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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past      Home login  
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 indehills
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my pastPage 1 of 1    
What I'm really looking for is "how to" advice, not "should I" advice. Please read the whole thing instead of posting a response based on the first few lines. Here's the setup:

I've been single for several months, and I have been thinking of a woman whom I had actually dated a long time ago. At that time, I went off to college, she was doing other things, and we just went our own ways and lost touch. Well, I'd like to see her again, at least just to talk, possibly to go out if things go well.

What's the problem? I have NO idea if she is in a relationship or not. I know she was married and divorced at one point over the last several years, but currently I don't know if she married again, is living with someone, is alone - I simply don't know her situation. Obviously I don't want to pursue anything unless she's single, but that's the catch - finding out if she IS single or not.

Her phone number and address are in the phone book, so that's public knowledge. But that's all the information I have on her. I don't know who any of her friends might be (you know, just to ask them about her), I don't know where she hangs out, I don't know where or even IF she works. She doesn't have any kind of online presence like My~Space, nor have I seen her on any dating sites - which could mean she just doesn't have a computer or internet service. I've got nothing to go on.

If she DOES have a boyfriend or husband, I obviously don't want to start any trouble for her, nor do I want any trouble for myself. Am I totally screwed, or is there a way I haven't thought of to at least find out if she's single without causing a potential problem?
 Mystic4ever
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 2
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 2:29:28 PM
Why not call her? You are just reconnecting with an old friend to start, right? You can't go any further until you find out. I would just call and ask how she is and what she has been up to. I would think that would be the best way to know how to proceed or not.
 smuroF
Joined: 12/21/2005
Msg: 3
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 2:39:38 PM
Hi!
Don't know how much you can do in Ohio, but some states post public info on they're government sites.
Usually , you can find the site by googling "county clerks in Ohio" ( in your case)
There's often marriage, divorce, change of name,... any public knowledge documents on these sites. Some states have restriction as you have to pay in Florida to view a Marriage decree, But felonies, misdemeanors etc. are free.............go figure~ only in FL!
Another site is 'Reunion.com"~ I don't like it, but you may find it very helpful. In fact , if you just google her name, you'll be amazed at what might come up!

G Luck !
 lookforyoutoo
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 4
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Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:22:42 PM
Nothing wrong with calling and asking. I applaud your desire to stay clear of a marriage or comitted relationship. I lost a potential relationship recently when my love interest called a short term boyfriend from 35 years past to inquire about his status. The short story is that he is married, but now, 3 months later without even meeting again (i.e. only through emails and phone calls) he is planning to divorce, relocate to a new city and remarry. They are playing with fire and headed for a train wreck. My advice for you is to make sure your love interest is available before reigniting past feelings.
 Winsome One
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 5
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:37:51 PM
Don't make things so complicated ! You have her address. Just write her a simple hi ya note; hope life is treating you well.....blah blah blah.......IF she is interested she'll contact you. It's easy to find out if someone is married/divorced but no way to know if she has a BF. And if she does he could be on his way out......ya never know. If nothing else, she'll be flattered that you've thought of her. Get some paper and HAND WRITE something NOW. It's much more personal! No gut's, no glory my frined! Good luck to ya !
 mindless_entertainment
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 6
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:41:56 PM
Contact her. Imagine how she will feel knowing you still care. What type of trouble could be caused by a simple "how have you been?"

FYI...I went out on a limb and contacted my high school sweetheart. We hadn't seen each other for 18 years yet it was like we picked up where we left off...without the romance part. We're both single but the connection and love we have for each other now is simply as best friends. I'm so happy I found the courage to contact him. You never know unless you try. Good luck : )
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:47:26 PM
Just call her. Most people are not insanely jealous and telling a boyfriend or husband that an old friend tracked you down just to say hi is not a big deal. If she is married or whatever, she will let you know when you get to the what have you been up to part.

This is not a big deal because until you get some kind of green light, you are just catching up with an old friend. If she is with someone she will be flattered and pleasantly surprised that you called. If she is available and remotely interested she will still be flattered and you might be able to rekindle the romance.

Pretty much a win win. Grab ahold of them and call. The worst that can happen is that your life remains totally unchanged after the phone call. Might be able to find her on classmates.com as well.
 some woman
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 8
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 4:52:56 PM

Just write her a simple hi ya note; hope life is treating you well.....blah blah blah.......IF she is interested she'll contact you.


I think this is a great idea. By hand writing a quick note, you avoid the awkwardness of putting her on the spot if she's not interested. You give her time to reread and think about your attempt to reconnect. You put the ball in her court and let her decide what, if anything, she'd like to do about it. If you don't hear from her, you have your answer too.

Someone from my past just contacted me here. He doesn't realize I know who he is. Ideally, if he really wanted to reconnect, he would say something like "Hi, this is (his name) and I was wondering if you'd like to talk." It's quick, easy and my reply would give him not necessarily the answer he wants, but the one he needs.
 esad
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 9
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Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 10:05:46 PM
Don't write, call her. The sound of her voice will tell you so much quicker if you are wasting your time.
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 10
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 11:33:41 PM
As the other people say: just give her a call. Don't go hunting for information about her; it's a little too much on the creepy side. Say "Hi, it's ... from ... I hope you don't mind me calling you out of the blue but I was wondering how you were and thinking it'd be nice to have a chat with you..." Something like that. Please don't go declaring undying love or anything like it based on your fantasy version of her.
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 11
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Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/5/2008 11:53:36 PM
No, not screwed up. I think it is sweet. Make it light and non invasive. Call her up and tell her she's been on your mind that week, so you looked for her number. Ask how things have been and are now. If she talks about a man, then you have your answer. It might even be nice to invite them both to meet for coffee to just talk old times. Obviously if there is a man and he attends the coffee meet, include him by telling funny stories about this woman and include him in the conversation.

I think it is a nice thing for you to think about her. Even if she's involved, she'll probably enjoy seeing you again and secretly find it very flattering.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 12
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:12:29 PM
Hmm...just drop her a friendly note (or make a short friendly ph. call) to "catch up." You'll quickly find out whether she's with someone. (I assume you have a little savvy!)
 Lacquered
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 13
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Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:59:20 PM
I did this........ I looked up someone from my past, though ....... I spent hours upon hours searching the internet, to find him.............
It was a good thing, to sit and talk, and catch up on 15 yrs. He is married, has kids now... We grew up...... LOL
Even if its just for the friendship, its well worth the time.
I also looked and found two females from my past, and that was also worth my time.
I dont think it will cause trouble, do an "I've been thinking about you a lot, wanted to call and see if your doing OK", touch base....... sort of thing.
JMO
 Lovelytonou
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 14
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:46:47 PM
Take a deep breath and call her. Just reconnect on the simplest terms....no need to have a deep and serious conversation. Briefly share what's been going on in your life over the years and she'll probably share what she's been up to as well. It can go from there.
So, take a deep breath, pick up the phone, dial, take another deep breath, and when she answers, DON'T hang up without saying "hello!"
 diamondgirl85
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 15
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:29:05 PM
I agree with most of what everyone else has said (I realize this is a bit late). I'm currently going through something similar but not exactly. If she's unavailable romantically, it's possible you could still be friends. It would be a good idea to try and make friends or spend time with her boyfriend or husband, though.

There's this guy I used to be acquainted with, but we were never close and never dated. We knew each other as kids and our families were familiar with each other. I recently found out he's either married or almost married. I still like him as a person even if he's not available romantically. I would like to contact him to maybe catch up, and some people have said I should, but I also don't want to cause a problem for him or his wife. I'm not sure about calling him, I'd probably e-mail him through reunion.com or maybe send a letter. But yeah it's hard to decide in these situations.
 ~Kyn~
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 16
Need advice on how to reconnect with someone from my past
Posted: 9/7/2008 3:51:39 AM
What I'm really looking for is "how to" advice, not "should I" advice.

Oh well...you're gonna get it.

Umm...here's only another perspective on this. Toss it aside if you like.

If some guy contacted me from *whenever*...chances are Im not gonna be interested in catching up with him now.

If we've parted ways by just falling off like that...Im not likely to even remember him cos he wouldnt have made much of an impact to my life nor my feelings so why would I even bother with him?

If we'd shared at bare minimum a friendship...he'd still be a part of my life.
And IF I did happen to have feelings for the guy when I was seeing him, Id have likely tried to contact him a couple of times and if he didnt respond... he's likely to have hurt me...which means Im not gonna be too happy to hear from him now just because he's decided he wants to connect with me when its convenient for him.

Ive had a number of guys track me down over the years...usually by phone, one turned up on my doorstep, which although was a ballsy move on his part, should have been accompanied with the words "I owe you an apology" the moment I opened the door...
I didnt particularly care for him turning up and shut the door in his face (generally Im not that rude to people and although I wont go into the reasons why, it was certainly deserved).

Anywho...
...if you're gonna do it...and there's a good chance she'll remember you and you think the response is going to be positive...then I say just call her.
If you're none too sure...then I say mail her...and be sure you explain exactly who you are, where you met and that you're hoping not to intrude on her life.
I had some guy ring me a few months back...we'd apparently known each other from 2 yrs before...I didnt know who the hell he was = not interested.

Edit...dammit...didnt realise the thread was a few months old.
Oh well...thats food for thought for other people.

If you meet a woman that impacts your life so greatly you're still thinking about her months/years down the track...you really should have done something about it at the time.

He who hesitates is lost - Joseph Addison
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