| stress and space
Posted: 4/4/2008 3:52:34 PM | | I am dating someone right now, and latley she has been dealing with alot of stress from work and other things. what is acceptable when it come to communication, when someone is like this. if they dont want to talk to anyone. even when you try to be there for them. we already live a little far from each other and dont see each other much expecially as of late. im not really looking too much for advice but for a place to vent. lol. I also have known her for 20 years, but our releationship is only a few months old. | |
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| stress and space
Posted: 4/4/2008 4:03:12 PM | | You found a good forum to vent on. (pun intended) lol But seriously, I have come across people that keep it all bottled up and occassionally do it myself. and from my experience, you are just like a time bomb waiting to blow. It's not healthy to keep it all inside and if you can't vent to your SO then you are heading for trouble. Everyone has different styles of dealing with things. And when someone wants to be left alone to sort things out for themselves, there is really nothing you can do but be available. Pushing only adds to the stress that already exsists. Just be available and wait for the blow up. If it doesn't come to you, it may have blown over on it's own. Or a girlfriend lent an ear or something. But I know it's frustrating to know that someone is troubled and there is nothing you can do to help. Let me tell you, just knowing that you want to can be a big help. that's my 2 cents Charlela | |
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| stress and space
Posted: 4/4/2008 4:14:00 PM | This is a tough one for me, since I deal with stress differently. I prefer for my partner to be around when I'm stressed out. Some people want the opposite, and to be honest, I really don't know whats right, except giving them some space.
I think my problem is that I'm a nurturer, and I always want to fix things...Sometimes you have to realize that some people just don't want or need that, so its best to back off until it blows over.... | |
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| stress and space
Posted: 4/4/2008 4:20:36 PM | | everyone deals with stress issues in different ways.............some people need to talk about it and have a support system.........i myself tend to talk only to my closest friend but withdraw from others ,i tend to need a lil bit of time and space,once i reach a solution then i'm back to norm........I'd let her know your their if she needs to talk,if not allow her the space she needs to deal with whatevers going on............... | |
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| stress and space
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:13:19 PM | well today i finally sorted it all out, right now between her working practically 2 jobs, and stress, she doesnt have the time to be in a relationship, and for her to worry about someone else, while dealing with her stuff, i think she knows now that not talking to me was not only hurting us but our friendship. so we came to the conclusion to remain friends, and we also told each other that we still care about each other, but right now, she cant be in a relationship. I told her i understand and that if she really wants to be friends that she needs to at least try a bit more then she has of late. because not talking at all about anything, isnt good for either of us.
I feel alot better knowing that there is some closure to the situation rather then worrying about her all the time waiting for her to reach out to me, while im in the dark about things.
i told her that if we still feel for each other that we shouldnt close the door on it, but at the same time we dont know what the future holds. but that we know that when things were less stressful on her part. things were perfectly fine, and that we both havent been that happy in a long time.
it is what it is now. and only time will tell if our friendship will get stronger from this and if we get back together.
thanks for the replies people. I am usually the one who is always helping others(which is why it was frustrating for me not to hear from her) so to have others help me is a little un orthodox but i appreciate it. | |
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| stress and space
Posted: 4/5/2008 2:27:44 PM | Kspec... the way you handled this situation is commendable and you should be proud of your ability to care enough to let her go while keeping the possibilities open.
I am also going through a period of severe stress right now (at work, with a critically ill mom and so on) and I know that there isn't enough left of me to be "there" for anyone else right now.
I admired how you handled this and I hope that if she is the lady of your heart's desires, you will find a way to put this together....
Gentle thoughts from me to thee...  | |
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| stress and space
Posted: 4/5/2008 7:27:32 PM | | i have been in a simular situation one time before and I tend to alwyas look at things from both sides and think on how both of can deal with things in a mature way where things do not get ruined in the process. unless the otehr person wants to burn the bridge. which is very hard to do to me. thanks for the kind words. I would like to think even though im only 27 that im very mature for my age and to be very understanding to others. | |
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