| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:47:01 PM | Folks,
This scenario has happened to me more than a few times. A woman on the system will email me that doesn't have a photo posted. She then says she finds me attractive, interesting, blah - blah - blah.
She says she will send me a photo to my regular email and she does. But, I don't find her attractive and she states in her email to "let me know if your interested or not".
How do you answer that without . . .
1). Hurting her feelings.
2). Looking like a superficial pig.
3). Or playing games.
Any advice from guys that have been here or . . . . from a women's view would be much appreciated.
Confused in Brea.
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:50:07 PM | | I just wouldn't answer. She will know by that. That has happened to all of us at one time or another online. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:43:52 PM | | She said "let me know whether or not you are interested". So, she has opened up the possibility that she might get rejected. You don't have to tell her that you don't find her attractive. Just tell her that you don't feel that she is your type and wish her good luck. Everyone gets rejected at one time or another. You can't feel guilty if she has rejection issues. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:33:37 PM | Dear Confused,
If you really don't want to hurt her feelings, a little white lie might be in order. Wait a couple days, and then email the tried and true "thanks for writing and sending the picture. I need to let you know that I recently met someone and I want to see how that works out for us. Best wishes, ..."
Or like the previous poster said, be honest and just say you really don't think together you are a good match, and wish them the best. If a woman asks if you are interested or not, she can expect that she MIGHT be rejected. And not putting her picture up, nor sending it with her initial email, she sets herself up even more. You are NOT hurting her feelings if you are honest. Her feelings are her own choice/responsibility. (Oh-no, psycho-babble -boooooh)
Hey, the best of us has to learn to live with the occasional rejection... even the Purrrrrfect ones.
PA | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:58:25 PM | After thinking about this, I was originally going to have to agree with Anna, but having seen a lot of pictures here, then taking the time to meet them in person, I realize that they are not always the best judge of what someone really looks like. I can tick off the names of people whose photos do them no justice at all, and the photos of some that look amazing, and well, let me just say they were very flattering photos. If I like someone on a personal level, I have no problem with meeting them and telling them that I am just not feeling the chemistry.
I think the real solution here, is to avoid this in future by stating in your profile that if there is no picture included in a first contact, there will be no reply. This way you have a few options. You have said it in your profile, so you don't need to reply if they do not send one. If they pursue it, you can point that out to them. Many people here do this. Most women do read the profiles *cough*. This does not always work with the men, sorry to say.
If physical attraction is very important to you, then you might try being more specific about what you want... for example, "I have a weakness for slender brunettes", etc. And it sounds so much nicer than "no fat chicks." You did well in describing that you wanted someone shorter and a bit younger. If a woman knows you just might find her type more attractive than other women, she may be more likely to respond favorably. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/8/2008 4:07:37 AM | OT -- what is so difficult about posting a photo here versus sending one to your personal e-mail?
I personally would 'ask' myself *why* the person has no photo posted 'here' and probably not give out my personal e-address to begin with.
(Sorry I realize this might be of no help at all...but then again it might help you out if this situation as stated is recurring. Let's practice: can I send you my photo to you personal e-mail address. I have a husband and don't want to post it here...um...I mean I don't want my employer to know I'm single? Oh, now I'm sooooo confused  ). Answer: [this is where you don't respond back to the e-mail]. :-p | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:03:09 AM | | I don't let men send me photos in a personal e-mail. I learned early that you often get a picture of the "little head" instead of the big one. What I do with those, is common knowledge 'round these parts. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:14:39 PM | Don't give out your personal E-mail next time. Tell them they can download to POF.. (they don't have to post it public... they can attach it to an e-mail directly to you)
Rejection hurts men and woman... You could just reply and say.. Thanks for the e-mail I don't think we'd be a match. (leave it at that... but, I'm sure you'll get a defensive rude response back)
It is all about attraction. I have to say I've met some men that looked NOTHING like their pics... so I try not to judge people off their photos... I also met someone that I wouldn't normally go out with... wasn't really interested and by the 4th date he had me! (not in a sexual way) He got cuter and sexier as we dated because of his personality. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:41:27 PM | | When women have e-mailed suggesting they contact me through my personal e-mail, I've sent back a short note thanking them for their interest but explaining I don't do that. And I just don't answer e-mails from women who don't have a picture posted. That's what I'd expect if our positions were reversed. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:20:10 PM | | Just indicate that there is no initial attration on your part and you wish her luck in her search! | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:14:21 PM | *lol*.... glad you said YOUR credit card number.
I feel fair's fair. If I post one... you probably should to. I've yet to ask for a photo from someone who has contacted me without... but don't really let the conversation advance beyond occasional chatting. It begs the question... why can't you post a photo? | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:05:49 PM | It depends on what you want to do.
If you don't want to have anything to do with her then I would just be honest and tell her that although she is a great woman I will have to keep on looking and wish her well. People on here don't take rejection well so it won't matter too much what you say. You could go the chickensh!t way out and ignore her but that is a matter of personal preference.
If she is a quality person and you wouldn't mind taking some time to get to know her and meet her in person I would say do so. As some have said sometimes pictures are not accurate. I have been in situations where someone's picture made them look awesome and when I met them in person, it was not pretty to say the least. I have also met people where their pictures were not flattering at all and my tongue pretty much dropped out of my mouth as soon as I saw them. Sometimes you just never know.
You can not help but come across as 1) hurting her feelings or 2) looking like a superficial pig. This is the world of internet dating, the home of hurt feelings and superficial pigginess. How much more superficial can the whole medium get, a picture, a few paragraphs and about 10 seconds to decide if you like them or not. It kind of comes with the territory. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:23:01 PM | It depends on what you want to do.
So profoundly stated and yet it so relates to the majority of these threads. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/9/2008 11:03:22 AM |
I think the real solution here, is to avoid this in future by stating in your profile that if there is no picture included in a first contact, there will be no reply. This way you have a few options. You have said it in your profile, so you don't need to reply if they do not send one. If they pursue it, you can point that out to them. Many people here do this. - Mominatrix
There is also an option in your email settings, to prevent people from messaging you, if they don't have a picture. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:40:04 AM | Good Lord,
Dear Confused,
If you really don't want to hurt her feelings, a little white lie might be in order. Wait a couple days, and then email the tried and true "thanks for writing and sending the picture. I need to let you know that I recently met someone and I want to see how that works out for us. Best wishes, ..."
I expected no less from the user who lies about her age on her profile.
DO NOT LIE. Now, I agree, you shouldn't say, "hey you're ugly, screw off," as it would be most insensitive and downright cruel. You can tell her that you aren't interested, which is EXACTLY WHAT SHE ASKED. She didn't say, hey I'm sending a picture, let me know when you want to hang out. She asked you to tell her whether or not you were interested because she didn't put her picture up in the first place for fear of the reaction from guys. Ugly people and fat people have it rough in this country. You can either try and get your foot in the door by lying (see the poster I just quoted) or you can put no picture up at all and hope a guy will fall for your personality and just get over the looks thing.
True enough, I personally have dated a girl I wasn't immediately attracted to and eventually she became the most beautiful girl in the world to me. However, there come times in a romantic relationship where, if one has no physical attraction, consummation will be nigh impossible and let's face it, that's a fairly necessary thing for a working romantic relationship . . . at least one in its infant stages.
What you are attracted to and what you aren't doesn't make you a pig . . . it isn't really something you can help. I agree that saying it in a mean way is tactless and cruel, but being dishonest is the very same thing. Believe you me, she has heard the lie that the poster to whom I reply suggested you tell a thousand times and she'll think you're a spineless liar if you tell her that. If you tell her the truth, THAT is what she won't be used to and she may even thank you for your honesty.
Honesty is the best policy people. I'm happy to say that there are no lies on my profile, but shocked to note that I'm in the minority of people who can claim the same. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/10/2008 9:38:51 AM | I think honesty is the best policy. A simple thanks for the photo, and good luck in your search. Physical attraction is pretty high up on the list (especially for the men) but also for the ladies. Apparently she was attracted to what she saw when she opened your profile, and has probably passed up many people here based on the photos. So she will understand the process I am sure. As others here have said, I wouldnt make any mean spirited comments, but would just let her know that your initial reaction is that she just isnt your type.
Good luck | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:44:42 PM | "Thank your for your picture and your interest. I am really flattered. I'm sorry but you look just like _______________"
my ex
my daughter <---can work as a compliment tho use w/caution
my mother
this girl that beat me up in 6th grade | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:22:02 PM | | Hey Mark use this line ----- It,s not you it,s me ,I think your great really & I have a really bad rash right now that just won,t clear up | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:23:36 PM | Tom . . .. . . only you could come up with a line like that. 
By the way , I might use that.  | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:27:16 PM | I had a few of these when I first started iut and took the option to block more to avoid the problem, on this sight at least you can!
I usually will go back tot he profile and see if there was anything else I can see that would be the kick back anyhow. Like I do not have any tollerance for smoking. I often will decline just on that, no matter how great looking a pic is!
When all else fails I agree with some of the others. Do it nice just say, "Im sorry we aren't a match, good luck." Rejection hurts but it is all part of dating too. Never replying can hurt or leave her thingingthe worst, but if you reply nice, at least she can have respect for herself.
I think is is rude to not at least let the person know your not interested. They took the time to eamil you, you can at least have a standard decline line to send to those that don't tickel ur fancy. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/13/2008 4:18:21 PM | Mr. Brea.
We are all adults here and we should be able to handle rejection! For some it isn't easy but, if there isn't any attraction on your part you need to say it! We all can't be attracted to each other. Isn't that why we are all here to date and find our special someone! It is a process and we need to be patient.
And you should post on your profile that in order for any contact they should have a photo posted.
I met you in La Habra and was surprised that you recognized me! As a matter of fact you came up to me! So you have it within yourself to say what you need to say!
Well Good luck and be honest from the beginning! | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:43:18 PM | It is a curious thing when a person does not post a picture on the POF profile.
First off I ask myself Y. For me it is easier to say that if they want to chat with me or get to know me the first step is to post a picture. Sorry Mr. Brea you are way to attractive to talk with women that do not want to post a picture.
Give them your phone number and see if you like chatting. You can tell alot about a person over the phone. | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:17:57 PM | First of all, I would like to say that the checks are in the mail to both of the previous responders who had such nice things to say about me (just the way I told them to say it )
But giving out your phone number !!!! . . . . . . the caution light starts flashing. I personally like to chat a bit prior to the phone calls. Chatting seems to be so much safer to me, phone calls are more personal. And without the photo . . . . . . 
"way too attractive!!!" Nice . . . . . .  | |
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| How do you answer this??????
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:43:11 AM | | I get rejected everyday. No biggie. I am comfortable in who I am so if some fella doesnt find me attractive thats fine. I send out emails alot and sometimes never get an answer from those I have emailed. I dont take offence at all. I have pics posted on my profile and yes they are all me and recent. Maybe the ones that dont have pics dont feel that they have one they are comfortable with. | |
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