| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:35:04 PM | Okay, I saw a profile of a woman that expressed that she was looking for a guy who was looking for that "Happily ever after" , and not afraid to reach for it.
We had been emailing each other back and forth, flirtin' some, we had alot in common, she said she wasn't looking for anything serious right now, but she said it seems that I'm lookin'g for marraige, and she said she's not, so don't hold out for her.
And I was like "Well, no I don't want to rush into anything, just like you, I go with the flow"
Then she goes, "Oh, so wait, I'm confused, you make it sound like you are."
And I go, "No, I mean, I would like to eventually."
So we're at odds on this, it's like she's back peddling and "turning it around" as ME look like the one rushing.
But we BOTH aren't rushing. I told her she might want to update her section of her profile stating otherwise. (It's from a social networking site not a dating site, but her profile, DEFINATELY might as well sound like "What she's lookin' for in a man".
Apparently, she's under the impression I want to get married tomorrow or something. And that's not the case at all, I mean she says she wants to get to know me, even meet me...and if something happens great. And that's my outlook too, go with the flow...it's like we're confusing each other.
It's like she's turning a contradiction into a contradiction into a contradiction, then ATTEMPTING to make me sound like I'm contradiction MYSELF. Like Elaine said in Seinfeld, a "Sphengali"? Not sure if that's the right word.
Anyways, she got herself in this bind by putting what she did in her profile, then backpeddling. | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:43:47 PM | You're overthinking it.
She's not that interested. She may be some, otherwise she wouldn't be talking to you, but she's not that interested.
She told you that about "not holding out for her" not because she's not looking for something serious, because she probably is if her profile says that, but because she already knows you're not the guy that's going to be with and doesn't want to tell you that--or wants to keep you around until she does find that other guy.
Sorry man. But this is the truth. | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:43:51 PM | | Well, if you're a "go with the flow" type of guy, then do so. But if you are going to argue with this lady about how she had her profile laid out, then argue with her. My opinion? simple, she doesn't see herself with you in a relationship, for some reason, but wants to still be friends with you. Take what you can get, and "go with the flow"!!!! | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:47:04 PM | Well, her first mistake were using keywords like, "Looking for soulmate" or "Looking for happily ever after" in her profile.
Perhaps I'll stick to real life dating and not online crap, just too confusing. | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:42:06 PM | Was there a question?
There is no confusion. She is interested in a long term relationship, with someone, some day, but it isn't you, today.
So, you need to quit talking about the future and explore events today. If you step a long way back, you might find it will draw her closer.
She is likely fearful, like many women and men are. We are no longer children and impulsively 'going for it.'
Everyone is afraid of losing.
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:52:22 PM | LOL...ahhhh, hate to say it, but she's just taken all the power in the relationship. She let you lead onto a path, then challenged you with something that seemed rather tasty...and you folded like a prom dress at 2:15 am. Then she pushed you again and you realized you'd folded and are now trying to defend yourself and make it sound like she's the flake.
She now has the upper hand...and what she's SCREAMING at you is to be a man, don't go wimping around, arguing BS, etc.. Express yourself. If yo don't want to argue, be smart enough to come up with a way to stop it.
But my gut feeling is you're already toast. She's just playing with you like a cat does with a mouse until she decides what to do with you. My advice, if words like cuckold bother you would be to turn your attention in another direction.
JMHO  | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:03:37 PM | Take a hint...............she is trying to tell you that she doesn't feel THAT way about oyu.
You are obviously giving off some kind of needy signal or she is very unsure about what you are portraying yourself to be and is trying to be nice about it upfront in case this does not develop into anything.
Maybe reevaluate your thought processes, since you may be subtly making too many 'comments' about the future when you haven't established any groundwork. | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:08:13 PM | Okeedokee, I am not sure she HAS A FIRST MISTAKE, it sounds like YOU do...
on line dating 101... Coming across too eager well before you have had a first, 2nd, 3rd or even 10th date can cause a lot of people to do what you call back peddle...
I maybe looking for prince charming, however just because someone has a profile that sounds like what I MAY be looking for doesn't mean they are what I'm looking for...
THIS IS NOT shopping on E bay, or a catalog... IT IS about people who are looking around and seeing what is out there, because perhaps in the REAL WORLD, there hasn't been much on the daters shopping shelf...
Whether it is a man OR a woman, if people come across as TO EAGER, then the other person very well will feel overwhelmed and rushed...
Some people may be looking, but are NOT in a rush to be picking out china patterns; however they do know that at some point they would like that...
This sounds like a case of symantics and your interpretation of what her profile means to YOU is different than what she actually means... She is NOT writing a profile that is to fit your meaning, it fits hers, JUST as yours is personal to you...
Here's the question perhaps you may want to ask... Do you want to be right on symantic terms, or do you want to be happy...
Perhaps you can take your time and get to KNOW her... Chat with her, let her know you enjoy getting to know her. Believe me in could very well be worth it... Then again if you have already argued with her about what YOU believe she meant, you may have blown something that could have been really great... | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:03:11 AM | I'm with adamkevans;
the lady is trying to gently discourage you because while she feels some degree of friendship with you, she just isn't visualizing you as 'the one'.
Sorry for that, but she was actually being upfront by saying she wasn't the one you ought to hold out for if you're seeking marriage.
Yes, that can be confusing when someone doesn't bluntly say "hey, sorry but I don't think you and I would be a good match" .. so she tried the oblique approach and you interpreted that as her general intentions, when it was really a way to exclude herself from your prospects.
I'd gracefully bow out and wish her the best, since I'm sure you don't want her as 'just a friend', but that is how she sees you. | |
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| Cleared things up.
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:47:43 AM | the lady is trying to gently discourage you because while she feels some degree of friendship with you, she just isn't visualizing you as 'the one'.
Okay, I got things clarified...finally, with her.  She says she has no problem "dating" and getting to know somoene persee' (and this would include me)
She IS interested
Just does not want to rush things, to date, and get to know one another. Which I have no problem doing.
She just doesn't want to place expectations on things, esp. if things don't pan out. She says if I still want to continue to get to know her, then let's do it. 
Then again if you have already argued with her about what YOU believe she meant, you may have blown something that could have been really great...
Oh, she knew that already...lol...but guess what, she still is giving me an opportunity for another shot. :)
But my gut feeling is you're already toast. She's just playing with you like a cat does with a mouse until she decides what to do with you. My advice, if words like cuckold bother you would be to turn your attention in another direction.
Nah, I wouldn't go as far to say that.
Nextthyme seems to hit the nail on the head though.
Nice Bosoms, Venus....they look like they'd make a good fly trap. Just need to unzip my fly. ;-) lol | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Cleared things up.
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:09:00 AM |
Okay, I got things clarified...finally, with her. She says she has no problem "dating" and getting to know somoene persee' (and this would include me)
She IS interested
Just does not want to rush things, to date, and get to know one another. Which I have no problem doing.
She just doesn't want to place expectations on things, esp. if things don't pan out. She says if I still want to continue to get to know her, then let's do it.
Reference above...
LOL...ahhhh, hate to say it, but she's just taken all the power in the relationship.
And now she owns it. Enjoy what you can get out of the time. Pay attention...lots of lessons that can be learned.
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| Cleared things up.
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:57:35 AM | This thread like so many others amazes me.
Friendship, balance and trust are the most factors - they take time, yet you seem to already have this idea that you are matched.
Not a good sign, having to force anyone round to your way of thinking and to then voice your personal thoughts as if to gain mutual support from other members or is this attention seeking?
Life is not about controlling one another and to focus all your attention as you are doing, indicates insecurity. If you did go out and she told you that you were not her type how would you take that form of rejection - agrue again.
So pick up your toys and accept she doesn't want to play the same games. | |
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| Cleared things up.
Posted: 4/7/2008 6:21:15 AM |
Don Coyote i also agree
I don't think that this is ahard proposition
okeedokee
I am almost afraid to ask,but i will, is this the same woman you met online at a social networking site for singles?The one that was not really interested in dating?
Nice Bosoms, Venus....they look like they'd make a good fly trap. Just need to unzip my fly. ;-) lol
no comment,
though a few words come to mind | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:12:32 AM | She might not be interested in you anymore. Or she might find that you are too clingy and want to dive into a serious relationship.
Women tend to want serious relationships. We need that more so than men because we need the emotional security. But we also want someone to want a relationship because of US not just because they want a relationship.
So just because she puts long-term does not mean she wants any less. She just wants to find that guy that will be the "one" before diving into that long-term relationship.
Just keep searching for someone who will want you just the way you are and do not waste time with time wasters, lol.
Good luck.  | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:36:56 AM | She's not interested in you, OP, plain and simple.
Lot of folks put 'I want' something then jump around like a cat on a hot tin roof when you give them said want. They want options, that's what they want. They believe they're entitled to options. Lots and lots of options.
And they want to sit on the side of things and act like judge, jury and executioner, because that's one option that's very comfortable.
I wouldn't even think about this next time - I'd just walk. Which is what I do every time I see confusing behaviour, and several ladies I've known have exhibited the same confusing behaviour so it's quite common and the next stages are completely predictable. I had a friend for a couple of years and the friendship changed slightly and I thought 'she's about to start treating me with contempt, I'm sure of it. I've seen this pattern before'. A month later she was treating me with contempt. It took me six attempts to end the 'friendship' - she kept coming back for more and wouldn't accept 'go away', which I started to say nicely and eventually got quite firm about.
You won't be confused next time you see that behaviour. You won't even ask why. You'll just walk.
When you see it again, walk away from it. End of story. | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:23:13 AM | Here's just PART of what she wrote:
-=-----
::shrugs:: Again, I'm sorry you feel I've mis-advertised. But I have not. If you read it, you will see I clearly state I'm looking for someone who knows how to date a woman and is a gentleman. I didn't put down "not ready to get married right now" because I don't think that's necessary or accurate. If I meet someone who fits my criteria and actually dates me and talks to me, I might be ready to marry him this year. But I won't know until some lucky guy actually takes the plunge and actually takes me out and shows me what a wonderful person he is.
------
Then she said this: "You came on like a steam-roller with the first e-mail talking about meeting the parents when I hadn't even met you. "
All I said was, " You seem like the kind of girl to bring home to mom and dad."
Crap, it was just an EXPRESSION.
I had a female friend tell other friends I'm the kind of guy you can take home to mom and dad. Again, just an expression. She took it to heart.
She also said she had bad experiences of guys just wanting to have sex with her after the first date.
I dunno, part of me think she's doing ALL of the following.
Waffling
Backpeddling
Doubletalkin'
She'd make a good politician. lol
But, we'll see I guess. Things will come to fruition when I ask to meet, or take the conversation to the phone. | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:36:04 AM | I agree okeedokee, she should not be using "happily ever after". I would take it the same way you did.
I think some people freak out when they hear others talking about marriage. If a man tells me he wants to be in a relationship or he wants to be married, I don't think he means with me - esp after a couple of emails! It just means he wants to eventually.
I try never to assume that type of talk is serious. I wait until there are more reliable signs.
Either way - miscommunication problem. Simple and you got it fixed. | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:40:39 AM | | Yeah, she's an "earthy chick" into animal rescue and outdoor type (the kind of woman that wears those head kerchiefs alot) so thus less (hopefully) flakey...well, I just find that subculter to have more ofa head on their shoulders. | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:40:49 AM | the way you put it she is looking for a LTR but wants to take it slow witch makes perfect sense as most ppl do looking for a LTR...
but for whatever reason she probably feels you are not right for her...
so why would she get your hopes up when she knows theres a good chance she won't feel that way about you | |
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| This woman has me completely confused
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:15:35 AM |
I might be ready to marry him this year.
I though during the whole email process, she said she was not looking for marriage but she felt you was.
That statement alone would make me go, huh?
Wow, did she pick out the date?
As i once read somewhere, it is always good to clarify your intentions :P ( and be confused at the same time)
Waffling
Backpeddling
Doubletalkin'
waffling-lets be friends
backpeddling- lets be friends
doubletalkin-remember the "friendzone"
I think that is the consensus and instead of saying, Look i am not that interested, she waffles,backpedals and doubletalks.
It is what it is.
And i pray that i never see any of my emails displayed on a public forum.......that would be enough for me to backpedal.
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