| BTD
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:14:08 PM | It is the “Blue Tooth” generation. It can be likened to the “Pepsi” generation in that companies wish you to buy their products so that while in public you appear to be a wayward Borg that has escaped the continuum. People can NOT even conceive just how dorky they look. I am awaiting the first rectal USB cable to be invented and utilized. At least that can be hidden under the clothes! All this technology that is invented so a person can be standing in line at In and Out Burger and receive that life threatening phone call informing the person they want a “Diet Pepsi” to go along with their 3 quadruple cheeseburgers. Damn another disaster diverted! Of course this is just one of the many emergencies that the majority of people use a cell phone for. Make sure you get a diet drink to your 400 pound significant other that is consuming 5,000 calories worth of burgers and fries.
I was sitting at McCarthy Ranch waiting for a friend to eat lunch with and I spotted a gentleman walking quickly across the parking lot and he is speaking on a wireless headset. They will be called BTD for the duration of this piece and maybe you can figure out what the “D” stands for. As he walked, he was wilding gesticulating as he was talking. If the headset had been in the other ear, I would have thought he was a prime candidate for an exorcism or trepanation. Personally I carry a taser with me in just such emergencies so I can tackle a person in need and provide on the spot shock therapy. As I watched him use his hands to attempt to get across what he was saying I began laughing and wondered if he even knew what he was doing was completely useless and looked silly to boot. If you did not know he was speaking on a head set you would think he was cursing in sign language to anyone that might be able to decipher it.
Often this does prove that people cannot do two things at once and it is so true especially when this gentleman so intent on his conversation and trying to accentuate it with hand gestures, tripped and fell head first into a huge cement container of flowers. I am sure the person he was speaking with was wondering why he was screaming at the top of his lungs as perhaps a dozen bees, being pissed off at being disrupted gathering nectar, stung his ass. I have myself witness 3 people so intent on talking on their BT “D”s that they walk face first into closed glass doors because they forget that such things exist in our society. There is some joy in seeing a cook come from the kitchen with a spatula and have to scrap their face from the glass. Metal is preferred to the plastic since it seems to cut right through the skin so much quicker.
People become completely oblivious to their surroundings as they are talking on these devices. There have been moments in stores and in restaurants that I hear what a person is saying to whomever they are talking to. They never speak in a NORMAL amplitude level voice, they must speak loudly. Jake most certainly has a problem, when as I am buying my cereal I hear that he suffers from premature ejaculation. It is said so loudly that people mistake it for a store announcement and all give their condolences to the check out clerk as they leave, since his name pin says “Larry”.
There is no worse sensation then to be incredibly hungry, going to your favorite place to eat and looking forward to that dish that just makes you salivate. Then the guy 2 tables over is speaking about his STD to his doctor describing “Large pustule nodules that have appeared all over my gentiles and are exploding and staining my Spiderman underoos!” Well so much for country fried steak and the white gravy. I think I am getting ill at this moment.
Personally I cannot await the day that the technology is miniaturized and implanted into one’s head. It will be impossible to differential those that suffer from schizophrenia and those talking on their units. At least maybe all with be drugged and we will get a little peace for a change. I think the first blue tooth vibrators have hit the market as well. Gotta love wireless technology. | |
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