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 watchyabaknewbies
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 1
Do You Teach People How to treat you??Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have just been watching Oprah.. yes for those anti Oprah people I do watch it occasionally..
Today it was about dating being single 30/40 somethings.. was actually really really good.. i got a lot out of it.
But something was said, that really struck a chord with me. It is what I believe....

You teach people how to treat you...!

Do you agree or disagree.???

I rarely get sh*t on these days.. and I am proud of it.. occasionally someone slips in under the radar but thats life.. but on the whole I know I am well regarded .
Recently a friend in fro
nt of me said to another woman,, MMM now she dont get treated like that she wouldnt stand for it! Of all the things anyone has said that was a huge compliment as many moons ago I had the whole doormat thing going on!!
 tintaglia1
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 2
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Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:01:37 PM
hmmm interesting idea, and yes probably true.............. Do we teach others how to treat us, by what we put up with? Do people get the idea it’s ok to treat someone without respect, because that person doesn't say anything about it?
 CraigBaxter
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 3
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:03:16 PM
Do unto others..... lest they be shafted !
 hevgem
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 4
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:47:58 PM
Yep it sure is a fact. If you don't put up with shit and everyone around u knows it, then u don't receive shit.
Bit like trainig pets and kids.
Show people what u expect of them and if they really want to be a part of ur life then they will respect you and act accordingly.
As for myself - i not get shit on very much at all these days.......for a while there i thought i lived in a manure factory..............but i stood strong and stood my ground.

and i am so very much the better for it too.
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 5
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:08:58 AM
Yep, I always try to put myself in the other persons shoes, and think how I would want to be treated if I were them, that in turn makes them treat me the same way. Also, if someone is obviously being disrespectful, telling them they are being disrespectful might not get a great initial response, but they won't do it again.
 dimeadozen
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 6
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:21:44 AM
Yes, I believe you can, often without being aware of it. The first time you accept slight disrespect as being reasonable you might not even think about it. And like boiling a frog, slowly by unnoticeable degrees you find yourself in a relationship with a fruitloop and you wonder how it happened.

My question is...can you un-boil the frog? That is, can you refocus your self image to a point where you are in a position to recognise unhealthy interaction?
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 7
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:39:20 AM
^^^^^^It's definetely possible to refocus your self image, and spot instantly when someone is taking the 'p' out of you, and not let it happen, but when it comes to unboiling a frog, I think it would be much easier to find a fresh frog, and not let it boil in the first place.
 dimeadozen
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 8
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 2:25:50 AM
In this analogy the frog is me. Cant start with a new frog. I could start with a new prince but would I inevitably teach the new prince.....but the metaphors are getting mixed.
 Pookiespal
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 9
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 4:30:34 AM
M and M and M

Great threat, did ya watch Dr Phil too ??

Couldnt agree more.

My last partner treated me like shite, but at the end of the day whose fault was that ?..I own it and Im learning from it....it has been like that with other relationships too, family and friends...and, not all of the time but most of the time its been my fault because I have let them....life - like probably all of us, knocked the stuffing out of me and did rob me of self confidence, however Im learning to say "No thats not acceptable to me , lets negotiate", its working and I am feeling better about myself everyday. I take full responsibility for how I feel now. You can say NO...assertively and it can be ok !!

Cheers
 bewitched66
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 10
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 4:40:14 AM
Absolutely you do. But sometimes you don't know any better....for so many reasons.

But the really important question is this:

Why are we boiling frogs? I hope the animal activists don't get in here.....can't we do it with cane toads instead? I like froggies.
 Mainey
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 11
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 4:50:42 AM
Yes I seen this on Dr Phil a couple of years ago as well and yes it is true but it is not just a matter of saying something you have to act it as well. The boiling frog thing was also a big thing that helped me, you realise how you end up in these situations, where you never thought you would put up with such and such, before you know it there you are, wondering how the hell you got there. I think it helps to know if you accept a little thing that disrespects you thats when the water starts to warm up and slowly slowly it gets just a little hotter and hotter until it is too hot to jump out.
If by chance you happen to get out of the pot, (which if you are on this site you have obviously got out of the pot) you recognise this slight change in tempreture and shouldn't end up there again, once you understand how it happens that is.

Do I make sense? Sorry if I have confused you.
\\ walks away scratching head.
 bewitched66
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 12
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 4:54:16 AM
Oh - the frog thing - I'm never gonna let myself be treated that way again - but it looks different each time, doesn't it? I think I get it now.
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 13
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 5:30:18 AM
Lmao, I got the wrong end of the stick with the frog. I thought the frog was supposed to be the other person. In that case, I think you can definetly unboil a frog.
 dawnfaith
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 14
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 5:30:26 AM
if you shower people with kindness that is what you will get in return
 Mainey
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 15
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 5:35:28 AM
if you shower people with kindness that is what you will get in return


This is not always the case,, there are some ppl out there that will take your kindness and repay you with shit.
These days I give people the benefit of the doubt and I aim to treat people the way they treat me.
If people treat me like crap these days I pretty much wish them good luck with thier lives and dismiss them from my life.
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 16
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:13:09 AM

if you shower people with kindness that is what you will get in return


I don't think you need to shower people with kindness, just be understanding of their point of view when you speak to them, whilst at the same time sticking by your own principles. If they treat you disrespectfully, then you are perfectly at liberty to point it out to them, in which case, they either change their attitude, or they're out of the picture. If you spend your whole life trying to make everyone else happy, then you'll probably end up resentfull and miserable.
 dimeadozen
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 17
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:13:51 AM

If by chance you happen to get out of the pot, (which if you are on this site you have obviously got out of the pot) you recognise this slight change in tempreture and shouldn't end up there again, once you understand how it happens that is.

Good point Mainey. Not confusing. Thanx.
 Naamah
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 18
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 9:13:20 AM

You teach people how to treat you...!
Do you agree or disagree.???

Interesting question. In some situations I would say yeah...the kind of stuff being discussed here, along the lines of being assertive and not allowing other people to take advantage of you, can help gain you the sort of treatment you prefer. But people aren't all cut from the same mold and so at other times, well, you can't always predict human reactions or behaviour. Just when you think you have it all sussed, someone will react/behave in a way that, based on all you have already observed and experienced, was downright unpredictable and leaves you stunned.

I guess you also have to be conscious of not being oversensitive to these "signs" of past poor treatment happening again. You'd have to make sure you're reading the signs correctly, and not simply jumping the gun in assuming "here we go again" at some slight hint of similarity. Otherwise you risk ending up distrusting and bitter towards people who are entirely different to the person who treated you badly in the past. All depends on context and relevance I guess.
 tintaglia1
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 19
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Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:10:21 PM
It's amazing how much you can over look and put up with, when you love someone.
 Pookiespal
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 20
Do You Teach People How to treat you??
Posted: 4/2/2008 2:27:58 PM
^^^^^ Boy Tintaglia....You've got that rite.........and are so you kicking yourself afterwards !!!!! Never Again !!!!
 InSydney
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 21
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Do You Teach People How to treat you?
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:21:29 PM
Forget what Dr Phil and Oprah say. People will treat you with whatever they can get away with. Just like we treat others with whatever we can get away with. How we treat others and how others treat us is dependent on lots of variables. Probably enough variables to fill up a whole book. It depends on how $hitty your day was. What mood you're in. Blah blah blah! Pick your excuse.
 pandabollocks3000
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 22
Do You Teach People How to treat you?
Posted: 4/3/2008 12:34:29 AM
I think it can work to a certain extent. Though sooner or later though you reap what you sew and all is revealed as to wether you deserve the respect you believe you are so richly owed. Everyone deserves respect. Just some more than others.
 whitegold765
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 23
Do You Teach People How to treat you?
Posted: 4/3/2008 12:41:00 AM
I don't mean to dismiss the great Oprah learning, but isn't this self-evident? If you let people treat you badly they might treat you badly? Am I missing the profoundness?
 watchyabaknewbies
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 24
Do You Teach People How to treat you?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:33:25 AM
I guess where I was coming from is.. if you allow the people around you to disrespect you, or use you, then you will undoubtedly be used and disrespected by people who are inclined to be that way. If you expect people to judge a certain way then undoubtedly they will. If you allow people to treat you poorly then they will only ever meet your expectation.

xmmm
 debnco
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 25
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Do You Teach People How to treat you?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:56:51 AM
I agree with a lot of what has been said .I also think that as you become more aware of what you want in your life .You learn to know what is acceptable in your life and what is not .If someone chooses to treat another person in a shitty way and they accept that they are going to keep doing it . If you let them know it is not on they either keep trying or they treat you the way you want . I think a lot of the time you only get the respect you demand .For me I know what I want to accept in my life ,and my kids lives(reasonable compromise aside ) , be it friend or lover if I don't want to see this behaviour in my kids they are not going to be part of our lives .End of story .
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