should do what they feel is right and comfortable with them. I think that it is important for both people to have a common view on the importance of sex within the relationship - I don't think two drastically (sp?) viewpoints on this will stay the relationship course.
You should not feel crazy or weird for how you feel!
I've known people that jumped into sex right away and have long term relationships and I know another who waited until marriage and her husband is a great guy! | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 2:55:38 PM | Hello pia,
There are no rules other than what you choose between you and your date and what you feel comfortable with.
My feelings vacillate so I cannot be prescriptive except to describe my experience.
My date agreed to share a bed with me but told me this did not mean sex although kissing and cuddling was allowed. I agreed but this was not easy for me in reality because I am a man and she gave me ten out of ten for trying to change her mind.
But when she explained that she wanted us to wait until she was ready and she wanted me to respect her in the long term, I was ok with that and thoroughly supported her rationale despite my lust. Especially when she added that it would be worth the wait and it was!I have no complaints, sorry if I now sound smug!
So if you like the guy and you are both thinking in the long term, then surely it will be ok to delay gratification for you both.
Hope this helps.xx | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:40:19 PM | It helps a lot, thanks for sharing your experience. It is beautiful and that is exactly the way i wanted it to me. Conclusion is if a guy is serious about a relationship, he will be on the same page, or at least he will understand.
Thanks all | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:50:55 PM | I once heard a funny rule a girl had regarding sex with a new guy: Never sleep with him until you know his mother's maiden name. Don't take that literally, but get the idea behind it. Know more than his name, job, and favorite pasttimes before you hop in bed. Otherwise you're sleeping with someone who you barely know, and soon when you realize they aren't the one for you, you may regret it.
With that said, it'd be great if a man came with references from his last 3 girlfriends Haha. Everyone is curious as to whether or not the person they're with is going to be good in bed. Leave some of the mystery there for awhile, and the sexual tension will build. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/31/2008 12:55:03 PM | | I believe a relationship should not be considered until after a few sexual encounters have made it clear there is some kind of potential for emotional involvement. Then only when both lovers are satisfied that their interest in each other is not purely sexual, they could safely take the next step. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:36:50 PM | For me it's not just the sex, but the "where is this going?"
One thing many guys dislike is when they take a girl out 3-4 times, and then she suddenly isn't interested and breaks contact without a word. We feel like then we wasted our time, money, and energy.
Some guys believe that when you "seal the deal" as soon as possible, she'll get emotionally attached and thus won't easily drop the guy. However, I don't see anything wrong with going slow. You just have to make sure you're showing this guy interest AND that this is possibly going somewhere.
Sex to me is very important, as well as the times when you decide to be exclusive. I'm not a fan of open relationships or "seeing someone" for a long time (months). If I'm just here as a "possibly" while she's looking for the "oh yeah definitely", then I'm dropping her and finding a woman who will see as the "oh yeah definitely".
Women say too many men out there seem to be in a rush all the time to get a date happening and even intimacy happening, but it's because too many women tend to not even realize that they are leaving this guy in a constant state of question, asking "where do I stand?"
The trick is just to show interest, be honest, and be upfront. Even if things don't go to a relationship, honesty will take you farther than excuses, lies, or anything that's about "saving his feelings". | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:43:47 PM | It's not important. At least not to me. I'm not after it and it's going to wait until other things are settled.
What matters the most is knowing where I stand with someone. I care about that more than anything. If I'm unsure, I'm going to withdraw. | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:23:20 PM | "Women say too many men out there seem to be in a rush all the time to get a date happening and even intimacy happening, but it's because too many women tend to not even realize that they are leaving this guy in a constant state of question, asking "where do I stand?"
How true of a statement. Like I said in my post on this topic, I'm in no rush to become intimate with someone, it will happen over time. Although, if months go by an nothing, you can just consider yourself friends.
"If I'm just here as a "possibly" while she's looking for the "oh yeah definitely", then I'm dropping her and finding a woman who will see as the "oh yeah definitely"
Couldn't have said it better. There seems to be allot of this on the forum also. Lots of girls talking about "waiting for the right one" or "checking out my options" My personal favorite is "Why should I just settle" Seems to me, these types of women are living the fairy tale fantasy's they read about when they were kids. The prince will come, sweep her off her feet, take her to his castle over looking the ocean and feed her grapes for the rest of her days.
For those who didn't catch the metaphor: Some women just expect things to be great from the get go with no work involved in making a relationship great. When they meet a nice guy, rather than work on making something amazing, they just want it handed to them on a silver platter. So they just wait around, checking their options and not settling.
Keep waiting, because while your waiting for your prince in shiny armor, you'll be missing out on allot of great guys and just keep getting the jesters with rusty ball's hanging from their hats "insert puking emoticon here" | |
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| How important is sex in a new relationship?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:32:20 PM | If you're not comfortable of having sex with your date in the beginning stages of dating, then it's your decision......not his and vise versa. Be open & honest about it and if he doesn't ask you out again, then you have your answer.
Good luck! | |
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