| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:05:12 PM | Well, where to start!
I'm pregnant and the father has been a complete ***hole about the whole sistuation. Him and me don't get along what so ever and that makes things really diffcult. How are we suppose to share a child together , if we can't even be in the same room as one another.
One day he says I want nothing to do with this child and you got pregnant on your own. You have made this desicion without me to keep this child so its your problem not mine. Then the next day he admits that this child is his as well and he wants visitation rights.. WTF IS GOING ON!!! and i thought girls were good at mind games.
If you got someone pregnant, wouldn't you want to be involved in your child's life or just pay child support and want nothing to do with the child? | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:15:35 PM | Well why did you get pregnant without asking him if he would like to be a dad and have you in his life forever.?? | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:20:13 PM | He's on a roller coaster of emotions right now... that's why you're getting the mixed signals. Give him time to get his head around it and catch up to all of his emotions.
You are also on a roller coaster of feelings, which makes it harder to relate with each other. I realize you haven't had the luxury of time to get your head around it... because the baby growing inside you isn't a theory. But he doesn't have that... so, unlike how it is for you, it is all feeling VERY unreal for him.
Try to be patient with each other and not fall into the blame game. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:30:38 PM | | what? we had sex. i got pregnant and now we both have to live up to that responsibility. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:32:22 PM | Honey, the same thing happen to my daughter at 21. She was so concerned about making it right with the babies father and all I told her was one mistake dont mean that you have to make two mistakes. Well that was a year ago, and now I have a beautiful grandson.....and she (my daughter) has met a wonderful guy who is now her fiance.
Hang in there, and just take care of you and your new baby........oh and congratulations! Things will work out just fine for you. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:35:30 PM | | Unfortunately, 22 years ago,I was in same boat you are now in. We got married and had to be the worst thing I ever did in my life! We grew to resent eachother more and more over the years, resulting in an abusive marriage. I finally got away from him soon to be 8 years ago, and although it was hard raising 2 daughters on my own, life is soooooo much better! In my honest opinion, tell him to take a hike! You don't need his negative attitude. Best of luck! | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:43:38 PM | | i mean i do want my child to have a father but like my mother says its best if i don't talk to him it just make the sistuation worse. Every time I talk to him, all i do it cry. I know that isn't healthy for the child nor me. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:47:52 PM | Your child will always have a father, it will ultimately be up to your boyfriend whether he is in the childs life or not.......just give him time to absorb all the emotion.
Guys arent good with emotions you know.....lol. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:53:19 PM | no, he isnt my boyfriend.
and yea like your daugther my friend was thru that. she was like 6 months pregnant and had nothing to do with the sperm father and her friends hooked her up on a blind date and they have been in love ever since. they are now married with another child on the way.
But now a days, its really hard to find a guy while your pregnant. The guy dates you because your pregnant and they think your easy or there are the weird guys that think being pregnant is hot. But I have gone on a couple of dates and when I tell them I'm pregnant they just want to be friends and thats it. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:00:05 PM | You just havent met the right man yet......and dont be too concern with dating right now.....your friends and family will shower you with blessing during the next 9 months...just enjoy your pregnancy .....you have the rest of your life ahead of you to find the right man that will love both you and your new bundle of joy.
Best of luck to you. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:08:24 PM | Shug, I was pregger and single at 19 and 21.
The first was someone that forced himself on me... I was a virgin...
The 2nd he said lets get married have a kid... Apparently he didn't mean it...However I was vulnerable, and my religion taught me that if I was anything, it would only be if I had a man in my life.
I am 43 now, and all of my kids are great... I have 3, last one I was married, and didn't let myself get put into the position I did the first times around...
My oldest at 24 has graduated, and is now working on her masters.. My 21 yr old is a 3rd yr pre med student...
My 12 yr old is just a great kid... Yep I'm divorced, but his dad and I are equally active in his life, and he's doing great...
The other two sperm donors were not in my daughters life... My oldest met her father when she was 17, and discovered why I didn't marry him, and sometimes wonders if it is possible that he is her biological father..
It is NOT time for you to date sunshine... IT is time for you to plan a future for your baby... It also sounds like it is time for you to back away from the father, because he's not mature enough at the moment to handle what is going on.
You have a baby inside you and have made the choice not to terminate... No problem, however he isn't going through that intense mother child bonding, because he can't even understand the bonding emotions...
You have already stated your mum has said stay away from him... She is giving you good advice...
You should be focused on how you are going to take care of your baby...What your future plans are in supporting her, with the mind frame that dad is probably not gonna step up to the plate... Whether he does later IS IRRELEVANT at the moment...
Your life is about to change in ways YOU NEVER IMAGINED, and it is important for you to really be looking ahead at what you want out of life, and what you want for you baby...
I personally went to school...FIrst trip was beauty school, not a complete waist, but the 2nd trip was for X ray technology... Unfortunately for me I got injured a couple years back, and am in school a third time...
Your life is no longer just about you, and what you want, and how nice it is to have a man in your life... You surrendered that part, and now it is about you being a mum, and having a child who will depend upon you making good choices from now on...
BELIEVE ME, I was VERY lucky, because single mums with more than 1 child get judged harshly... A person really has to be strong, and willing to face life as an adult..
I didn't get married until my oldest was 8...AND HEY that didn't work out either... However I am a very happy person, and have really great kids... I didn't always make the best choices, and sometimes my kids remind me how hard it was to live in a single parent home...
Good luck shug....
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:19:52 PM | Yes you are right , i shouldn't be dating at this moment because I have other important things going on in my life.
I am just scared.
I know how hard is it being a single parent.
My mother raised my sister and I by yourself. She worked two jobs to support us. She gave us whatever we needed and wanted.
My sister and I had to really pitch in around the house. Cooking supper and really growing up and experince things by ourself since our mother was never around because she was out making money so we could have clothes, shelter and food.
I'm now 21 and I went to college and I took pre-trade welding. Welding is a big passion of mine.
I know my life is going to change forever and this will make me a stronger person in the end.
I am working part time and i have income support. I live with my mom and step dad at the moment till I can save enough money to get my own place.
Its nice to know that I have my mother's support. Because lately all i have been doing is laying around the house, being all depressed. Thanks to her I know it isn't the end of the world and there are a lot of single mothers out there as well so, I know I'm not alone. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:41:46 PM | Of course your scared... Even when a person is HAPPILY married they are anxious and nervous about a million and two things about their pregnancy.
You have the added bonus of already knowing how tough it is to live a single parents life as a child...
It isn't the end of the world, and you could be in this situation if your husband was shipped off and killed in the war...
No you are not alone, and it is normal for your hormons to make you tired, grumpy, emotional, your body is going through a TON of changes...
I am glad you have a great supportive mum... Some women go through this all alone, and are ashamed to be pregnant because they are single...
If you have a good income, or one that helps take care of you and your baby, then you are already part way ahead of the game...
It isn't the easiest road to travel, BUT I can promise you, you will just do it, because that is all you can do... | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:54:36 PM | I think you have gotten some great advice from these ladies OP. Mine is pretty much going to look the same, but oh well.
The father of the child while come around if/ when he is ready. You can't do anything about it.... just worry about yourself. If he chooses to not be involved, than (IMO) it is better than him being in and out of the child's life. In a perfect world he would be there and take an active interest, but right now no one knows what will happen. He is young (i'm assuming) and it might take him a few years before he realizes what is important.
Focus on yourself and the baby. It doesn't sound like you have many friends with kids, so if that is true, you will probably be going through alot of emotions tht way as well. I was 20 when i had my daughter, and before i was pregnant i was more of a "party girl" so i found it hard getting use to being pregnant. In the process lost most of my friends, but everything turned out ok. You could check out facebook groups in your area, or when you go to pre-natal classes you will meet people as well, get some new ideas and not feel so alone - because it can be overwhelming, but everything will fall into place.
take care | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 9:03:16 PM | If you got someone pregnant, wouldn't you want to be involved in your child's life or just pay child support and want nothing to do with the child?
He GOT you pregnant???
YOU had nothing to do with that event? YOU had no way of preventing the pregnancy? Did YOU insist on birth control for you and him? HE should have been smart enough to use a condom and spermicide, but ultimately YOU bear a good portion, no at least an EQUAL part, of the responsibility as well.
He GOT you pregnant? I dislike that statement as though you were an innocent bystander in the whole mistake. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 9:57:15 PM | [He GOT you pregnant? I dislike that statement as though you were an innocent bystander in the whole mistake.]
I would ignore this type of input as it is rendered by someone who is obviously angry about something and wants to drag others in his hole of self pity.
You hang in there. Focus on the future of the wonderful blessing which is inside you right now. Dating at this point will likely cause you more grief than good, but wonderful things can happen at anytime.
Don't crowd the father. Like some of the others have said, he is confused and scared just like you are. If the two of you are meant to be it will all work out. If not, hopefully he will be a father to the child and the two of you can put your differences aside for the child's sake.
Don't stress yourself to much cause you are right, it is not good for you or the baby.
The ones who really love you in this world will be there for you. Gain strength in knowing that.
Kenny | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/10/2008 10:15:30 PM | capitano_blaugh, are we reading the same thread here???
Because in message 4 this is what OP states:
what? we had sex. i got pregnant and now we both have to live up to that responsibility.
This statement MORE than SUGGESTS she knows she was there.
Yes a man can get a woman pregnant... He deposits seeds that fertilizes an egg in the woman... She didn't get herself pregnant by a turkey baster, therefore getting herself pregnant as HE told her...
Is that all you want to focus on is symantics? It really shouldn't matter, her question was "wouldn't you OR A MAN, OR SOMEONE THAT CONSIDERS HIMSELF A MAN, want to be involved with THEIR own flesh and bloods life, which is HALF from the mans LOINS?"
I have to say it really annoys me when men say SHE GOT PREGNANT, as though they weren't there, like SHE should be the only one worried about getting pregnant, because it is ONLY HER burden...
It annoys me even further when someone states like one poster why didn't she ask him if he wanted to have a child...
As if he can't be responsible for his own actions or seeds himself?
Women DO carry the burden, and have all the joy of an unplanned pregnancy (which has a lot of good and bad)... We get to have all the fun of our bodies hormons going nuts, getting big, and having stretchmarks for life, risking health issues we didn't expect. Having to be the one that makes a choice of do I kill this living being inside of me or not.
If making the choice of going through the pregnancy wasn't difficult enough, we get the real fun of going through labor and delivery...If the guy walks, and we keep the child, we then have the fun of raising the baby, getting up caring for all of their needs, and letting our lives go on hold.He doesn't have to carry much if any burden if he so choses... That is a fact we women have lived with since the beginning of time...:verymad
As far as it being a MISTAKE....I dislike that greatly as well...When kids are raised being thought of as a BIG MISTAKE, they have damaged esteems...
The mistake OP did make was NOT having protected sex... HOWEVER the mistake the guy made was ALSO not having protected sex... HOWEVER a pregnancy CAN OCCUR when all precautions have been taken... So I guess the mistake was they both had sex...
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:16:58 AM | i was only 13 weeks pergnant and my boyfriend passed away, not the same but the same boat sugar.
this is time when you really want to enjoy not slobbing around the house its not good for your birth either.
you ex sounds like a loser who dosent know what a good lovely wonderfull little person he has coming into his life if he wants it, only he can make that choice and step up.
when i was pergnant becuase of everything that happened i didnt connet with my son we did have that pregnant bonding time, i was worried that i wasnt going to love him and cried everyday becuase i s**tting myself about being alone and rasing a baby, it is hard not going to lie look at my other thread "when do you get time" but it is the most rewarding thing i have done and when they put my baby boy on my when he was born i just looked at him and started crying becuase i had made such an amazing person, it will all fall into place maybe not right away but one day it will.
good luck take care of yourself and bump | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:42:12 AM |
I'm pregnant and the father has been a complete ***hole about the whole sistuation. Him and me don't get along what so ever and that makes things really diffcult. How are we suppose to share a child together , if we can't even be in the same room as one another.
One day he says I want nothing to do with this child and you got pregnant on your own. You have made this desicion without me to keep this child so its your problem not mine. Then the next day he admits that this child is his as well and he wants visitation rights.. WTF IS GOING ON!!! and i thought girls were good at mind games.
If you got someone pregnant, wouldn't you want to be involved in your child's life or just pay child support and want nothing to do with the child?
Reading your post and profile, you run the very dangerous risk of looking like ( and appearing as) someone who isn't a very good future dating prospect.
You picked this guy. You chose to have sex with him. You chose to have a child with him despite the fact you did so without any kind of formal relationship or commitment or marriage or, as it appears, a real plan.
So think about this comes across to other people, particularly people who might be interested in you. You sound like
A) Someone who makes a poor selection in mates - this brings about questions in your judgment whether you like it or not
B) Someone who doesn't accept or understand accountability - the i.e. the bigger a loser you make him out to be and the more negative you are in your profile, that you cannot discern the difference between a good mate and a bad mate.
C) Someone who doesn't quite get that your dating pool narrows dramatically. Be honest, how many men your age want to date a pregnant woman? How many want to date a woman and marry her knowing they'll have to step up a raise a child not their own? How many will want to take the financial burden, and from the sounds of it, deal with an ex who isn't too happy about the whole arrangement?
You catch more flies with honey, not vinegar, and all you are offering is salt and vinegar.
You picked him. No one forced you to have sex with him. The more negative things you say about him in public, the more you make yourself look worse than him to potential suitors.
As for the idea of 'mistakes', I don't think any child is a 'mistake' however I think having a child before you are ready to and without a secure mate in a commitment is a mistake. People should differentiate the two, instead they seem to want some kind of validation for spreading their legs and not take any responsibility for choosing who they spread their legs for. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:42:41 AM | He's probably bricking it hun, just give him some space i no its difficult but I wish id given my ex the space he'd asked for.. unfourtnatly i let nanny & my fear of bringing up my baby alone get in the way and things are really difficult now. (alot of other stuff to)
And i no thats my fault, He loves his little girl but because of everything thats happened its taken 4months before he can bare to come anywhere near me. Not a nice feeling.
Just concentrate on you and your bump and he will work out what he wants/needs to do quicker. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:53:41 AM | I second Emerald! Well put.
Only thing I would add is that you, and the father, are nowhere NEAR responsible enough to raise this child proper. If you TRULY want this child to have a father, like you said, then your ONLY choice is to give this child up for adoption. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:05:46 AM | Ok firstly... unprotected sex tut tut,
How far along are you?
I really dont know what to suggest in only choosing your partner more carefully next time.
If I fell into that situation, I would have a termination without a second thought, being at war with your childrens father is no fun, believe me. Bringing a child into the world with all that going on is not healthy or wise.
I will probley be in minority in my comment, but just my opinion. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:11:57 AM |
I would ignore this type of input as it is rendered by someone who is obviously angry about something and wants to drag others in his hole of self pity.
Self pity? Good one.
Angry? A bit, yeah. See, I like kids and really think that kids deserve the best possible future and it seems to me that there are a lot of people out there with similar stories as the OP.
With all the available birth control out there I believe that if a woman doesn't want to get pregnant, she won't. And, no, I'm not giving guys a pass either. Any guy who trusts a woman to be the only one responsible for birth control is an idiot. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:22:19 AM | welll the guy is an a****** ok. well if you wanted to get pregnant its only going to trap your mate and you ever thing he was ready. well i am a single mom here with three kids. not because i want to. just can't take the abusiveness that is why i left. i have three grown up son's and its their dad loss for not being part of it, well anyways take cae hope all is well with you on what ever i guess. i am only looking for the single parent thingy cause i am a single mom here and well i am doing it. and i have been doing it for 7 years now my youngest is 8 years old going on 9 years. my oldest is 15. well anyways take care now later sorry just had to put something. cause i think that you should not try and have your get knocked of your mate wasn't ready cause they always run out cause they feel trapped you know. think about that first be4 anything ok later   | |
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