| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:05:51 PM | | I would like a little help from the guys on this one, please. Things are going along great. ...you make contact with a guy, exchange emails, IM a little, maybe even phone numbers, or a first (nervous) meeting. Everything seems to be going good, no pressures. Both say we had a nice time (hugs n kisses), chat again, emails, IM, phone calls, want to meet again... then BAM! nothing! You don't hear from them forever. I don't expect them to contact me every day or nothing, but geesh! One guy said something to the effect that he wanted me to be more aggressive. Are the times changing that much, and I'm out of the loop? Do the guys want us women to call them and ask them out? I don't want to feel like I'm desparate, or pushy, or anything like that, so I don't come right out and ask the guy out, but I do email and IM, trying to keep in touch at their request; sometimes with response, others not. Ok, I kinda don't get that...Then when they DO contact you, they act like, "where the heck ya been?" Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated. Thanks all! | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:19:26 PM | Uh, it's none of that psycho-babble shit or whatever they told you.
If a guy does that, he's just not that interested. It's that simple.
When they only respond to you intermittently, it's because they only talk to you when they're bored and don't have anyone else they're interested in at the moment but it does not in any way mean they're really interested in you.
Harsh, but true. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:54:36 PM | | It is a lot easier for them to disappear than to say, sorry, no longer interested. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:01:55 PM | | I'd say he is interested, but on his terms, and not interested in you totally. Your best bet, if your after a long term, forget him and move on! You deserve a lot better then that for yourself! Find someone that cannot take you off his mind! Good luck!!! | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:53:31 PM | Ditto Adam.....
However, I was a bit confused..
Both say we had a nice time (hugs n kisses), chat again, emails, IM, phone calls, want to meet again... then BAM! nothing! You don't hear from them forever
They don't contact you after the first meet, or after a few months of seeing each other?
In a few instances, I have finally made a coffee date for a first meet. A few times the person didn't show, and on other occassions, they sat nervously, and basically said, "Oh sorry, but I have another committment, but it was nice to meet you." and they leave.
I don't get an email, and I am feeling rejected enough, not to 'stalk' them with an email.
I believe, NOW is the right time to make another committment. If someone hurries off without some kind of encouragement, then they must not be interested.
However, I have never had anyone say, 'yes I would like to meet you, and make the committment, with a date, time and place', unless they were interested. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:06:47 PM | I think if that happens which it does seem to alot it is wrong for either party. To leave anything enended is simply rude. I have barely even gotten return messages here let alone emails lol.
Especially if people have met. Online is a great place but a place to hide as well and ignore. My experience has to have been ignored. Same thing as being unanswered.
The reality is sad but true. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:18:35 PM | I'm a firm believer that if someone is really interested they contact you, they make effort... if it's intermitent, so is the interest- the other party is a convenience or second thought if they see you online, NOT on their mind, thinking of you (where is where *I* want to be in dating someone!)
When they dissapear it's due to the same- not interested. I rarely buy the "busy" line, as unless you're the president of the united states or something you MAKE time for someone you're interested in. How much time/effort does it take to pick up the phone or text or send an offline IM or email?
It's sad and cowardly and rude that people don't shoot a line to someone they've actually spent time w/ to say "hey, I am going another direction" or whatever, but it's easier so it often happens. *sigh*
Hang in there and watch the cues! | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:37:38 PM | > I'm a firm believer that if someone is really interested they contact you, they make effort...
But this works in both directions. If she's sitting around like Rapunzel in her tower waiting for the phone to ring rather than calling him when she has the inclination to do so, he may be getting the impression she's just not that into him.
So it could be nothing more than him being oriented towards a more equal arrangement where you both pull on the oars to make the boat move.
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:48:27 PM | Geez...I seem to be refering this book alot lately...He's just not that into you. I suggest you read it. If he was into you he would call. Dont lower your standards or change your way of thinking because the guy says you should. Let him wonder why you havent called and when he asks where the heck you have been - let him know you've been busy (he should know that you've got a life with or without him). Get the book - really - it was quite amusing and funny and was written by two of the writers from Sex and the City! Good Luck!
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 5:59:30 PM | Its not just guys, some women do it too. Its happened to me a few times, I've learned to just let it go and chalk it up said person only fiegning interest for the time being.
Its unfortunate that an adult can act like that, perhaps the very fact that most contact takes place in a two dimensional enviroment makes it all the more easier to do.
I can only speak for myself on this matter, but if I wasn't interested in someone anymore I would simply say so.
V! | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:03:48 PM | | Sex on the first date might give him more interest! Also, if you are quite passive and don't talk enough, just reply with "yes", "no", "i don't know", he will not have anything to go on an will not know what to ask you. He will also get bored! | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:14:17 PM | | Another pofer and I were discussing this the other day. Handful of e-mails, maybe some phone, and one day they just inexplicably do not return your e-mail. Whether their attention became occupied elsewhere is anyone's guess just forget it and keep doing what you are doing. Someone will click when it is the right person and time. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:31:30 PM | All it takes is one woman to email a man a Boobie photo and the rest of us might as well be invisible. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:41:11 PM | ^^^^ My point exactly. It's much more effective to show the guy you're into him in a clear and unambiguous manner than it is to sit around playing "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not"...
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 6:48:34 PM | If a man is interested you can bet your sweet self that he will be banging down your door. He will call, write, ect if he doesn't then he has something else on his mind. So who cares move on do you have any idea how many people are on line checking each other out? Millions, so don't fret move on and if he doesn't show up for a date then it is for the best.
Good luck,
Honey | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:23:53 PM | Here's a novel idea and one that most healthy people will practice in relationships--ask the other person involved these questions.
Best.
ACP | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:55:14 PM | I went through the same thing with a girl I recently met, although I was calling, texting her and she's call and text back. Then I had that same BAM. Makes you wonder, it really does. She even said she would love to have a second date. Oh well, nothing you can do with those types of people, I guess not being mature enough has a factor on things such as that. Just be a fricken adult and say your not interested.
It's not about being desperate or pushy, we're all adults and you shouldn't have to wait around waiting for anyone. Calling someone because your interested doesn't make you desperate or pushy, just lets the other person know your interested in them.
I'd suggest contacting him and talk to him and see where you guys stand. No point in beating around the bush, get the answer your looking for.
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:05:39 PM | | I guess a women can ask. A real man will tell you what is on his mind. For men it is easier, if we ask for another date and she is busy and does not offer another day or time well that tells me to move on. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:13:18 PM | | Seems like the guy either lost interest in you over something he can only tell, or he's just shy and is prone for women to make the first move, rather than him having any balls to ask you out for another date, hence his hint about him wanting you being the aggressor. Now you gotta ask yourself, are you willing to be an "aggressor" in a relationship? If you are, cool, if not it won't work. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:49:23 PM | On average I probably write less than one e-mail per day ... and I'm notoriously slow with my responses (that's just me).
If by chance I get distracted by something or someone requiring my attention ... then it's going to take me even longer to get back to you (a week or more wouldn't be unusual).
That's just the way life is.
(Unless of course you got some boobie pix ... then BAM! ... I'm on it.) | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:13:49 PM | There are forums/threads on here.... saying (pages of them)........ from many people.. this has become like a normal occurrence.....guys or girls just disappearing.........
I tell you this..
1.because i was amazed that peoples manners/courtesy/communication skills and strength of character...no longer seem the norm
2. to let you know (and if you read these threads)... that its probably not about you..
you wrote.........
Both say we had a nice time (hugs n kisses), chat again, emails, IM, phone calls, want to meet again... then BAM! nothing! You don't hear from them forever
Now my own opinion on this.. (just from reading other peoples experiences... would be this modern way of interacting/dating etc.......
you are going to meet a stranger youve had limited contact with.....
1.. your probably both nervous.. (if they will like you etc...or will they not like you)=(fear of rejection)
2..interacting this way mainly involves the emotions/ego.... (ego isnt a dirty word it just explains the part of a human is operating from )
3. so you chat online...you meet... then your both wondering do i like him? ...do i like her?...... ... so then all the words come out.. to express ... (wanting positive feedback)...
like yes lets get together again.. (she thinks phewwww he likes me..hes not going to reject me....).... he can then think...ok.... she wants to see me again.... (she didnt reject me)
see the ego? once its satisfied theres no rejection...both walk away unrejected..........but then
over the ego hump..(next bit of road comes up in human behaviour) things change..
then its ok didnt get rejected... but im not into her...(but i needed to know she would see me again if i wanted too)..
or woman..ok. now i know he didnt reject me..... i can think...no im not into him....
does that make sense? re humps.. or speed bumps .. as anology in human interaction levels?
so read lots forums/threads and ive learnt...
dont emotionally get attached too quickly... nor expect everyone to go click on every level with you..(this will help you not deal with the human ego speed hump thing.... expect you wont click with everyone..)
try and communicate as openly and as honestly as you can.... so the other person feels... they can just say .. (get past the ego hump)... you know its nice meeting you.. but i know your not my 1..
for me personally....i donot understand how so many people can date so many people without not knowing already they are not the one...... as. in.. by emailing.. discussing certain interests/attititudes etc.. charater/reactions .. etc are the foundation of interaction/communication and knowing if someone is even slightly compatable to explore further..
thats me though.....
others..... some it seems ..... can try and connect with just anyone.. then wonder why its not working..out..
ok.. my advice re whats the new rules? re call dont call etc..
is be yourself.... know yourself... that well help you know what you want.. when you know what you want ... you then can recognise it..(you teach others how to treat you)
so it dosent matter what about calling etc... because each person is an individual...yes?
some guys like it... some guys dont...
me personally... im old fashioned that way...... i like the man to contact me... if im interested i will let him know im interested
dont let others define your emotions.. or your actions. be confident in knowing yourself... then communicate yourself to others.... that way you can discuss openly and honestly.. what are your own personal... boundaries/expectations etc..
smiles/peace | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:47:09 PM | | You just need to relax do what you feel comfortable with. Things will fall into place when you get going out with the right person. I have noticed this as a new trend in dating people just stop responding to communication instead for being up front and saying hey I don't think this will work. I mean at least have the guts to send a lame text to let them know. I think if you cant end a relationship with some respect on both side then you probably shouldn't be dating. | |
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| is it shy or disinterest?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:53:57 AM | Oh no, we chat and email and even talk on the phone after our first meet.
"had a great time"
"nice meeting you"
"wow-you're even better looking in person"
"would like to go out again"
blah blah blah...
that sorta thing
Some of these guys are tuff reads, ya know. never stood up, well, once he EMAILED me to say he couldn't make it cuz he 'was sick. and if I hadn't chked my email 10 mins before I left, I would've been waiting there-maybe 1/2 hr tops, tho. He even had my number! We had gone out before, a few yrs prior and he initiated it and hooked up w/ me. | |
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