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Posted: 4/5/2008 1:52:20 PM | Maybe you could answer a question I have.... I met a guy I like on POF and have had a couple of dates with him and spoken on the phone/texted lots over a space of a few weeks. I'm taking it slowly as that's the kind of person he is, and it's teaching me patience, but I've noticed him online when i've been on the forums (ok i've looked to see if he's still on, i confess!!) fact is, in real life if you start to date someone and he's still out there trawling bars chatting to girls every few days, you'd dump him pretty fast, so how come it's ok to keep fishing online??
When we see/talk to each other, he seems to really like me and be keen to make another date, which I am as well, but this confuses me. I don't message other guys when I meet someone online I like, but it looks like i'm on my own in that..... Does anyone else have experience of this?? I'd really appreciate any advice. I guess I'm pretty old fashioned but I like to see how things might evolve with one person at a time...... | |
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Posted: 4/5/2008 1:59:56 PM | Talk to him about it. If the 2 of you were exclusive than no, its obviously not a good thing. You said you have only had a couple of dates. If you are just dating, and not involved in a relationship than neither one of you is tied down to the other.  | |
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Posted: 4/5/2008 2:01:58 PM | You've only been on a couple of dates, there is no commitment talk that you mentioned on your post, so I find it normal that he's still evaluating his options. If this bothers you, you need to have "The Talk" with him and tell him how you see things.
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Posted: 4/5/2008 2:10:58 PM | Hionlymoi,,
You are definitely NOT alone. I am the same way. I'd rather give the person I am talking to, all my attention so that I give it the best most honest chance of working.
If you only give part of yourself to a possibly relationship, than it only has a part chance of working. IMHO
I've met women where when i told them that since I was talking and going out on dates with them, that I wasn't seeing anyone else, they were like "Whoa". They looked at it like I was already committing to them. Not the case at all. But like you, I am old fashioned and perfer to talk to date one at a time.
If I am interested in Person A, than I want to see if it will work out with Person A, before I give my attention to Person B. Cause once you give attention to Person B, you take it away from Person A. Which means you didn't give it an honest chance.
Mabye I am just silly or way old fashioned like Hionlymoi
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Posted: 4/5/2008 2:15:28 PM | Like you, I am a bit old fashion and like to see how it will turn out with the one fish I have on the line but, some guys need to know for sure that the relationship is really going somewhere and after two weeks I don't think you can tell , so I wouldn't get to worked up about it just yet.
Good luck | |
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Posted: 4/5/2008 2:17:48 PM | | Thanks Sanderick, you think the same as I do. No I haven't had any specific 'talk' with him, but if i'd met him at a bar/at work and i started dating him, whilst going out trawling the bars trying to meet other guys I think i'd get one helluva reputation..... Oh well, i guess it's just me and i'm just plain old fashioned but I always thought that you met someone, started dating them and saw how that worked, it's never even entered my head that people would keep their 'options open'..... isn't that called 'playing'??? | |
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Posted: 4/5/2008 2:19:22 PM | | I agree with the other posts that since there's only been a couple of dates then neither of you is committed and then why would one change what they are doing until they feel they are committed? I think you need to talk to him, perhaps he doesn't feel the exact same way you do. Communication is the key to all relationships. | |
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Posted: 4/5/2008 4:50:46 PM | He's probably online at the same time as you... thinking
"damn, I keep seeing her online, why is she still out looking"
I wouldn't think about it, you aren't exclusive yet and he may have made quite a few friends and has a lot of great conversations with others on the site. Lose the jealousy and stop worrying so much. | |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 5:44:16 AM | Some people have hidden motives,...I had a person that I thought was the real thing,,,
Oh,... I miss our conversations and we are so much alike... etc... I would send long
e-mails , most of the replies were always short because of some excuse...and that problems were always at his doorstep... Invitations to go and visit , even bring the dog ,....
However , one day I typed out the chinese horoscope for the year born... I assume it must have hit home, !!....as it pointed out what the person was really like ,,,,
lazy , and cant save a dime and always on the verge of bankruptcy !!!..... easier to live off someone elses income...
Have`nt heard from the person since ~!!! .   | |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 8:17:16 AM | | Its' amazing how poor communicators people are these days; dont beat him up mentally for it; ask him; talk to him about it. | |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 8:58:33 AM | You've admitted you haven't spoken to him about being exclusive so surely if you are having doubts, now is the time to sit down and talk about it....you know, like adults. Having said that, he will probably see this thread about him anyway which may go down like lead balloon!
As another poster already said...maybe he keeps seeing you online and is wondering exactly the same as you! | |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 9:46:09 AM | It sounds like yes, he does enjoy your company, but he also enjoys continued communication with other women. Is this unusual? No. The fact that he enjoys going out with you, is by no means a declaration of commitment. Many people date or befriend more then one of the opposite sex. Until two people decide that they want to commit to each other, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
The fact that YOU decide to stop communicating with other men, is not necessarily how HE feels. Perhaps he's just talking with friends he's made long before you showed up on the scene. Perhaps he's 'browsing' to see what else is out there. He could simply be someone who's not into making a commitment to anyone right now.
My advice is to simply enjoy his company when it's convenient, but also go out and meet new people. If that doesn't work, don't try and change him, EX-change him! | |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 10:34:32 AM | | This is similar to other threads where some wish to date one person at a time and others prefer to kind of comparison shop. If you two are not exclusive (and why would you be after a couple of dates) he is not doing anything wrong. The single biggest problem in most relationships is communication. No matter what the basic problems the two people have, they fail to effectively communicate either about the problem or how it makes them feel. As they say "you can't fix what you don't know is broken", so try talking to him about what you are doing, and how you feel. You don't control either what he is doing or how he feels. If your early relationship is imporant enough to him he may modify his behavior. If not you will have enough information to decide if you want to continue. In addition I suggest you not be so insecure, as others have said he IS still dating you. My 2 cents, Bob | |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 10:54:27 AM | Have you had "the talk" with him?
How is it that when a guy goes to a bar, he's "trawling" "girls"? Maybe he's out having an ale.
When we see/talk to each other, he seems to really like me and be keen to make another date Then what's the problem? You ought to be discussing your premature need for commitment with this guy--he can't read your mind, he's not capable of mental osmosis. | |
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