| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/10/2008 10:46:31 AM | | Most of us have probably said that in our lives by now or something similar. So if there are so many losers left behind and some of us were those so called losers in someone's life at one point in time, did we become better people over the years worthy of someone else. What I mean is this. If fictional "Mary" got dumped by fictional "John" who was a loser from Mary's point of view, and John went on to other relationships, and somehow they both found themselves single at 45+ (but not together nor do they want to be), are all of these John's and Mary's better potential mates now that they have lived and learned. I am wondering because life with all of its ups and downs, tends to teach us along the way what we did right and wrong. Also, John and Mary might make great friends to people, so that must mean that they have redeeming qualities. So would it be fair to say that these people could make for a good partner in their later years to someone else or are they doomed to be losers forever? I realize that some will stay losers all their lives, but for the rest, I am just wondering what you all think. It just seems to me that there are a huge amount of people called "losers" in this world by someone that it is hard to believe they do not evolve into a nonloser at some point. I know, I'm rambling now. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:09:21 AM | So would it be fair to say that these people could make for a good partner in their later years to someone else or are they doomed to be losers forever? I realize that some will stay losers all their lives, but for the rest, I am just wondering what you all think.
Good post.. very well thought out.. and different from the same ole same ole..
My answer would have to be yes and no.
I think that people have the potential for good and bad inside them. Some partners bring out the good.. and some the bad in their SO. Hopefully.. most of us will learn from our past mistakes in the dating/choosing of our next possible SO/s. Some won't though.. but.. that doesn't mean they may not find someone else to "put up with" their bad behavioral patterns. That just means their may be lots of different partner changes for them.
My best friend says it best.. "There's a lid for every pot.. the hard part is finding the lid that fits." | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/10/2008 12:48:00 PM | | I think many of the 'losers' will evolve into 'non-losers' as they mature and experience life. Many of us learn from our past mistakes and grow to become better people. A better person equals a better partner. I know that I am a much better woman now at 57 than I was in my 20's and 30's. I am also a much better partner to my S/O than I was to past husbands or b/fs. It took me until my 40's to become the woman I wanted to be and I'm still a work in progress. My b/f says he is much mellower and loving now than in his youth and enjoys our time together more than he would have when he was younger. I think many of us are like this. I thank God for all the losers and non-losers that got away so I can be with the man I'm with today. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/10/2008 12:54:23 PM | One man's/womans/'s trash ,
is another man's/woman's treasure.
There is the case where the people were just wrong for eachother where they may be just what someone else is looking for.
It could also be thank God, that one got away,
so he/she could find him/her and be happy together. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/10/2008 1:25:45 PM | Well first of all John was a loser by Mary's perspective..............Maybe Mary's expectations of John were more than he was capable of giving her...........but by someone else's standards he is giving just what they need.
Ok so I live in fantasy land................but my point is we all look for different quality's in people and when they dont live up to our expectations, but we stay together, they become this hugh annoyance in our life, and we forget the good that we saw in them and start to focus on the things that we are finding fault with. And the more we find fault the more they get defensive and the more we bytch. A vicious cycle. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/10/2008 1:43:53 PM | Birds of a feather, flock together.
Thats why alcoholics guys & gals seem like non-losers,
to other alcoholics. Given the criteria, all the D.U.I.s,
fines, dead people on the roadways are viewed as everyday
by substance abusers, for instance.
From my experience, what I have seen, is losers rarely
grow up. It takes ARROGANCE for a loser to exist among
responsible people.
Lady Luck was with me on several occasions, she hung by me
as the losers slipped away, mocking me.
[losers have no pride, usually calling for a rekindle] | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:34:59 AM | "…and some of us were those so called losers in someone's life at one point in time, did we become better people over the years worthy of someone else."
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You may have become better, but you probably became different. And "worthy" of someone else isn't a fair way to say it. "Suitable" is more suitable.
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"So would it be fair to say that these people could make for a good partner in their later years to someone else or are they doomed to be losers forever?"
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They could make better partners for somebody else later, if only by knowing some mistakes to avoid. John and Mary are not the same people they used to be. Neither are the other people whom they may meet later.
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"It just seems to me that there are a huge amount of people called "losers" in this world by someone…"
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By whom, and so what? If Oprah called someone a winner or a loser, I'm sure millions of zombies would believe it. What good has a zombie's opinion ever done for you? | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:02:52 AM | Have y'all forgotten the classic consolation message given to friends when a relationship ends? "You were too good for him/her anyway."
Maybe all the losers out there weren't losers in the first place! | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:29:06 AM |
Maybe all the losers out there weren't losers in the first place!
As well... I often wonder how a person feels justified in calling someone a loser given the fact he/she dated the loser? Some people need to label others.... it's the only way they can stay atop their pedestal. I'd be willing to bet such a person runs across many "losers" in their life (sarcasm)..... but overlooks the loser in the mirror.
Everyone is capable of change. There needs to be a reward or motivation for changing. We always read about the losers who get the women while the nice guys miss out. In the end... why would the loser change? In fact, maybe the nice guy should try being a loser - it seems to work - lol!!
I'm a loser,
I feel like a termite, choking on the splinters  | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:38:21 AM | I dated a loser for 3.5 years (yeah, so what does that make me? An idiot!).
He hadn't had sex in 10 years. He lives in an apartment that his mommy owns, so he pays minimal rent. He works as a low-level clerk in a parts shop (been at the same company for 15 years, no promotions/few salary bumps). Wears clothing that his male friend describes as "something he got off a dead transient" (you KNOW it's bad when MEN notice how crappy your clothes are!). ALWAYS wears a skull cap/hat. Has an old truck, but no insurance. Has a walk-in closet FULL of porn, several thousand music CDs and DVDs, and is a gamer.
I do not think that, at 48 yrs old, he will EVER be a "catch"--- he has been and always will be a loser. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:57:44 AM | I think loser is a harsh word to use for someone you once loved or cared for and for me would probably be used in those first few months when you are very angry that things haven't worked out as you would have liked.
As for making better partners later in life, it depends, maybe after kids have grown up a bit and taken that extra pressure off, financially especially, lack of intimate time in the early stages of a new baby etc. you may be in a totally different stage in your life when things are not so hectic and pressured. Back to having more time for each other rather than the anklebiters!!
He is not a loser - he just lost the best thing that ever happened to him, he just didn't realise it at the time.  | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:40:29 AM | | I don't like putting anyone in a loser box....but if I had dated someone and it didn't work it didn't work.....maybe each had problems and figured it out later on. And if they did that is a great thing especially if they had problems that kept them from being able to have a healthy relationship. Some people mature and evolve as we age. We become more curious and more educated. And then some can't move on or they are stuck with their lifestyle. I always wish the best for everyone. I did date someone from my earlier years...and after a date or two I have never had any desire to hook up with past boyfriends..................we were compatible for a reason........Blue | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/27/2008 1:43:39 AM |
There is the case where the people were just wrong for eachother where they may be just what someone else is looking for.
ITA . Here's a point to consider--------------
Woman: "You're a loser." - meaning you lost HER specifically due to specific issues
Man: "You're a loser." - meaning you are unable to succeed in ANY endeavor due to inherent ineptitudes | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:04:44 AM | I'm a loser!
Every week I'm seeing the numbers on the scales go down.
That's measurable.
The other kind of "loser" OP is talking about... is merely another's personal perception.
We all live in different realities.
As it is said, one man's garbage is another's treasure.
And.. to turn it around....one man's treasure is seen as nothing of value by another. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:59:21 AM | I almost met someone one time and a year later saw them on another site, in the profile saying they had skitzophrenia ( not sure how its spelled).... and that she lived with her brother and his family.... she was in her 30's.
I figure I got lucky to not meet her. What blew me away is she was not as she portrayed herself a few years ago... I thank god I was spared all that drama and other stuff that goes in in the life of someone dependent on a sibling for survival and mentally ill, very ill. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:26:20 AM | I don’t use the word ‘loser’ in describing people – never have, never will. There are people I don’t like, people even on this site that I seriously don’t get along with, but they’re not ‘losers’, nor am I. I have ex’s out there (a couple) that would banish me to the world of fire and brimstone if they could, but they’re hardly losers – just people who think differently than I. For who am I to judge others and their ‘redeeming qualities’?? There are people who have problems, serious problems, emotional ones. There are people who have drug-addiction-related problems – the guy that lives next door to me was just taken away to a dry-out clinic last week. But I met him a while back when he was sober, talked with him, and he seemed like an OK person to me.
Nope, there’s no losers in my world. But then, I grew up with an angry, angry alcoholic and have spent most of my life in and around the rock music culture. When you take the time to meet the people behind the problems, it tends to change your view on the redeeming qualities of other human beings.
cdn guy | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:21:11 PM | I don't say guys I am not with are losers-they just were not right for me.
I never say he found someone better, he just found someone different.
As another poster said--we bring out the good and bad in some people. | |
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