| | Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?Page 1 of 1 | I work as an information technology support person at a small private college. After seeing many beautiful female students passing by I have often wondered how appropriate it is for an employee to date a student at a college.
I understand if it were a faculty dating one of their students it would be completely different, but that is not the situation I'm proposing. What if someone while being an employee at a college, met a student there and they started dating? I understand some businesses have fraternization policies, but lets assume that this college doesnt have one.
Does the age of the employee matter? (assuming they are dating a traditional student)
Does the gender of the employee/student matter?
What if it was a faculty dating someone who wasnt one of their students?
Where is the line drawn? | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/2/2008 11:56:16 PM |
I work as an information technology support person at a small private college. After seeing many beautiful female students passing by I have often wondered how appropriate it is for an employee to date a student at a college.
With that senario, I would think it was no big deal. I think the biggest concern might be if there was a huge age difference. | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 12:25:34 AM | This has BIG TROUBLE written all over it. What are you thinking? It sounds like you're engaging in legalistic thinking, which is thinking at the level of a ten year-old. Legalistic thinking is colloquially called cop-out thinking. Cop out thinking is particularly common in personal sexual ethics.
College girls typically only want to date inside their peer group, which you're not part of, so I'd guess the odds of one not finding it at least somewhat creepy would be minimal -- especially if you're hitting on one on campus (on-the-job), as opposed to at a nearby student hang out. They're the customers and stars at the school, while you're merely a staff employee who's largely supposed to just do his job and remain invisible. Since the customer is always right, and is to be protected at all costs -- and nowhere is this more true than when speaking of girls on a college campus -- all it takes is for but one to go to the authorities (even with only rumors or innuendos) and they'll be on you like a ton of bricks and your you-know-what will be grass. Do not expect to be cut any slack. But I'm guessing you have a higher-up you could run the idea by since that's the person who's responsibility it would be to call you in on the carpet should things blow up.
Take the sometimes pleasant scenery as one of the job's perks, especially this time of year.
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rune3
| | Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 6 | |
| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 12:54:58 AM | | I agree with what Life of Leisure is saying. Forget that it's college for a moment and think of it as a business, which is how most colleges are run now. Among college-age kids there is a high proportion of selfish, silly, melodramatic trouble-makers. You would be wise to conduct yourself professionally at all times. Advice to lecturers is that you *never* allow yourself to be completely alone with a student - if you must speak with them alone, the door to the office/classroom should be open and other people near by. This is to protect you from attack and also from false accusations, which are not uncommon. You'd be wise to take the same advice - anyone can be accused of improper conduct with a vulnerable adult/young adult if they get it into their head to use circumstances to target you and clearing your name is hard. With mature co-workers, I am not against relationships developing at work, but with immature 'customers' it is a whole different kettle of fish and way too much of a risk to your job to be worth it. If you develop a particular rapport with an individual, wait until she finishes college. | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:32:10 AM | | First I was thinking what would be the harm in you dating one of the students, but then I thought if that doesn't work out, then you start constantly picking your dates from the students, that would look very bad on you. I wouldn't do it, it's not worth the hassle, you might lose your job. | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:55:04 AM | In these times...most work places and certainly post secondary institutes and colleges have a policy about this, so I suggest you check it out.
where the problem lies is in you have access as a IT person to information at various levels in the school.
if a student feels ill-treated for some reason or unfairly graded, etc...or has any dispute with the school they could drag you into this an you will be seen as being in a conflict of interest situation and shed negative light on your employer and you could jeopardize any position they have.
You would also put yourself in a poor situation for future employment elsewhere if there was a past situation if it were negative.
just food for thought here, I have worked in Internal Investigations ( staff related security) at few major firms and you have to be aware of your conduct as an employee not to put them in an awkward or a liable situation. | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 2:49:59 AM | I work as an information technology support person at a small private college. After seeing many beautiful female students passing by I have often wondered how appropriate it is for an employee to date a student at a college.
Bottom line, IMO, as an employee of the college you are there to work, not chase hot chicks. If you, in the course of your employment initiate dates, you're at a minimum skirting the line of what you were hired for in the context of employment. Now, if you encounter one of these young ladies off of your employer's property and a date results, whole different matter as long as you keep all elements of that dating relationship separate from your employment. However, let's say the latter scenario happens and the dating relationship takes a dive in an bad way. That this woman is a student and you an employee at the same college has potential to interfere with your employment should either of you react destructively on campus - even if one or the other only gossips.
Not a risk worth taking, IMO. Best practice is keep personal business away from employment business.
Msg. 9 makes good points. As a manager myself of many years, I would encourage you to look at your employer's Code of Conduct. Any behavior that either directly or indirectly (on or off-site) negatively impacts on the employer in many employment fields can be grounds for disciplinary action up to and including termination. OP - you have another vulnerability in your position - access to confidential information. Any inferences to the use of such information for personal benefit (in this context - dates) is a serious offense. Not implying that you are doing that, but it could be potentially viewed by your employer that you have.
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 2:51:09 AM | It depends what colour they are ...
No.... it depends whether or not they have a mind of there own.... but as you do not .. you just need to know that they are only going to be into your body...
have lots of fun... make the most of what life has to offer... only someone with a latent desire to have sex with children will say otherwise...
sometimes i exagerate a little | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 3:18:54 AM | I don't think it would be a problem legally speaking unless you used your knowledge to help the student use resources in your stewardship or oversight inappropriately, or you misused your position to assist the student in some way, or aided them in committing some academic offence (i.e. plaigarism). The issue would be more of a problem of you were a Professor or Dean of a school. Still, that didn't stop Martin Heidegger (a great philosopher) from sleeping with Hannah Arendt.
Overall for several reasons, you should not really date someone at your workplace. Things can go pear shaped, there may be temptations to misuse your position, and there may be other possible problems as well. | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 6:24:58 AM | | Dude, its ok. You are not a lecturer or a professor. I remember when i was a TA my professor told me to keep doors open during my office hours and all of that stuff, but not an insignificant number of guys working at the ITS were dating students at the University. Heck even TAs dated students as long as they weren't in the class they were TA'ing for. So, dont worry, go out and explore.... Its totally OK. Its a university with thousands of students and not a firm where u could get in trouble for dating a co-worker or an intern. | |
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DanXS
| | Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 15 | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 2:06:55 PM | I see the legal caveats people are warning about but actually I dated both a professor (once no longer in his class) and an IT guy (beginning just before I graduated) and though both relationships eventually ended there were no repercussions for either of them. We had a good time and that was it. Of course, I was the one who approached the professor and it wouldn't have been good for him to have approached me. With the IT guy we met in a campus bar, so it's pretty much your typical dating scene there with everyone mingling. Some of the TAs of my classes even drank with me there, though I never dated any of them.
I think you should take it on a case by case basis and just make sure you are meeting in a group social environment where they can feel comfortable walking away (not just approaching them one-on-one while they are having lunch or walking along or something more confrontive like that), and make sure the person isn't affected by your particular job.
It's a little risk you might pick up a nut job who decides to make trouble for you after the likely eventual breakup (since most relationships due eventually end), but there is a chance of problems with any relationship. You have to go for it, within reason. | |
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| Dating a student at a college while you are an employee there?
Posted: 4/3/2008 9:42:06 PM | | It all depends on you position vis-a-vis students. If you could be construed as in a supervisory position, then it would be a dangerous move. As technical support staff you should be fine unless you make it a well-known hobby. | |
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