| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:05:39 PM | | I try to always be a nice person and to show people respect. But sometimes people just go too far and say the wrong thing. I then tell them I am not into them, but they keep trying to contact me. At what point do you tell someone off in a harsh way when they are not getting it when your being nice? | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:09:34 PM |
At what point do you tell someone off in a harsh way when they are not getting it when your being nice?
You speak as if this is the only option. There is a "block user" button, it's there for a reason, so use it when you don't want to be contacted any more by someone.
Telling someone off only tends to incite them more, even negative attention IS attention. You're feeding their need for it. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:19:10 PM | Tell someone off *only* when you feel the need to vent. Otherwise, you just get into a one-upsmanship game that you might not win, which is annoying. I speak from experience.
Cosnider setting your email restrictions to prevent those aggravating, sex-mad 70 year-olds from contacting you. And, as Bucsgirl wisely pointed out, there's the "block user" button. Very handy, that one.
"Unread/delete" is also a fine option, as is "read/delete," the former more so than the latter. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:01:24 PM | Dont even go there. Why would someone you dont care about get you to such a point. If you have politely told them no~~~~~~~~~~ delete and block............................
If its someone that is not on POF block their number on your phone. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:02:59 PM |
perhaps when youve taken more shit than a broken down sewerage treatment plant
Why on earth would you "take" so much? I have a one bucket limit. When the bucket gets full, I hand it back and walk away.
You take too much at some point you have to shoulder some of the responsibility.
(oh the bucket's not too deep, either.... ) | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:10:06 PM | Its usually at the email. I say your email sucked so bad. You obviously did not read my profile at all so I will post it on it. Because I am a kind and caring soul I will not include your name it will just be under my "stupid email list" Have a nice day:)
In the real world...only if they offend me and thats hard to do. Why would you tell someone off? Thats just rude. Life is too short to be rude. Too many rude drivers, people not holding the doors open for the next, not returning grocery carts...RUDE RUDE RUDE!!! | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:24:10 PM |
Telling someone off only tends to incite them more, even negative attention IS attention. You're feeding their need for it.
A truly wise woman.
Once you have said "No" there is nothing else you owe them and responding to their continued emails is only keeping the dialog open and their hopes alive. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:37:32 PM | Nice people often are not clear and direct; in trying to "let people down gently" they sometimes don't communicate clearly.
Consider if you need to alter your perspective a titch. Saying no politely and clearly is much nicer in the long run.
After that, it is not your business. Nice people often want someone not only to "get" the message but to also accept it/be ok with it. (because if they don't accept it it makes the nice person, well, not-so-nice). Your responsibility is to deliver the message as kindly and clearly as possible... then give them the space to process it however they do.
Just some thoughts from someone who used to be nice but gave it up to be well-mannered. | |
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_JAFO_
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 11 | |
| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 3:38:17 PM | Dating Rule #1:
There's never a time when telling someone off will serve you well.
When trying to disassociate yourself with someone whom you have no interest, it is in the best interest of the person doing the rejecting to base the (((gentle))) rejection on something the rejected can't fix. (i.e. you're too tall OR you're too short)
Do NOT base it on something that he can fix (like shaving off his beard or growing one) or even something that is elusive for him to figure out (like you're just not interested).
Give a reason that isn't hurtful. Give a reason that he can't fix.
He'll go away. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:15:43 PM | | Jafo you sound like you a "pro" at rejecting people...lol...i think alot of people use your tactic though, that's why so many people on this site are convinced that "it all about the outside".because when they get rejected by most people they tell them a reason "that they can't change".(usually physical) and the person is left thinking"they didn't even care about the inside".....sorry if i got off topic..lolol | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:38:48 PM | I don't believe there's any merit to telling someone why. Interested, attracted, yes, no...that's really all the information required. A yes, then great, that's something to talk about, a no....a specific answer, ehh...let's just say not going to a happy place.
I just have never known it to be beneficial. I have known it to lead to either an angry outburst, whining....or the "it's my loss". Actually the profile I have posted now was an idea triggered by someone telling me it's their loss. I did respond and say, don't ever think that, I could tell you so many reasons why I'm not the woman for you.
Point being, all I care to know is interest/attraction...yes no. I'm fine with it either way and won't try to argue someone into being interested or attracted. It just doesn't work, and I won't fall into the trap of letting them try to argue me into it either.
A polite, "I don't feel we would be compatible/a match" and thanks for writing and wish them the best. I've replied to all emails that weren't blatantly offensive.
To intentionally tell someone about something they can't change....ehh. I don't know the intention wasn't "good", it is a way to hopefully stop any further contact....and I do think slimberg's post is on the mark. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:04:29 AM | | If ive told them in a polite way in 2 previous email responses that i wasnt interested but they keep persisting,,,after the third i will not reply back. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:16:16 AM | I agree just move on, ignore or block... but don't get in a pissing match...not what you're here for... some people enjoy that sort of goings on so don't feed it.. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:40:02 AM | | What you do is you tell them nicely that you are not interested. Then if they persist you simply ignore them. There is no need to get yourself up set. Just don't read their e-mail...hit delete. But, with some if you get harsh, they get angry and it is just perpetuated...that does not solve anything. Just ignore or block them..it is that simple. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:44:12 PM | Making the assumption that we are talking about someone online, because.... well.... we ARE online. I cannot help but think: "Arguing on the internet is like running at the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded."
I have never found that I could not block someone no matter where they are coming from on the internet.... (anywhere else is something else).
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Not entirely off-topic.....
A 'No thanks ' is ALWAYS better than a `no reply`. Assuming the original email was not out of line with civility.
There's my $0.02 worth | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:22:07 PM | You don't have to tell someone off. Just say your schedule is booked until your next life or something. Its not like its a lot of work..Use a little humor, handle it lightly and relax.
JJ | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:50:30 PM | | I simply stop replying when people don't get the hint. I can't be mean either... I really wish I had the guts to tell someone to pike off but I just can't do it =/ | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:35:43 AM | I actually had this recently happen to me. It was a guy I actually met [not here] last year who was addicted to prescription pain meds. I found this out over a period of 3 days and driving all over the country from ER to ER. Anyway I told him he was a piece of crap and that was that. Then I get an e-mail like 2 months ago. Again I was like "You suck." He recently just e-mailed me again asking if I could "help him out". I said "I'm only a vet tech, I think you have to be a doctor to do brain surgery." didn't hear anything then yesterday "Wanna do something low key?" to which I said "Actually, I really want nothing to do with you."
Now for this guy, I don't mind carrying it out because if he doesn't go away I'm alerting the police.
For simple guys online, either ignore them, tell them to go away, or you can always pull out the "Okay listen, it's not you, it's me, I have syphillis and I really don't want to be involved with you right now."
But really... if it was you e-mailing people, wouldn't you want an honest response back? I would just be honest and if they come back with "You're rude." Either don't respond or say "I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm still not interested." People generally appreciate honesty and those who don't aren't worthy of recieving it. | |
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| at what point do you tell someone off?
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:05:35 AM | | Bucsgirl is right,block'em. Some people obviously don't get the message when you try to be nice. IMO there's no point in "telling them off" on the net. | |
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