| "Not Interested in a Serious Relationship"
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:16:06 PM | Question guys, this line, if a guy is showing he's completely into you, super flirty, tons of comments, hugs you, kiss on the cheek, what not, but then lets you know later (while still being affectionate/flirty this way) that he's not looking for / interested in a serious relationship right now, but thinks you're attractive (mentally and physically), and is open to either friendship, or friends with benefits with you right now..
Would sleeping with him ruin your chances for having a relationship beyond friends with benefits? I've heard mixed things on this... | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:21:51 PM | I don't think it would really help your chances but whether or not it would hurt them really depends on the guy and whether or not he is just trying to get into your pants, (which could be the case).
If you truely want to be in a serious relationship with him at some point, I would suggest not sleeping with him and remain just friends and see if it eventually evolves into something more.
Good luck! | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:24:08 PM | That depends on the guy. If you slept with me, I'd still be open to more then just being friends with benefits.
Ahem, I can email you my phone number, and go from there. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:24:31 PM | | The guy is a player and just telling you what you want to hear so that he can get laid. I have higher standards for people I call friends. Listen to that little voice in your head! | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:32:02 PM | It sounds to me like this guy is just trying to get laid. He wants to let you know that he is not open for a serious relationship so that when he doesn't call or return your calls, you won't flip out or whatever.
It's up to you whether or not to sleep with him. It seems like you are attracted to him though, so why not? Or else you could play hard to get and see where that goes. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:49:45 PM | | It is difficult to answer the question with just the info you gave. Some people go through stages in life that they just want some freedom and don't want tied down to a relationship. Sometimes it is because they just got out of one. Sometimes they just don't want the control factor over them. Hey he is being up front with you on his intentions. He doesn't want to lead you on. You have to follow your thoughts. At this stage If you are thinking it could become longterm and secretely want that with him then I'd say you are risking getting hurt. But if you are cool with hanging out being his friend and can guard your heart then go for it. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 6:55:07 PM |
Listen to that little voice in your head!
Which one??? There are several, and they argue all the time!
One says, I am the king of the world, the other says that I can fly, yet another tells me that I am Napoleon. Sigh. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:53:39 PM | OP: It's kinda like a contract.
Terms: He really likes you physically... and mental you don't turn him off.
Clause: Not interested in serious relationship/not looking for one
Proposal: FWB
Now, should you accept said contract, that does not mean that there can't be any long term potential relationship.... You see, it's not even on the contract/table. But if he doesn't feel that way about you and you press him, or you get there before he does, he will revert to the clause.
So the question is... do you accept the contract? | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:02:46 PM | OP
You should be asking yourself the question of what do you want from this relationship? It is your choice.
If you want a serious relationship with him, then I would back away and keep his number when he is over his stage or whatever reason he is saying what he is saying. FWB is not a good route to take to a lasting relationship. You could try friends but you have to balance your attraction for him and/or vice versa with your current situation so you don't get caught in a FWB situation anyway. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:29:51 PM | | I would think the fact that he's not interested in a serious relationship would ruin your chances of a serious relationship with him. | |
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NERO1
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Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 12 | |
| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:42:35 PM | | OP, it's almost too hard to say for sure either way. It might, b/c he might not have the same kind of respect for you basically. Just viewing you as a late-night call type of thing, if anything. Sexual only. But then a close friend of mine, he and his ex , their whole relationship was originally based on them just having had sex a few times. And it grew into this big long-term thing out of that; they were together like 9 or 10 yrs. During which time neither of them cheated. So, it can happen this way. Whether they were the exception or whether that's fairly common, I don't know. ?? | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 9:20:03 PM |
Would sleeping with him ruin your chances for having a relationship beyond friends with benefits?
It wouldn't ruin what doesn't exist... he's making it pretty clear what he's looking for. If you want to believe something else, that's your prerogative, but if a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship, full stop, and no amount of game playing or rationalizing in your own head is going to change that. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 9:36:48 PM |
Would sleeping with him ruin your chances for having a relationship beyond friends with benefits?
Scorpio hit the nail on the head!
Just speaking for me...
Absolutely not. If I ever do find myself in another serious relationship it will have grown from a FWB relationship. If you're interested in the guy go for it. Think of it as a mutual test drive.
FWB is a much more HONEST relationship than dating or starting off with the intent of long term. Since it's more casual and relaxed you get to know who the person REALLY is a lot faster because you aren't trying to impress or woo each other. And you're a lot less willing to turn a blind eye to any red flags that pop up.
If you two are really compatible it will naturally progress from there. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 9:48:00 PM | Hi Toralynn,
In this day and age -best to start from the beginning... friendship...and if you feel this guy might be marriage or partner material the relationship might progress further.
Personally, I feel jumping into bed with any person you do not know is looking for trouble - of course opinions vary....
You might want to move forward with your life and leave this person to his type of lifestyle....
Wishing you the best..
O:) | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 9:52:31 PM | this is where genuine people get turned into players. Depends on his reasoning for not being interested in a serious relationship with you in particular. I've been at this point before...I'd have sex with someone, but wasn't at a stage for a serious relationship because I was also interested in someone else, along with some personal issues I was dealing with. I hung out with her and we had an 'open' relationship (aka fwb). Of course I was also straight up with her the whole time and told her exactly what I was feeling and what was going on (including the point where I didn't see it going anywhere which had nothing to do with the sex, but moreso some points in attitude that I didn't like), and always made it her choice whether we had sex or not. And yes we are still friends.
It's your choice...it may make it harder for you to continue to search...if you do go for friends with benefits you have to look at it as if it is not going anywhere, because that is a good possibility. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:05:45 PM | My understanding is that "not looking for a serious relationship" means the same exact thing as "looking for no-strings-attached sex."
I can't see where you can go far wrong with that assumption.
Make sure he uses a condom. Better yet, ignore him and keep looking for a man who's a real person. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/9/2008 12:30:50 AM | I'm not a guy but I have to give my two cents on this one.
They said it on Sex in the City and then they wrote a book about it. It's called "he's just not that into you." He likes you, but not enough to be serious so he'll string you along until he finds someone he wants to have a serious relationship with. Is it mean? Not really, that's just the way things work. Sleeping with him will not change his mind, it will just make the situation more frustrating and complicated.
Move on my friend, you'll find someone who IS that into you! | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/9/2008 12:43:45 AM | Male = Not interested in a serious relationship + affectionate/flirty
Translation = He wants to have sex with no strings and will try to lure you in by dangling the proverbial "i'm not ready RIGHT NOW" carrot" in front of you.
Sleeping with him won't hurt your chances for having a relationship beyond friends with benefits because there is 0% chance of that happening regardless of what you do. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/9/2008 12:43:48 AM |
Would sleeping with him ruin your chances for having a relationship beyond friends with benefits? I've heard mixed things on this...
You're the woman, take charge.
I say do him.
Do him long and do him hard and do him eight ways 'til Sunday.
Show him your best stuff, bring your A-game, rock his world.
Make his toes curl, make his eyes roll back, make him cry.
No sleeping, no cuddling, no puppy-dog lovey-dovey who's my daddy bedroom eyes.
Do him in the kitchen, do him in the hall, do him in the tub, do him against a wall.
Be naughty, be raunchy, be horny, be hungry.
Rinse and repeat.
Get sweaty, get noisy, get down, get funky.
Beat him, bite him, ride him, guide him.
Find it and grind it.
Strip him down and tie him up.
Don't hold back, let loose, let your hair down, give it all you've got.
Hot and growly, rug burnin', ear chewin', lip bitin', rip snortin' no holds barred, couch wrasslin'.
Be the most spectacular shag he's ever had.
Once. Once and only once. One night only.
Then, when he comes back for more, apologise and tell him you're not interested in friends with benefits, that you are looking for a long term relationship.
You'll get your answer. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:16:54 AM | Doesn't really sound like it would make much difference.
What he's basically said is that he likes you but that he has options and doesn't want to settle for one when he can have many. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:22:55 AM | I agree with Jackal and a few others on this.
"I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now" means "I want to do you, but I don't want a relationship with you"
You have virtually no chance of having anything beyond FWB with him anyway, so you won't hurt your chances by sleeping with him.
To put it in words every woman can understand...
The chances of this guy suddenly deciding he wants a meaningful relationship with you are about the same as the chances of you pinning down and having passionate sex with the last guy whom you told "I'm really flattered, but I see you more like a friend or a brother" | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:58:12 AM | He doesnt want a relationship, do you want to have sex with him anyway?
You decide. Do you want what he is offering? He hasn't offered a relationship.
This really is not a hard question. I wish all guys were so honest. | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/9/2008 4:19:46 AM | If you are hoping for a relationship with him I thnk it's unlikely to happen.
He does find you very attractive..he obviously wants to sleep with you.
But only do it if the next day you are fully prepared never to hear from him again (whether or not that ends up being the result). If you know that if that happens you won't be hurt in the least..then all is fine.
If you are more emotionally involved then don't do it as you will most likely end up feeling hurt.
Think about it beforehand..and how you will feel after should he run..rather than the rose tinted spectacles of thinking you may be able to change his mind after the event.
Been there..done it..I feel much better nowadays for looking at it this way.
It's common sense and being realistic.
Apols for butting in to 'ask a guy' | |
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| Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:22:33 AM | | I don't think the man in this case is interested in a serious relationship. It sounds more like he is after a fling/sexual adventure to boost his sense of attractiveness, vitality and sexual ability. I think that is why there is so much flirting and intimate touching, but no indication of wanting something more. | |
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