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 venus_dancing
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 1
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Reasons for hidden profilesPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My ex asked me to hide my profile which I did. So did he but he was obviously still active on POF because when I went to check my hotmail from his computer POF was always first on the drop down menu. I wasn't being sneaky and checking its just that I find hotmail in most computers drop down menu and I am lazy,

I don't think I will agree to hiding my profile again because I think he might have been making sure I wasn't available to date anybody else but he was still looking. Anybody else have experience of this - or was I just dumb and naive?
 valla maldoran
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 2
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:38:15 AM
Wow a bit of a hypocrite to ask you to hide your profile but not to hide his. I have heard this a lot from people on here. The problem with Internet dating is it makes it seem like you have unlimited options and that there is always someone better you can get if you just keep looking. Sounds like you got one of those people. Whether you stay with him or not is up to you. I would at least confront him about it though.
 simplelady66
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 3
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:54:24 AM
Just because POF is first on his drop down menu you are assuming he is still on here actively? Kind of a broad jump from point a to point b isn't it?

That link in his favorites could have been saved months ago. Just because it is in his list doesn't mean he is using it. I have Yahoo music as first on my list, but I didn't put it there, Toshiba did when they made my computer, and I don't use it. Does that mean I am cheating on Itunes?
 brokenheartsunite
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 4
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Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:00:13 AM
Yes--it happens all the time--the internet makes it way too easy to "keep looking". People always think there is someone better, prettier, more handsome, richer, smarter, taller than what they have. Of course there is---but eventually you have to stop the chase and be satisfied with the one you have.
 babbyme
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 5
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Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:27:31 AM
Hi,
You wrote about your 'ex', is it fair to conclude that the relationship is over? Anyway, yes, it happens more often than one could or would like to imagine. I do believe that there's a very addictive element to dating sites, the thrill of getting a response, browsing. Like any addiction, it has the potential to destroy the good things in our lives. If he allowed you to use his computer, obviously he wasn't hiding it (or you are smarter than him). However, with or without intention of deceiving, once two people agree to be exclusive, it's a good idea to be so at any level, particularly electronically. Innocent games involving male/female interaction tend to go out of control. And when we have met him/her on a dating site we very well know how it works and where it takes us. Anything can be written either way, in his defence or his prosecution, however, once the trust process gets interrupted, it doesn't feel that good anymore.
Good luck
 razzired
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 6
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:01:17 AM
Responding just to the title of this post and not to your situation . . . my profile is hidden because I want to choose who sees it. That way, I don't have to weed through unwanted emails. It's worked great.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:08:59 AM
Hiding one's profile keeps it from coming up in a search. If someone posts to forums, their profile can be accessed through the forums but no one will know you are here if you do not.

He could have been surfing the forums even if he doesn't post or he could have kept his hidden and still been fishing and just contacting them first instead of the other way around. He could also unhide his profile at times when he knew you would not be online so that he could have the best of well three worlds really. He can still make first contact, he can placate you by hiding it when you are looking, and he is still available for searches a certain percentage of the time.

I would hide mine if a relationship reached a certain level of involvement but then again, it would not be because I felt I had to for me or him, but probably more because I feel badly when someone bothers to put some time into an e-mail to me because they fail to read that I am not available. I don't need a profile to remember I am in a relationship and am perfectly capable of telling someone I am in a relationship but if you want to correspond as friends that is fine.

I think if your knee jerk reaction is that he is still fishing he is not the right guy because you do not trust him or you have significant trust issues you should examine.
 mj999
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 8
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:39:59 AM
I hide mine for the simple reason that I'm not on the site that much; when I'm on, my profile is up, when I am off, so is my profile.
 zopz
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 9
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Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:18:34 AM
My first site is for my school. After I have already TYPED the address for my bank. The fact it's on the top doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Obviously it doesn't mean I'm active on my school site because I check my bank account regularly, as opposed to anything with school.
 WhosDrunk?
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 10
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:24:17 AM

Wow a bit of a hypocrite to ask you to hide your profile but not to hide his.



My ex asked me to hide my profile which I did. So did he but he


Please read before you post a reply...

Why is this even being asked if it an ex?
 pageturner66
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 11
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:33:35 AM
I don't think your relationship stands a chance until you both become better at hiding your (online) histories. Tell him to make sure to clear all the windoze "most recent", "most viewed", "most obsessive", and "barely legal" histories. Also clear cookies; otherwise they can just be sorted by date to get a decent idea of how the computer has been used (yes, I know, not a perfect method). Oh, and if there's any VPN type software, be suspicious that he's remote logging on to his work computer -- which is a huge sign of internet dating site infidelity.

Ultimately, you may want to start doing some keyboard logging. If you are a little more industrious, install wireshark and start sniffing packets. Oh, and maybe set-up a linux box as a router and set-up full on snooping. You could write a program to email you whenever he's doing POF.
 some woman
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 12
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:35:52 AM
While I was with my last ex, I hid my profile for a very long time. However, since I enjoy the forums, I've stayed active on the site. It wasn't until I discovered his profile(s) here and on a dozen other dating sites that I decided to unhide mine.

This is the only dating site I'm on and use it only to socialize, not to find dates. I've been participating in the forums since I signed up last spring and he never once even looked at the forums. His sole purpose was/is to find someone else to be with. He even made it clear that he hasn't found his special someone yet. I make it very clear that I'm not looking.

I confronted him about it and he lied through his teeth. Of course, that was the beginning of the end. I had my reasons for sticking with him for a little while longer, but he decided to break up with me before I had a chance to tell him it was over.

Saddest part is he didn't bother to tell me we were broken up... I saw it on his profile here.
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 13
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Posted: 4/7/2008 12:59:42 PM
We hide our profiles when we don't wish to show up in "dating" searches.

If you ever decide to do this scene again, favorite him first. That way you'll know if and when he was here. :)
 indehills
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 14
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:10:17 PM
OP, the reason is easy... he wants you to hide your profile because he doesn't want anyone to ask you out.

However, since he's an "ex", f*ck him, it's none of his business what you do (nor is it any of YOUR business what HE does). If he's an ex, and he's telling you what to do, you've got a huge problem on your hands.
 VirgoGrl
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 15
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:17:15 PM
Ididn't know you could be active on POF yet hide your profile....interesting. I wouldn't let that one boyfriend sour me on future men. Most guys probably do mean it when they say they aren't active on POF anymore. You happened to land a goof, unfortunately.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 16
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:41:06 PM
It isn't clear that her X was using PoF to peruse profiles for dating opportunities. It isn't even clear that her X used PoF while she was thumbing through . We need some more posts from the OP in order to clear this up. Which drop down menu? The Favorites (the web browswer site shortcuts)? One mustn't ASS-U-ME. Geez on my computer I can put my Favorites in any order. What if he moved PoF up to first position, then didn't reorder his links after he hides his profile??

Now of course if you met your partner on PoF, your partner asks you to hide your profile, you hide it, then somehow discover while you are on his computer your partner hasn't hidden their profile, now that's a problem.
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 17
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Posted: 4/7/2008 2:19:25 PM
Your ex now or then? I think there should be an understand and insert "I am already seeing someone..just here for the forums"
 hellofagal
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 18
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:27:30 PM
so,is this a generalization?...once an internet junkie,always an internet junkie?...better find one who is computer illiterate no?
 valla maldoran
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 19
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:56:58 PM
Whosdrunk i did read before i replied. If she truly felt that this ex was an ex for good then she would not be writing in here about him. I think she still has some feelings for him and is wondering if what he did is such a bad thing. I have a feeling from the way she wrote that it is not completely over yet.


Please don't condescend to other posters.
 nemonucliosis
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 20
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:02:04 PM

Yes--it happens all the time--the internet makes it way too easy to "keep looking". People always think there is someone better, prettier, more handsome, richer, smarter, taller than what they have.


Agreed, they figure that they don't want to settle for second best and keep looking. No matter what they get, they will continue looking because the current person doesn't have something another might have.


Of course there is---but eventually you have to stop the chase and be satisfied with the one you have


...but if one never wants to settle for second best because they feel there is going to be something better, how can they stop the chase and be satisfied with the one they have?
Seems to be a big trend with allot of the females on a site like this.
 valla maldoran
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 21
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:23:57 PM

Seems to be a big trend with allot of the females on a site like this.



And it seems to me like it is just as big of a trend with a lot of males on this site.
 babbyme
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 22
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Posted: 4/11/2008 10:23:12 PM
Hi,
I read the OP's profile before posting my viewpoint. The profile says 'Dating', which it is different to long term seeking. My biggest curiosity when it comes to internet dating is, if one is seeking a long term partner, and one finds one who seems/feels/acts like one,, why hiding a profile? why not deleting it altogether? Ok, PoF has forums that are quite entertaining, but then, why hiding the profile instead of changing the profile to make it 110% clear that the profiler is 'taken' and only 'here' for the forums? This is what I don't get. Lots of people are looking for true love, but does remaining in a dating site not defeat the purpose?
In the ideal world, a couple who met through a dating site could have a 'ritual' = both sitting at the PC, together, deleting each other's profile/account. Maybe, this 'ceremony' will end up being more relevant than a marriage celebration in this time and IT era.
Good luck
B
 venus_dancing
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 23
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Posted: 4/12/2008 10:08:00 AM
Believe me he is an ex with a capital X. Why wouldn't I aks the question? I think I was very naive and wanted to hear what others thought. I now know for certain he is a player because he 'accidentally' sent me an invite for a really dreadful social networking site. He is a silly little boy, and I so wanted a grown up!!!! He's here somewhere not too far away.
 Lacquered
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 24
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Posted: 4/12/2008 11:14:09 PM
The only thing you cannot do with a hidden profile is instant message someone. Other than that all features work.
That being said mine is hidden.
I won't end my POF, even if I get into a relationship, I have truly met some great people here....... and the forums are a great place to waste some time.
Dreams
 cdflash
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 25
Reasons for hidden profiles
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:54:23 AM
people can still be active on POF and have a hidden profile, such as using the forums.

While dating an ex-girlfriend I met via POF, and once it was established that we were mutually seeing each other, we hid our profiles. We'd still go on and read the forums but we knew that we were going out with each other and were comfortable enough with each other that we weren't going to see anyone else.

This is more of a trust issue than anything else, and the post doesn't actually confirm whether he was doing this or not, it simply states that POF was always the first on his drop down menu. That neither confirms or denies that he's looking, just says that he logs onto POF. Did you actually ask him if he was still looking or is this just an assumption?

When your profile is hidden, people CAN'T see your profile, so no-one could've been checking his profile out. He could've been going on for forums. True, he could've been looking for someone but i don't think he'd have been able to email them unless he unhid his profile.

Besides, even if someone DOES hide their POF account, it doesn't stop them from browsing other dating sites!
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