| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:10:56 PM | | So I met this girl while we were working on cruise ships. We never really kept in touch until I got here in January. ANYWAYS, we went out for drinks when I first got back and had a great time. Great conversation and laughs. We saw eachother a couple more times then we went out for a nice dinner. I sort never really thought anything was going to happen but I figured she and I had a lot in common, same values, ideologies etc so I thought we might have something more. At the end of the night I kissed her. It was a closed mouth kiss but lasted like 10 seconds or so. SO she did kiss me back. BUT since then she has told me that she thinks of me as just a friend and doesnt think we have any chemistry. SO wha tmy question is, is what exactly do most people qualify as chemistry, I think its the way you get along, what you have in common, being able to carry on a conversation and of course physical attraction plays a part. What else?? ANd why would she kiss me back if she thinks of me as just a friend? | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:15:32 PM | Tingles tingles tingles tingles...tummy churning...tingles
You are a friend..a closed kiss is ok. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:19:07 PM | | Attraction equals chemistry. No tongue? hmmm maybe she isn't attracted to you. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:22:42 PM | Chemistry = sexual attraction. When a woman tells you that she just thinks of you as a friend, that means she enjoys your company, but you have the sex appeal of her brother to her.
Can't argue with it.
What can you do? Change your hair, your dress, you ride, your attitude, and find another girl to kiss. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:27:09 PM | It is hard to believe that you got to your age without knowing what chemistry is. Chemistry is none of the things you mention. It is an overall feeling of connection and being thrilled to be physically close to someone where they feel the same about you. Ladies, correct me if I am wrong, but I think most ladies know for sure if chemistry is not there by the end of that first kiss. A couple that I have met knew well before that and told me so, so the first kiss never happened! Others will reserve judgment until that first kiss, but I don't think it ever goes beyond that.
A whole other tack on this is that chemistry is when your brain and hers both decide the other is a suitable mate and flip the mating switch. This happens in older parts of the brain that are far from consciousness and it is experienced as a sudden change in consciousness and emotion as parts of the brain are flooded with different neurotransmitters. Books have been written about how this works, but do not explain at all how it feels. It is a wonderful experience that cannot be adequately described to anyone who has not experienced it for themselves.
If a lady tells you she has no chemistry with you, then it is time to move on. She may be telling you the whole truth, or she may be disinterested for other reasons. It really does not matter because in either case, you move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.  | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:30:07 PM | Chemistry's indefinable.
Its either there or its not....its so much more than just getting on well together,& as Blueskies said,tingles play a MAJOR part....
Be happy you made a friend,even tho that's like the kiss of death to some guys,LOL! | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:36:00 PM | My experience is this: I've dated a woman with whom I have "chemistry", and it's absolutely different than any other woman I've known. The closest I can come to describing it is like a warm and very pleasant sexual electric current that runs between the two of you whenever you touch. Because of that current, everything is better: Kissing, touching, caressing, everything. When we make love it's fantastic. It's so much better with it than without that I have actually walked away from relationships where it doesn't exist. It's incredible, and I'll never settle for anything short of it again.
Just be aware of a very important fact: It take more than chemistry to make a relationship work, but when the relationship does work and the chemistry is there? Heaven on earth! | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:39:25 PM | Chemistry never one sided.. by its nature it inherently requires mutuality between 2 people.. It's that breathless couple of mins when you encounter someone who stirs you, awakens you in a profound way, soon after you meet each other ..you both are stirred to passion.. its beyond mere sexual attraction, - chemistry is enhanced with a sense of familiarity ,comfort, and passion .. ( mutual)
In a few words: pheromones doing its magic
I get along with male friends but there is no "chemistry" going on..maybe
"platonic chemistry" but nothing more..
Chemistry is elusive, undeniable and unmistakable - its there or not.. you cant make it happen...In my prior long term relationships I have experienced that " chemistry" within the first 30 seconds of meeting the person..its intense, thrilling and should be bottled..lol
Your friend seems to not be feeling this "chemistry" with you. At least she was honest about it.. Some people kiss their friends simply as a show of affection but may not be feeling anything more than that... She may have feel obliged to kiss you back since you initiated and perhaps she did not want to hurt your feelings by pulling away...
good luck
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:49:26 PM | And this is why the good looking guys don't end up the girls (take a lesson all ye geeks).
There is huge body of knowledge out there about attraction, interaction, etc., and it appears you haven't made many trips to the bookstore. Not trying to be rude, but at 35 you're asking questions about a 10 second, closed mouth kiss? C'mon, this ain't rocket science.
Attraction is not a choice (in women). Here's the most basic truism...a woman knows in the first 30 seconds if she's NOT going to sleep with a man...but after that, he still has to demonstrate value, appropriateness, a reason for her to want to continue. My guess is you've gotten by on a tanned, nice body for so long that you forget you both have a brain...which by the way IS the largest sexual organ in the human body.
Take some time to start doing some reading and studying. All the info is out there...most of it is free. Learning to create value, interest, intrigue is easy stuff...and bottom line, if you're not willing to do it to meet her, it's unlikely you'll put forth much energy in a relationship.
Ahhhhh, to be 16 again with this knowledge...
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:49:49 PM | OP...okay, so you met, went for drinks, went out acouple more times, ya CLOSE~MOUTH kissed her~~~~~~~~ now she says no chemistry?!?!
Dude, there is NO chemistry. Sorry, no chance.
If she felt an attraction by then she would have leaned back in for a second kiss, (hence the slipping of the tongue), but she didn't, so enjoy her as a friend, and have her introduce you to her girlfriends~~~no problem.
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 6:50:25 PM | Wow, what a great question! When I met my current significant other, I genuinely loved talking with him. I loved his smile and his laugh reached right to my soul. The clincher - the first time we hugged when I met him for the first time. I remember telling a friend of mine it was somehow different with him - it just felt ...nice! (The kiss was verrrrry nice, too. )No fireworks, no butterflies. I just feel comfortable with him. He is my best friend. Later on, he said he will never forget the first time he hugged me - it just felt right. So, for me, I guess chemistry would be that immediate connection and feeling of comfort and safety with a person.
Be a friend to her, and maybe things will change, but don't count on it.
There were two men that I dated that said they loved me, and I truly believed they did. I tried hard to love them back the same way, but the feeling just wasn't there. I'm afraid I broke their hearts by trying to feel something I didn't feel, and I do regret that. At least this young woman is being totally honest with you up front. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:07:57 PM | OP...if she has no chemistry with you time to cast your line in back in the waters and start fishing again!
Chemistry is an undeniable and wonderful feeling. I think it was Seeker above here that defined it as a 'electric current'...you know if its there. Unfortunately it is sometimes one sided...but for things to really work it MUST be mutual. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:14:24 PM | Mr. EAZK, You are one smart cookie! I was going to go into that until I read what you wrote.
Certainly right about the not being able to choose for us ladies. It's either there or it's not. We know it and so do you guys.
Blonde  | |
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LCB07
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Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:08:38 PM | Just because she kissed you doesn't mean she felt chemistry. She may have been hoping to feel something during the kiss.
As said a million times...chemistry cannot be defined. It's also not as personal as you're taking it. She's not choosing not to feel it...it just isn't there. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:35:42 PM | I wonder about that too. You can get along great with someone, have constant laughs and adore each other but there's abslutely no chemical attraction. I do think it's literally something biological. I can never tell if I'm really attracted to someone no matter how good looking I find them ....until I smell their pheromones at the side of their neck just below the ear. You move in for a hug or you're dancing and then OMG if the chemistry is right I'm in trouble. Some men, once I smell them it's like I'm drunk and flushed on their chemistry. Makes me do foolish things  | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:25:21 PM | | well to answer back to some of the answers here. I kissed her, I didnt open my mouth. It was the first kiss so Iwanted to keep it lower key with her. When we hug, it is a close,long tight embrace. She told me how good I smelt too. If we have chemistry intellectually and have many similar interests it seems then its all falling into physical attraction. If I looked like Brad Pitt and had a lot of money I probably wouldnt have this problem. I forget who said something along the lines of my looks, but I am pretty average my friend, plus I have a scar and a cyst above my right eye which doesnt help my situation. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:36:00 PM | Well, she kissed you once, it might've been in that kiss that she found the chemistry lacking. I've dated girls that I was very attracted to, got along with great, but then the kiss...well it's sad to say but if there's nothing there it kind of blows everything. And remember, over 90% of the time if someone gives you a reason for not wanting to proceed with a romantic relationship, the reason may not be 100% accurate as they would like to do as little to hurt your feelings as possible. Does the answer really matter? If they're not interested, there's not much more to it than that is there? We all need to learn to stop reading into it and just accept that they've said "no further". Why would you insist on pursuing something with someone who's expressed disinterest? I've done it, but I'm learning not to, it makes absolutely no sense, it's a dead end and a waste of emotional energy. It's different when you've been in an invested relationship for a good amount of time, but if you've just gone out once or twice, or not at all...
Oh and btw Blueskies, if you think a good kiss has to be open mouth...wow, hopefully you'll learn differently someday! | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:40:54 PM | Hey massageguy72:
Want the best advice..best explanation? Read " a second life" comment. He has it figured out. And unfortunately that feeling doesn't usually change. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:29:37 PM | A ten-second kiss and no tongue?
Well, if you had any chemistry it washed overboard with the anticlimactic indecisiveness of the kiss. That was probably your greatest and last chance you had at sparking it up. Cause after three seconds, it's almost a moot point if your not gonna French her.
There's all kinds of threads on chemistry here. All I know is;
If you had any ... in twelve-seconds you woulda both been naked.
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:56:07 PM | Spark... that tingly feeling when he touches you.
Makes you melt into a helpless pile of mush.
Think about him all the time.
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:15:20 PM | you pretty much sum up most of what I consider feeling chemistry is, but what you didn't "get" is that in your case, it wasn't MUTUAL. you described what YOU felt, obviously by her own admission she didn't feel the same chemistry that you did.
she probably kissed back because she was not totally turned off by you and was curious, too.
we (the forum readers) don't know all that happened since the kiss and her admission of how she feels about you, so it's hard to say why she decided that she only liked you as a friend and not a lover.
you can't force affection. | |
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| Chemistry...explain please
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:27:21 AM | | Chemistry is when someone makes you feel all warm,fuzzy,and tingly on a physical,intellectual,and emotional level.I mean tingly in a wonderful sense,not in a my foot fell asleep kinda of way:) | |
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