| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:32:13 AM | I have been quite involved in the forums, and it has really helped me understand some of the problems and issues I have had in the past. I used to accept dates casually,
percieving it as something you do to get to know about a person, to see if you "click".
More often than not, within a few dates it didn`t. I was also willing to accept dates quite easily, even if I didn`t feel "sparks" physically for the person,to see what this might turn into, maybe there would be sparks when I got to know him. Maybe he would make a nice friend.
From reading alot of comments from gentlemen, I now realize that alot of men are frustrated with the idea of "casual" dating, and view it as a waste of time, effort and possibly money. I was naive in realizing that one of the major goals in dating was to
copulate as soon as possible, and if I wasn`t heading for that possibilty, I shouldn`t have accepted the date in the first place.
So I have gone from thinking " Hey, this guy is interesting. Maybe I can get to know
him, spend some quality time, and see what happens" to " well, decide quick, I just met this guy. Would I want to have sex with him in the very near future? Decide now and tell him either yes or no. If you aren`t sure say no because otherwise you are taking advantage of him."
Now I almost never date. I still get asked alot but turn them all down.I make my decision based on looking at him and thinking about having sex with him soon. If the answer is "probably not or not sure at this point" I turn down the date, to be politically correct.
I also don`t allow a man to ever buy me a drink. Doesn`t matter how well we hit it off,
how he insists, I turn him down flat. I don`t want to take advantage of him.
So I`ve learned alot from the forums, and ironically since joining this dating site, I date alot less! ( and have alot let problems) Thanks POF. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:56:40 AM | Listen, this is supposed to be fun...Too many quacks hang around these sites lookin for unsuspecting suitors....Internet dating whew, gotta have some tough skin...Im a believer in face to face communication...I agree with your post to a point...The forums are a great tool...Plus its a great place to see the opinions of some of the mentally challenged...  | |
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real1d
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Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 3 | |
| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:06:39 PM | | Wow...someone sounds real bitter. If you dont want to date anymore why are you even on POF then? Dont think you get as many offers for dates as you try to say you do, and someone NOT interested in dating dont log on and post on dating site forums. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:22:06 PM | Sounds good to me. You learn from your own experiences and from what others put on the forums. And then instead of trying on all the clothes in the shop, you only try on the ones you think you might buy.  | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:51:08 PM | | No matter how many times you strike out, dont forget hes probably not for you. Just stick with what you have in mind for a guy, and dont give up until you find him. no matter how many times it hurts, or how many frogs you have to kiss, he IS out there looking for a gal with morals like yourself. Of course, 99% of guys want sex asap. But they do appreciate a gal who sticks to thier guns, and it makes a guy feel more appreciated when you make them feel like its an honor to let them make love to you. Then then they realize what they found, someone who makes them feel very special because they dont go with a guy just for the sake of copulating. I am no pyschiatrist, but thats what I have learned over time. So you stick to your guns honey, and dont let anyone sway you. In time, you will find what you are looking for. Just dont give in and dont give up! | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:14:49 PM |
...I make my decision based on looking at him and thinking about having sex with him soon. If the answer is "probably not or not sure at this point" I turn down the date, to be politically correct. wow! We went from the 'human vacum cleaner' to this! You actually think that far in advance?
Bet your emails pick up...
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:23:52 PM | OP you've learned to filter for 'quality', eh? I filter for personality traits in the same way.
I've found the majority of ladies who show an interest in me sexually don't possess the personality traits I'm looking for (I'm only looking for a long term relationship and of course the 'downside' of that is learning to go without the sexual stuff).
I suppose we keep adjusting to it all until we pop our clogs, eh? I can see me being a very choosey happy singleton at 90 (if I live that long). | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:45:15 PM | Well, my dear, I certainly *hope* that was done with tongue firmly in cheek. . . . If not, yer in biggol trubble, lol!
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:07:59 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^can we do it in your plane?^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I`ve survived an air show in a Pitts Special, Think I could handle you! | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:24:08 PM | Have you ever considered paying for your portion of the date. It lessons your percieved feeling of being rushed and it lets your chosen date know you are responsible for the outcome of the date. Be a true woman and take care of yourself that way you feel less pressure to put out.
For a true relationship both for a man and woman to develop to full potential you get to know each other first. If you are viewing your date as do I want to hop into the sac right away then you are the one with the problem.
Personally I do not think about that first crack out of the box. I have to get to the kiss first and that tells where things will go. There is no such thing as a casual relationship all relationships have thought put into them.
Perhaps you should search yourself before you point fingers at men. Many men have been used, teased and abused. The same goes for women...I think the best thing to think is can I have fun with this person first and then serious subject matter evolves.
Just my thoughts... | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:34:12 PM | Okay people, stop giving merry a hard time... I don't think she properly conveyed what she's trying to say so she might come of as a bit of a ****.. sorry merry. 
While I don't think reading a profile and asking, "will I want to sleep with this person soon" is the way to go, I think merry just means that she doesn't want to lead guys on. I'm a guy and I don't think about that on here.
Every woman has to decide what works best for them. Some women sleep with a guy on the first date, other women wait 3 months. I don't judge anyone of them, some people are more comfortable with sex than others.
So, here's my advice to women: men communicate directly, while women drop hints, so keep this in mind. Woman (upset): You know what you did. Man (confused): No I don't know what I did, what the hell did I do?
Merry is just saying that she's trying her best to be honest with guys without hurting their feelings. When a woman isn't interested she might say she has a boyfriend, give the guy the wrong number, not return his calls, etc. all hints that she's not interested. Instead of simply saying, "I know that you and I won't work out", that is often her way of telling him.
Merry is acting on the assumption that sooner or later the guy is going to want to sleep with her and if she has no interest in sleeping with him, she shouldn't bother to go out on a date with him. I wouldn't want a woman to judge me that way because her perception of me by reading a few paragraphs would not be completely accurate. My profile is just a glimpse into who I am.
She could also be someone who doesn't know what she wants in a guy but knows if she'll be willing to sleep with him soon by looking at his picture. Whatever works for her. I like fun and interesting women so if a woman seems that way, I'll send her a message. If she responds and we message back and forth or IM and it goes well, maybe I'll invite her to come out and do something with me. I always try to make it low pressure like getting coffee. It's inexpensive, it's in a public place, you can talk and people usually have time for coffee. If it goes well then perhaps something else. My main focus is getting to know them to see if they're someone I'd like to have as a somewhat constant person in my life, not trying to sleep with them. Maybe merry is only looking for sex, and if she is, who are we to judge her? Every woman has the kind of love life she decides to have. Guys too, sometimes we just have to make an effort. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:36:50 PM | | I am not saying you have come to the wrong conclusion but its a sad one.I have experienced from the oposite side that if you don`t make some kind of advance things can turn cold quickly. Everyone moves at different speeds,you maybe haven`t found your match yet! | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:04:43 PM | I have always been quite vigilant as to keeping things even. I prefer to take turns with treating as oppposed to splitting the tab. That just seems rude. I`ll say, seeing your`e getting this, I will get this. I went on a total of 5 dates last year. Out of the 5, it was very evident that 4 out of the five were working every angle they could to get me back to their place and were physically forward. Two were so bad that I told them off. So don`t tell me they don`t do that, they do, Maybe not to all women, but they do to me.
The only gentleman out of the bunch, the one that was descent and didn`t go that route, know where I met him? Right here. But a dog is a dog, and I don`t think it is going to matter if you pick up the check or not. They don`t turn into automatic gentlemen because you have picked up your part of the tab. They probably think "cool, she pays her own way, Now I will jump her. "No, not all guys are this way, but alot are. I just had some real bad deals last year and too many in a row and am taking some time off. I am just going to be alot more careful on who I choose to accept a date from. Nothing wrong with that. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:11:46 PM | Merry, i think i also have been on about 5 dates last year. I was not trying to get them back to my place, i was trying to get them into the plane. And i was trying to be a gentleman about it. If you can believe that.  If they will not fly with me, i ain't going to date them. Period. There is give and take in all relationships. I am ready and willing to do things with and for a date. I just want the same for me. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:20:19 PM | | I can`t believe that they wouldn`t jump at the chance to fly. Absolutely nothing better in the whole frickin world. Youv`e been dating the wrong girls. A fly in on a Sunday morning, and a good airshow? Gee our yearly vaca was the fly-in at Oskosh. I come from a family of pilots, love it. I think you need to find a girl form one of those families. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:28:19 PM | Well - I've dated the good and the bad - but not the ugly -lol
But this hasn't changed my views on dating. It is just like an experiment - you
never know if you'll get Dr. Jekyl or Mr. Hyde.
Hey I'll go on an airplane ride - just as long as you take me through some cool moutains and we swoop over a lake. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:35:45 PM | Times have changed babe. Most men are indeed expecting sex within 1 or 2 dates. Im not necessarily agreeing with that but I do like one thing: they are far less judgmental about women having sex early in a relationship than they used to be. That can only be a good thing and its about time. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:19:39 PM | Its changed my mind too..You look and look for a person of the same intrests,and so on..And You write them,,maybe they will answer,,most likely not..But you keep on keepin on and still nothing..They all want to know where you work,or you just aint Superman so they dont answer..It is a sad deal..But in your Heart your hoping around the corner,,,POW,,You found them...So,,,Keep on Keepin on.. | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 4/15/2008 2:28:00 PM | Excellent thread! I have written to many ladies here. I have written in MANY different ways. Ultra polite, just polite, informative, asked questions about their interests, joked around, you name it and I have tried it.
The last one was a real winner. Since I mention "chemistry" in my profile, she wanted to know what I meant by chemistry, so I explained. Never heard back, and I wrote absolutely nothing sexual or degrading.
This site is loaded with women and men with serious baggage, lack of trust and non willingness to take it to step 1, never mind anything further. It might be FREE, but it's membership is all but basically useless.
Just my 2 cents | |
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| POF has changed how I view dating.
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:31:51 PM | It is sad but true!
We don't think like men do, we want to get to know thw person, is he funny? is he kind? does he floss? etc.
I was talking to my brother about a really bad date where the guy asked me for sex, right after we went out for dinner.(after he turned down my credit card to pay for my half of dinner).
I said I can't believe that is all he wanted and right away too.
My brother said: The only reason I ever asked anyone out my whole life is because I was attracted to them therefore I wanted to have sex with them and that is WHY I asked them out, that is why anybody who is asking you out aks!
Then they get to know you and they like your personality and how funny, smart etc. you are .
BUT for the fact that you are atractive they would not be asking at all to start with, get with the program!
So I guess Merry you got with the program, that is how guys think.
Why wouldn't we follow and then just don't date anybody else?
Because, really, 9 out of ten(sometimes 10 out of 10) guys who ask you out are NOT going to be atractive enough for you(or me) to get in the sack ASAP just because we women don't work that way.
So, is it getting with the program or just cuttin down your chances of meeting a guy you really like to zero? | |
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