| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:06:49 PM | When my son was young I had dated a few men and became concerned on what kind of example I was setting. Being a single mother means you have to consider how your actions will affect their future realtionships.
My solution was to stop dating for a while so my son would not think that realtionships are disposible. My problem, I have not been on a date for 15 years. Do I tell a man this on the first meet or wait until we get to know one another better? | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:22:35 PM |
My problem, I have not been on a date for 15 years. Do I tell a man this on the first meet or wait until we get to know one another better?
Why wouldn't you tell him that? No one should judge you for the choice that you made. You made a choice to make a good example for your son, you were doing your motherly dutie and for that I  you. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:24:32 PM | | A year ago. Just sort of hooked up with someone I know well and trust. Was a short sexual affair that it seems I needed to get me out of my shell. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:05:50 PM | Here's the real deal from a well rounded guy who wants you to succeed.
You seem very nice / sincere, and there's no point dragging up your past because its not going to do you any good. (15 years no date is unusual / perceived as "whats wrong with you?)
If asked, just say there's been a few non serious flings over the years, and the last time you dated was just under a year ago. Then mention your busy shedule, and how its nice to be with a nice guy, and enjoy yourself!
Good luck hun. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:20:29 AM | | There is no need to bring up the last time you dated or that you had a sexual fling last year. Neither matters. If a relationship develops and as time goes by he asks, then you can tell him that you refrained from dating while your son was growing up and you had a brief relationship last year. That's it. You don't need to discuss the details. It's unimportant. Most men don't ask and don't care when you last dated. At least the ones I've met. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:16:56 AM | really dont think you should share anything like that, not that theres anything wrong with it, keep a bit of mystery about it  | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:34:43 AM |
A year ago. Just sort of hooked up with someone I know well and trust. Was a short sexual affair that it seems I needed to get me out of my shell.
Be sure to mention that, too. Affairs count as dating.
<<<----------- Makes mental note to incorporate "getting out of your shell" into the patter...
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 9:28:02 AM | Wait.
If you tell a man on the first date, he may get freaked out about it since its such a long time to have gone without going on a date. Or, if you're out with a pig, me might see you as desperate and in need of some lovin and try to get fresh. I'd say wait to tell someone until you've gone out with them several times at least, and casually work it into the conversation.
Also, kudos for your willingness to wait on the dating to set an example for your son. I'm not sure if all 15 years were a result of you not wanting him to have a negative opinion of you and relationships or not, but you sound like an example of that rarest of animal -- the responsible, self-sacrificing parent. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 2:34:28 PM | Only tell if your date asks...Don't have to be very specific, can just say you took a break for a while. I don't let people put me on the spot. You will get better at dating as you go along. Beware of that fact that a lot of people are not really telling the truth. Go with your gut on some things, but never think unpractical. I'm willing to give you whatever advice you need, but make your questions specific.
JJ | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 2:48:10 PM | | Agree with most of the above posts..no need to dredge up the past..go in with a clean slate, and have a great time! | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:51:45 PM | Definitely wait. Some things are need to know if they are show stoppers, this is not one of them. If you were a smoker, you would tell. If you wanted a catholic, you would tell. History is never be a show stopper. What is important is the Now. In the beginning, we all look for faults. Revealing this would only raise pointless doubts.
In the real estate market, if a house has been on the market too long, the agent will relist so that it looks fresh. Otherwise, potential buyers will think something is wrong even when there are no problems. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 6:48:20 PM |
I have not been on a date for 15 years.
Well it's nice to know that there is some people that have not been on one for longer than myself.
(15 years no date is unusual / perceived as "whats wrong with you?)
Very true! Usually there is nothing wrong with the person, it's people's closed small minds that can't see past there noses that think this way.
rock on!
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:02:23 PM |
Do I tell a man this on the first meet or wait until we get to know one another better?
I scrolled through my 3x5 note cards that i use on all of my first dates and could not find one that
said " When was the last time you got Lucky?" .
When ever the topic come up OP, deal with it as you think best. Each guy you date will be different.
Your comfort level with each will be different. And just for the hell of it, remember dating is supposed
to be fun, not adventures in confession.  | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:41:37 PM | | my feelings are, if you tell him now he might automatically thing. cool, she should be horny as hell I should have no problem getting some. I think you should wait awhile to tell him. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:56:21 AM | | Not sure why you'd feel compelled to disclose the nature of your past relationships. In general, it's a bad idea. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:25:28 AM | atina51 I gave up dating for 7 years to focus on my family so I understand where you are coming from. I don't tell right away because it makes me uncomfortable to discuss, I end up feeling asexual or something. Also most guys don't believe me so what is the point. Use caution how much you tell because some men will use it against you, if you haven't had male affection in long time..well you know.
Good luck! | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/12/2008 6:57:54 AM | | Why do you have to say anything? Is it really anyone's business? I think not. Just go out and have fun. | |
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| Haven't been on a date in years
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:31:48 AM |
Being a single mother means you have to consider how your actions will affect their future relationships…My solution was to stop dating for a while so my son would not think that relationships are disposable.
Let’s imagine your son becomes a single father at some point. Do you want him to stop dating entirely? Just because he’s worried what his son will think?
I prefer to continue dating. My son will see that not all relationships last forever, that some are fun, some are serious, some are short, some are long. I don’t want him to equate single-parenthood with sexual impoverishment. If he chose that route for himself because of an example I’d set, I’d be very regretful indeed.
Have sex already - for the good of generations to come!
As for single moms coming out of long periods of celibacy, I’ve heard it often on POF coffee-dates. At first, some just said they hadn’t dated in a while. As with anything, you reveal more personal details as the acquaintance develops. | |
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