| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:25:17 PM | | shouldnt that kind of slow down once your in relationship? i mean like its cool to have guy friends hang out with them in GROUP settings...but as far as 1-1 going to dinner stuff like that...is that crossing the line?..personally i believe it puts people in unecessary risky situations.. if something happened the girl cheated or the guy tried to kiss them..first thing i would think is well you shouldnt have been there to begin with. so i guess the question for the ladies is if a guy friend asks you to dinner knowing you have a bf what do you say? | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:41:34 PM | | well it depends on the guy friend your chilling with....some of mine think just because you'll spend time with them away from the bf that you'll sleep with them...so no i wouldn't go anywhere alone with them....then gay ones...no reason to worry about them...well the friends since high school are more like brothers to me so nope nothing ever happen with them and considering they for the most part have there own gf's and don't cheat...so it truly depends on who the guy is and what his personality is like | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:49:21 PM | Yes, it should slow down once you're in a relationship. A 1 on 1 dinner has "date-ish" written all over it. It's really up to you to decide if you want to trust this lady. And if your instincts tell you something is up, there probably is.
Make her *earn* your trust.. doesn't sound like she's doing a very good job.
...oh and if this guy friend is making moves on her, I HOPE that she'd next the guy if she was serious about you. YOU should have priority, right? Don't be taken for a fool. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:07:18 PM | I don't think it is totally out of the question, depending on how long they have been friends, etc.
I had male friends that were as close to me as my brothers, sometimes closer. I wouldn't give them up for a s/0. Yes I would scale back how often I saw them a little bit, but not completely. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:48:01 PM | | i didnt mean give up..i mean like i said its ok to hang out as group call them from time to time...but i got agree with the other guy....dinner has date written all over it. its kinda hard to say it just happened if you dont create a setting for it to happen in. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:58:05 PM | | If you don't trust someone completely you should be with them. If you think they're going to cheat on you they don't need an opportunity, like seeing a male friend one on one. If they're going to cheat they'll find a way. If you don't trust them to be with their friend of the opposite sex one on one, find a new partner. I've always questioned the whole "I trust my bf/gf I just don't trust the people they hang out with" thing. Do you really honestly think their friends would rape them? Because if you do, then you need to sit down and have a serious chat with your bf/gf about his/her choice of friends. If this is not the case and you still don't trust the friends then to me you're really saying that you don't trust your gf/bf enough to say no to the friend. If you had full trust for your significant other it wouldn't bother you to have them spend time with friends. It does after all take two to tango. An offer and flirting and all that on behalf of the friend is not cheating. It's only cheating when your bf/gf acts and does something with the friend. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:08:16 PM | | another factor to all this is im joining army in 2 weeks more likely than not ill be overseas in a few months.....she hasnt been doing any of this as of yet...ironically a few of her "guy" friends are coming back from iraq in few months. so do i really want her hanging out with all kinds of single guys friends or not while im gone..not really..personally i think its a thing a guy shouldnt even have to ask. its just a respectful corteous thing that shows u care about the others feelings.. think about if i a guy didnt know and just happen to see his girl in a restaurant laughing with some guy...more times than not hes not going to take the time to hear her say its just a friend. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:42:59 PM | | It's all about the trust that you have in your gf. The last girl I was with I trusted allot and she actually had more guy friends than girlfriends. She would get the occasional phone call and go out with old guy friends that she's know for years and have lunch. It never bothered me, I knew she was with me and had no interest in anyone else. I even go out with girl friends that I've known for years for lunch, while dating someone. But I still let them know who the person is and what we're doing so they don't get worried. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:01:29 PM | That's silly to stop spending time with your guy friends when you start dating. What you are saying about setting yourself up for unnecessary risk is reasonable if you are talking about a situation where there is mutual attraction. Then I whole-heartedly agree that they should not be in 1-1 situations like that, and it is up to your significant other (and not you as the jealous boyfriend) to see that situation and remove herself from it. BUT if she knows that she has no attraction to that guy, then I see nothing wrong with spending 1 on 1 time with him. (Same for the reverse situation, with a guy who has a girlfriend, and wants to spend time with his female friends. However, I would be more careful if that guy was a total horndog, who could find himself in bed with anyone though...so it's a bit dependent on the guy. If that is the case, then the guy himself may not admit the level temptation, and maybe he should be extra careful). It's not hard to solve this - plan group outings if there is a real risk of cheating, or plan double dates, where everyone is invited.
There are plenty of guy friends that I would never ever do anything with (which is probably why it's easy to be friends with them). I would be angry if a boyfriend of mine tried to keep me away from them. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:24:55 PM | | Ya...if you have absolute trust in your partner...then none of that matters and be rest assured you have nothing to worry about because nothing will happen even if her friend does try something, he wouldn't get far and she'd probably in her own commission end that friendship or limit her interaction with him. If they are super close friends, yes dinner/lunch should not be an impossibility, but to be considerate of your feelings, she could invite you too...but this really does depend on the type of girl you're dealing with as well...hopefully she is the trustworthy type. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:51:01 PM | well OP if your joining the army and can't seem to trust other single males around your woman maybe you should just stay single cause it will only get harder to find someone once your going away for long periods of time...
i admit i'm guilty for being jealous myself but at the same time i know i have to control my jealousy cause most of my friends are guys...even though i will never trust any woman alone with any man i'm with i need to at least control my feelings and focus on what me and the SO have...just be honest with the women you meet that you have a issue with other guys but keep in mind you have female friends you would never give up on as well...just focus on the relationship even if you don't trust the guys..do it for her if you really care for her!!! | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 2:15:11 AM | | Cal, it would depend on the friend.For example my best friend is a guy but in a strange way we don't see each other as the opposite sex so we do things together as a pair, not as a couple.We usually prefer our current love interests to join us at least some of the times we go out because it's important for us to know our friends like them as much as we do.Whereas another friend of mine is quite cute so i wouldn't feel comfortable seeing him alone as we have contemplated taking things further. So when either one of us is hooked up we see each other less.Hope this makes sense . . . . | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:25:11 AM | Like all the other girls said: Its all about trust. I come from a family of all boys, grew up a military brat so most of my friends are male. The male friends I have- are JUST friends. Maybe you would feel better about it if you met some of them? When I was in a relationship it wasnt unusual for me to have dinner or catch a movie with a friend of the male persuasion, and trust me NOTHING ever happened or even came close to.
I see most of my male friends as brothers or brother types, and I've mostly stayed friends with my exes. If a guy could not trust me, or was overly jealous of such things I would leave him- plain and simple. There is nothing wrong with a girl and guy hanging out strictly as friends. Again, maybe you should ask to meet some of these guys, make friends with them too. Especially if you really like this girl. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:56:50 AM | I have been in relationships that i was very much ok with the girl spending time with their guy friends.I have also been in relationships where it worried me a bit and I expressed that before it became a problem.you have to really judge and talk about if it worries you.
If you are dating a girl and she has talked about a few guys she has been friends with for a long time; you should be more at ease with it IMO.If you still feel uneasy then ask if you can tag along on one of their "dates" sometime.Tell her your intrested in meeting someone that is that important in her life as you should be. I tend to think that when a girl talks about it and tells you about these friends (coworkers/old friends) it's ok... now if you find your girl and she is trying to be covert about hanging with different male friends etc. then maybe worry a bit she shoudln't hide it.Seems like she is being honest with you though.
I also understand you leaving it can be on your mind too.If you have chance to meet a few of these guys it will help you understand and see what they are like around each other. Show these long time friends of hers too that your her man and your a great guy and care for her alot.I would hope that some of these guys coming back , would feel for you and the fact your having to go away from her.
Before you leave bro, trust is needed.Don't let yourself get in a poistion that you are worrying and wondering all the time.Your going to have alot of time on your hands and your thinking a bit much as it is.If you really like/love her trust her and be honest with her about how you feel.Just understand everyone grew up differently and gained life time friends that they hold der regardless of gender.. hope i helped a bit. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:05:39 PM | | I have had a gut friend for almost fourty years, and if some man in my life couldn't deal with it means he has a problem. He was never there to be a date when I needed one and thae for me as a stand in. We enjoy each others company and after all these years he has become a member of the family. My son considers him a very useful confidant and he should not lose that realtionship because of a boyfriend. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:08:54 PM | | As a guy, I have to say I don't think I'd want to date a woman who *didn't* have male friends. If I can't trust her enough to know that she won't cheat on me, then we shouldn't be a couple anyway. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:42:18 PM | Like someone else said, if you're worried about someone cheating on you you shouldn't be with them.
My very best friend in the entire world is a man. I have known him for YEARS. We have never done anything sexual, and the most physical affection we give each other is hugs and kisses on the cheek. Hell, HE has a girlfriend. We do things together all the time because he is a huge part of my life.
Jealousy is a really unattractive trait. If someone is going to cheat on you, they will whether it's their male buddy or some random dude at a bar.
If a man asked me to give up my best friend, the potential S/O would be dropped like a bad habit. I'd just as soon stop hanging out with my brother. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:51:18 PM | | dude did you think you were going to get most women to say that anything was wrong with hanging with a guy friend! The woman wants sex on the side or if not, wants to keep options open, and the guy friend hopes it will happen,or he would not waste his time, hes a guy! Dude there is women out there who see only one guy,just keep Looking! They all do the guy friend thing, but women I know that are trusting,with guys I know, do not see guy friends unless with there boyfriend! Later | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:58:05 PM | | Never been cheated on in my life, but don`t date girls who got to go out with guy friend instead of boyfriend, if you doing your job right anyway!! Woman that might be why you still single, with the negative remarks! | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:58:33 PM | shouldnt that kind of slow down once your in relationship?
In another context as well. Not only would I think going out with a male friend for dinner, a little strange, but also when I am
in a relationship, most of my friends get a little neglected, simply because I have my priorities & my S/O comes first!
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so i guess the question for the ladies is if a guy friend asks you to dinner knowing you have a bf what do you say? - calihispanictx
Ok, if a male friend asked me out to dinner, no. That's weird & way too similar to a DATE! Unless it was a 4-some, my boyfriend
& me, my friend & his date. But then again, I don't out for dinner with my girl friends, either, so this is not neccessarily a gender-
specific thing. However, I do sometimes have friends of both genders, come over for coffee, or to listen to music, watch a video,
or go for a bike ride, or go out taking photographs. Just normal friend stuff. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:34:53 AM | | Not a gal here, but I can't help myself, so sue me. Just to share my own experience on this topic, my gf has mostly female friends so it isn't an issue. However, most all of my friends are also female. First of all, you MUST have trust in your partner, but that trust has to be earned, not just given away. That trust breeds security, and hopefully you're secure in knowing she'll be safe hanging with her guy friends, and that she'll do the right thing, which if she cares about you and your feelings, and if you truly trust her, then there's really no problem. How I handle it? Well my gf and I will talk about this issue alot, which by the way open communication here is VERY important. She trusts me, knowing I have alot of female friends, and knowing she is my one and only and that ain't changing. As for me, I make an effort to take into consideration her feelings and don't see my friends except maybe on rare occasion. And if possible I make an effort to allow my gf to meet and interact with my friends. Anyway, just my two cents. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:07:08 AM | | You just sucking up, gaining girl points, you know you might have trust,but put candy in front of a kid enough and it will get eat,LOL!You two must not be exciting enough, you need outside help. Maybe in high school,but as a adult, never see my dude friends just hanging as a friend, never nothing more with a girl, unless they gay, its about sex or open option. Grow up!! | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:55:48 AM | well if we were just friends in the first place why not go to dinner..As long as your partner knows about it and who they are whats the harm..Its called trust....If you don't have that you have nothing......Or maybe you guys think that we should give up our guy friends and maybe even anything else we did before we met you.. | |
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