| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:09:51 AM | I have always been a very honest person. I met a man who I was with for over 2 years (and was engaged to him). He would write me songs, we laughed together and had quite a bit in common . . or so I thought.
Apparently secretly he was "seeing" another woman that he knew from work.
This woman is not very bright and couldn't ever imagine holding down a conversation with her. He said he was not intimate with her but who knows.
She has no intelligence, no money and has a reputation of using men to pay her way.
Now my question. . . what is wrong with this picture.
I am well educated, intelligent, articulate and a strong person. I feel that maybe he is threatened by this and wants to be with someone who is needy and inferior to him and he might feel a bit sorry for her financially.
He has come back to me quite a few times proclaiming his love and devotion. Last time he came back he was confused. Well . . round 4. He is back with her again but lied about it until he was confronted.
Why do men think they can get away with playing with peoples minds. Bye the way . . women do the same thing too.
Although this is not the entire story nor all the facts I would like your thoughts and input.
Thanks! | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:22:41 AM | Last time he came back he was confused. Well . . round 4.
Round 4?
Why did you keep taking him back? Even after 'round 1'?
Did you not feel you deserved better?
Last time he came back he was confused.
As are you. | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:22:52 AM | Stay away from this man...he has no idea what he really wants. Actually, no, he DOES know what he wants...he wants you both....her for her mindless natter and klingyness, and you because you are independent and can form intelligable sentences....she needs a man, you could be fine without one. So I say, go with that option....go without a man, go without him!
I find it rather funny that he claims that he is "devoted" to you.....uh, when would that be? Oh, that's right, when he's not with the brainless wonder other woman.
Guys get away with this behaviour because we let them....pure and simple. The same goes for women that act the same. As the saying goes "We can't control the actions of others....but we can control ourselves"...or something like that...nonetheless, a good motto to go by. | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:28:57 AM | | Maybe he felt superior to the other woman, and liked that feeling. You are obviously his equal. Men aren't always comfortable with that....yes, yes, I know some women like to feel superior too but it is still natural for a man to want to be the leader/main provider in a couple in most of Western society, despite all the good works of the suffragettes. You being clever and witty etc maybe made him feel less of a man. I'll probably get slated for that comment. | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:39:01 AM | You are absolutely right.
I do deserve better. I suppose I wanted to believe that there is always room for change. I no longer use my heart but I use my logic which directs me. So far it has worked.
It was a difficult time since before him, I decided that I wanted to be alone and spent 7 years that way. I opened my heart to him. That's it.
1 time should have been the end. He came to my job so emotional (a side I had never seen).
Well he is with her once again, which was no surprise. They deserve each other. He better get a 2nd job as she is going to financially bankrupt him which is their business not mine.
Thanks for writing!
L | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:40:00 AM | You have the smarts.
The other lady has the looks, right?
He is doing what most people (with no morals) would like to do.
Have it all and get away with it.
You are letting him get his cake and eat it too. Four times?
They do it because they can, with certain people.
There is no demand without supply.
Sorry. | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:42:32 AM | Thank you so much for your kind advice.
I know that he is bad news with deep issues. Quite dissfunctional I might add. I am the total opposite personality and that is what I think made him so drawn to me. I am a Native New Yorker and he is from Florida. I am very direct, honest and care much too much about other people.
He is bad news and he will never put me in that situation ever again. Let him be with the mindless wonder. They deserve each other.
Time that I moved on . . . I don't need any man. I have enough male friends and that's quite fine with me.
Thanks again for writing! | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:45:45 AM | He is bad news and he will never put me in that situation ever again.
Or, how about; I will never put me in that situation again!
See the difference?
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:45:58 AM | Most men want to at least feel the "Superior" role.
I never went that extra step to make him feel less of a man. He is very easy going until "he" decided he didn't want it that way.
I can understand the human mind. That's probably why you see these "older" wealthier men with token young women. What could they possibly have in common. . . us "older" women know.
He has crossed my path for the last time in the romantic way. That's why I don't want to date, have a relationship or long term relationship. I'm done! | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:47:38 AM | What's simply amazing is that she does not have the looks. . .although they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If she passed you . . . not man or woman would give her a second look. She is from Venezuela and has a hard job speaking proper English.
Oh well. . such is life | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:49:54 AM | Poor choice of words . . sorry . . I won't allow it.
My son wants to put him through a wall. I have a 33 year old son who is not small by any means. Anyone who crosses his mom is doomed. I have calmed him down though because he knows that I can handle things. | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:01:16 PM | Round 4? ding ding ding ding
Seems to me like it went 3 rounds to long. You say your educated, she's not.............but you BOTH let this man call the shots....I cant see much difference here............Time to start using the "SMARTS".
And the heading of this thread..............After...oh say lets say the 2nd time....where's the surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:01:18 PM | Clearly she has something that he desires - - -
a lot of times people are not aware of how they come off - - - - and the message that they send to the man - - - -
Time to take stock of him, her and yourself - - - and see what is really going on - -
and how come - - -
you are set in terms of work and money - - - the other is not - -
so she is more needy and knows the game - - might be dumb but can play it
and survive - - - and part of this is to be more sexy, willing, and play on his manhood and ego. You know the game that women play because us men fall all over ourselves when women do this to us. - - -
while you are coming off - - - - how are you?
Jim P | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:04:50 PM | Could it be that people have many facets, and sometimes it takes many different people and experiences to learn about and integrate these facets?
You can downgrade his 'bimbo' all you want...but what seems to be so is that she does offer him something....That is obvious.javascript:smilie(' ')
He probably loves you for who you are, and her for who she is, and doesn't have the courage to say so...so he says he's 'confused'.
Can you expand into that possibility and love him for who he is...
Can you rise above your judgments and see that there is nothing 'wrong with this picture' except the constructs in your mind?
Try to love him, and you.....and that may set both of you free...to love.
Check out my forum history if you feel so moved...especially the article on Compersion
Good luck to youjavascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:08:22 PM | Venezuelens are emotionally warm, and sexually hot and juicy...
No amount of smarts can win over that...you can be equally loved but different...but hard to compete...
Bottom line..Hot is hot | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:13:42 PM | You have a had a close escape, I went through this with my ex to the point that my confidence was completely destroyed, and I let it happen!
Some things can't be fixed, simply, because you can't fix him only he can do that.
Learn from this and move on, it takes a special man to accept you as you are, I will never let that happen to me again, please don't let it happen to you.
I wish you well
x | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:37:22 PM | | Why do people think they can get away with it? Because other people let them get away with it. Round 4???? | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:41:23 PM | | Sorry, Miashakti, but in my experience a guy like him loves one person, and that's himself. | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:45:09 PM | IrishEyez how very astute. Its not about him!
Or, how about; I will never put me in that situation again! | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:46:02 PM |
Why do men think they can get away with playing with peoples minds.
The answer to your question in part lies in the following element of the same post:
He has come back to me quite a few times proclaiming his love and devotion. Last time he came back he was confused. Well . . round 4. He is back with her again but lied about it until he was confronted.
The first time, it was his "bad". After that first time and each time you take him back thereafter, you then became an active participant and it becomes both your "bads". At the end of the day, no matter how little sense it makes, he is making his choices. Take your focus off of him - it's not helping you. You have choices here too. Either stay involved in this dance, which in effect gives him permission to continue this "game" or choose to walk away and not look back.
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:57:02 PM | | He has lied to you to hide it, weather he is cheating on you or not you can't ever trust him anymore. Get rid of him and hit the NEXT button. | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:01:45 PM | | Hi, I understand totally where you are coming from OP, I am experiencing the EXACT same thing myself....... What you are dealing with, is a NARCISSIST...... The only person he thinks/cares for is himself and anyone who will give him the most attention/adoration....... He needs his ego stroking, and he wants what he can't have - when he's with her he has to prove he can win you over again, and when he has you won over, he'll be in touch with her behind your back again........ and so the cycle repeats over and over again..... until YOU take control and say NO MORE........ Good luck - We're feisty smart chicks and we'll get through this x | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:12:48 PM | Don't you mean scream "next" when you have sex with him and it's all over?
Sorry. Bad image. LOL
We're all guilty of being in a bad place at least once, simply cause it's easy or we're afraid to move on. I wish though all the people in this thread would stop saying "You don't need a man". That guy you were with WASN'T a man. You may not NEED a man, but the right one can really make your life go "ding" in a good way. | |
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| Took me by surprise
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:29:25 PM | As to go without a man from above. Why just go away from him. Not all men are sleezballs. Some of us are actually nice. One thing to be sure of though is what is going on between the 2 of them. My wife accused me of cheating but i was actually visiting my mom while she was on break at work. Get the facts and NOT from anyone but you. There is a veeerrrrry slim chance there is a misunderstanding. Don't put up with low lifes. You deserve better.
As to why do men think they can get away with this behaviour; why the same reason women do. THEY CAN.
It looks pretty bleak bur I hope for the best for you. | |
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