| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/4/2008 1:43:54 PM | This has been bugging me for a while, and I don' t know if it's part of why I never seem to get replies back. Usually when I see a profile I like, I'll write a paragraph or two, usually something like this:
Hi, how are you? I saw your profile and wanted to drop you a line.
[Couple of sentences talking about myself, my personality, etc.]
[If the girl mentions some things that she likes/is looking for and I meet that criteria, I mention it here, so she knows I read her profile]
Please reply back if interested - I'd love to talk more and get to know you!
Rarely, if the girl has something witty in her profile, I'll reference it. Example one person mentioned something about liking to torment her cats (in a funny way), so being a cat lover I said how the cats might remember, and how my own cat tends to get revenge when I bother her.
Anyways, what I'm wondering is if this is the better approach to a generic "Hi, I saw your profile. Want to talk?" sort of email. Personally, I would rather have someone take the time to write me and show that they've actually read my profile than act like they're in a chat room. But, given that I don't seem to get any replies back, maybe I'm being too friendly and I should just keep my first contact emails short and to the point instead of saying why I would be a good match?
What are your thoughts on this? If you're male, what do you prefer to do for initial contacts? If female, do you prefer when a guy sends you something that tells you about him, or does that tend to turn you off? | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:21:52 PM | | I like your approach. I received a one liner and looked at the profile. Not much there either. I wrote back, thanks for the email, I looked at your profile. It does not tell me much more than the email. Give me something to work with. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:25:05 PM | | Go for the inbetweener. Don't give her your life history (you may laugh, but plenty have done it), just like you said, a couple of lines about why you liked her profile etc. Joking is great when you get to know a person a little bit better, but sometimes words can be misconstrued at the other end of a computer. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:36:44 PM |
Joking is great when you get to know a person a little bit better, but sometimes words can be misconstrued at the other end of a computer.
Attempts at humor in writing can be misunderstood so I would stay away from jokes and humor until you meet face to face. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:54:24 PM | Hi, I would prefer something along the lines of your approach. The generic way doesn't tell me a thing, let any personality shine through, and of course, does not even remotely tell me whether someone is answering based just on one pic, or did they actually read the profile - which, isn't that what they are there for? Anyway JMO and good topic BTW.  | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:59:17 AM | | I think using humour is a good idea. And the longer the better (yes I'm talking about the length of the email message). Well, up to a point, and then it can get too long because the guy spends so much time crafting his messages that he doesn't reply to messages promptly. That would be bad. But realize in the end, a medium sized message is fine, because if there was some real attraction potential there, the woman would reply. I don't think you're doing anything wrong by the sounds of it. Just don't expect everyone to be a match. Just like you're not attracted to every girl on the site, not every girl that you write to will be attracted to you. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 4:20:09 AM | | Just be careful of the 'long, crafted, I mail this to everyone' type emails. They are pretty easy to spot. If they appear to be cut and paste--which means, they do not address anything in my profile,nor do they ask any questions--I usually do a polite, thanks but what does this have to do with me? Did he even read my profile? | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:19:16 PM | | Try to keep it brief if only to save yourself time. I say that only because most women, and I'm assuming most men for that matter, look at the pic first and then decide if they're going to reply. And if your really good looking it wont matter how much, or what you write, you'll get a reply. I know this from experience and have read enough posts on these forums to know this to be a fact. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:31:25 PM | I think that you just need to be yourself. Let who you are out in the email, so that the person sees YOU and not a facade.
Also, if you were interested in the person you are writing to, you should talk about what is in their bio that interested you. RIGHT???
If a person writes you and there letter seems like a form letter and doesn't mention a thing in your bio, then it's a form letter. Some people play the numbers game, and i wish they could get flagged somehow, cause they are just trolls.
So I don't think that there is a hard fast approach to short or long emails. Just be yourself and let them know WHY you are writing them.
Your thoughts ladies?
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:40:36 PM | @ Heart Bandit - have to disagree...yes, the look of the guy is a factor, but if he has nothing to say in his email beyond "wanna chat?" he gets deleted, at least by me, and I am sure by other women too who value both visual and mental appeal.
@Obi - You've hit it right on the head. Don't change how you have been replying. Nothing is more annoying than taking the time to write a proper profile to only have it completely ignored by a person contacting you. Showing that you have common interests and why you think that you should both get to know eachother is the way to go. Don't change a thing! | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:41:18 PM | OP, for me, a personal approach that shows my profile has been read is always better (unless of course the guy says something hateful about it). I can understand why some guys go for the one-line generic approach, especially if a lengthier message hasn't worked well for them before, but I find it a bit of a turnoff.
There is a happy medium, though, of keeping it brief yet personal. Some of my best correspondences/dating experiences/friendships have started with just one question. That's really all you need to spark a conversation. Well, that and an interest on the other end in answering--which is the part you can't predict.
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:46:21 PM | Does not matter what I write in the message, or what's in my profile, just like the other guy says, girls look at the pics and make up their minds right there and then, I can be blue in the face writing the most beautiful message in the world, if the girl I am writing to is just "playing" single, or posted 12-year old pics and claims to be 7 years younger than she really is, she might even chat with you for a month, but you'll never get to meet her in person, which is ultimately a total waste of your time.
On the other hand, if the chick is sincere, honest and looking to actually meet people, I can write to her that I have a stick up my butt, and, if she likes my pics, she'll find it funny and will demand I told her why I stuck a stick up my butt.
Anyway, we both know that when it comes to women, we, men, will never know the real picture, and, if we think we do, it's only an illusion. Chicks are a total mystery, and then they go ahead and "change their mind"..... Go figure...
Andrey | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 4:27:37 PM | | This is a good thread. I have tried both and so far and "everything" I have tried thus far has gone read/deleted without so much as any reply at all. So for the time being I have decided to let them contact me first since all of my initial contact is getting no responses at all. But great thread, will be interesting to see the results. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/5/2008 10:23:23 PM | I usually dont talk about myself when I contact someone. I usually read the profile a couple of times and ask appropriate questions like," You said you are in school, what are you majoring in?"
I sometimes try to work in a cute joke or 2. Iv never written a book but I can get at least 1 paragraph depending on how much info is given in the profile.Then I end with something like " I am realy looking forward to getting to know you, I hope to hear from you."
Then again dont listen to me. Of the dozens of people I have sent messages to I have never gotten a reply...go figure. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:38:24 AM | Absolutely -- there has to be some thought put into it... something to show you're paying attention, at least, to show you've actually read my profile, and are genuinely interested. That you're taking the time to compose something meaningful, however brief, makes it a worthwhile read.
"Hey wanna chat" does not suffice. Granted, I'll probably have a look at their profile anyways, but likely wont bother beyond that. At the other end of the spectrum, I don't want to read a novel from someone new either.
I make a point of mentioning a few profile details that caught my attention, toss in a light-hearted joke or 2 -- different people have different ideas on what constitutes "humour" hehe -- but still keep it brief. Make it enough to show interest, catch their interest as well, but not your life story.
Seems to do the trick  | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:52:48 AM | | This is all good info. We are all looking to make contact with the opposite sex for friends,dating ect. In the few years I have been on this site I am sorry to say I have been on a few dates with ladies that were honest . It works both ways. Just keep trying,don't use this site as your only outlet,remember it is a free site . Both sexes look at your picture then read your profile, thats how we were created. I send short e-mails and some medium in length. Content is important so don't go overboard. Honesty should work. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:30:19 AM | This isn't a bar, so typing a boring "Hi, I saw your profile. Want to talk?" is not going to
get you anywhere but the delete file, fast.
You have less of a chance to make a first impression online than in person. In person it's
hard enough, but here it's a mine field.
Give it all you've got, because it's the only chance you're gonna get. Use some wit, make
sure you've read the freakin' profile and don't ask anything personal. To me, that's an
invasion... I don't know who the hell you are.....
Personally, I would rather have someone take the time to write me and show that they've actually read my profile than act like they're in a chat room.
Everyone is different in their wants and needs, but this works for me too OP. Do what
feels right.... to you!
People take a "read/delete" as a personal affront instead of just a sign that the person
that just deleted you did you both a favor. Move on and don't let it get you down..... | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:38:01 AM | | Your profile is on the negative side- talks about what you DON'T want , and what YOU need. It is also rather apologetic in it's promise to get more in shape. You need to re-write the profile to show what you have to offer to the person reading, and have more an attitude of fun. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:22:59 PM | Oh my goodness..... ok James deep breath in and deep breath out.....
Ok obiwaynekenobi I've been reading some replies to you're questions so far... and man some people need some advice about what there saying to you b/c even they are very wrong..... let me first start off by saying if you are very sensitive about you and you're feelings hit the back space button and keep right on moving b/c I am going to be very brutally honest with you about you're post.... now were going to proceed in this order 1) You, 2) You're profile, 3) How you're responding to these people online...
1) The first thing I would not do in this situation is the exact thing you're doing now.. Stop it!!!... Understand this thing about dating and women..Keep other people out of you're business... don't let other people know what you're going through and let them see you're having problems... You're putting yourself out there... if women see you are having problems they well know you have a hard time approaching women and label you as en-experienced and a "Wuss" or better yet a "Wuss Bag"... If you're having problems don't put it out there for other people to see....
2) Now mygoodness you're profile.... If we were to look up sexual predator online or child molestor you're picture would be on there... this is not something out of a horro movie for goodness sakes... go outside and take you're photo out there... be out at some place with some lighting... where the sun is shining and there trees and light... you look creepy sitting there... If i had kids I would never let you near them... so delet you're pic and take about 2 of you were there is more light and the setting is not all doom and gloom.
Get rid or you're headline "Nice guy who doen't want to finish last".... got news for ya... none of us do.. change it to something else that's either funny or charming.. Women don't like to date very nice guys... you're title sounds depressing and original.. you sound like you're some need seeking wuss who want's a womans approval... not good and women hate that... Change up youre description about you... it starts off as this.. "I'm very romantic and easygoing. I'm very intelligent and have a good head on my shoulders" ... good opeing line but then you get boring and original.. it goes on as follows ..."I know how to treat a woman right. I'm also very ambitious - I know what I want out of life, and I'm not afraid to do what it takes to get to that level. I'm tired of games, and looking for the right person to start up a long term relationship with. I don't want to rush into marriage, but I am looking for someone to settle down with.
I've recently purchased a Bowflex Revolution and I've been using it nearly every day. I have also started to eat healthier." .... ok change that all up delet it...
Know how to treat a woman right = 80% of all other men do.. (but yet you still haven't found anyone)
Tired of games = We all are
Looking for the right person = We all are
You recently purchased a bowflex machine to work out on.. delet that right now... remember women proceed to look at a man from the mind to the body... men proceed to look a women from the body to the mind... you don't need to be a great looking guy and the most in shape to get a date or a woman to like you.
Delet you're form post... You're scaring women away and its creeping them out... you go on to say you can't understand why 95% of you're messages you send get tossed out.. you sound pathetic and like you have no people skills.. then to make thing even worse you post them here for every one to see....
Change you're profile up... be brief... as a matter of fact use bullet notes and so one... dont' gon on like some guy looking for a womans approval... you sound nice.. but you go on to sound too nice as if you're nicy nice... you're predictable, not challenging, no humor in you're profile and that's a turn off... Go back and really read you're profile... You see the following: Good hearted man, everything a woman would want in a man, nice guy, & so on..
She sees: too nice, not my type , predictable, may smother me, creepy, no challenge, & so on....
So the first thing you need to do is change your pic... headline... & the about you section.
Now lets talk about you're initial contact w/ women... Ok you said the following in you're post "Usually when I see a profile I like, I'll write a paragraph or two, usually something like this:
Hi, how are you? I saw your profile and wanted to drop you a line.
[Couple of sentences talking about myself, my personality, etc.]
[If the girl mentions some things that she likes/is looking for and I meet that criteria, I mention it here, so she knows I read her profile]
Please reply back if interested - I'd love to talk more and get to know you!"
Ok lets go over this:
Hi, how are you? = Original
I say your profile and wanted to drop you a line = Original and she knows you saw her profile b/c you wrote her.
Talking about yourself = She know about you, she can view you at any time... plus she see's all your post as well... which probally sacres her off... don't reveal too much about yourself in your initial contact... make your initial contact short and brief... understand she get's lots of e-mails every day from many people with the same pick up line and the same cheesy e-mails every day... You have to stand out from the rest... say something charming that will catch her mind and her attention...
How you meet the criteria = Original your not applying to be her mom her... only to get to know her better.
Please reply back if interested = stop that right there.. you are giving the impression that you are some need seeking wuss again... don't ask them please reply back if interested... as a matter of fact don't ask or mention anything about replying back. If shes interested she will..
and about the example of cats and how they'll get revenge... stop that also... you don't need to remind her anyway.. anyone who torments cats in any way is messed up in the head and need's to be let alone.. as a matter of fact they can join the list of other sexual predators online for all i care..
and for the guy by the user name of night501 yes you... youre reply was also original and boring.. she says she's in school and you reply with what are you majoring in... boring also and original ... I guarantee if she's good looking she gets hit with the same question and reply all day long... and she'll delete you and toss you off like the rest.
now lets go over this one more time
1) change you're picture, profile and headline.... get a better less creepy looking pic.. get a more catchy headline that doesn't send the message of "hey i'm a need seeking wuss who want you're approval".... change more about you to sound more interesting and not so much of throwing everything up front.. let me tell you women like if,.... if a man will leave them wanting to know more.
2) how you respond need to be charming, possibly funny, or stands out from the rest... don't go on and on like you're applying for a job here.. be short and brief and stand out so they will want to write you back
oh and p.s. don't forget delete those post on the bottom of the page... its scaring them away..
not trying to be mean but give you the honest low down truth.... to help you better. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:17:30 PM | I find if you do not make the effort why should I?
Such a pet peeve when you make the effort only to get one word answers to your creative questions. If your not going to try why bother?
For me pictures ARE important. I like to see who I am writing too plus for security reasons. My best friend was involved with a real wack job and knows me. I want to make sure my coffee date is not with him. I dont think its my favorite thing to end up in a ditch somewhere. So please men, take that in consideration. Safety first... | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:48:54 PM | | Honestly, I have yet to stumble on the secret arcane formula myself... I'm not sure what to do anymore. I will write long well thought out emails... and sometimes shorter ones... it's really kind of tough out there now. You would think it wouldn't be, considering so many people are online, but both men and women are getting very picky and have that 'waiting for the next best thing' mentality. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:49:24 PM | | Whatever you do, do NOT switch over to "Wanna chat?" style messages. If you are interested in someone, (and presumably your are at least somewhat interested if you are messaging here) you should at least be able to come up with a few things to say that relate to her specifically. I do plenty of initial contact messages and I often write something similar to what you said: a mixture of greeting, a couple of things about me, a couple of things reacting to his profile, and a couple of open-ended questions. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:00:21 AM | First, kudos on the star wars name, lol.
Second, I find that you get more responses if you ask something about the profile. I messaged someone once asking if they enjoyed all the traveling they did. I got a prompt and happy reply almost a day later. It may have also helped that I included one of those gift things you can use points on when you send a message. | |
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| Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive?
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:22:09 PM | | Well personally, i like it when there are the highlights there to read. Put a generic description of the things you might like to do for fun, certain interest you might like, and what you find attractive or are looking for in a woman. It gives me some kind of picture in my head as to what you are like. Then, if that seems interesting enough i would further my interest and send u a reply. I dont think most woman are looking for a biography when they look, they look for something short , sweet , and eye catching. If its too long we tend to scroll right past. Some woman find it as an insecurity issue to list your entire life on a dating site. Remember, you want to make sure you leave something for the mind to wonder about, something that will make them want to take that first date..alil mystery about yourself. | |
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