| what if your "soul mate" is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:37:32 PM | I sit and browse through these profiles, looking for that special someone, and at least 50 percent or more are looking for their soulmate who is financial stable. Good god what planet are you people on ? George Busch has created an economic depression, house forclosures are at a record high, unemployment is insanely high and the State of Michigan, I grew up in is WRECKED financially and a police state (another topic).
What is the correlation between soul mate and financial stable. What if your soul mate lives in Michigan, lost his job and got his house repoed ? Are you going to date the guy that works in the produce department at Walmart since he was 18, who you dont really like, cant have fun with and you end up cheating on because your soul mate lost his job and his house ?
Do you read literature such as Romeo and Juliet, watch movies such as The Titanic (true story by the way) or even Tombstone (Wyatt Earp) ? Do you see the common thread that true love and "soul mate" defy social economic classes ? Maybe you should look for a soul mate and friend and throw the shackles of your indoctrination in thinking that love is found only in financial stability or even in your own social economic class. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 2 | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:56:51 PM |
Do you read literature such as Romeo and Juliet, watch movies such as The Titanic (true story by the way) or even Tombstone (Wyatt Earp) ? Do you see the common thread that true love and "soul mate" defy social economic classes ? Maybe you should look for a soul mate and friend and throw the shackles of your indoctrination in thinking that love is found only in financial stability or even in your own social economic class.
If that's your definition of true love, then I'm afraid that you're describing a fantasy or, at the very least, a statistical improbability. We call a married couple PARTNERS for a reason. Healthy marriages are unions of equals. This does not always mean that they will be of the same economic or social class, but shared class often indicates a host of shared experiences.
You ask, "Are you going to date the guy [gal] that works in the produce department at Walmart since [s]he was 18..." No, probably not. I doubt that person has been to college. Intellectual and educational equality are traits that are important to me in a romantic partnership. Likewise, people look for financial equality for a variety of reasons. Money can cause a lot of ill will. If your partner is financially unsound, that could lead to resentment. Furthermore, in some, but not all cases, financial woe is an indicator of irresponsible spending or an inability to keep a job. I don't think it's unreasonable to avoid either of those things.
Circumstances, as you say, can be alleviating factors. But just as there are extraordinary circumstances, so it might be necessary to make an extraordinary effort to overcome one's circumstances. Fair? Maybe not, but that's a fact of life. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:16:56 PM |
Intellectual and educational equality are traits that are important to me in a romantic partnership. Sooo glad I am not the only person who thinks this. When I say this, I am accused of being a snob and an elitist.
I am sorry, but over the years a man who sits on the sofa drinking Mickey's Big Mouth Beer and watching Nascar is not going to jive well with my job, opera reviewing... The fact I am back in school after getting two BA's in the arts to pursue a science degree, or my "let's go to the museum" outings with the kidnicks. We are going to truly piss each other off in the long run. What in God's name would we talk about for the next 20 or so years? There needs to be some common ground. I don't care if he looks like Brad Pitt, if he sounds like Larry the Cable guy, it's not going to happen.
I think the whole soul mate thing is overrated. I think common interests in some areas, similar education, spiritual and cultural experience are the best matches. Throw in a pinch of good communication skills and a little patience, and that is what you can put up with for a lifetime. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:21:31 PM | Well, we know Romeo and Juliet are fiction, and though the Titanic was really an ill-fated ocean liner, Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukater were purely products of James Cameron’s imagination. Even the movie "Tombstone" took creative license with the relationship between Wyatt Earp and Josephine Marcus, but if you want to relate true love to the movie version of their romance, Josephine’s parents, as she told Wyatt when he came to profess his love for her at the end of the film, were “very rich”; so in their fictional world, they could easily spend the rest of their lives “living on room service”.
That being said, I would not discount my ideal if he were financially down on his luck. However, there would have to be viable reasons for his lack of solvency (i.e., he’s not a spendthrift who lives beyond his means, wallowing in insurmountable credit card debt or some other type of financial irresponsibility). If he’s responsible, but just experiencing hard times, then I would gladly be his huckleberry. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:50:49 PM | OK..so I just left MI and all of what you said makes sense, however, if he lost his job he does get to sign up for unemployment. If he lost his house it means he didn't go by the typical lending rules of percantage of mortgage and debt to income. I do not think you can blame financial woes on our presidents...we make the decision to live on credit-over extend ourselves and live well beyond our means. Having just left MI I will tell you this...we bought a house 350K-and paid for it in 5 years....yes in this economy. Both cars were paid for and one is 2000 model and 2002 model. No we are not/were not executives-both of us made about 55K a year. We paid credit cards in full every month. WE LIVED WITHIN OUR MEANS....yes we bought all new furniture and quality at that for the house but we didn't wear Tommy, didn't drive the biggest, best newest cars, we shopped prices for everything. Shopped where we knew we could get the best deal and we did our lawn ourselves, did landscaping and seeding ourselves and didn't make quick decisions when it came to over 100.oo purchases. We kept a running tab of savings, knew when bills were due and prepared for 6 months of no income if needed....so SOUL MATE & financial stability go hand in hand. You can be unemployed and financially stable as long as you have future goals and do not live way beyond your means......just a note.
I do hope things get better for you though. Always see the best side of what happens! | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:00:13 AM | I've been avoiding debt and consumerism all my life.
I dont believe in the concept of "soul mate" but I would expect my partner to have similar values.
It's just a matter of compatibility and shared ideals. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:29:42 AM | I already met my "soul mate" years ago...but without finances...things didn't go very far...as we both were on the spoiled and overindulged side...
How can you expect someone else to be comfortable with "tightening their belt", cutting back, and living down a lifestyle....when YOU can't!  | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:19:51 AM | how your comparing real life relationships based on fictional characters is really something !!!
if someone isn't financially solvent they should be looking for work/ moving to where there is work.. not on a personal ad site looking for someone who is.... or a miracle to save them. Have you never heard the saying, love don't pay the rent?
Someone who is unstable can't even focus on a healthy relationship because they are dependent and dependent people with no choices aren't a good bet.
Far as george bush, he did not make people buy homes they couldnt afford, he alone did not create a depression. Maybe you should think about moving to where there are jobs instead of placing blame on everyone else, be the master of your own destiny and go to where economic conditions are in your favor.
I would never date someone who is a financial mess. never. This is because as adults we are all responsible for our own basic needs... and work/ job is at the foundation of that. Who would ever want a partner who is dependent? yuck. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:20:21 AM |
You ask, "Are you going to date the guy [gal] that works in the produce department at Walmart since [s]he was 18..." No, probably not. I doubt that person has been to college.
Actually, that's exactly what my nephew did when he was a freshman - in college, and it's what my daughter did when she was a freshman - in college. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:29:56 AM |
Actually, that's exactly what my nephew did when he was a freshman - in college, and it's what my daughter did when she was a freshman - in college.
Okay, some perspective is in order. I'm 26, so it might be reasonable for me to be dating somebody who currently works at WalMart (and has since they were 18) but is still working on college. The original poster was 39 years old, though. I'd be very concerned about somebody in that age bracket who'd spent ~20 years working at WalMart to pay for college. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:55:54 AM | Ephraimglass,
I see your point. It would take at least 15 years to pay for that education while working at Wal-Mart.
I raised my children first before getting my education - being a single mother, I decided to put them first, so we're all in college now. My nephew recently graduated and is headed for "the real world." My daughter is now an office manager in a chemical plant, my son will be graduating next year with an Emergency Medical Technician degree, and I've got 4 years to go to get my Bachelor's in Health & Nutrition. There is no way I would even consider a job at Wal-Mart. At the moment, I'm concentrating on school and a PT office job. I am one of the few people here that can say I am debt free except for my school loan, and that road was paved with quite a few bumps!  | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:14:02 AM | Speaking as someone who's "soulmate" wrecked my financial life to the point that I had financial issues. It's a deal-breaker.
There's only so many times you can have someone tell you they spent their paycheck, your paycheck, we're broke, and they have no idea how we'll make the mortgage payment and expect you to solve the issue with bubblegum and bailing-wire, before it becomes... untennable.
Everybody has hard times. Everyone has a run of bad luck sooner or later. Trust me when I say the ability to decipher a one off to a perpetual pattern is critical. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:40:56 AM | Vaxplant:
There's only so many times you can have someone tell you they spent their paycheck, your paycheck, we're broke, and they have no idea how we'll make the mortgage payment and expect you to solve the issue with bubblegum and bailing-wire, before it becomes... untennable.
Exactly! It took me a number of years to clean up the mess I was left in, and I won't go through it again. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:02:35 AM | I met my fella who i feel is my soulm8 on all levels.
When we met i didnt check if he was financiably viable it was the person.. as it happened he had got himself into a bit of debt, Weve now been together a yr and paid off his debts and are debt free and living happy and within our means...
So not all women are looking for a rich man to take care of them.....
It could be just they are looking for the right person for them. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:20:45 AM | Reality bites ..
My take on this is that if a woman is working hard and able to support themselves..they are looking for the same type of guy. Have a career and a trade to fall back on when things are not going so well in the job market.
It's not the financial stable they are looking at but the way they spend it...
I know people who drive beaters(so the gal picks them up) yet have a wide screen plasma tv and $2 grand worth of video game equipment...and season tickets to football, baseball, hockey games..
Then tells a gal that they are having a tough time making ends meet with mortgage payments, taxes, child support.........and you give in and PAY for the dinner and movies. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:42:42 AM | Since money problems are a major reason why couples fight, then it would be foolish to hook up with someone who's finances are a mess. My Ex couldn't keep a dollar to save his life, if he had it he spent it. Never again.
Soul mate? Usually a term used by couples that barely know each other, those kind of relationships burn out quickly. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:43:20 AM | my2cntsin:
It's not the financial stable they are looking at but the way they spend it...
You've got it. If times are lean, it's not the time to pick up the latest, greatest toy on the market.
I know people who drive beaters(so the gal picks them up) yet have a wide screen plasma tv and $2 grand worth of video game equipment...and season tickets to football, baseball, hockey games..
Then tells a gal that they are having a tough time making ends meet with mortgage payments, taxes, child support.........and you give in and PAY for the dinner and movies.
Do these gals know about all the toys? If they do, they're not very bright - and the guys don't have their priorities in the right place! I'd offer to go dutch - and then take him back home after dinner so he can play with his video games - alone. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:08:43 AM | There's a difference between "priorities" and being able to cover the bare necessities.
If they can't cover rent/the mortgage yet still have all the toys - there's a problem.
If they can cover rent/the mortgage and THEN pick and choose which toys to have - that's a question of priorties.
Two completely different things. One's a matter of prefernce, the other is survival.
That being said, sometimes cash flow is positive, sometimes not. If I can afford to treat I do, if not - I let it be known well in advance so they can make their minds up. All of the best relationships I've been in are the ones where we alternated "treats" and "dutch" depending on our situations at the time. I pay, she pays, we do dutch, rinse and repeat. It tends to say a lot when both parties are willing to invest in it equally. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:01:40 AM |
There's a difference between "priorities" and being able to cover the bare necessities.
If they can't cover rent/the mortgage yet still have all the toys - there's a problem.
If they can cover rent/the mortgage and THEN pick and choose which toys to have - that's a question of priorties.
Two completely different things. One's a matter of prefernce, the other is survival.
I gathered from the topic that the guy was not paying for dinner and a movie - the females are. He's blowing his money on stuff when he needs to be paying his debts. He shouldn't be making dates at all, but rather working a little overtime so he can catch up with his creditors! I would prefer to blow my money on some toys too - but my debts are going to be paid first before I do anything. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:40:47 AM | What's a soul mate got to do with finances? I didn't realize that was a part of the package.
A soul mate is a person you can physically, mentally and spiritually connect with.
Who's George Busch?
ps OP.....I hope your car finds it's soul mate | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:42:20 AM | my "soul mate" (whatever that is) wouldn't live across the nation, let alone across a state line, my "soul mate" would be within touching distance....dating distance, in other words, he would be IN REAL TIME, not a mate in cyber time.
can you tell that I am not a believer of having a true 'love' connection with a person I never met, never touched, never kissed, never smelled???
I live in real time.
as far as the financial stability of a potential interest, I guess that it concerns those that are looking for marriage, as in they don't want to support a partner, they want to share and build with a partner. | |
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