| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:57:11 AM | | What is it about disability that makes men think it's automatically acceptable to ask a woman that they barely know something along the lines of the ubiquitous "can you still have sex?" question? (This is real time, not Online. Online is a whole different kettle of fish.) Not just that either, there's the ever popular "are you a virgin?" and just because I'm so damn special I get "But can you still give head?" | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:07:21 PM | Hi Tigress!!!
It is the internet....thats why! When u meet people in the real world...store ...party whatever their not going to ask u those questions! But here in a faceless cyber world its much easier....and to be fair ....not every man opens up a convo that way! Look at it this way it just makes it easier to choose who u talk with and who you don't!!!
Dang I never got the virgin question LOL!!!!!!!
Take care sweetie!!! | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:10:48 PM | | But i don't understand, are you annoyed because you think that they think disabled people can't do those things?...or is because their asking those questions....at all?...because i bet alot of women on here can tell you they've been asked some of those questions without having a disability. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:16:16 PM | In our society, people with disabilities are marginalized and presented as less than complete people. They are not even presented as adults. Thus it is precieved to be acceptable to treat them like they are stupid, or second class citzens, or like they have no feelings or understanding. When People with disabiliteis are presented in the media it is rarely in a forum outside of their disability, thus people do not see anything other than... their disability! We are unfortunately conditioned to feel pity for people who are blind, deaf, in wheel chairs... etc.
All of that being said, after reading your profile, You may bring some of that on yourself. If you speak to people in the same manner that your profile suggests, men may feel that your brusque manner allows them to be just as forward.
You are advertising a relationship on your profile that is adversarial. The type of people that it will attract are the sort that will act in the manner that you are complaining about.
Perhaps if you attempt to soften your profile (and not threaten to mock people for making the self same grammatical and spelling mistakes in your profile) and not be quite so judgmental in your introduction, you will begin to attract a more socially adept crowd.. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:35:40 PM | Hi Jackie!
I'm not talking about online. Online communications seem to have a whole different standard of what's acceptable & what's not. I'm talking about the lack of any sort of social boundaries when men encounter disabled women out in the real world.
Canam-Possibly. So you're saying that acting on past experience is probably not the best idea? The other way seems to attract ONLY little boys & creepy old men. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:41:20 PM |
Canam-Possibly. So you're saying that acting on past experience is probably not the best idea? The other way seems to attract ONLY little boys & creepy old men.
I don't understand where you get that? I never once commented about past experience. I did comment that in soceity Folks that have a disability are precieved as less than thinking adults and that if you speak to people in the same manner that you do in your profile, you may be opening the gat e for mento speak to you in an equally forward manner. I am suggesting as a solution that you attempt to b e a bit more... demure and you will find that men will not be so apt to think it alright to ask you such questions.
You speak of social boundaries. These are the social boundaries that you have set...
I will just mock you for being an idiot.
I don't have the patience to constantly explain things to you. Besides, it's not as funny that way.
I have little patience for men who can't write in complete sentences, or men who don't know how to use an apostrophe. An apostrophe does not make a word plural
I'm a typo queen, but I will pick on your bad spelling and grammar. I've been a literature student far too long for it not to bother me when an adult doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're," or "loose" and "lose.
If English is your first language and you don't have a learning disability, you have no excuse.
No, the things you and your buddies laugh at hysterically don't count as a good sense of humor.
These are the boundaries that you have set. These boundaries suggest that you want relationships (plataonic and otherwise) that involve people that will accept this behavior and/or emulate that behaviour. Those sort of people will speak to you in the manner that you are complaining about.
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:44:33 PM | | Wow, sorry that happens to you. I have disabilities too but have never encountered anyone crass enough to ask those questions. Well, that's not quite true. I used to get rude sexual questions from men before my disability but not once since, not online or in real life. | |
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NERO1
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Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 8 | |
| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:51:07 PM | That's terrible OP.
Frankly I don't say those kinds of things to anyone, much less someone who's disabled. Not that you should be "pitied" or what have you, but the thing is it's just tremendously uncouth I think to just bring that kind of thing up to someone you don't even know, to say nothing of asking a person w/a disability the kind of question you mentioned above, "can you still give head?". Unreal. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:57:44 PM | | OOPssssss my mistake....WOW ....where do u go that u meet men like that? Its never happened to me, I find men and women very respectful ....what age group if any are these men in? | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:09:04 PM | Heh heh...Hi Nero!
The majority of men don't act that way! But like I said "at least u know what thier like right off!" Next time...and hopefully there won't be a next time....tell them thier the one with the disabilty.....in Nero's words "UNCOUTH!" | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:26:31 PM | Sounds like some pretty CRAS non gentlemen you have come across.Sorry to hear some actually said those things to you.
Please do not let thoses ignorant comments make you to believe all men are like that. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:42:18 PM | Maybe tigress puts up this tough exterior because she's been hurt before? I agree with most of what she said, but agree that a slightly softer approach would probably work better.
N. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:47:06 PM |
What is it about disability that makes men think it's automatically acceptable to ask a woman that they barely know something along the lines of the ubiquitous "can you still have sex?" question?
The BEST answer for that question is "Yes I can but not with you. My MOTHER taught me a long time ago to never have sex with STUPID men."
Cindy O | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:24:31 PM | Violet, my dear. I want you to consider that you have developed this "I'm damned tough and you bloody well better not try and hurt me" as a defense. (Ah. I knew you had!). Thing is, you ARE a damn tough little cookie. The problem is that just encourages others to try and bite through, eh?
My best friend for thirty years had spina bifida. Additionally, she was a victim of child abuse, both beating and sexual. But you know: she met and married someone she loved, and had a baby, a son she loved dearly, who made her a grandmother, and very proud. She had friends who would have walked in front of a truck for her. And yeah, she was pretty spikey: pain does that.
Still she had a better life than many many peeps, abled or dis-- I asked her once why she wasn't bitter? Her answer? I don't have time, too many things to do. And she did. She was a sailor, a mother, a teacher, a friend, a grandmother, and finally, a minister.
I have the feeling that you are going to be anyone you want to. And if you tone down the upfront, gratuitous hostility, prolly *with* some one you want to be with. There ARE remarkable men out there, promise. Go find one. Or at least, let him find you!
Hugz
p.s. You don't have to take on the task of punishing azzhats: consider -- they are their *own* best punishment, doncha think?
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:27:28 PM | | I have a panic disorder. I have been "hiding" it since I was 24. I have finally applied for diasablity. I was turned down last year. But I will get it. I do legitimately have a problem that I have been taking meds for since I was 24. Paying cash mostly~so that employer would not be able to trace it. But now with the computer age and the social security tracking, employer trace all medical problems. No company wants a medcial liability. So, I have finally applied for disability. Plus, I am sick of people telling me to calm down or breathe. If I could f'n do that I wouldn't have a f'n disability and personally I find it demeaning when someone tells me what to do with my panic disorder! They don't have to live the way I do. I hate it when men ask me why I don't work. Number one-I have a 5 yr old autistic son~he is diasbled "giving him the best future that he can get is my job"-occupational therapy, speach therapy, behavioral therapy,nuerologist, allergic reactions to food and more. Number two-I have a two year old daughter who needs me. But the beginning is I have a panic disorder, documented and it is not nice. What is it about people that thet think that they are perfect but they can judge me or you? | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:03:55 PM | | Apparently, the kind who think that a woman who who is disabled no value beyond the sexual. She has no sex drive of her own, of course, and probably isn't capable of having sex anyway. No matter what her disability is. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/12/2008 4:33:28 PM | | Or there's always a small chance that some of the men are just being sincere and they REALLY don't know how many "limits" your disability puts on you, so they ask you,...because i bet there are some people out there that are so disabled that they CAN'T have sex or they could have it, but it's so awkward and uncomfortable that they rather "skip it"....ever think about that? | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:38:44 PM | vixen, invisible disablilities in a way are even worse than visible ones. I, too, have several invisible disabilities that keep me from being able to work full time, and people don't understand when I tell them the reason, so now I say "I just can't, that's why'. No business of their's anyway. Good luck with your son, btw.
N. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:41:14 PM |
there's always a small chance that some of the men are just being sincere and they REALLY don't know how many "limits" your disability puts on you, so they ask you
Yeah, but they *shouldn't* ask her that! Especially at an initial meeting! It's just plain nasty and rude.
N. | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:03:40 PM | Exactly. But look at it this way, asking about sex at an initial meeting or early in the dating process weeds out the dumbasses that are just looking for a warm place to park Willy...
Cindy O | |
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| What is it about disability?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:41:04 PM |
asking about sex at an initial meeting or early in the dating process weeds out the dumbasses that are just looking for a warm place to park Willy...
 Priceless!
OP - just chalk it up to ignorance. However, sometimes I betcha some you encounter might genuinely want to know without necessarily thinking with the Willy brain...just a thought. If you permit yourself to be too quick to react presuming the worse intent, you also miss opportunities to educate (not meaning OTJ either!), and that can be perceived just as disrespectful as you perceive the questions you encounter. | |
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