| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 3:59:03 PM | So, how do you meet people when you're a non-drinker (no, I'm not a member of the Christian club!). I'm not interested in drinking or drinkers, and I'm tired of the after-work pub visits where I receive strange looks when I refuse to drink.
I'm not a very social person outside of work, so where do I begin? I'm considering enrolling in a few night courses, but concerned about my energy levels if I do this after work. Travelling is also another option but I'll have to wait at least three months before my next holiday... I'm intending to work over in Canada once my current contract is up, again I'll need to wait a while.
I'm bored, and not entralled about the internet prospects. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:16:55 PM |  Like 90% of the population are drinkers, you cant condemn someone for drinking a little. Now if they are a alcoholic its a different story but i must commend you for not drinking, i seriously thought i was the only one left on the face of the earth who didn't drink(aside from monks and those sort, ya know the die hard christans). | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:18:54 PM | I never tasted alcohol until a few months back and I honestly don't see what everyone sees in drinking.
I totally understand where you coming from becuase I don't like to drink and I am not interested in meeting someone who is a step away from being a full blown alcholic (which is most of the women/men my age in Wilmington NC).
I am in school, work a part-time job, and go to the gym almost everyday so you would think I would be able to socialize outside of bars; but I've found that school classes rarely are diversified from a gender standpoint, meeting people at work can be hazardous, and the gym presents very few oppurtunities for courting.
Trying to talk to women in department stores/grocery stores doesn't work becuase no one trusts anyone in this modern day in age. Peopel have suggested that I start going to church to meet someone but that just seems wrong to me.
Ultimately I usually meet people in random interactions, occassionally I will talk to someone on the net (though these interactions have yet to lead to anything), and sometimes I meet people through mutual friends (but this happens less and less as I get older).
John | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:26:17 PM | | I don't know your situation,but speaking as a recovering alcoholic with 23 years of sobriety,I don't really understand your question.when i go to hear a band i drink orange juice with club soda-trust me,everyone else is so worried about themselves they don't notice if you are drinking or what(unless they offer to buy a drink).in which case they are already interested,so where's the problem? | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:34:17 PM |
Peopel have suggested that I start going to church to meet someone but that just seems wrong to me.
Spot on. No religion for me. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:42:04 PM |
when i go to hear a band i drink orange juice with club soda-trust me,everyone else is so worried about themselves they don't notice
Oh I'm fine with doing so, it's the behaviour of the people who drink that I don't like. To be honest I'll have a nice liqueur here and there, but other than that I'm not interested in the drinking culture.
I'm not straight edge, but I apply the rules somewhat. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:56:18 PM | I absolutely do not drink, and have recently found a perfect solution to my non-drinking social needs that I am very happy and excited to share with you.
If you live in a city, find a bar that offers free dancing lessons during the week. I found one months ago and I am hooked, it really is a great activity and more fun than you would imagine, and learning to dance well can be a lifelong and richly rewarding pursuit. I am doing country dancing, but it doesn't matter what style of dancing you start with, once your foot is in the door you will be on your way.
Nobody at my bar seems to drink during the lessons because they want to learn, and its an amazing social activity. When you start to look around in a sensible country dance bar like mine, lots of people there don't drink ever, they just go to dance (and get a workout), and have clean fun, and to meet people. Also, I notice that people that dance well enhance their attractiveness considerably, which is always a good thing.
I like this dancing enough to possibly even start doing professional lessons at a dance school sometime, and I certainly would right now if the bar lessons stopped being offered.
Hope this helps. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:10:09 PM | "Oh I'm fine with doing so, it's the behaviour of the people who drink that I don't like. To be honest I'll have a nice liqueur here and there, but other than that I'm not interested in the drinking culture. "
Well don't drink lots of folks don't drink...is this a news flash???
| |
|
| |
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:18:55 PM | I don't drink either, but that hasn't stopped me from going out.
I go to a local bar sometimes every Friday. Not to drink (I have a soda), but to hang with people I know.
I don't let the fact that someone may have a drink or two here or there bother me. It is their choice, and besides, I get to be dd and make sure everyone I care about stays safe. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:45:11 PM |
It is their choice, and besides, I get to be dd and make sure everyone I care about stays safe.
Unfortunately I'm not that sympathetic. :) | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:53:14 PM | I almost never drink and definitely don't enjoy being around people who are out for a night of drinks. If I'm at a party and alcohol is being served, that's okay, because there is usually other activity that is the focus (like people are jamming together on their instruments, having philosophical/political conversations that are impossible when too heavily boozed up, dancing, eating pot luck food, etc.). Then I just drink my Pellegrino and no one is the wiser.
I have found that there are a couple alcohol free dance events that happen each week in my area. I sometimes go to those. I really don't like meeting guys in that context either, as it's impossible to really learn anything more about them than what they look like and how they dance. That's not much basis for deciding whether to date someone, in my book. Conversation isn't that easy when the music is full out for dancing the whole time.
I also find organized group hikes in this area and that is an easier place to really talk, though the people seem a little older than me a lot of the time. Any type of education event is good for meeting people, like Learning Annex seminars, if you're outgoing enough to strike up a conversation with an attractive guy you see there. At least you know you're interested in the same subject right off the bat. Just a few ideas. Good luck. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:00:08 PM | | I rarely drink, but have gone out dancing and stick to soda or water. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:02:20 PM | I'm a non-drinker too and only put my profile as social drinker because I can't 100% rule it out. It is hard to meet people because if you go out and you don't have a drink in your hand, everyone wonders what your problem is.
I honestly can't tell you what much to do about it... enrolling in classes is a good idea if it involves people around your same age. I'd stay open minded about meeting people on the net though, every once in awhile it works out great. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:16:48 PM | I find people who automatically drink at any opportunity boring. Can't people find a more innovative way to socially interact? Society reacts to drug-takers, but what about drinkers? A wider problem with society is simply our consumption of all things... but that's another rant.
Definitely activities like travelling, dancing (not for me), art and seminars as you suggest Childfree are getting there, but as you say the people are not necessarily young.
My most recent attempt at trekking (in Thailand) ended me up with an entire group of 12 whinging gap year girls. I'm doomed. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:35:51 PM | | OP -- you list cycling and photography as two of your interests, and you have several others listed. If dancing is not your thing, if I were you I'd seriously consider getting involved (or MORE involved) with interest-specific clubs. I'm not sure about your neck of the woods, but here in the US, you can find a cycling club or a photography club (or both) in just about every major and minor city, and in some rural areas as well (based on region, County, or state, etc.) Even if you don't meet people there who you'd like to date, you'll widen your social circle and can ask them to set you up with singles that they know (if blind dates are to your liking) or ask them to invite their single friends to club outings. If you're into books, try a book club at the local shop -- usually a large shop will host or advertise at least a few discussion groups. In short, there are a myriad things to do to increase your pool of likely candidates. I grew up in an abstaining subculture and household, so for me it was just normal to look for non-alcohol-related activities and places for friends and/or dating partners. Find someone who thinks as you do, and you're set. If you accidentally find and fall for someone who actually likes the social and casual drinking thing, it's likely you and he will eventually get hung up on this issue. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:50:46 PM |
So, how do you meet people when you're a non-drinker?
Come to my door, knock, and introduce yourself!  | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:57:05 PM | I only go out to social drink once a week but their is a girl that is also there and she drinks shirley temples. She goes there mainly to shoot pool and hang out with her friends. Typically though, bars arent a good spot to meet someone.  | |
|
| |
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:25:55 PM | | Don't worry what folks think just be true to yourself. I know that sounds cliche but it's true! I don't drink in public at all and I have no problem with folk who do or don't. It's a fun world enjoy it on your own terms. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:33:17 PM | I actually met someone in class (one of the two females I have in all of my classes).
The attraction was mutual, she actually invited me out and things where going smooth except that I didn't like to drink/party. Honestly this women is one of the few women who have totally and utterly captured my attention but becuase she drinks (a lot) and I don't things didn't work out.
I actually get a lot of negative vibes from drinkers if I am at a party/bar/club and I am not drinking.
I don't know about other regions but here in the south almost all adult social activities involve the consumption of alcohol.
John | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:09:44 PM |
I actually get a lot of negative vibes from drinkers if I am at a party/bar/club and I am not drinking.
I never get this. Maybe because the people I am with know I don't drink. And the only other person who knows I have soda is the bartender. And I live in a small town where most everyone I know drinks.
I had to laugh about a month ago, a bunch of snowmobilers came in. They got pretty toasted. They called "last call" at the end of the night, and this one guy had already been shut off. He walked around and grabbed my soda while I was gone to the ladies room. My brother told me he did it. He and is drunk gf shared the soda, thinking it was booze.
I don't condone heavy drinking either. But the only one I am responsible for is me. I will step up as I have said before and be dd, often volunteering. Most people I hang out with though don't have more than 1 maybe 2 drinks in an entire night. But I would still rather have fun with them, then sit at home all the time. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:16:21 PM | Maybe you can simply state that you prefer someone who doesn't look for a drink at the first sensation of boredom, or that you had problems with heavy drinkers before and won't tolerate the same. If you put in that you're looking for someone who drinks socially, go further in your profile and note what a "Social drinker" is to you. New Years I had just a bit of champagne; a "bit" being not even a full glass. If I want to feel a little mellow I'll go get an Irish coffee at a certain restaurant. 95% of the time it's regular coffee and water.
I myself rarely drink, and hearing stories of women who got wasted in the past or do it nowadays is a huge turn off. So my standards are a little higher. Why should I have to change critical aspects of my needs just to be with someone? | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:28:59 PM | | if you are not a jesus freak then you must be a recovering alchoholic or you are part of teh dead straightedge movement that died in the early 80's before it even started and followed only by teenagers who like whiny soft punk rock music. Anyway... Most normal people enjoy a good drink. And the onyl epople who should not drink are either underaged, have poor health, or at alc0holics. I say go to the mall and meer people at book stores. flirt with random strangers. YOu cna meet someone anywhere. I don't know abotu clubs or anything like that beucase they cost a lot of money. Personally I like a good drink in a bar even though I don;t think bars are good places to really meet people. Its a great place to go with your friends and relax and maybe make freinds witht he regulars. its a social envirnonment. you could just as easily go to an over-priced coffee house. | |
|
| Non-drinker difficulties
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:02:58 PM | I don't drink - I simply don't like the taste of alcohol. I don't mind if others do drink but it frightens me when they get out of control and the prevalent culture in the UK of entertainment being "going out, to drink, in order to get as drunk as possible, vomit in a corner and not remember anything the next day" has never remotely appealed to me.
There's nothing wrong with meeting people online. If you don't have the time or energy to participate in an evening class once a week, do you really have the time or energy to sustain a relationship? I don't understand why you talk as though you drink nothing at the after-work socials - is there something wrong with orange juice or mineral water? You can certainly have a 'glass in your hand' in order to put others at their ease - unless you are trying to make them feel awkward...
I consider this:
I'm bored... to be a massive red flag coming from an adult. I think that you should focus on this as your key problem - other people are not here for your entertainment and should not be seen as the cure for your boredom.
| |
|
Home
login 
