| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:01:38 PM | on the radio today, they were discussing this advice article in some woman's magazine. apparently this woman was chatting with some guy for 6 weeks. they would chat for over 4 hours everyday, and she thought they shared a connection because of all the things they had in common. well, they chatted for 6 weeks without him seeing her pic, and when she finally showed it to him, he then said he was no longer interested until she lost some weight.
so my question to you is: should she feel shocked about that guy? or should she have expected it? as for me, i am not going to chat to someone for 6 weeks without seeing a pic. and if a girl is withholding her pic for 6 weeks, then she knows herself that she is unattractive and is banking on her "personality" to win over the guy. am i right or wrong? | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:13:28 PM | | This would be why I fully believe in trading pics right off. She shouldn't be suprised at all. He already had a fantasy picture of her in his head and she obviously didn't live up to that. There HAS to be SOME physical attraction for a relationship to work. Obviously for him, it wasn't there. She just needs to move on. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:19:01 PM | OP...Well, she shouldn't be shocked by any means! The whole idea of this on~line thing is to meet people, for a relationship or like me, friends. She should have sent him a picture of herself, but in all fairness, what the hell was he thinking?! They both screwed up... | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:25:34 PM | At such an early stage any additional significant information can make the other person lose interest. Appearance is just one factor.
If she had stated that she was bipolar, that she had 15 kids or 15 cats or believed that the earth was flat and we were all descended from aliens, any of this extra information could have had the same effect. There is no reason to be shocked about this reaction in response to any significant extra information. Weight is usually an emotional issue relevant to self-esteem and emotional/mental health as well as physical health. When she revealed her photo she revealed more about her personality than is immediately obvious.
All there was between them, all there could possibly be between them, was potential and this is easily snuffed out so she should not be surprised. I don't think it's wrong to wait to reveal stuff about yourself, but it is rather foolish to not reveal the least attractive stuff early on as it only results in a greater sense of disappointment. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:27:06 PM | | while she shouldn't necessarily be "shocked" that he might not be attracted to her once he saw the physical person behind the typed words, it's disappointing that after 6 weeks of conversation (and presumably personalities clicking) that he'd simply bail. i mean even without physical attraction isn't friendship possible, or was she only interesting while the potential of sexual gratification existed? seems like his interest may have been a bit one dimensional. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:28:18 PM | | After 6 weeks 4 hr's everyday to spurn someone because of weight or look's was she hiding it out of fear of rejection what made him so interested in the first place then to put condition's on her why is it he did not inially give ultimatum want to see pic all that time wasted for the benefit of not being what embarrassed that's not love or like that's a crude preference choice. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:37:18 PM | | I think is important for a person to know what you look like from the beginning. I do not think the woman should be surprised about that. How is that different from someone showing a pic that is 10 years old and then revealing a current that is very different? I think the woman thought she could win him over with her personality and emotions and hoping he would like her enough to not care about what she looked like. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:44:06 PM | Oh heck I talked to someone for 6 months... I had seen 3 pics of him... However when meeting in person he had a very dark personality, one in which he could control while he was in his house.
That for me was really something I couldn't get past...
I like the world, being around people, and seeing what is going on in life...
He mentioned that he hated people, and hated being in public...
LESSON LEARNED, when someone says they hate being in public or people believe them..
HE on the other hand was really ticked because I wouldn't get involved with him in any romantic way.
Chat does not make romance in this day and age. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:03:04 PM | | I won't even talk to someone until I see a picture! I want to know what they look like not because I'm shallow but because its weird talking to a faceless person and well it is true you need to have some physical attraction. I understand why the girl was upset but I understand how the guy reacted as well she should show people her picture from the beginning. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:04:43 PM | if someone doesn't have a pic, I assume the worst. Why get your hopes up? - you're only setting yourself up for disappointment.
If the guy is surprised by her weight, she should have been more up front about it. Moot point now anyway, move along to the next fish. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:07:20 PM | I guess the only other way around that (for that man in particular) is he could have been upfront as well since he hadn't received a pic and said he was not into plus size women.
On the same note though, I don't think its fair to withhold a photo for that long. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:10:31 PM | Happens to me all the time. Women stop communicating for NO apparent reason. I believe it is quite rude to leave someone just hanging.
By the same token, the majority of some people, don't handle rejection.
(That was for the benefit of the weirdos that accuse Posters of generalizing.)
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:25:03 PM | > she knows herself that she is unattractive and is banking on her "personality" to win over the guy
I suppose that's true. It can only work when the repulsive force is being factored into the situation right from the beginning; otherwise it's like adding a ton of bricks to a structure not built for it.
They're both incompetent louts for going 6 weeks without meeting in person, much less trading pictures. But I'm not sure what's so shocking about that. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:49:39 PM | I agree crazycurlz.
The man was obviously superficial. But then again, why did it take that long to provide a pic? I usually don't have a pic in my profile permanently. But each time I am asked for a pic, I provide it. And if the guy doesn't like it, it's not a great loss. It's better to know early if the guy has a hidden agenda.
But 6 weeks? What happened to friendship? Is it out of fashion? Still, there are guys who would offer you friendship but then when you make it clear that the friendship may not lead to sex, they bail out; so I guess, it's almost the same thing. Whether she provided a pic or not, the guy would have been bad news. I would thank my lucky star that it did not go longer than 6 wks.
I once corresponded with a guy who refused to accept my refusal for an affair and told me he would stay in the event I changed my mind. After he got my pic, he said he would decline because he did not see what he was looking for in my eyes. Lol! That really puzzled me because he turned it around and made it appear as if he was declining my offer. Sending my pic was a blessing in disguise though. Other times, after sending my pic, I couldn't get rid of the guys. So, you can be lucky only once in a while. lol. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:04:22 AM | | She should have been honest in the first place. Even if she didn't have a picture she could show him right away she should have told him that she was overweight. Before the internet was as popular as it is now I used to be telephone chat lines like Lavalife,and there was no way to see pictures. A person had to go by what they were told. I've always been very honest about my appearance,and I would expect others to be the same. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/3/2008 9:29:57 AM | Enchanted107, no disrespect intended, but I don't understand why someone would intentionally not include a picture in a profile. It suggests to me that they are afraid of the ramifications of providing the picture upfront; whether it be fewer contacts made, or, I'm sure, in some cases, too many contacts from less desirables.
I provide my pictures so people can see who I am. Do you mind sharing why you choose not to provide your pics? It just may help us understand better why people leave out the picture.
Thanks. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:06:47 AM | Mind you, I'm only speculating, but I suspect the guy was spouting the drivel about inner beauty, honesty, integrity, affection, etc. .
I suspect the lady was living some kind of romance novel fantasy about the hero who would love her despite her weight, and probably at some point, she would lose the weight and become a raving beauty.
While I don't post a public picture, if there seems to be some interest, I would expect to exchange pics by about the second email, and certainly before a telephone converstion.
IMO, I don't think either of them should have been surprised. Heck, even under the best of circumstances, people don't click. | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/3/2008 3:17:14 PM | This is why pictures should be mandatory for both, and sending each other numerous others to help format the correct visual of the one you are wanting to know better.
No matter how hard we try, there must be some form of chemistry that is of the physical nature, if you plan on having a relationship that is more then friends. This means that one must find the other attractive enough to want to head down that path.
If the whole relationship is based on the mental image, then that is all you will get with the relationship. There must be a meeting of the minds and bodies if you want to truly make it work, and that takes, current pictures, good conversations, and meeting as soon as you can, or just accept it as a internet relationship.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:12:07 PM | As the Devils advocate here How do you guys think blind people pick a mate?
Here is a complaint of pain and hurt for rejection, because there wasn't a pic provided for six weeks.
Deacon things they should be manditory, however even with that it doesn't INSURE full disclosure.
Heck I meet someone that only had a few pics of him from the shoulders up. I could tell he was a little heavy, but when I met him he looked like a walking bowling ball.
People seem to need to get over thinking that just because they chat with a person, and it is over any length of time, there is going to be romance when they meet, OR in this gals case, actually see each other.
I have been REPEATEDLY told that I look way way better than my pics... Which is great, because I make sure people have at least a very good idea as to what I look like... | |
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| Woman shocked that man stopped talking to her after he sees her pic
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:30:08 PM |
As the Devils advocate here How do you guys think blind people pick a mate?
Well, in the movie “Ray”, Ray Charles would select his dates based upon the slenderness of their wrists. I imagine that a sightless person’s hands and touch are going to play a prominent role in their selection process, so there is still an element of physical preference. They may enjoy the feel of curly hair, or not care to caress more rolls than a bakery delivery truck. Perhaps beauty is in the fingertips of the beholder in this regard.
It's better to know early if the guy has a hidden agenda.
Why is a desire to be attracted to your potential mate a “hidden agenda” or superficial? The man and woman in the OP communicated for four hours (!) every day for six weeks. It would seem to me that his “ulterior motive” might have been a relationship, because someone seeking to get a little tang would not put forth such effort just to get their poke on. Additionally, if he truly was just looking to dip his wick, then her looks wouldn’t have been THAT important (just ask the “put a bag over her head and do your business” posse in any bar at closing time).
There is absolutely more to a person than looks, but if you are ultimately seeking more than just friendship, then physical attraction, (as well as character, personality, and other traits), is going to be an equally important part of the selection process. This is why it’s best to proffer pictures or meet sooner rather than later, otherwise you risk experiencing the awkward and heartbreaking situation that the woman in the OP encountered. | |
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