|
|
|
|
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:28:58 PM | I have come to notice that almost all women have ran into this encounter, wheather she be beautiful, ugly, skinny, fat, short, tall...... Well you get what I am saying all type of women. The encounter is that they meet that wonderful guy, or so they think he is wonderful, untill you start sleeping together. That is the moment that they the men become emotionally uninvolved. I am starting to think that I am going to keep my leggs closed as long as possible from this point on, due to the fact that this keeps happening. I have been lied to many times untill this happens. I have been told that they would do anything to keep me, falling for the same old trick.... hehehe**** I would like to know honestly is this just a way to prove wether a girl is worthy of keeping or what?
Is it the longer we keep men at bay that they are willing to actually stay involved in the relationship. I love to have sex but I find it dangerous for me or any other woman to get involved in this situation if the results are the same everytime. Do men think that they no longer have to work for our attention once they get the a**? I am starting to wish that men would stop acting like slobbering mangy dogs and start taking mine or any other womans affections seriously. Be one hundred percent honest. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:33:42 PM | A lot of people are after just that and have no problem playing it cool until then. They got what they wanted.
I'm not after sex and would be pretty disinterested all of a sudden if someone came onto me like that. I think I make it clear in my profile that I'm actually interested in a relationship and not sex. If I don't, I should.
If you want someone that's really NOT after sex then DON'T DO IT. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:47:44 PM | ^+1
Have to agree with zopz. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys out there who just want sex and they will do whatever they can to get it. But not all of us are like that. I guess you just need to be a bit more picky and make them wait a bit longer. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:57:54 PM | > Do men think that they no longer have to work for our attention once they...
Yup, men are more intuitive than you might suppose, and that attitude will shut a guy down faster than you saying your real bf gets out of prison tomorrow. We're in it for pleasure and enjoyment, not continual toil. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:00:04 PM | I like to lay it on the line right from the start with my intentions. I tell him what I want and expect, then the decision is up to him whether or not he is interested in my needs.
Lay it all out from the beginning and anyone who is insincere will run away so fast you won't have to worry about him. It would take great skill to maintain a lie in the face of so much blunt honesty.
Do I scare some men off? Oh you bet. Thankfully. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:03:31 PM | If you are basing your experiences on internet dating alone, you answered your own question. It is the nature of the beast to get some of the bottom of the barrel of people on here and think it applies to all men or women.
If you are making bad decisions, analyze where you can make better ones. If again your experiences are based in internet dating, you might want to go away from that strategy for a bit.
Attitude is a self fulfilling prophecy. You think all guys are bad and you will continue to find bad guys.
You will also find the people complaining on the forums fall into the squeakiest wheel gets the grease syndrome as it does not represent the majority, just the loudest people willing to "vent" to a bunch of strangers on a forum.
Just my 2 cents from a complete stranger. | |
|
| |
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:10:35 PM | That was not based on just internet dating these are experiences that not only I but alot of women have ran into. Thank you for the assumptions. I would also like to say now let those a** holes run I willtell all woman stop giving into a mans sexual desire once and for all and put them back in their place. I love being human, it affords me me mistakes. Like Mae West once said "Too err is human -but it feels devine!" Well I guess I have to stop being human and become a total prude or afford my self a battery operated boy frienD, untill the real deal arrives . I guess that is what should be done acrossed the board.
LISTEN ALL WOMEN DON'T SCREW ANYONE ANYMORE THEY ARE MORE LIKELY THEN NOT JUST OUT THERE TO USE YOU!!!!!
 | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:12:36 PM | Thanks.
I have found that a sincere man will appreciate knowing exactly where he stands, and an insincere man won't appreciate anything. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:57:04 PM | I know from my experience, that I appriciate knowing where I stand right away.
If it's a fling, or a relationship that she wants, I can prepare for that, and determine if that is what I want or not at that time.
for me, I prefer a relationship, but if I don't have sex for a longer period of time, I might allow myself to allow the other.
The last thing I want, is to continually guess on where things stand because of mixed signals... Reason I enjoy a stright up woman more. because I'm not psychic. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:13:33 PM | | Do not have sex unless you want to. That way, you will only be having sex that you want to have. Then whatever else happens, you can look beyond sex for the culprit. My money is on the wrong shoes for that outfit. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:21:21 PM | Oh man, Aries, I can't agree with ya more. It's just awful having to guess about where you stand with a woman. For the life of me, I cannot understand why I've been made to feel like I'm suppose to be psychic. If you're not told how the other person feels, how can they expect you to know? (And then, consequently get mad at you for not knowing.) I don't know why (and this goes for both sexes) communication is so lost nowadays. Maybe a wiser "phisher" can clear those questions up.  | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:27:19 PM |
I am starting to think that I am going to keep my leggs closed as long as possible from this point on, due to the fact that this keeps happening.
It won't work, because you're operating on the idea that sex killed the relationship. It didn't. The guy was only in there for that in the first place. If you hadn't done it, he would've gotten bored and bailed eventually.
And, like I said, holding out on sex with every guy won't work, even when you find the right guy. In fact, you're likely to run off a good guy by setting arbitrary rules that have nothing to do with anything he's done.
Sleep with someone when you feel it's right to sleep with them. If he's a jerk and leaves, that sucks. But that's the risk you take with dating ANYONE new. Trying to overly-control the situation won't negate that. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:49:36 PM | | I should also add that the more you resist sex, very often the more a guy will pursue you just to add that elusive notch to his belt. You should have sex when and only when you feel comfortable doing so. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater by assuming that all men who have a healthy libido are just out for a one-night fling. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:08:05 PM |
until you start sleeping together. That is the moment that they the men become emotionally uninvolved.
Are you sure the were "emotionally" involved in the first place?
Be one hundred percent honest.
Are you being 100% honest with them? "Dating" can mean several things to several people. It's a completely ambiguous term. Unless you specifically TALK to the person involved, then how does either of you know where you stand, or what if any expectations there are?
Don't blame men for walking after they got some sex-when you don't tell them that you're interested in more than that, you can't expect a man to be psychic, and he shouldn't expect that from you either. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:08:22 PM |
I would like to know honestly is this just a way to prove wether a girl is worthy of keeping or what? In some ways, yes. However, it's not the whole story. My younger brother, who looks like a model, and who never used to take girls seriously, once told me that he never thinks about whether he likes a girl until he's slept with her. His brain still records the way she acts. But he doesn't think about whether she is worth dating until AFTER he's slept with her, and at that point, all the stuff she did before comes into play, and is the basis for his decision on whether to keep seeing her or not. It's like if you are friends with a man who has a partner. You won't think of dating him until he becomes single. But if he does become single and asks you out, then all the time you've known him will be used as the basis for deciding whether or not to accept to date him or not.
I cannot fault him on this, because so many women "friend-zone" a man that they haven't yet slept with and who shows he likes her, and so few women "friend-zone" any men they have slept with or any men that don't show they like her, that it is almost certainly a practical self-defence mechanism to suppress any feelings for her until after they've had sex, just to avoid being "friend-zoned". Men find this unfair, because the man is the same, before and after the sex, and is the same man, whether he has feelings for her or not. If all women would treat the men they haven't had sex with, the same as the men they have had sex with, and whether he shows that he likes her or not, this wouldn't be a problem. So this defence mechanism must exist as long as women keep to this unfair practice.
Is it the longer we keep men at bay that they are willing to actually stay involved in the relationship. Nope. It's just that until you've had sex, many men will suppress their feelings for you, in order to stop being "friend-zoned". The longer you avoid sex, the more men will find their patience wearing thin, and the less men will stay around. That will leave you with more patient men, of which some will want a real relationship with you, and some won't. Regular pickup artists will fly the coop, because they will work on a numbers game, but that is only if you are stopping them seeing anyone else. If they are not exclusive, and you aren't taking up nearly all of their free time, like talking on the internet, then it won't matter, because they will be talking to several women, and you will just be one of a number that they talk to, until you are willing to have sex.
However, it's a great policy to withold sex if you are physically dating a man twice a week, in an exclusive relationship, where you are kissing a lot, but not more, because the kissing will ignite his passion, and he will find it incredibly hard not to just kiss, unless he has genuine respect for you. If he is not exclusive, then it won't be a big deal, because he will be satisfying himself elsewhere. If you are not dating him a lot, then he can say he's exclusive and be lying.
Do men think that they no longer have to work for our attention once they get the a**? Yet again, no. It's just that women make so much of a game of gaining a man's affections without sex and then rejecting him in favour of a good-looking pickup artist, that it takes a great degree of self-control and a great poker-face to get to the sex, and that means that he spends so much effort on not getting rejected before the sex, that he just isn't relaxed enough to ask himself if he really wants to be with her.
I am starting to wish that men would stop acting like slobbering mangy dogs and start taking mine or any other womans affections seriously. Be one hundred percent honest. I can understand your POV. But if you want things to change for you, it might help to look at it from another angle.
How does it make you feel when you sleep with a guy, and he never calls back? Used? Is it any different to being "conned" in any other way?
If your friend told you that she met another woman, and they became best friends, until her friend asked your friend to borrow her car, and she never came back with it, would your friend feel taken advantage of? Would your friend feel that their friendship was a "sham", and that she never had any intention of being a friend, and was just there to get the car?
What would you say to your friend? Would you tell her that it wasn't her fault?
How about if it happened to her, again and again and again, that women befriended her, but only so they could steal her car? What you say then?
You would tell her that she is not very good at judging people, and that she should listen to you, because you ARE a good judge of character.
You would tell her that if anyone wants to borrow her car, that she should introduce her to you, and you will tell her if the person is trustworthy with her car or not. You would tell her that if she only met that person that day, but you could see she was a good person, that she should lend her car straight away, and that if you can see that she is NOT a good person, that she should NEVER lend her car, however wonderful the person seems to be.
It's either that, or never lend her car to anyone ever again.
Same with sex.
Either learn to be a good judge of character, or always check with a friend who IS a good judge of character. I'm sure that you have at least ONE friend who is a good judge of character and who isn't interested in stealing any of your boyfriends. I would suggest that you introduce all your potential boyfriends to that friend, BEFORE sex. If she thinks he's a good person, then sleep with him right away, and if he doesn't call back, it's just the price you pay, because you cannot get EVERY time right, and nor can your friend. If she thinks he's NOT a good person, then NEVER sleep with him, no matter how attractive, charming, or sweet-sounding he is, because you know that trusting your instincts has failed you so often in the past. I realise that she will probably tell you to sleep with "nice guys", and to never have sex with good-looking confident players, but if you want to change your ways, you will have to change your attitude to men as well, and acknowledge that if what you want is a long-term relationship, it's guys who are going to treat you well IN THE LONG RUN that matters, not the short run.
It's either that, or never have sex with anyone ever again.
I realise that is quite a controversial stance. But if you want big changes, you're going to need a very different way of doing things.
My advice: LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS. LOVE IS BLIND. THEY ARE NOT.
That's my $0.02 | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:35:42 PM | I think women should stop using sex as a lure for a relationship. If you like someone enough to sleep with them, do it - but do it for that reason alone, don't think that just because you've slept with someone they 'owe' you a relationship. If I go out with someone and really like them, I'm not going to wait for months and months to find out whether we're sexually compatable or not. If I really like them but the sex is cr@p, the relationship's probaly not going to last anyway, I'd rather find that out sooner rather than later. And before you think to yourself, 'Oh my God, what a slut', the number of guys who come along that I like enough to get that far with is dismally small.
H.x | |
|
| |
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:30:10 PM | | ^^^^ That was my second thought: he's suffering from depression, or a mild form of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. She was better as a fantasy (or at least way different from what he'd previously expected), and now he's having second thoughts, feels like he's in a jam, and she's not helping things in the least by ragging on him and becoming adversarial. Like now that they've had sex she's changing the terms of the relationship so he owes her. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:45:01 PM | Yep.....I am thinking that it is the same as well.......the sex is just not that good, so, he is not coming back for that.
If it happens over and over to you, then there is a reason, and you are part of that reason, and there is no need to point a finger at the man alone.
Getting ass is easy my dear, and most can get laid when wanted, but, and this is a big but........getting laid by the right person.......ohhhhhh so much harder to find, do, and make last.
It might be your looks that will get my attention, but I can assure you that it will be much more than that, if I keep coming back for more and more and more..... 
Most of us want a lady on our arm, a tramp in bed, and a mental equal throughout the whole process........
Just my opinion......   | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:49:16 PM | OP-
You're 29 years old, old enough to discuss sex with a partner, and old enough to make you're own decisions regarding all of it's repercussions. If things do NOT work out the way you had hoped, and this seems to happen to you time and again, maybe you need to pause and reflect on a few things. What's the "constant" in all of those situations? Well, besides you of course. You cannot go on blaming men and calling them names because they don't see their futures with YOU in it. It's a fact of life, it happens. Try and make better decisions, and work on communicating your wants, desires, and relationship expectations, that may help considerably.
Lastly, you've probably heard the psych term-Projection, right? Here's the definition:
Projection: Projection is one of the defense mechanisms identified by Freud and still acknowledged today. According to Freud, projection is when someone is threatened by or afraid of their own impulses so they attribute these impulses to someone else.
Sound at all familiar? | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:59:07 PM |
Unfortunately there are a lot of guys out there who just want sex and they will do whatever they can to get it. But not all of us are like that
I totally agree. I don't do that and even thought it goes both ways, it's just not what I'm into, especially since I am looking to meet someone for the long term. | |
|
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:08:03 PM |
I would also like to say now let those a** holes run I willtell all woman stop giving into a mans sexual desire once and for all and put them back in their place ...
Ooooh-kay. A man's "place"? Where's that? Oops. It's with the women who WANT men to have sexual desire for them, and aren't "giving in" to it, but grabbing it with glee.
LISTEN ALL WOMEN DON'T SCREW ANYONE ANYMORE THEY ARE MORE LIKELY THEN NOT JUST OUT THERE TO USE YOU!!!!!
A very selfish part of me silently cheers every time a woman posts something like this. More men for me. Yay! | |
|
| |
| Honestly is this true...........
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:21:07 PM | | Their are a lot of happy couples that have sex and their relatiionship still grows respectfully, BUT I have to answer your Question with a Question.....Why is it that often a good looking guy picks up most Weekends and has (sex and dramas)......And the other which to my mind would be stable and loyal....Buuuuuut a little less attractive gets NONE most Weekends.......So maybe your getting what so many women search for, but rarely admit too!!!!...because if women pursued what you say you want.....honesty, loyalty, commitment, stablity and all that.....all the NERDS would be married....So go back to your romantic novels and stop whinging about your own choices...........Not that theres anything wrong with the type you choose, it just is your CHOICE!! | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
