| her best friend
Posted: 4/5/2008 8:55:29 PM | | Let's say a guy has been going out with his girlfriend for about 6 months, and everything between them is "fine and dandy"...except for when the grilfriends "best friend" is envolved, the guy can sense that the friend has something against him by the way she acts and looks at him during the FEW times they come in contact with each ohter, she never says anything that he can point to as disrespect ful but between secretly makeing up negative things to tell the girlfriend about him and trying to flirt with him to "test him" for her friend, he knows shes a negative influence on the relationship....so i want to know what should the guy do?....tell his girlfriend that her best friend is a "lowlife sneak and should give their friendship a rest" or should he just wait until the friend sabatages him and his girlfriends realtionship? | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:05:38 PM | The answer to this question lies somewhere in the middle of your two suggestions.
First, to tell your girlfriend that one of her friends is a lowlife or something along those lines is gonna get you into trouble. Women are "pack creatures" and Ive yet to know a woman who wont ****-slap someone who disrespects one of her female friends. So you dont want to go that route.
On the other hand, you shouldnt sit around and do nothing if you honestly think this friend is attempting to split the two of you up. I mean, it is your relationship too.
My suggestion would be to first try and play nice with the best friend. See if you can develop some sort of rapport with her. This will both make you look good in the eyes of your girlfriend, and also possibly diffuse any situation that may be developing. If that doesnt work, then Id say to sit down with your girlfriend and just talk about things with her. Communication is the key to any relationship, and if she isnt going to listen to your viewpoints with an open mind then youve already got trouble between the two of you as it is.
Just my thoughts, anyways. Good luck! | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:11:13 PM | And you are 35 ? I had to look twice !
You have a six month relationship, and this is supposed to trump or rate over the girl/girl long term friendship?
I am thinking either you are doing something that pisses off the best friend, and she is seeing something in you that actually disgusts her, or maybe she doesn't get a feeling of respect from you.
And if none of the above are true, then suck it up. The girls are friends and they do have a special bond. If you interfere in that, then you are not respecting your girlfriend, and you are not respecting her friend.
Simply put, the only thing you can do, is become a better MAN.
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/5/2008 9:25:26 PM | | Become a better MAN?.....i have no complaints with anyone else about my personality, or do you mean be a "perfect man"?.....me and my girlfriends friend rarely come in contact with each other so we hardly know each other so she doesn't have that much to base her perceptions on...i' don't think my relationship SHOULD trump their relationship but i'm also not going to kiss her friends ass if that's what your suggesting i do. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/5/2008 11:23:07 PM | Really not sure why you care about her friend's view of you. Her friend might be going through the jealousy phase - don't forget you're the new addition who took her friend away from her.
As long as you're respectful and you do what's right by your GF, her friend has nothing on you, and you should be yourself (notice I said respectful and didn't say play nice or suck up). The friend will be around, and at some point in time your GF will be the one who puts her friend in her right place. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/5/2008 11:36:13 PM | No, don't tell her the friend is a lowlife; you'll be out of a girlfriend. If this best friend is "testing you" and it's a time where you are all together, playfully joke back and announce "I know you're giving me the friend test, but you have nothing to worry about. I think she's wonderful and would not do anything to hurt our relationship." Obviously, this is best said in front of your gf, especially if she knows nothing of the "testing".
I bet the testing and the bad vibes cease pretty quickly. Does the friend have a boyfriend or husband? If not, you might consider setting her up with a friend and have a double date. She may just be jealous her friend has found a good man.
Liz | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:15:12 AM | | The only reason i care about the friend is because she seems like she "out to get me"...me and my girlfriend have know other problems then what her friend makes, when her friend "test me" it's always when my girlfriend is not around...from what i know she doesn't have a boyfriend, i know how close two girlfriends are so i don't know if i should risk expressing my feelings about her friend....this women one time told my girlfriend that she saw me coming out of a womans car one day "(matter of factly)...i didn't know it until my girlfriend asked me about it and when she descibed the car and the woman...i realized she was talking about a female cousin of mine...lolol | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:48:42 AM | If you would like your girlfriend to give one of her female friends a tounge-lashing or verbal smackdown, don't do anything. It will happen or it won't.
But, when and if it does, enjoy it. The friend's look on her face will be priceless. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:14:53 AM | has this friend got a man of her own? i'm betting no.
and you are a threat because as pharoah said - you're taking her friends' time that could be spent with her.
had a girlfriend who used to do that to me - she was straight but very possessive of me and resented my dates, other friends, even family.
talk to your girl and tell her you're concerned that her friend is trying to cause trouble then let it be - avoid going out with the friend tagging along and take the high road.
good luck
chrissy | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:21:44 AM | You are competition to the g/f who, if she really is setting up this gauntlet for you, probably doesn't have much of a life of her own.
Problem is, there is nothing you can do to fix it. Any comments about her g/f will not sit well. And defending yourself is worthless as it implies you need to defend. Truth is, your g/f has chosen to associate to someone without much of a life. The second question is, which of the two of you would that be? IOW, making her choose is a bad situation.
Me, I'd wait for the opportunity when the friend was around and then kick off a head-on question about it. Something such as "So, Susie, what's going on with you always trying to trip me up? Do we have a bad history together that I don't remember or do you do this with every man she's interested in?"
Be prepared for denials and push back. Bottom line is, you have to establish your own value with her g/f and it may just shake out that this doesn't happen. Then it's up to your g/f as to whether she feels she needs to make a choice.
But do not take this straight to the g/f...if you do that, you're basically asking her to take charge of the situation...and after that happens, you've lost her respect, so it'll be time to move on.
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:32:34 AM | sounds like hi skool games
leave it alone
yea mention ur misgivings bout her pal
she probably has noticed and its only IMMATURITY that stops her from tellin her girl to knock it off
u have NO idea their dynamic
hang as long as u can then peel when it gets ugly
thats life
kathi | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:02:35 AM | I would say that you should calmly mention to your gf that you don't think that her "best friend" likes you and see what her response is, and take it from there. Trust me, if this is her '"best friend she probably already knows what her friend thinks of you. If your gf, thinks it's ok for her best friend to treat you in this manner and doesn't take it seriously, I would re-evaluate the relationship. Good Luck. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:12:14 AM |
You are competition to the g/f who, if she really is setting up this gauntlet for you, probably doesn't have much of a life of her own.
I agree with that I think, to a point. Remember, you're a "new equation" in their friendship, I personally would do nothing and continue to work on your relationship with the G/F, and don't worry about the "friend"... a touch of jealousy, worry about her friend (your g/f), fear of losing a friend, etc, a lot of things could play into that. Concentrate on your relationship and don't worry so much about what her 'friend' thinks, ignore her 'tests'.
Guess I've been lucky, most of my "GF's friends" over the years have been more mature than that, they've never "tested" me and in fact for the most part liked me and were happy for her (and us). | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:28:00 AM | Hypothetically....Say this dude is married..his wife is fed up because the dude is focusing on getting it on with other ladies. So he finds a nice young thang to hang with...
Her friend wants to protect her from a hurt that will take place in the near future..she will be there for her...when it goes down...
he pops online to speak to other fine thangs....looking for a replacement? or just adding to his "fun"...of course she don't know that.............for now...........
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:41:28 AM | Sometimes female friends can become very jealous of a man in a friends life.
And sometimes they will deliberately cause problems by saying things like "He doesnt treat you right"
My ex wife had a friend like that, but at the same time the friend used to chat me up and tell me to leave my wife !!! | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:18:50 AM | Message 10 nailed it.
You could try to fix up her girlfriend so you double rather than 3 wheel it. BF might feel awkward and that she had more fun when it was just the two of them. Probably not jealous of your relationship as much as the time she's missing out on.
Sure hope you're not sharing every date with the BF. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:39:04 AM | Im a bit confused.......
Does your gf of 6 months know that you just got on a dating site in March of this yr, looking for a long term relationship?
Does she even know that you are separated from a wife ?
Although your story sounds like you are speaking of someone other than you, but in a later response, you speak in defense of yourself?
I would say your gf's friend has something to be suspicious of ?
Considering your profile information on this site and your story on this forum, I think that if I was you gf's friend you would be busted! | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:04:17 AM | OP I checked out your profile, then I checked out the previous threads you have started. Wow it's hard to believe that you have been in a relationship with someone for 6 months.....Me thinks you are living the world of imagination.....Oh the life of a troll!
Seems to me that this g/f of your g/f is correct with her 'gut feeling'. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:10:09 PM | | That's why you should stick with the context...if you weren't searching for all of this extra info you wouldn't be confused,..but truthfully this has happened to me in the past and is happening to a buddy of mine right now..sos i meshed the two stories together......but the remedy to the problem is waht i'm here for because it's a practical problem. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:40:00 PM | first of all, no one can ruin a relationship except the 2 people in it. the guy should talk to his girlfriend about it, and if she really likes him, she will talk to her friend about it.
she isnt a very good friend if she is making her best friends boyfriend feel like that.
i dont like my best friends guy, the way he treats her, but im nice, for her sake, id only push her away if i was horrible to him. put it this way, if this friend sabatages thier relationship, it cant have been much in the first place | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:51:08 PM | It is not uncommon for a single best friend to be jelous of a love interest that she is not involved with and that is a can of worms.
There is another scenario as well however, if said friend has been there before when things went bad for OP's gf (lets say her name is Jane). Jane has been in bad relationships before and made bad choices on who she dates and lets say the friend (call her Suzy) has been there to be the shoulder to cry on and is her best friend who is her advice column/ sister/ hang out pal when single. Ok so Jane has been making poor decisions on who to date, Suzy keeps warning her to avoid said situations and is getting tired of telling her the same thing over and over so now she barely comes around when Jane gets a new man but fears the inevitable because Jane does not seem to end up in good relationships so she looks for things herself to protect Jane from yet another craptacular man. Suzy never likes any of the men she dates cuz they take time from them two hanging out and end up hurting Jane in the end.
Do you see where this is going?, there really is no convincing Suzy that your not going to hurt Jane and Suzy is not going to ever be happy untill possibly the day Jane is engaged to be married and even then she may still have reservations.
The advice of setting her up with a friend for a double date can backfire. If the double date ends badly for her or the guy you set her up with does not take interest in her this could be a bad shot at Suzy's ego and Jane will have to be the one to spend time with her making her feel better (only a slim possibility tho) if the guy you set her up with is not spectacular and possesses some less than desirable traits that turn her off she may think right away that since he is your friend you two must have much in common, meaning more ammunition for her to shoot you down with. Remember there is no making Suzy happy unless your putting a ring on Janes finger and making her happy for the rest of her life.
Telling Jane what is going on will probably get a responce like "She has been there for me before and just worries about me" or " She is fine with you, that's just how she is around guys I know" (in other words Jane is completely oblivious to Suzy's intentions and probably needs CSI evidence in front of her to make her think otherwise, why would her friend do this right?).
So my friend I think you had better walk tall, be yourself and don't give Suzy any ammunition. Act as if Suzy is not out to get you and just be there with Jane. After all it's Jane you're with not Suzy. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:31:11 PM | Rise above it.
Also, keep your eyes open...your gf may be good friends with a lowlife sneak b/c they share a belief system... | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:41:07 PM | | So it sounds like your saying it was doomed from the start....and i have no/or little control of what the future of me and my g/fs relationship is going to look like, no matter how happy i make my g/f | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:39:11 PM | Not really, the fate of your relationship with GF is in your hands. If you're a stand up and real deal kinda guy then there is no worry, however if you are not sure about her, have doubts if she is the one or are considering maybe meeting some girls as "friends" just in case things don't work out then yeah it's doomed cuz her friend is her trusty watch dog who almost garanteed will find out.
You see the GF does not need to be suspicious of you and this is probably a good thing as long as you're a good guy. The friend has nothing juicy to tell her bad about you and the friend can always find something since the friend seemed to have seen you getting out of a womans car (cousin granted) but you see where this is going.
Have faith in yourself and your intentions and the rest is good. The best friend as I said is the mean watch dog that will bite and can smell fear. If you have no worries then don't fear the guard dog, be kind to her. | |
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| her best friend
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:18:40 AM | You need to deal with her the same way you expect her to deal with one of your friends that comes around. Polite, engaging, willing to have fun, but resolute about the fact that what's between you and your GF is exactly that. Don't dish details, and avoid accusations of improriety by being apropriate.
It's that simple. | |
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