| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:51:52 PM | Hi everyone,
Well, here goes, I’m 21, I have a stable good career, I am very ambitious and, I am very mature, so much so people often mistake me for a lot older. For this reason, I have a string of failed relationships with girls my own age.
Whilst I was out a few weeks ago I got talking to a beautiful, smart, funny girl, and we got along great, the question of age never come up as I had instantly liked her and presumed she was my age, and she mistook me for being older. It came up later that she was 8 years older, however, it did not seem to matter as we had already "fallen" (best word I can think of) for each other.
I just want to get everyones opinion, people keep telling me she’s too old, but I cannot see it, we get along great, love being with each other, and both seem to have the same goals.
So what do you think? | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:58:08 PM | | It really does not matter what anyone else thinks about your age gap as you are the ones involved. If there was or is to be a problem in the age difference it will come about on its own and then it will be clear to both of you. You are both mature adults able to make these decisions in your lives so if it makes you happy be with her. I am sure you have friends saying she's a cougar and she probably has friends saying your a pup. Ignore it or chuckle at it because those who say it are probably jelous. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:59:26 PM | | Tell people to stfu and enjoy your relationship. Eight years is not enough difference to cause a problem and since you are both in the same stage of life, there is nothing to worry about. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:01:51 PM | As usual, I agree with psssst.
At the same time, people with even small age gaps in their relationship need to at least be mindful of the 'kid factor'.
You're 21 and she's 29. If you guys continue long-term and she wants kids, she's going to likely want them a lot sooner than you may be ready for. No need to overanalyze it to death, but it is what it is. Keep it in mind and communicate. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:11:09 PM | people keep telling me she’s too old,
Sometimes people have the best intentions and sometimes
they have the worst.
You want to be accepted by these people or you want to be in love
and happy -
Im betting in love and happy. Dont worry what others think worry about what you
and her think.
Be happy, good luck. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:11:42 PM | 8 yrs, no problem
I have a couple of friends who are married to each other. They are 26yrs apart and have at least as good a marriage as anybody else.
Have fun. Don't worry the little stuff. And its all little stuff. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:26:37 PM | Msg: 1
The importance of the "age gap" means the MOST between the TWO of you.
There MAY be difficulties that COULD occur between you two later on because of this potential difficulty.
But then, there MAY be difficulties that COULD occur between you two later on that are COMPLETELY UNRELATED to this issue.
Basically, romantic relationships are a crap-shoot. Toss the dice and HOPE it works. BUT, you can RADICALLY IMPROVE your relationship's chances of success by having a TOTALLY OPEN communication channel between you two. I MEAN **TOTALLY** open. That means NO secrets, NO hidden fantasies, NO undisclosed doubts. And please don't misunderstand "doubts". In any relationship, there are ALWAYS doubts. I said no UNDISCLOSED doubts. If you have doubts, you MUST express them to her. If she has doubts, she MUST express them to you. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION between you two essentially "loads the dice" in favor of the success of your relationship. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:32:46 PM | | Ahh well as you get older age difference or gap gets smaller/less important as most ppl have more or so grown into themselves. And like you said you act older than 21. And as you said if you both like being with each other, have the same goals (are at the same point in life), and don't care about the age difference then y should anyone else care. They should be happy for you unless there is something more you aren't telling us about her that is giving your friends concern. Also just b/c you are more mature and in a stable career, you have to remember most ppl our age (i'm 20) aren't at the same place as you. Plus it's about the person. You can have a 22 yr old who is more mature than a 30 yr old. I myself am still in school and not in a stable career so for me when asked about by guys who are 29/30 is not for me as they are usually at a different place in life. But if you both want the same thing than that's the important thing. It depends on the person. There are 21 yr old females who are just as mature as the women you are w/ (not many lol) and many who are very immature. Plus when ure like in your late 20's or thirties an 8 yr gap won't seem as much as it does to your friends now. Plus you don't want to later on think what if or regret things. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:36:15 PM | thanks everyone, im getting some good messages, keep them comming.
StarreGazer - on your point, we already do, we discuss problems and doubts we both have, there is more to it, the age gap will mean she is ready for kids and i know she will want them within the next 5 years, if we are still together,what if im not ready? or what if i waste x amount of years of her life realising that then she will have to start again.
its a tough decision to make. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:49:41 PM | | she is definatly to old for you, get real, get a girl thats more your age, my girl friend is 25 years YOUNGER than me, thats the way it should be.... thank god for double standards... | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:22:35 PM | Wondering if Marsupials court? I doubled back on the double standard. Ha and ha!
I dated a 21 year old guy when I was *cough* much older than 29. Worked out quit nicely actually. Why make things so complicated? Live in the here and now. You dig her ...she digs you..get dirty and enjoy each other!  | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:26:17 PM | so, the two of you fell for each other the first time out?
Don't worry what others think, just enjoy what you have while you have it. Sure you get people talking,but part of maturity is knowing what is best for you, and ignoring idle chatter. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:53:53 PM | | my last long term relationship was with a man 7 1/2 years younger than myself. when we met he was 22, and i was 2 months from my 30th birthday...so it's very similar to your situation. we ended up common-law and living together for 2 years. although the relationship didn't end up working out, age wasn't a factor...our personalities weren't compatible (he was an introvert, i was an extrovert) and he was later diagnosed with clinical depression. we're still friends. ultimately, the age difference doesn't matter at all provided you don't let it become an issue. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:54:09 PM | No problem, just enjoy it for what it is, who knows where it may lead. My ex was 9 years older, and it worked out.
LOL well, until it no longer worked, but age had nothing to do with it.
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:56:24 PM | It doesnt matter what we think.....it only matters what you think..............
Hey my grandmother was 11 years older than my grandfather and they were married for 47 years when he passed away and she lived another 20. If your happy who cares.............. She already had 2 kids and they had 2 together............... Just be happy and treat each other with respect................. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:03:52 PM | | Hey if the gal makes you happy and you get along , go for it. Age doesn't matter and you are this directly from a so called "Cougar" I have never dated, been in a relationship or married to a man my age or older. I have been in a relationship with a man 14 yrs my junio r and believe me it was great. Have fun, enjoy and who cares what your friends say. Tell them you understand their concerns but it is your life and you live it the way you want..........Now dont check my age..lol | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:07:53 PM | Op, you hit the nail on the head by raising her need for children.
You're plunged into a relationship where you're facing issues 8 years early. Why not give yourselves 6 months or so and see what's happening.
I know a couple who were in the same situation - they married and started a family.
Just be prepared to give up some freedom early. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:23:30 PM | | Your opinion should be the only one that counts. Its your feelings and life. To buy into someone else's opinion then it wouldnt be yours anyways. Follow your heart...Only you know whats best for you! | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:26:36 PM | why start scripting your life so early?
enjoy each other and DATE, regardless of your ages, but don't go picking out the layette and china patterns yet!!!........although that is USUALLY done the other way around.
21 is waaaaaaaaaay too young to get permanently involved with any person. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:28:40 PM | Northamptonjohn, in this day and age (especially because if a woman looks after herself she's going to continue to look good) 8 years is nothing!! There is probably a maturity difference between someone who is 29 and someone who is 21. But if you're not feeling a gap, and neither is she, be happy you found each other and don't worry about the 8 years!!
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:34:45 PM | | My advice is to make sure you only ejaculate into your codom and that they never leave your sight until nobody can retrieve them. Women at that age are probably looking for a baby daddy and get to be desperate and do crazy things like make you daddy. | |
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| Im dating somone 8 years older, advice wanted
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:45:29 PM | | 8 may not be too bad. I once dated a woman 19 years younger than I was and things went along great for 2 years. Then she switched from not wanting to have kids to wanting to have kids and me being in my mid 40's thought I was a bit too old to become a father so I let her loose so she could pursue that. | |
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