| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:58:33 PM | Hi Guy,
So, I just got a frantic call from a girlfriend and I am hoping somone out here can give some sound advice as I had no idea what she should do. On friday night, she met a guy at a bar and went home with him. She spent the night but they did not have sex. She did notice a few things around that clearly belonged to a woman (curlin iron, makeup etc..) and asked him about this. He said he lived with his sister and that she was out for the night. Anyways, today she has received 2 emails. One is from this guy's girlfriend. The email was polite but wanted to know if she was the girl who hooked up with her man. The other was from a friend of the girlfriend's pretty much asking the same thing. My friend had no idea that this guy was taken, but should she write the girlfriend back? She has no idea how his girlfriend got her name or email address. Also, fom talking to this jerk on friday night she learned that they have a mutual friend. Anyways, should she write the girlfriend back? Or will that only be turning a really bad situation into an even worse one? | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:07:51 PM | Let her solve her own problem, she was dumb enough to spend the night with the guy after seeing some gal's stuff all over his apartment.
She should ignore and delete the emails and if any harassment continues, immediately call the police. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:08:26 PM | | Did ya ever notice that the women, who don't go home from the bar, with strangers they just met, don't seem to have these dilemas in their lives? | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:11:46 PM | Actually the only way to solve this is with a good old-fashioned cat-fight.
This is one reason why I don't hang out in bars...they're like a box of chocolates... 
How the hell did this girl get her email address?
EDIT: By the way, you said there was no sex, and this is certainly not something I would call a "date," so...why post here? Clearly this belongs in the Catfights and Misbehaving Barflies forum. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:15:28 PM | Hi there kitchenlover. Does she actually know the girlfriend? I would say that she should reply and just let the girl know that from what she had understood is that he was single and available. That he had denied having a girlfriend. I am sure the girl is needing some closure. And the guy is probably coming up with all kinds of lies. I know I would apprceciate someone being upfront with me. It would be a courteous thing to do. But she would run the risk of making a bad situation worse.  | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:19:48 PM | When you say "frantic call from a girlfriend", do you mean "you"?
I don't think "your friend", should bother giving these people any more of her time than she already has. What would be the point? What's to clarrify? That this guy is a liar? That this girl's trust is misplaced and she has to go ask some girl if she was out with her man, when she already knows the answer? Why the hell would her friend stick her nose in this too?
These people are morons. Stay far away from them. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:20:19 PM | | Ewww defenatly a horrible situation to be in... I was in a stituation like this back in January. I had met this chick at a party and we clicked pretty good but she lived in a town about 45 min away from me.. We ended up chillen about 2 or times a week for about 2 months. I'd stay at her house over night sometimes on the weekends. Anyways i get a call from her husband who apparently went thru her phone one day. I had no clue she was married nor could I tell from her house, not that I ever went snoop'n around her house. But it didn't really surprise me since we mostly would just have sex and chill at her house.. Me personally I don't like drama so I just told him that we played volleyball together ( Being that we both play volleyball in a leauge) and that sometimes after volleyball the team would get something to eat, but that was the only time I had ever hung out with her.. Ofcourse I told her that it wasn't cool she didn't tell me she wasn't married and that we could only be friends from now on... I didn't want to tell the husband because I didn't feel like that was my place to do that. If she wants to tell him then so be it they're the ones with a relationship not me. No need for me to be a homewrecker. As far as your friend.. She didn't do anything with the dude but she spent the night. I don't know any girl in their right mind who's gonna belive nothing happend between the two no matter how true it is... Me know'n women the way I do.. I'm sure she's gonna spill her guts and tell the Girlfriend everything LOL.. But honestly it sounds a bit fishy... I mean an Email address ? how the heck does that happen ? | |
|
eazk
|
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:20:52 PM | I think she should go back and have sex with him...I mean, as long as she's gonna have the accusations and such...and, well...he's a friend of a friend and he told me to say that.
 | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:21:20 PM | I think that if I were in this situation, I would put myself in her place and make a decision from there. Maybe this guy is a dog and hooks up with women all the time. Just because he didnt sleep with your friend doesnt mean he hasnt slept with others. If this was "my man" I would want to know. If your friend just met this guy in a bar, she doesnt owe him loyalty or anything. I would be honest with whoever was emailing me and tell them the truth and apologize for being there, but the guy told her that he lived with his sister. There are ALOT of diseases out there including KILLER ones. Sex is not a game because it has consequences that could end up ruining or ending your life. I would want to know and I would hope that so would every other woman out there.
BRAT | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:22:08 PM | If it were me, I would answer the girlfriend's email honestly and apologize for not knowing said guy was in a relationship. If things turned ugly, then I'd end communications and block. Her real problem is with her b/f, not me.
I probably wouldn't bother with the girlfriend's friend - it has very little to do with her and I wouldn't feel I owed her an explanation.
But I, too, would be curious how she got my email in the first place..? | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:30:20 PM | wow, by the first couple of responses, im shocked at you ppl!!
how many times have you had to help out a friend who got into a sticky situation?
this could have happened anywhere at anytime, not just after a night at the bar.
OP - i would advise her to reply to the e mail and simply say that she was under false pretense and has no intention of keeping any form of communication. then say she would appreciate it if was left at that.
its gonna come out somehow b/c of this mutual friend. why lie if theres nothing to hide, and shes only covering for an ass anyways?
good luck | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:46:25 PM | You're absolutely right, I'm sure, s.h - it could have had NOTHING to do with the fact that they hooked up at a bar. I would posit, however, that it may very well have. Most bars serve alcohol (unless it was an oxygen bar or a juice bar...she didn't specify), which I believe has been known to cloud judgement.
Besides, venue aside - she went home with him. Within hours of meeting him. Sorry...not very bright, in my book. Bad judgement call, you might say. Could have been worse, I suppose...he could have ended up telling her "it rubs the lotion on its skin..."
And the first response was not out of line either - she said herself there was girl stuff all over the place, I assume since it's his girlfriend that this included in the room where she "slept with but didn't have sex with him." She chose to ignore it...I guess she just assumed he was sharing a bedroom with his sister. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:55:50 PM |
wow, by the first couple of responses, im shocked at you ppl!!
how many times have you had to help out a friend who got into a sticky situation?
this could have happened anywhere at anytime, not just after a night at the bar.
OP - i would advise her to reply to the e mail and simply say that she was under false pretense and has no intention of keeping any form of communication. then say she would appreciate it if was left at that.
its gonna come out somehow b/c of this mutual friend. why lie if theres nothing to hide, and shes only covering for an ass anyways?
good luck
Fair enough... but lest we forget... don't go home with people from bars and this particular version of sticky would not happen...
Some people say call the cops if it continues, some people say reply, others think to have a cat fight... Whatever it'll be it'll be. Replying is probably the best course to take. Explaining the side of the story and maybe "OMG I ASKED HIM ABOUT THE FEMININE STUFF!! I thought you were his sister?!" Totally re-direct the issue completely...
But furthermore... REALLY?! You couldn't use logic to figure this out on your own?! this post has my vote... | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:55:52 PM | | She should write the girlfriend back and organize a threesome immediately.................WELL YOU ASKED | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:07:56 AM |
Did ya ever notice that the women, who don't go home from the bar, with strangers they just met, don't seem to have these dilemas in their lives?
Actually, yes. I had noticed. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:28:20 AM | block him and her from ur contacts.
let the mutual friend know wat a jerk loser he was.
simple, just ignore them
 | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:45:05 AM | | All I would do is reply to the message telling her that she had no idea that he was already spoken for and to reassure her that nothing happened that night. If necessary tell her about the night and how it went, also I would ask her how she got her e-mail address, tell her that under no circumstances would you ever consider meeting him again now that you know he isn't a free agent and leave it at that, at least that way your friend has relieved herself from any of the blame. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:20:02 AM | notgivingupjustyet.... u have good advice  honesty kind and straight forward... | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:01:17 AM | But look at it from a different point of view...... the idea that his so called girlfriend got your email address is that she either looked at his emails??? or it is the guy himself...??
Think about the possibilities? He really isn't into her and what best way to get rid of a woman is to pretend it is his 'girlfriend' found out... cause while he was with her face to face he most probably told her the truth 'his sister' shares the place with him ...
hmm oh well just another take on things???
Which ever way... as others have suggested, block them all and avoid them if at all possible. I know I would not reply to any emails like that. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:10:02 AM | OP
Something not ringing true in what you describe.
think [your friend] should descontinue contact with him. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:54:04 AM | | Simply block them all and walk away from the situation and take this as a huge leasson learned - 'don't go home with people you don't know'!!! Entering into any communication or debate will only blow the situation up futher! | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:01:54 AM | Er, ah....um I guess that's what happens when we mix alcohol with lust. Lower judgement level (picking up at a bar), lower intelligence ("girly" stuff all over the place), and just a general lack of morals, IMHO.
And yup, I agree with most of the posters: FRIGGEN STUPID.
She dug the hole, let her fill it. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:21:18 AM | good grief what a pile of crap! hopefully she learned her lesson...and who knows maybe this guy is a complete nutcase or his so called g/f..
she should leave it alone and stop going home with strange men from the bar she just met. | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:29:48 AM | OP....Pardon me if I'm not getting this..but what it is the point of going home with a stranger if you DON'T have sex? Why would your friend even go home with him in the first place?
Most of the women replying are voting for returning the g/f's email and most of the men are saying to walk way. Most men can't stand confrontation it seems.
I would email her and give her a simple explanation and tell her you're out of it from then on. If I were in her shoes-I'd want to know what a preeck he was.
Hope she learned her lesson about going home with strangers.
HR | |
|
| advice ASAP
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:45:50 AM | I wouldn't write back . Thats just asking them to get more involved with your personal life. If she really didn't sleep with him then she has nothing to worry about I would just let it go. If you choose to write back keep it simple I went back to the house realized another woman lived there and left. He never mentioned that he had a girlfriend and said he lived with his sister, I thought that sounded fishy so I left.
But again your best bet is to not write anything don't invite these kind of people further into your life. | |
|
Home
login 
