| What if?
Posted: 4/10/2008 1:07:06 PM | Just curious. If you make a mistake, or make a poor choice about something, do you play the "what if" game after?
Do you spend time wondering "what if" I had done this? "What if" this had happened? "What if" I had said this instead of that?
What if, what if, what if?
If you play the game, how long does it go on?
I have recently been bitten by a series of poor choices. I can't seem to let them go. I keep chasing the "What ifs" around. I know it's not right, and it sure as heck isn't accomplishing anything, but I can't seem to move along.
It's kind of crazy really. I've acknowledged the error, I've forgiven myself for the poor choices, decided on how I can deal with the same situation if it ever happens again. And yet I continue to "what if"
What if this doesn't act as the catharsis I am hoping for? | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/10/2008 3:00:45 PM | | Stop with the what ifs, and accept your decisions.......otherwise you will kill yourself with regret. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/10/2008 3:09:33 PM | | "What if" thinking engages in that negative self talk we all seem to dabble in time to time. What isn't healthy though is obsessing about something that happened in the past. Just learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them. If you find yourself going over and over with "what if this" and "what if that", then you're spending time on something you have no control over and quite possibly something that will never happen so why waste time thinking about it? Breathe, realize you made a mistake and LET IT GO. Trust me, it's not easy but you'll learn to put it behind you... then you can focus your thinking on more positive things! | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/10/2008 3:59:00 PM | ...If you make a mistake, or make a poor choice about something,...
The important part of this is recognition, without recognition, circles or patterns emerge. Recognition of an error is a good thing, "arguing with yourself" (what if) is a losing battle! You can never win an argument with yourself unless you decide that the final decision made was the right one, for that time and occurance.
If a similar situations comes into being further down the road, then you now have some experience in the type of feelings emoted from the first one and will then make a more sound of mind judgement that you will be pleased with. As Brazen has said, "..you're spending time on something you have no control over ..", live with it and move on. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/10/2008 6:47:12 PM | We all play the 'what if' game. (Why do we call it a game? It sure as hell ain't fun!)
First - I assume you made the best possible decisions with the information available at the time. Fine.
You learned from your mistakes. Important.
And you've forgiven yourself. Good.
NOW play the 'what if' game MY way.
What if this is the worst problem I have to deal with today/this month/this year? Wouldn't that be a nice 'what if'? It's one of the ways I put my problems into perspective. Hope it will help you. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:49:04 AM | | I play the "what if" game all the time. I ordered pizza last night and gorged myself until I was almost sick. I've been spending all day wondering "what if" I saved a few pieces for today. I'm just sick with regret now. I know I'll never have another piece of that pizza for the rest of my life. I could order another, but it won't be the same. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:50:27 AM | Wow can I ever relate to this!!
I know you have to stop the what if's but if you ever figure out HOW let me know!! | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:39:45 AM | Trevor, I'm playing that "what-if" game right now! Just finished lunch. 
OT: You can drive yourself absolutely mental thinking "what if" all the time. I don't know how you can stop it either. Sorry!
There must be some what-if situations in your life where the result could have been worse, no? Maybe think more about those what if's. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:33:46 PM | Now here is a delimma!!
What if you were to google the "What if?"
You would get about 268,000,000 hits, so where should you draw the line as to when to stop wondering what if?
Some people have even created games, books and web blogs on the subject. So if you have some spare time.......... what if .......you should read some of these sites and come up with a new scenario?
I would be inclined to say "So what if are we to discuss to-day?"
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| What if?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:53:38 PM | Ah, I do believe I have received a bit of freedom from my 'what if' scenario. It WAS a good idea to post this thread, I got some insight, and I got some laughs.
What if this is the worst problem I have to deal with today/this month/this year?
This could be my favourite, certainly puts the little things into perspective. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:22:25 PM | I try to look at every poor choice from the perspective of
1. What is the lesson in this experience?
and
2. What is the gift I have received from this experience?
When I look for the teachings in it, I don't second guess or beat myself over those choices anymore. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:00:00 AM | There's two ways to play the "What if" game. One of them agonizes over the lost chance, and lets it dominate your life. That's the one it sounds like you're playing and the one that the replies are addressing.
The other attitude is to examine the information available to decide with and the reasoning that led to the decisions that led to the bad outcome. Would some other reasoning have led to a better decision? Would gathering more information have helped? Or was the decision as good as could be done with the information available at the time? Reviewing your decision process is how you make better decisions next time. But if the decisions you made were as good as you could do with the information at hand, that's a checkmark and you move on. If lousy decisions were made, look at why they were made, add a few checkmarks in different columns and move on.
My "post-mission debriefing" process used to drive my late wife crazy. She thought I was doing type 1 agonizing when I was just (type 2) tuning up the decision-making process. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:00:03 AM | I tend to agree with msg 11. The train will never stop for you if you keep playing the what if game.... life hands us lessons daily, it is what we choose to do with them that matters. If you take from them all that you can learn , grow and move forward, that is a very good thing. If you dwell on them and never get off and move on....not so good! Self evaluation can be beneficial, not self blame or guilt....not worthwhile or helpful to anyone. Everyone has a choice to make their life the best that they can....but not everyone does....look around you & within. It all comes down to choice....how you respond/react to the things that happen in life....be it self induced or not. You have a choice to respond for the good , especially for yourself....that is all you can be responsible for. Too many people in life play the pity party theme, or the victim. You can only allow yourself to do so. It is within you to make a difference in your life, and change your response to the circumstances surrounding it. Not to say that bad things do not happen to good people...or vice versa.....it is just life....but we can choose how we deal with it. jmho. | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:07:39 PM | What if he would have told you how tall he really was and not added a couple of inches to his height? What if we would have known about the whammy key on the guitars for GH? A couple more what if's for you!   | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:18:00 PM | | Biggest "What if?" to ask is "What if I never learn from my mistakes?" | |
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| What if?
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:07:29 PM | It's called obsessing and people do it to avoid feeling things. It's taken a lot of practice but when I start to obsess about something, I have to go through it and let myself feel the feelings around it. For a time, I had childhood memories that crippled me - I could not pay attention to daily life because they kept going around in my head. As a child I never let myself feel the fear and pain that went with the experiences and so the emotions kept pushing at me and I kept pushing them back. When I was helped to walk through them as an adult, I didn't stop before the pain hit, I let myself experience it and now the memories have faded and seem harmless now. I also learned to be more comfortable with recognizing and feeling the emotions in the moment so I don't start the what if cycle very often anymore. If I do, I play the tape to the end.
When you find yourself walking through Hell, don't stop.
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| What if?
Posted: 4/16/2008 9:46:54 AM | | What if gets you no where. Can you go back to change what you chose? Nope so move on, take your lesson and apply it to the next scenario. I have learned to trust my instincts much more and usually am glad I did. You need to have a little faith in yourself. "What if" and "if only" makes you hope for the unattainable. If wishes were horses... | |
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