| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:56:03 AM | Ok, here's the story.
My BF and I are in an argument over him touching (poking, pat on back) a girl at his work. I told him from day one that I would not like him to touch any girl (except relatives) in any way shape or form.
Our realtionship is on the rocks. He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him. He also lost a couple of "girl" friends because of me.
He thought I would change my outlook, and have trust in him more. But I did a horrible thing to him and now am paying for it.
He says there's nothing wrong with poking, she's just a friend at work. BUT, I told him to stop, and he refuses cause he thinks I should get over myself and not to worry. "I don't cheat, would never cheat, and don't touch people inappropriately" He says. "I even poke the guys" (but guys are very different; they're guys)
But I still don't like him to do that. I've told him I'd have to leave him if he persists on doing what he's doing, cause he's not respecting me nor my feelings.
He says I don't need respecting anymore after what I've done. "You've done worser things to me, so I've had enough giving you what you want"
That broke my heart.
Just because I've done something (which was the most stupid thing ever), doesn't mean I should get stoned at, and have no respect neither from him.
So now I'm confused. Wheather I should move on. I still love him, but not how he treats me anymore.
I believe in "Give & Take", but he's not giving me anything anymore. He's says he given me too much before, and now I should give him everything.
I think not. Give and take works on both ends. I'm not just gonna sit back and let him do everything and I get nothing in return.
Help me on this.  | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:58:59 AM | I'm surprised he hasn't left you already. You sound like a control freak with major jeolousy issues.
Get over yourself.
Sounds like he's finnaly grown a backbone. Good for him.
You want someone to listen to you and do whatever you say? Get a puppy. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:03:01 AM | | sounds like you both need to go your seperate ways and do some maturing. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:03:57 AM | I told him to get out a "long" time ago, but he still clunged on like a koala bear. I told him I do not want to hurt him, and he should find someone who is more laid back. BUT he didn't. He loved me and cared about me, and "thought" things would get better and I would get better. He was wrong.
But it still doesn't mean he has to disrespect me and act like an ***hole towards me neither. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:06:58 AM | wow what gives you the right to tell him what to do just to make you happy( He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy) WOW what a relationship, boy I said sit, boy I said breath, Im glad he is growing up and telling you to go screw yourself who wants to be told what do all the time, thats not a realationship, he is your servent.. He gave up friends for you.. YOU admited doing SOMETHING wrong but you never said what.. you ashamed.. YOU need to grow up and he needs to run run run and never look back...
 | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:07:44 AM | This is the problem.
I quote you OP; "He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him. "
Why would you have to control a man in such fashion? You either trust your partner or you don't, and end the relationship. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:09:50 AM |
I told him from day one that I would not like him to touch any girl (except relatives) in any way shape or form.
Who do you think you are to demand things like that from your partner? Geezus...
He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him.
What? So now he's grown some b*lls and not doing everything you say and you're pouting?
He says I don't need respecting anymore after what I've done. "You've done worser things to me, so I've had enough giving you what you want"
That broke my heart.
Just because I've done something (which was the most stupid thing ever), doesn't mean I should get stoned at, and have no respect neither from him.
Sounds like the two of you both need to grow up. This BS of "he did this, so I'm going to do that and she won't do this, so I won't do that" crap is exactly that..... crap.
You both need to stop the game playing and the whining. You're young and have a lot to learn about relationships. So what if your guy "pokes" or "pats on the back" another girl.... there is nothing wrong with harmless flirting.... almost everyone does it to an extent.... it's human nature.
Bottom line is... if you're not happy and fulfilled and don't feel respected, then end it.
It's gotta be happy hour somewhere.....
  | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:18:32 AM | Aren't you the one that also doesn't believe in opposite sex friends?
You should just do the guy a favor and leave. You don't let him have female friends and don't want him to 'touch' anyone other than family. So would you be supporting of incestuous relationships on his part?
It doesn't seem like you have any idea that you are always going to be forced to interact with people of the opposite sex and a relationship can't change that.
Our realtionship is on the rocks. He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him. He also lost a couple of "girl" friends because of me.
Controlling much?
I believe in "Give & Take", but he's not giving me anything anymore. He's says he given me too much before, and now I should give him everything.
I think not. Give and take works on both ends. I'm not just gonna sit back and let him do everything and I get nothing in return.
It's good that you believe in give and take. Maybe you should work on trying the 'give' part of it. Sounds like he was more than giving by giving up friends for you and you still can't stand what he does and worry about the guy cheating or whatever crazy ideas you think he might be up to. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:19:16 AM | Help you out on this?
Gosh, I don't think we could even BEGIN to!
I also don't think you'd listen if we tried.
Bottom line... (according to you)....
You don't respect him,
he doesn't respect you,
so go your separate ways. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:21:21 AM | I personally think your rude and annoying. If I was dating you, I would have dumped you a long ass time ago. He is a person, not a doll that you wind up to do your bidding. That is terrible! If you want to dominate, join a BDSM club.
I am going to ASSUME that you went astray on him....that is what I get from your thread. That is really the only thing I can think of that would be SOOOOOOOO BAD.
Good for him for standing his ground. Luckily for him, there are millions of girls in this world, and he can move on from the psychopath that you seem to be.
Grow up or get on some "happy pills" to level out those hormones.
| |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:24:16 AM | | if he starts poking others with his third leg, then you'll have a problem... | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:24:45 AM |
But it still doesn't mean he has to disrespect me and act like an ***hole towards me neither
Sorry but it sounds to me like YOU were the one doing the disrespecting and YOU were the one acting like an *sshole!
You need to grow up a LOT in order to have an adult relationship.
Look at what everyone is saying. Please don't disregard all the comments. The people posting have had a lot more experience...both in life and in relationships. We can't all be wrong! | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:26:24 AM | | Your boyfriend is the one who needs help. His self esteem must have been pretty low to have become so involved with a such manipulative little no-mind like yourself. You probably get yourself off when you can find someone to control to such an extent that he's willing to give up friends. Normally I'd side with Ruckus and advise you to get a puppy but I can't condone cruelty to animals. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:30:10 AM | You say you believe in Give and Take, but what you described is that you give, he takes. You also seem to be saying that what is OK for you, is definitely NOT ok for him. He broke your heart? From just what you wrote, you tried to control him, tried to dictate his work life, tried to control his friendships, broke up him and a few of his lady friends, then when he was doing everything he could to try to please you - you did something terrible to him. What was it, did you cost him his job? Sleep with someone else? Call his friends and tell them the cute little secrets that you whisper on your pillow?
Please, never offer to date me or any of my friends. You honestly need to take some time to yourself, figure out what it is that causes you to act so aggressively, and realize that in ANY relationship there is only one leader... and that while you and he are equals - there are "places." Would you like it if you were cooking dinner and he kept coming in and telling you how to do what you know so well? That's right. There can only be one master cook... but his advice is both welcome and needed, or you would no know what he likes to eat or how you can do your job better.
It is the same with men. We WANT to know what you need, what you want, and how we can do the best job possible in helping you become the best woman you can possibly be. We do NOT want you trying to dictate our jobs, trying to control our lives, or trying to nit-pick us to death. It is annoying, inappropriate, and does far more damage than good. 99.9 percent of the time you will not get what you want – or when you get it, it will be so unsatisfying that you detest it…. and probably him in the process.
If you want to be the man, then fond a man that likes that. He can do your job, you do his job. But do me and everyone else a favor - find out the jobs that you are willing to do, and he is willing to do, then write them down. Let him do his, you do yours. It is OK for you to offer help and support for his jobs, and it is OK for him to offer help and support for your jobs - but it is NOT ok for you to try to do his for him any more than him trying to do yours for you.
Take some time. Learn about yourself. Get a grip on your emotions and when you get into that next relationship… if you act with maturity and honor, it may succeed. You will also find that you are going to change the criteria that you use to chose the man… from one that “gives you want you want,” to one that “Does a damn good job of being the husband by providing for you and supporting you for honest and dedicated endeavors.”
Lastly, doing something destructive because you are not getting your way is something a five year old that needs a spanking would do, not something an adult would do.
Lastly, if you continue to seek after men that will give you want you want, then allow you to control their lives at the same time, even if you DO find the “perfect man,” I can assure you that the relationship will never last more than three years. Three years is just about enough time for him to get tired of it – or to be so broken that you detest him.
Good luck – you need it. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:30:44 AM | Time to grow up a little bit. I have a ton of friends that are female that I hug every single time I see them. If a girlfriend ever told me to stop doing that I would have to have a conversation about that would probably end up with me saying either relax or if you cant stand it that much then we need to move in other directions.
There is nothing wrong with toughing another person as long as it dosnt make the person your touching uncomfortable. I say hi slap hand hug and touch on the back all kinds of men and women at work and dont even think twice about it. Thats just who I am. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:32:31 AM | So you are saying that you hoped he would give in to your demands... or else... and when he still wanted to create a relationship with you... you decided that you weren't getting what you wanted so you were going to brush him off.
Lady, seriously, you need counseling. Please get some help before you hurt someone or get hurt by someone. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:33:10 AM | maybe you should look up the word relationship and dictatorship
: the state of being related or interrelated
2: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a: kinship b: a specific instance or type of kinship
3 a: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings b: a romantic or passionate attachment
1: the office of dictator
2: autocratic rule, control, or leadership
3 a: a form of government in which absolute power is concentrated in a dictator or a small clique b: a government organization or group in which absolute power is so concentrated c: a despotic state | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:36:36 AM | | Respect and trust are foundational issues. Your description indicates that neither are present. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:40:32 AM | You're correct OP, he is a schmuck.
First of all, for him to ignore the obvious red flags and settle for someone who is immature, controlling and has no clue what a relationship is, was idiotic on his part.
He's insensitive....just look at how he turned his back on his (female) friends.
He's a doormat/wimp....how could he possibly care enough to stay with you after you did what you did?
You'd be much better off without him and try to find one of the buttheads who will abuse you, treat you like an object, cheat on you, lie to you, etc. I think they will offer you more of the drama you seem to thrive on.
But, that's JMO.
~ds~ | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:47:30 AM | I agree with Ruckus. I would have left you.
"Our realtionship is on the rocks. He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy and not to have distrust in him. He also lost a couple of "girl" friends because of me. "
Sounds like a puppy.
I have a story that I won't go into too many details. This thread will probably be deleted by the time I post this, but anyway.
Several months back in my last relationship, I was travelling down to another city to participate in an activity (drum corps). I had the option to car pool with two individuals. One was a woman (married, kids, etc) who I've known for somewhere close to 17 years. We had done corps many years ago, and so we have plenty of stories to share and talk about the old days. There is nothing more than friends there.
The other option was a man who I'd never met (until the first rehearsal weekend), who I didn't know, and wouldn't have a whole lot interesting to discuss with. Sure, he could talk about his previous drum corps days, and I could talk about mine.
Who did my ex want me to go with? Option 2. She was completely opposed with me carpooling with Option 1, because she was convinced that something was going to happen. Apparently being happily married (the underlying relationship going strong after 13 years) means nothing and that she'd jump at the chance to have an affair with me.
She used the line "if you love me, you'll do what I say". It wasn't even a choice for me, and I chose Option 1 even before I was offered Option 2.
I believe in "Give & Take", but he's not giving me anything anymore. He's says he given me too much before, and now I should give him everything.
I think not. Give and take works on both ends. I'm not just gonna sit back and let him do everything and I get nothing in return.
No you don't. You believe in him giving, and you taking. You want a one-way street, and when he decided to make it a two-way street, you believe he wants it all. From what you post, you give him nothing. But really, a relationship isn't about giving and taking. It's about sharing and compromise, but if you were willing to consider a compromise, things would be a lot smoother.
- he's not giving me anything anymore
- I'm not just gonna sit back
- I get nothing in return
Ask yourself if this is true:
What's mine is mine.
What's his is mine.
I just looked at your profile to see how old you are... you need some growing up to do. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:49:23 AM | You've basically put him in a position where it's difficult to be himself.
You aren't giving yourselves what you need.
The majority of my friends since childhood have been women. To not be able to hug a friend or act like a friend without petty jealousy getting in the way? Nuts to that. What's the point in being in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust you?
I think that you're being petty, jealous, and over dramatic... but everyone has the right to try to get what they want. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:50:22 AM | Melissa,
Your over controlling and jealous and it will eventually drive him away for good if you don't get it under control. I'm surprised he hasn't already left you, it seems maybe
he does really love you
I think you have issues that need to be dealt with and you should be alone
for a while until you've dealt with these issues.
Men and Woman joke around at work and horse play at work all the time and there's
nothing wrong with that as along as there's no inappropiate touching. I mean,
he comes home to you everyday, doesn't he??????????
Your relationship with him isn't about what you and only you want. It's a two way street. You need to learn it isn't all about you. You need to learn that you have to do things too to make him happy.
Get over yourself honey, as long as he's coming home to you, why are you worried about a little horse play at work???? | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:51:16 AM | | This is an example of why the Western World's concept of "relationship" needs to die. It's nothing more than an extended form of slavery...polyamory is the way to go. | |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:53:13 AM | He use to do everything I say and anything I say in order to make me happy
But I still don't like him to do that. I've told him I'd have to leave him if he persists on doing what he's doing, cause he's not respecting me nor my feelings.
And you're not respecting his.
OP:You scream ( personally ) of an overbearing tyrannical bully, quite full of insecurities.
It's best you both go your own way; your relationship is toxic.
| |
|
| Poke Me & Die
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:57:51 AM |
The main characteristic of a sociopath is a disregard for the rights of others.
A major personality behavior trait is the violation of the rights of others.
He or she may appear friendly and considerate, but these attributes are usually superficial. They are used as a way of blinding the other person to the personal agenda behind the sociopath’s behaviour.
Many people with antisocial personality disorder frequently indulge in alcohol or drug use. They may use these substances heavily as a way of heightening their antisocial personality. The sociopath sometimes sees the world on his or her own terms, as a place of high drama and risky thrills. The sociopath may suffer from low self esteem, and the use of alcohol and drugs is a way to diminish these feelings.
Just kinda throwin this out there..... | |
|
Home
login 
