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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:13:27 PM | When a gentleman invites me out for dinner, I usually try to find out where we are going so I may dress appropriately and to have an idea of the fare. When there, I normally take the lead from the gentleman about what to order. Sometimes, I will simply order an appetizer or salad because that is all I truly want to eat. I have had dates make remarks 'I can afford more than that', to which I reply, 'I appreciate it, but it is truly all I want to eat'. Retort: don't you like this restaurant? Yes, but it is all I want.
I am not out to gouge a man for a meal.
If I am hungry for a full meal, I will ask him what looks good on the menu to determine what price range he is selecting. Maybe this is old fashioned, but it was what my mom taught me.
I have a guy friend who says if he can't afford to pay for the meal, he does not need to be dating but others who feel like some woman are just for the free meal. I enjoy the company most.
Ladies, what are some of your experiences with this? Gentleman, how do you handle it? | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:18:02 PM |
Gentleman, how do you handle it?
I would let you order whatever you want and would not comment negatively on your decision.
If the guy is going to start an agrument over something this trivial, I think you need to think about whether you really want to be dating him at all. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:23:20 PM | Trust me, those are normally the last dates with those men. I would think he would think he was saving a buck. One man I dated for a while, told me he should have met me sooner, he would have saved a whole lot of money! | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:32:31 PM |
If I am hungry for a full meal, I will ask him what looks good on the menu to determine what price range he is selecting.
I've had women say "The portions at this restaurant are very large, would you be interested in splitting an entre?" I hate the see food wasted, so I have sometimes done this and it has worked out well. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 2:40:21 PM | I do the same things you do OOTD.. wait and see what the man wants to order first.. or where he's "deciding" from in the menu before stating what I would like to order. However.. there also have been times that I've only wanted a bowl of soup.. or some fries.. or perhaps a salad. I've never heard any of them say.. I can aford more.
Then again.. at the movies one night.. my (at that time) date asked me what I wanted from the food court before going into the movie.. and when I stated I only wanted a soda.. he stated he could afford anything I wanted.. and as much as I wanted. To prove it.. he opened up the bill fold area of his wallet and flipped through a huge wad of cash. I told him.. I just really want the soda.. but.. thanks? | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:17:05 PM | I very rarely eat a full meal, I am a nibbler. Men haven't gotten angry with me, but that is why I don't like going out for dinner. I feel like I am wasting either my money if we go dutch, or his money.
I don't do it to stay thin, or prove anything, it is just part of who I am. And most men don't understand it. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:38:05 PM |
Ladies, what are your experiences with this?
As I posted on another forum, I have not went out on a dinner date. But, I have had lunch dates. I am also not a big eater so sometimes I merely order a soup/salad combo.
If I'm hungrier I've also geared what I order in the same price range as my date.
A man has never questioned the amount of the meal, ever! And, for the most part they have paid, without question.
But, on a couple of occasions I've paid the bill for both of us because he had the expense of fuel to drive to my area. Both did say that they didn't want me to pay. But, I figure what's fair is fair. And, it was the least I could do since they had driven the distance. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:50:12 PM | It all depends on where you are in the dating scheme. If it is the first meeting, then I think both should pay their own for the meal, and whoever suggested the place to buy the drinks, while the other takes care of the tip.
Once you have ascertained that you are going to date, then I think whomever invites should pay for it, and have the understanding that the other will take care of the next invitation and cost. Many times I will pay when out, and those I date will take care of the meals at their place when invited to do so.
There are times, when out during an FAC or Happy Hour, and the one I am with or meeting will buy me a drink as well, and we take turns with that pleasure.
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating and costs now, because most of us use the "equality" method of dating, and that goes for costs as well. Many that we date now will make as much as we do, have the financial security completed, and need not depend on another to pay their way. Social norms will be involved, but in the end, a real couple that have a good relationship and understanding of each other will pay their fair share and make it equal in the end.
Just my opinion........   | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 4:18:18 PM | It really is catch-22 isn't it? Damned if you do and damned if you don't. My motto is, when you're full, push the plate away. It doesn't matter if all you've had is a salad plate, or a 32 oz. fillet mignon.
If a fella treats for dinner, I let him order first. I wouldn't want a 5 star meal for the first "meet & greet". Thanks but no thanks.
At the same token, if a fella is howling about having to pay for a $2.11 venti coffee @ Starbuck, then he shouldn't be dating. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 4:27:58 PM | First place I always pay my own way....first meet or not...and get constant flack for it...but i've noticed the young ones don't mind so much lol | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:00:57 PM | At the same token, if a fella is howling about having to pay for a $ 2.11 venti coffee @ Starbuck, then he shouldn't be dating.
Right on! He shouldn't be dating. I did have one lunch date who, when I told him I'd like a bowl of soup, he ordered it with two spoons. Yes, he yelped about the cost of $ 3.95. Come to think about it, I didn't eat and I paid the bill.
Deacon...........I like your take on it, as usual. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:13:42 PM |
At the same token, if a fella is howling about having to pay for a $2.11 venti coffee @ Starbuck, then he shouldn't be dating.
Are there really guys that are that cheap? If there are, they certainly shouldn't be dating. I can't imagine any woman putting up with that, after all, imagine what it would be like being in a relationship with him. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:21:24 PM | Interesting, as I never go out for a 'first meeting' at a restaurant.....I'm a bit of a foodie, and love to go out to eat...though with certain guidelines. Mutually agreeing of who pays for whom/what ahead of time.
I did date a guy for awhile, that when informed that my B-day was approaching, asked me what I wanted to do. I told him of my favorite restaurant and was told to make the reservation. Now, this place is well-known in my area and not terribly expensive....when the bill came he asked "Do you want help paying for that?" Needless to say, it was the beginning of the end for that particular relationship!
My former landlord used the "split the entree" technique with all potential dates....only 'cause he's a cheapskate.....talks a big game (how he's a millionaire, etc.), though he could pinch a penny till it screams into non-existence! | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:38:00 PM | I did date a guy for awhile, that when informed that my B-day was approaching, asked me what I wanted to do. I told him my favorite restaurant and was told to make the reservation.
That would have been my first clue. Any guy who really wants to make a lady's birthday special, makes the reservation!
Secondly, to expect you to pay for your own birthday dinner, after dating for awhile, is just " bad manners".
He sounds like a guy who was, not only a cheapskate, but a selfish man with no social graces. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:45:42 PM | The only men who have ever paid for meals for me are my brother, my uncle, my son and a dear friend of mine who I am not dating. Each of them told me to order whatever I wanted and never complained about the bill.
None of the men I've dated have ever paid for my meals or even their own most of the time. My last ex claimed to be really frugal, which in reality meant that he was frugal with his own money. He had no problem spending as much of mine as he wanted. He almost always ordered something that cost at least double, sometimes triple whatever I was having. I probably should have said something, but that's not my style. That's very likely to change from now on.
Even though I'm on a fixed income, I never complained about paying for all our outings (gas, food and any and all misc) in addition to buying all the groceries, etc for us when we were at his house until I simply couldn't afford it anymore. Once I stopped paying we no longer went anywhere or did anything away from the house and also went without some necessities. Men aren't the only ones being taken advantage of or used as a meal ticket.
Male or female, if you can't afford to treat someone or pay your own way at least once in awhile, you're too poor to be dating in the first place. If you can afford it but demand and expect the other to pay every time, in my opinion it certainly appears to be taking advantage. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:55:59 PM | Grow up and order what you want. Don't base what you order on what your dining companion orders. Hopefully when he invites you to a nicer restaurant, he goes prepared to pay for the two most expensive meals on the menu. Then when you just order a salad or appie he breathes an internal sigh of relief. If I'm invited to a pricier place, I will always offer to pay my own way up front.
I know there are lots of women who are out to gouge guys for meals and will NEVER offer to pay. Not my style. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:03:48 PM | If I take anyone out to dinner, lunch or what ever, I can afford anything on the menu, and I would like them to enjoy what ever they wish. One item, or a combination of items.
I do understand that some people would feel uncomfortable ordering a pricey meal, but when I go out, my intention is to enjoy something fancy as well. If the other person simply orders a salad or something, I might ask them to order something more substantial, even if they wont eat it, because that way I can pig out without feeling uncomfortable while they just sit there in front of an empty plate.
On a side note, since I prefer to use cash, instead of credit cards, and I do not know how expensive a place is, I have called and simply asked them about their prices. This is not embarassing to me, and so far every establishment was polite about it. You can also find out their wine list, and do some research on the types of wines they offer, so you can be prepared to order what you might like. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:20:40 PM | In terms of who eats what and how much, here’s my take.
Unless it was agreed before hand that it was just going to be a “snack”, if I invite someone out for dinner, I would like it to be an “event”. (And, yes, I typically assume that I will pay).
The thing is, I would think that most single guys look forward to a “nice” restaurant meal every so often, versus what we put together for ourselves at home.
So, a “nice” meal, in a nice restaurant, could include a starter, palate fresheners, entrée, coffee, dessert and the like. Now, with all that in mind, if one’s guest chooses to pick away at only a soup or a salad, it seems to make the whole experience a little one-sided.
In other words, how long can somebody stretch out a soup or salad when the other party would like the “full meal deal”? (A “nice” restaurant meal / experience usually runs an hour or two).
It would seem then, both parties should do each other a favour and express their “meal expectations” before finalizing any plans. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:37:32 PM | ....Well I can assure you that I have a very healthy appetite and I don't "pick" at anything...unless I don't care for it of course. As far as who pays, I generally play things by ear...but if he invited me out for dinner I am assuming he intends to pay. If thats the case, then I will leave the tip.
...maeflowers | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:47:54 PM | "I have had dates make remarks 'I can afford more than that', to which I reply, 'I appreciate it, but it is truly all I want to eat'. Retort: don't you like this restaurant? Yes, but it is all I want. "
That conversation tells me that the person that you are dining with has self esteem issues. You can't "fix" someone else's self esteem. Only they can do that for themselves. If you want to deal with this type of back and forth go ahead, but I would find it tedious long term. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:51:59 PM | The man I'm dating now astounds me. He covers everything. We were looking at a few things in a store a month or so ago--he picked up a few shirts and so I went over and thumbed through some sweaters, finding one I liked. We got in line to pay and he took my sweater to pay for it. That confused me and he asked to pay for it for me. Wow, I said but I'd not planned on you doing that and then the clerk smiled at me and said let him handle it.
I've not had a man do that in a long time. I was in shock I think but then thanked him for the gift. We then went on to eat and I did offer to pick up the tab but he again wouldn't let me. He's generous--that's part of who he is. It was nice. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:53:22 PM | I'm of the new age of dating I guess.
I prefer to go dutch, especially on the first date or two. I will also pay for the entire meal with no expectations of a return, however if the other party has not participated in any purchases while being out - well then that well has dried up. Went out recently on a couple of dates with a man who insisted on paying for the meal - but then we went up to the bar (in a restaurant where I used to do the catering) and I took over the bar tab.
Now as to the menu and what is chosen - don't hold back and be shy - I was shy at one time in my life and wished I had always asked certain questions or clarified things when I got home.
Ya go to a pretty decent place and open the menu and ... hehe - OK ala carte and the house salad is $15. Look to the right at the main entrees and jeebus - it's a $45 fillet or even worse - "Daily Market Price Determined" ... Uh Oh...
Just ask - "So what are you thinking about?" and order accordingly -- and if it's freaking expensive in there - state that while the place is lovely - it is rather out of your price range and wait for the reaction - either the other party will reply NO PROBLEM it' covered or his/her next statement will open up the conversation that "let's just have a drink and go find some place we both like".
Discussion, discussion, discussion. :) Or be independently wealthy and so it doesn't matter! Kobi beef anyone? :D | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:13:05 PM |
The man I'm dating now astounds me. He covers everything.
I've dated one man like this and we ended up in a relationship and it was great. I never took advantage of him and he was always financially responsible (we were both fairly frugal people) and I was astounded, too.
I can't explain it but it was such a nice feeling........I had always worked and paid my half of the bills and all of that but with this guy, for the first time in my life, I had someone who didn't expect that of me. At first, I tried to be polite, then I felt guilty, and then I realized that he enjoyed taking me out to dinner or buying me something. He actually wanted to do things like that for me!!!! What a concept!!!!
I had had men use me for my paycheck over a 25 year working history but that was the first time that I really felt that I had someone who was willing to be there for me if times got tough.
As for now.......I've only had a man expect me to pay once or twice when I've met someone. Usually the men I've met have been more then willing to pay for a coffee and dessert, a lunch or a dinner and no one has ever complained about it to me.
I let them choose how they want to meet. If they are on a tight budget, they can choose a coffee and dessert............if they want to experience a nice dinner, then they can choose that. It doesn't matter to me which they choose.........I've learned that the company of someone I enjoy talking to and doing things with is more important then money and I am more then willing to scale our activities to their budget.......
It's just never been an issue with me....... | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:39:23 PM | As, I said in an earlier post, I've only been invited out for lunch. So, I usually don't have much of an appetite at that time of the day. So, a bowl of soup and a salad is usually what I order. And, my lunch dates have also chosen " lighter fare".
So, a "nice" meal in a nice restaurant, could include a starter, palate fresheners, entree, coffee, dessert and the like. Now, with that in mind, if one guest chooses to pick away at only a soup or a salad, it seems to make the whole experience a little one-sided.
I totally agree that a couple should be on the same page. When I go out to dine it's a form of entertainment for me and could last 2 or 3 hours when accompanied by good conversation. I like the experience of dining at a liesurely pace with ALL the courses. Some candlelight wouldn't hurt either. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:17:46 PM | I usually order what I would normally order and dont worry about it.
If I'm second guessing myself over the menu, then the relationship hasnt got a chance.
If he has an objection, I will pick up the entire check and wish him a good life. | |
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