| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 3:00:03 PM | I just read a posting from a guy who was asking, in essence, whether it was okay to prefer attractive women as dates. I admired his bravery at asking such a question, and predictably some people attacked him for it. It made me sad that someone would ask a genuine question like that and be attacked. I mean, we are talking about love and sexuality here, things very basic to one's self-regard. They are opening themselves up; it's really easy to hurt somebody when discussing these things. And that got me thinking about rules for responses that I'd love to see followed, but aren't actually enforced. Among them are:
1) You have a right to disagree with someone's opinion and say so. You do not have a right to attack them for holding said opinion.
2) Yes, poor spelling and grammar make me cringe and yes, I find it irritating. But it's not their fault if they can't spell, and this isn't English class. So if and only if their poor grammar or spelling makes their point unclear, say so. Politely. Once. And then move on.
3) This is not a place to simply take out your anger on the opposite gender. Especially if in doing so you contribute nothing to the conversation.
Any other suggestions? Or am I simply naive? | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:06:09 PM | be happy, your thread pretty much opened the door for proof ^^^
sometimes i wonder if these forums just make it worse for some people to find a good catch.  | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:02:50 PM | | Don't wonder shit.head. When you start blabbing in the forum you surely decrease your chances of find someone. People are looking for perfection and the more you tell about yourself the less perfect you will seem. Was that polite? | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:46:46 PM |
sometimes i wonder if these forums just make it worse for some people to find a good catch.
You may have a point. Either way, what a great screen name. Takes ba...takes moxie to use a name like that.
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:37:10 PM | Some folks just need a reality check...when they ask something kinda, well, shallow, they get the responses that may make them rethink their position. The "insults" may make then think thngs through...perhaps make them a bit better person. As far as "personal attacks" are concerned, there are ways to "couch the language" without coming out with a direct insult.
Take the poster above me....wonderful name there....but...does it fit the bill? Probably not.
Of course, some posters feel that their personal soapbox or "political correctness" must take precednece within the threads at all times. Otherwise, they get all haughty and refuse to even place rational arguments for their point. they often run away when confronted directly with questions, or rebuke the person asking the question. Not cool, in my opinion...they could have made a convert, but, chose to alienate someone instead.
Threads are for fun, and to exchange ideas, rationals, and post opinions. Mostly anyhows.
Spelling and grammar...a lot of people really need to have that improved...self included...but I do manage to get the point across. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:30:10 PM | I would add to the OP's list to not hijack threads or make stupid, inane posts on a serious thread.
Regarding spelling mistakes and who's fault is it? Whoever insists on pushing them through school without basic language skills and won't fail them for fear of doing psychological damage because the kid has to repeat a year and be behind his/her friends (the excuse used to my parents for pushing my brother through grade school). 
Of course, it's also the fault of the person who can't be bothered to learn, and spelling is plain memorization.
I understand typos - we all make them. However, it's quite annoying trying to read a post where every other word is spelled wrong. I don't usually say anything because it could be someone with a learning disability. A lot of the times, it's just laziness, IMO. I am constantly backspacing to correct my typos (and when I have my hand splints on, I make a LOT of them) because I care about the impression I am making. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:12:08 PM |
I would add to the OP's list to not hijack threads or make stupid, inane posts on a serious thread.
I am pro- inane posts. They're usually short and I can't scroll past the page long diatribes fast enough.
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:16:16 PM | When I post a thread, and I am being an idiot about whatever it is I am posting a thread on, I want to be told. I don't know these people, will never meet any of them, so an insult is actually constructive.
If I am being a prat, tell me. Its only words. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:29:49 PM | No, you are not naive. Basic politeness in responding to a thread is not an unreasonable expectation.
1) You have a right to disagree with someone's opinion and say so. You do not have a right to attack them for holding said opinion.
Well, they have the "right" to attack (within the rules of the forum), but others also have the "right" to make decisions about the attackers' character.
2) Yes, poor spelling and grammar make me cringe and yes, I find it irritating. But it's not their fault if they can't spell, and this isn't English class. So if and only if their poor grammar or spelling makes their point unclear, say so. Politely. Once. And then move on.
It sometimes makes me cringe, too. Rarely enough to comment upon, though (I admit to making a few remarks when a particularly obnoxious spelling/grammar "hall monitor" actually makes a mistake themselves from their own lofty perches).
3) This is not a place to simply take out your anger on the opposite gender. Especially if in doing so you contribute nothing to the conversation.
Yes, apparently it is, for many people. And also to take out their anger on their own gender, if they don't toe the line.
Mr. Idealist, here's what I've decided to do, for better or for worse: I just answer a thread in the best way I can manage, enjoy the posts of lots of others, and shake my head and shrug my shoulders at the ones I consider creeps. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/2/2008 3:08:09 AM |
But apparently I'm wrong. (shrug)
Nope, you're not wrong!
I guess you've learned by now that some people aren't worth stopping to help fix a flat tire of theirs. They evidently wouldn't do the same for you and only seek to ridicule those that would help... | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/2/2008 4:44:27 AM | OP...
back in message 3...
I asked you a question, pertaining to your original post on this thread.
It was a serious question, but you ignored it.
In your original post, you listed a few rules/guidelines you thought should be a part of "Basic Politeness in Responding to Threads", and your reasoning for those rules.
One of those reasons you gave, to support your rule of not bothering people about their spelling and/or grammar, was...
"it's not their fault if they can't spell".
I asked, "then whose fault is it?"
I was serious. Whose fault do you think it is?
It's ONLY that person's fault.
People can work on bettering themselves and, (unless mentally challenged), can learn to spell.
They can go through life never trying to learn... and be supported in that by people who never correct them ... who just shrug and say, "it's not their fault".
But if they want to use the written word as a way of communicating and sharing ideas, it is wiser if they try to learn... (or at least use spell-check!). In my opinion.
So yep, I'll raise my hand as someone who occasionally jumps on people here in the forums if they aren't bothering to learn spelling!
Hey, maybe they'll get the idea... if enough people point it out to them.... and maybe they'll try to learn spelling before they go to fill out a form for getting a new job or some other equally important writing.
~~~
The rest of your opening post... pretty much 'spot on'.
Yep, people can and do use forums as a bit of therapy sometimes... letting out their frustrations.
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/2/2008 5:54:16 AM | Good freaking god, why do people happen upon a forum and appoint themselves its scolding mother?
There are rules here. There are moderators. There are the broader contexts of society, culture and civilization. Yet your role in all of this is to propose by strength of your own personal sensibilities that thousands of others using this venue comply with your preference for forum posting courtesy. And we should do this even under the strain of resiting the strong impulse to condemn you as a meddling twit? I won't rule it out but I cannot assure you of my success were I inclined to try.
("Woof!", said the poodle of war.)
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/2/2008 6:18:07 AM | Oh fine, I'll be the meanie to bring this optimism ship down to the bottom of the ocean. It's not like he's reading the rest of his own thread anyway, further contributing to the long list of forum offenders. The hit-and-run, paired with a passive aggressive opinion about other people's forum behavior. Irony! Love. It. Perhaps he'll come back just to refute me, because that certainly wouldn't be predictable either.
You're wrong and here's why. You DO have a right to attack a person's opinion because of free speech obviously. There's also this matter of opinions being part of a person's character and when you disagree with the opinion, it's like you're disagreeing with the the person's character. This doesn't and shouldn't happen all the time, but usually does over important issues, discussed to death on the forums. You've got your religion, politics, gender issues, abortion, animal rights, children's rights, superficiality, what have you. People will get riled up. This isn't something specific to the forums. The only thing that makes it different is the ability to sling rocks from behind a fence, say "you're stupid, shut up", and run like a 2 year old, BUT it doesn't make them wrong. What else then...
Ha ha ha! Who's fault is bad spelling attributed to then? Our failing society? The person's parents? I think I'm getting a hold on your mind set, and it's amusing to say the least. You see, I have fire fox, so when I type some word incorrectly, it marks it with a red line, so I can go back, and fix it, because I actually give a crap about getting my thoughts out in a clear and concise manner. If you don't, that's a personal choice you're making, about how you present yourself and want to be perceived, and in this case, a bad speller looks like a moron. Nobody reads what they have to say or cares about their opinion, so they're wasting their time twice.
It doesn't keep me up at night. I don't mention it to the poster all that often, unless it's an ironic post, talking about intelligence and every other word is spelled backwards, I can't help but indulge myself there. I agree with you on the fact that there's probably no point of pointing it out over and over and over through out the thread, but the person is making themselves an extremely easy target for abuse, and a lot of forum posters like the broad side of a barn.
As far as taking out your rage on the opposite sex, I think that's why they invented the ask a guy/ask a girl categories. So all the misogynists and male bashers could congregate, spread the hate, and never ever get a date. Watch them undo themselves. It's like a masochistic strip tease. There's nothing in the world like cheap entertainment.
I agree with the poster who said how posting on the forums would make it harder to find someone. I think that would be true if you're being the opposite of what you'd like people to think you are, and that's not completely unheard of on a dating site. Imagine, people lying to attract others, what will they think of next?
Idealist, your name should be more like elitist, as this thread is similar to others in the context of: Why oh why does everyone act so mean and uncivilized except me? Why can't we just get along children, I mean really!
At least some of the aggressive posters are being genuine, even if it isn't a prettier pg-13 version that you would prefer. Since when was the truth pretty? I've always been more trusting of an offensive opinion than a motherly pat of agreement, because the person who doesn't hold back usually has less to hide. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:55:12 PM | Yep, I think we should use basic courtesy, but if we follow the rules of the forum, that is a given. The trouble is, most people don't read the rules, much less follow them.
As far as spelling errors, I wonder how many people are like me. When posting in the forums, my spellcheck doesn't work. Many times, I will reread my posts and find that I have made a typo, or sometimes, I just really don't know how to spell the word. If it looks correct, I leave it, if it doesn't, I research it in the dictionary. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/2/2008 2:59:05 PM |
I would add to the OP's list to not hijack threads or make stupid, inane posts on a serious thread
I don't know, sometimes it's funny...one time I was reading the forums and the topic was exotic pets. The OP had posted a very long, detailed story about his monitor lizard and the very next post a guy posted :
I want a polar bear.
That was it. Just, "I want a polar bear." It made me laugh...still does, lol. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/2/2008 3:02:59 PM | Msg 19:
I've always been more trusting of an offensive opinion than a motherly pat of agreement, because the person who doesn't hold back usually has less to hide.
That is GOOD! ( The whole post is excellent)
Filing that one away for if/when I ever have to write a profile again. It will go with "just be yourself". | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/2/2008 3:28:11 PM | When I post a thread, and I am being an idiot about whatever it is I am posting a thread on, I want to be told. I don't know these people, will never meet any of them, so an insult is actually constructive.
There you go- I myself am sure I come off insulting but that is not
my intention. My intention is to virtually smack you into submission
to see that what you are doing is wrong.
I call it constructive- you have got to see that the post that are dripping in
sweetness are overlooked or just following the herd. I on the other
hand want to reach out and choke you and say "read me, I can help"
and if that comes off as insulting then so be it. I got you to read it. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:55:01 AM | No such thing as politeness on the internet. I'm just grateful there are like a handful of people who can act like people online. People feel protected by the anonomity of the net and feel that there's no concequences for what they do and say. They are right, you are wrong and they'll do everything from slander to caps lock swearing to prove it, except for actually debating and talk.
Most forums I went on, people are just looking to tear into everyone. Flaming and Trolls are everywhere and this place is no exception. | |
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| Basic politeness in responding to threads
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:48:11 AM | | to one of the posters on here by saying "When you start blabbing in the forum you surely decrease your chances of find someone."...........that is so untrue, because that is the way I found my sweetie, plus alot of other people here in the forums have found their SO's here by as you say "blabbing".......................normally on the forums we are polite until someone else comes along or even the OP does not like what we have written and comes back with a nasty retort........or people are just being plain stupid and ignorant with menial questions.....and definately not doing thread searches | |
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